White walls, gray curtains, and a big table are accompanied by three chairs, one at the head of the table. A mini library, a couch to relax, a few paintings filling the walls, and carpet on the floor. A spacious cabin with an attached bathroom. I surveyed everything once again like it was my first time; strangely, it wasn't. I had visited the clinic before but never studied the details; at present, I was forced as the opposite person was trying his best to ignore my presence.
"So." I prompted, which earned a scoff followed by an eye roll. Well, patience is a virtue when you are at the receiving end. I didn't budge from my seat, and I promptly kept my glare, too. "I took a bloody oath when I received my degree." It was my time to cough at that. "If it makes any better and beats yours, even I took one." "It's fucking different; mine is a professional one, unlike yours, and I am not going to compromise and give up." I thought this would be easy; damn, this guy was making it fucking hard.
"When you opened the clinic, you counted the tiles, played the game, read books, and listened to music to pass the time. Now, you are running on a tight schedule because of me, as I literally converted most of my clients as your patients. If anyone mistakenly mentioned the word stressed, I would see to it they would end up here. Oh, I forgot to mention that even the people who had gotten a headache, I made sure they knocked on your clinic at least once. For everything I have done, I didn't demand a share in your profit and personal discounts. You bloody owe me." After a long speech, I paused to let him think I had a few other points, but it was enough for now.
Mathias sighed and removed his spectacles to clean them by using his sleeves. "I am treating your precious patient from my heart; I mean, with too much dedication and concentration. I mean, I will treat every patient the same way, but Ralph's case is my priority because of you, and I am adjusting my schedule to him, not vice versa. If that doesn't suffice, you know that I love you for everything you have done to me, right, Mate?" I fucking sighed; this was not a bloody easy road. I judged him wrongly based on our first meeting and ended up in the bed on the same day.
"You know what I want, not this bullshit you are offering. One way or the other, the result would be good. I know you are damn good at what you do." "Patients trust me and share their personal information, and I am not going to go against my ethics. Nope, sorry, mate." This whole conversation was causing me frustration, but the word mate was irking me the most. "Where were your ethics when you gained more patients with false assumptions?" "Not everyone. few indeed had problems, and thanks to you, Mate." Why am I getting worked up and losing my cool manner until I get the information that I am seeking?
"For the love of god, stop calling that." I snapped. "I can call you anything you want, especially in bed." He winked at me, and I groaned at that. "It's been ages, if I am not mistaken, and you know we are good as being friends." He chuckled at that. "Because you never gave it a try. You didn't even agree on a single date, even after a lot of pleading." "Mathias, seriously now, after all these years." "Sorry, but I couldn't help myself. As you know, I have moved on. I thought you hated doing relationships, but now I know why you didn't do relationships. One-sided love is a bitch, and you kind of deserve it." I glared at him in annoyance. Visiting a doctor should be peaceful, and one person should be filled with hope, but this one is vile in nature.
"Mathias, I need your favor. Ralph is fucking important to me." "Thank God, someone is giving you a tough time. Damn, I love this guy. Mate, I am not going to discuss my patient's details with you; this is not due to prejudice, and you know I am not that kind of guy. I value my profession too much, and ethics come first, everything next." I leaned on the chair. I wanted to come up with something so he could give up for once, but I never knew he was this stubborn.
"Reece, I knew this day would come when you introduced Ralph to me. Your continuous follow-ups about Ralph's session and your accompanying Ralph in every session only made me prepare for the day. You had an ulterior motive for choosing me as his psychiatrist, and I am really thankful for that because Ralph definitely needed one."
"I know, that's why I chose you after debating so much within me, but you are not getting Matty is a bloody bad decision maker and fucked his personal life badly. You know what happened a few months ago if he shared with you, so I am worried about the future. I need to know certain things, especially about his mental issues. Just a few things, please." He leaned on the chair and intertwined his hands, thinking.
"Ok, I agree, but I am not going to share anything Ralph has shared with me, but I can give a scenario." Something was better than nothing. I released a sign of relief. "How is he doing now?" "Ok, he is improving." Too short for my liking. How to get the answer without breaking his bloody ethics?
