(This chapter contains the subject of eating disorders.)
"You're going to do great. I have faith that you will get through this. Don't worry about anything but getting better." She broke down in tears. "Holden, I'm so scared. I really do want to get better, but I don't know if I can."
Held her and kissed the top of her head. "You can do anything that you want to do."
"I want to go home. I want to call Bodhi and tell him to come home. I want to go to school."
"Do you want to go get a pizza?"
She shook her head.
"Then you need to go into this place and work on things so that when you get out, you and I can get a slice."
"Okay. But no pepperoni."
"How can you not like pepperoni on pizza? You really are something else, Perri."
"But you love me. So, I got that going for me. I'll let you know how I am doing when I can. I gave your name as someone they can discuss my treatment with so you can get updates when I am not allowed to use my phone."
He raised an eyebrow. "Is Bodhi on that list?" Holden asked.
"No. You can tell him how I am doing. But please don't talk about anything else. Okay? All I want to hear is how his career is going.
"You really want him out of your life? Are you sure? He loves you, Perri. He would do anything for you."
"I know. And that includes giving up everything for me. I can't have him do anything of the sort."
Holden turned and looked at her.
"What?" she asked.
"Did you sleep with him the night of the cookout?"
"HOLDEN! Do you really want to know if your little sister slept with your best friend?"
"I'm pretty sure I already know the answer, Persephone."
"Then why do I need to answer? Why don't you ask Bodhi."
"Bodhi is not going to tell me that he had sex with my sister."
"No. I didn't have sex with him." She opened the door.
He put his forehead on the steering wheel. "Thank you, sweet baby Jesus." He got out, popped the trunk, and pulled out her suitcase.
As they were getting her things out, a girl approached them. She was a cute redhead with a beautiful smile. She looked like she was in her mid-twenties.
"Hi. I'm Joanna Cepek-Willett! I'm your roommate and the unofficial welcome wagon!" She grabbed Perri, hugging her and swinging her side to side. "I am so excited that you are here. I haven't had a roommate since I got here. I haven't been here very long, but I am a social person, and I hate not having someone to talk to. I think we are going to have so much fun while they force us to eat pop tarts. So, what kind of music do you listen to? I listen to all kinds. Come on, let's get you inside so they can search your stuff, and then you can get settled in. Sounds good?"
"Wow, you are a chatty one, aren't you?" Holden said, closing the trunk. "My sister loves to talk."
Perri shot him her Persephone look. Holden gave her a big cheesy grin. He knew that she, in fact, did not like talking at all. She would rather have her nose in a book and music in her ears.
Holden hugged his sister. "You're an asshole Holden," she whispered in his ear.
"I think she's going to be good for you. You need to break out of your comfort zone, and I am sure you will need someone to talk to about Bodhi."
"I'll call you as soon as I can," she said, throwing her duffle on her shoulder. It was so heavy she almost fell over.
Joanna put her arm around Perri and picked up her other bag. "Come on, roomie. Let's get to know each other. Stick with me, Peaches."
"Nice to meet you, Joanna! Remember, she loves long personal conversations!"
Perri turned around and looked at her brother. "Hey Holden! I didn't have sex with Bodhi. We made love. FOUR TIMES!" She stuck her tongue out.
Holden's mouth dropped open. "Seriously!"
"FOUR TIMES! TTYL BIG BROTHER!"
"Oh, we are going to be best friends by the time we graduate from this place. So, who's Bodhi? And most importantly, is your brother single?" Joanna asked as they went into the center.
Holden pulled his phone out of his pocket. "Hey Bodhi, This is Holden. I had a great talk with my sister. Call me back. I need to talk to you now."
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Bodhi was sitting in an empty apartment on an air mattress over four thousand miles from home. His furniture was being delivered later that afternoon. He was due at the arena in three hours for his first practice with the Newcastle Eagles. To say he was nervous would be an understatement. He was downright scared. His head was just not in the game. What happened between him and Perri is all he could think about. During the thirteen-hour plane ride, all he could do was run the memory of their night together over and over. He remembered what happened. But he would think of how it would have ended if the circumstances were different. He imagined what it would have been like if he had been drafted into the NBA.
He saw them in a big house with a couple of kids. Him taking care of her and making her happier with every passing day. He saw her smiling and holding their son. Sometimes, it was their daughter. She would be bouncing them on her knee while the child smiled and giggled. Perri would look like he remembered her, healthy and her eyes bright. Her hair was long and blonde. He could hear her laugh.
He drifted off, getting a couple of hours of much-needed sleep.
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😴"Periwinkle! I'm home! Did anyone miss me?" He dropped his bags on the floor by the door.
"DADDY!" A little boy with brown hair cut just like his dad's and green eyes like his mom ran at full speed into Bodhi's arms.
"HEY SPORT! How are you? Did you take care of Mommy while I was gone?"
"I hugged her a lot. Mommy cries when you're away."
He put the child down, his little light-up shoes coming to life when his feet hit the floor. He looked up and saw his beautiful wife. She had a little blonde girl sitting on her hip. As she walked towards him, her smile grew wider.
"There are my girls." He put his arms around them and kissed Persephone deeply. The little girl grabbed his shirt. He took her in his arms. "How's my little lady? Did you give Mommy lots of hugs?"
"Mommy." The little girl pointed to Persephone.
"Yes, that is mommy. Who am I? Am I daddy? Da-dee."
"MOMMY!" the little girl squealed.
"I think I need to stay home more." He sighed and kissed the little girl's cherub cheek.
"Awe. She knows you're her daddy. She just likes me better." She took the little girl. "Because mommy is the best! It says so right here on her onesie! Right, baby girl? Can you give Mommy kisses?"
The little girl opened her mouth and pressed it to Perri's cheek. Bodhi watched as the little girl gave Perri "kisses".
"When did she start that?" Bodhi asked, looking hurt.
"She kissed me first!" the little boy exclaimed as he slid across the kitchen floor in his socks.
"I missed her first steps. I missed her first kisses. What happens if I miss the first time she says, Dada?"
"You can always add audio to the twenty-five security cameras you have set up around the house."
"Twenty-five? You missed one."
"You mean the one that points into our shower?"
He smiled his panty-dropping smile. "So you did see that one?"
"Did you see what I did in it last night?"
He pulled her close to him. "Yes. I did."
She kissed him. "You might want to at least put audio in that one. Then you can hear when I moan and call out your name." She ran the tip of her tongue across his lips.
"You have any idea how much you turn me on?"
"Even after all these years? And my mom bod?"
"Your mom bod is what really does it for me." He sucked in air through his gritted teeth.
"Is it really?"
"It gets better every time."
"Then you're going to love me even more in six months." She bit her bottom lip.
"Are you serious? Really?" He was trying to contain his excitement.
She took his hand on placed it on her tummy. "You know when this baby is born, we will be officially outnumbered."
"I love you, Periwinkle."
"I love you more, Bodhi Patrick O'Neill. Now, Come on. I made dinner. Sport wanted to eat outside. And baby O'Neill is starving."
"Did you tell him?" the little boy surfed into the kitchen.
"Yes. I think he's okay with it."
"So, can we eat, please?"
"I think that is a great idea. So what is for dinner?" Bodhi asked.
"MOMMY MADE HOT DOGS! And they are not made out of real dogs, by the way."
Bodhi let out a small laugh. "Wow, thanks for the information, Sport." He looked at Perri. "How did that conversation go?"
She laughed and rolled her eyes. "I'll tell you later. You take your daughter while I grab the lemonade."
He put his arms about, and the little girl leaned over to him. "You want to go have some hot dog? I hope mommy made mac-n-cheese." He tickled her tummy, and she laughed. It was his favorite sound. The laughter of his children. "Can daddy have a kiss?" The little girl leaned forward, opened her mouth, and put it on Bodhi's nose. Perri laughed. "I got kisses! Dada got kisses. Thank you, baby girl."
Perri picked up a tray with the lemonade and walked towards him. "You never get that excited when I give you kisses."
"Oh, I do. You just can't see it." He smiled wide and toothy and bounced his brow.
"Good one, Dada."
The little girl clapped. "DA-DEE! DA-DEE!"
"Oh my God! She said it! Yes. I am Daddy. Did you hear how cute that sounded?"
"She's never clapped before, either. That's a first."
"Is it really?" he asked, taking the little girl's hand and kissing it repeatedly. "I missed you guys so much."
"We missed you too, baby."
"You know I am going to fuck you to sleep tonight? he whispered into her ear.
"I wasn't expecting anything else. I love you, baby.
"I love you more."
"I love you the most. I win."
"No, Bodhi. We both won."😴
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He was woken by the sound of his phone notifying him of a voicemail message. He was upset because he wanted to spend more time with Periwinkle and their children. All he could think was how he would never have her as his wife, and they would never have those little ones. He wasn't upset anymore when he saw that it had been Holden. He knew that he was dropping Persephone off at New Horizon today.
He listened to the message: "Hey Bodhi, this is Holden. I had a great talk with my sister. Call me back. I need to talk to you now."
A wave of panic swept over him. He was worried that something must have happened to Perri. Maybe she had another heart attack, or she refused to go to the rehab facility, or something even worse.
Fuck I should have never left. He thought while listening to the phone ringing on the other end. Come on, Holden. Pick up, pick up!
Holden finally picked up. "I'm going to kill you."
"What? What did I do?"
"You know what you did. You did it four times."
Bodhi was confused. "Holden, what the hell are you talking... oh."
"Yeah Bodhizafa. Oh."
"How is she? Did you drop her off?"
"Damn, you dropped that subject like first-period French." Holden laughed.
"Are you mad at me?"
"Was it consensual?"
"It was actually her idea."
"Really?" Holden asked.
"Well, yeah, I've had the idea for years, but she made the first move. I guess she wanted to because---"
"Okay. Don't want to know. I was just making sure everything went down kosher."
"As a pickle. I would never if there was not some kind of interest on her part."
"Alright. Just please tell me you guys were safe."
Bodhi pulled the phone away from his ear. "Fuck," he said quietly.
"Bodhi? You still there?"
He put the phone back to his ear. "Do you think Perri would have done anything without being safe?"
"Yeah, I guess you do have a point."
"Did you drop her off? How was she?" Bodhi asked.
"She was and is a mess. Now that I know what went down, I understand her demeanor a little better."
"I didn't want to leave her, Holden," he said, staring at a crack in the wall. "I don't want to be away from her."
"This is the best thing for both of you. She needs help, and she needs to think about her recovery. She's in a facility where they won't allow her to go any further down the rabbit hole. She'll be fine."
"And I am happy that she will be fine. I just don't know if I will be."
"Bodhi, she wants you to follow your dreams. So, do this for her. It's like her last request for you. She said she was going to message you when she could."
"I know. I can't wait to talk to her," he said, smiling.
"Umm. Bodhi, she only wants to talk about her health. She doesn't want anything else. She doesn't want to talk about the two of you. She told me that she only wants you to talk about how your job is going and how she's feeling. Now, knowing what I know, I am confident she doesn't walk to talk about that either."
"Oh." He sounded devastated. "If that's what she wants."
"It is. I know it isn't because I know her, but she doesn't want to give you hope. Hope is paralyzing."
He put his head in his hand. "You are going to make sure no one hurts her, right?"
"Of course."
"Make sure she doesn't hurt herself?"
"I am her big brother. I would give my life to protect her."
"That makes two of us."
"I know. I've known that for a long time. I mean, anyone who reads a book for a girl three dozen times must really love her."
"It's up to about five now. I don't even need the book anymore to read it. I can recite it word for word. Cover to cover. She's my world Holden. She's my entire fucking world," he said, his voice quivering.
"I know."
Bodhi dragged his hand down his face and wiped the tears away. "Alright. Anything else? How is the place?"
"It's really nice. I think I know where some of her college fund is going. I can't imagine Blue Cross is covering the entire thing."
"Okay. I hope she meets some people she can commiserate with. She's so closed off."
"Oh, I think she'll be good. I met her roommate, Joanna. She's a little older. She smells like vanilla. She's very chatty and very positive."
"Very cute?" Bodhi asked with a smile.
"How did you know?"
"I can hear you smiling. I guess you and Rose are officially over?"
"Yeah. I don't think her boyfriend likes me very much."
"Damn. She was cheating! Fuck, dude. I knew something was going on, but not that."
"Wanna hear the best part?"
"Sure."
"It was with Tommy."
"Tommy? Tommy Tommy? Like Andromeda and Tommy?" he asked, his voice going up an octave. "Like little prick fucked over my Periwinkle, Tommy?"
"The one and only. Now I really don't feel bad about how big of a prick I was to him."
"Did she tell you? How did you find out? Wanna jump him?"
"Let's just say that mirror in the basement has seen some shit. And no. He's not worth the jail time or the bail money," Holden said.
"Oh."
"Now I know exactly what Perri felt like," Holden stated.
"Are you okay?"
"It hurt. It was a shock, but we were over way before this happened. It was just a matter of time. He can have her. If he wants to eat my leftovers he's welcome to them."
"Oh, my God. That was harsh."
"Dude, she fucked him in my house, on my leather couch, while I was sitting on my patio. So, to me, that was tame."
"Yikes, scathing. Alright, justified. So, Joanna?" Bodhi asked.
"I'll keep you posted. Good luck today. Sink a basket for me. I'll talk to you later."
"I'll sink a dozen if you talk your sister into talking to me about more than pounds and paychecks."
"Bodhi. She is going to be fine. She wants you to live your best life."
"How am I supposed to do that when she isn't in it?"
Holden sighed deeply. "Kick some ass, get pickup by the NBA, come home... you never know what the future holds."
Bodhi smiled. "You know what. That's exactly what I am going to do. Thanks, man."
Bodhi got his things together and walked out the door.
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Nine weeks later.
Perri was sitting on the bathroom floor, and Joanna was sitting next to her, holding a fistful of Perri's hair.
"Oh God." Perri hovered over the toilet and wretched. Joanna rubbed small circles on her back.
"There is no way there anything is left in there." They both sat down with their backs against the wall. The cold tile feeling good against Perri's sweating back.
"I'm never going to get out of here if I don't keep enough down to gain weight. I have gained five pounds in two months. That's not enough. I have four more weeks, and if I haven't gained ten pounds by then, I have to stay even longer. This isn't fair. I am trying so hard. I ate eight hundred calories yesterday, and I had to have thrown up six hundred of them by the time the sun went down."
"Maybe it's the food. Maybe you have an intolerance to something they are giving you."
"I don't know Jo-Jo. I have been doing everything. Private counseling, group therapy, stupid arts and crafts, the dumb sharing circle. I even started working in the kitchen. I know what we're being fed. I make half of it!"
"Well, maybe you can use working in the kitchen to your advantage."
"How so?"
"If there is anything you can keep down, take some extra from the kitchen and put it in our room."
"I could do that," she said, resting her head on her knees.
"You're not going to get in trouble for taking extra food. As long as you are not hiding the food you are supposed to eat, you should be fine. This isn't boot camp."
"I guess. I do pretty well keeping the pop-tarts down."
"Strawberry, no frosting. Who actually likes unfrosted pop tarts?"
"You don't like pop tarts, period."
"I prefer toaster strudel."
"That sounds good. Do you think we have any of those?"
"No. I looked. I put it in the suggestion box. Maybe Nurse Ratchet will get us some."
Joanna stood up and put out her hands. "Come on. Get up. I heard a rumor they have some pudding pops in the auxiliary freezer."
She helped Persephone off the floor, and they linked arms. The two of them had grown very close. They discovered that Joanna only lived fifteen miles from Perri. They know some of the same people and may have even crossed paths at some of the high school football games. She had even heard of Bodhi. She was really jealous when Perri told her about the history between the two of them. She made her tell her the good parts over and over.
"Are you going to call Bodhi tonight?"
"I might text him," Perri said, wrapping her arms around her waist.
"Don't you want to hear his voice? I want to hear his voice." Joanna asked, looking at her for any kind of reaction.
Parri stayed quiet. Joanna stopped and made Perri look at her. She took her by the shoulders.
"Listen to your Big Sis, call him, and use your words. You haven't actually talked to him in over two months. I have faith in you. You are not the same person you were when you got dropped off here two months ago."
Perri smiled. "Yeah, and whose fault is that?"
They started back down the hallway. Joanna smiled. "I just shared my good vibes. You changed because you've grown. When you got here, you would not have won any Miss Congeniality contests. And look at you now! People like you almost as much as they like me."
"You are so humble, Jo-Jo."
"I know."
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A/N: Do you think Joanna will be a good influence on Persephone? Or will she drive her crazy?
Do you agree that hope is paralyzing?
Please vote and comment
🎧US- James Bay🎧