"Can you elaborate, adding, please unnecessarily, was only suck my energy even more, please?" He chuckled. He felt my heavy energy when the word please left, I guess. "He means a lot to you. You never felt sorry or said please in any scenario, and getting one from your mouth is making my day. Coming back to the topic. He stood from the seat and made his way toward the window and spoke as his back was facing me. "He likes to be in misery, and being vulnerable makes him feel good. His question: why can't he be that way forever, then ending up in shitty situations? He needs time, a lot of time." I knew he was suffering. "But not to worry, he is getting better." "Getting better, seriously, it's been fucking months. That bastard is fucking plague-glued to Ralph in every way possible, and your sessions have only made him better." He turned toward me with a heavy force and spoke. "Well, we are fucking talking about feelings here; it won't fucking vanish just like that. It's his years of feelings and it take fucking time. Person or feelings won't be vanished in a blink of eyes; you fucking know better." I averted my eyes in anger. This was not something I expected when I fucking chose him as Ralph's doctor: attachment, feelings, years, for fuck's sake.
"Reece, we are psychiatric, and we treat people, help them to flow their feelings in a right way, and we try to make changes in them, but we don't help in erasing the memory of a person or their feelings for someone. It just won't work that way, and you are the one to point your bloody finger when you are fucking not better than him." I was fucking better at handling things, at least compared to that moron who was fucking suffocating in his bloody cocoon.
"We are friends, and sessions won't work based on our friendship. You won't get your expected result through this session; we are dealing with mental issues, and Ralph is not you, got it?" I know Ralph was different, and I fucking prayed that he would somehow overcome certain things. Of course, I know it fucking can't be erased, but what about fucking creating a path? That's what doctors are for.
"It takes time. I faced Mathias. It takes time, Reece, and it may be months or years together, and he bloody needed it. If you have patience, be with him, stay with him, and support him, or else you can always go back to your bloody busy schedule like nothing happened, and you are bloody okay with everything." I sighed at that. How many fucking years are we talking about? If I voiced out, he would chop me, I guess.
"Can you at least help him overcome his madness and whatever attachment he has got?" He pinched the bridge of his nose. What was wrong that was simple, yes or no? Right?
"Are you for serious? Did you listen to whatever I fucking told you just now? It fucking takes time, and no, I fucking can't make him overcome anything. I can guide him, but again, it should be his willingness to let go of things. I wish I had the power; I would erase every fucking memory of his, including yours. He deserves much, much better. Everyone fucking hates me for no reason. "I am fucking much better for him, ok." "Yeah, asshole, like bringing him to me with your ulterior motive. Does he know who I am, I mean, other than my profession?" "Well, you are my good friend, only that I mentioned him. I don't think it's necessary for him to know about our fucking business, as it's in the past and I don't think he cares anyway." My life is pathetic from every angle.
"I thought you guys were together having issues." "I am fucking trying, and the path is damn difficult. I swear I would take a successful step in this, but in the next moment, I will end up being where I was. The progress I am making in my professional life is the total opposite in my personal life, which is entirely fucked up. Partly, thanks to me, I guess." "I can book a session for you. I won't hear your rambling for free of cost, but I can give you a discount. How about that?" I showed my middle finger in return.
I think he is definitely right; I am going to end up here anytime soon. I was agitated from everything, and I asked only one question, I guess, or two, maximum, and I had a list of questions. Not for today, maybe next time, and I am pretty sure he was not going to entertain me next time.
I loosened my tie; every fucking thing started suffocating for bloody hell of reasons. "Last question, and I promise I will back off for the day." He rolled his eyes in return, still gesturing for me to continue. "Is there any improvement in his feelings over Asher? I mean, is he progressing in getting over him?" I held my breath, waiting for his response; please, a fucking yes would suffice for now. I won't dig further, and I will fucking wait. I swear I won't run this time, which I already told myself a thousand times; one more time doesn't matter. A goddamn yes for now is all I am asking.
Mathias was pondering opening and closing his mouth, which only made my heartbeat faster. "Don't bring your goddamn oath in between this time." He huffed. "Look, as I said, it takes time." "A simple yes or no for now." He crossed his hands on his chest, still pondering, and his specs were not doing a good job of hiding anything. "No, for now, as it take fucking time and you are forbidden from entering my clinic from now on. Get the hell out of my cabin." As I want to stay another second in this bloody space. I started walking out of his cabin in a trance.
I was in the middle of nowhere, cursing my fate, the day I laid my eyes on Ralph. This was not happening after fucking everything that I tried. I didn't expect a fucking miracle by suggesting Mathias to Ralph, but a tad bit of a difference I could, right? Now water was poured on things and my bloody oath. I coughed at that. Was I really serious when I took one? It's not fucking late; should I revoke and run from everything? Why couldn't I when nothing was going my way from afar? When I think I fucking took a step in his life at some point, I would be proved wrong, and I would be in the same place, not even moved for a millimeter.
I had heard that love is fucking blind; damn, it's cursed too.
He was doing good in which way? Why the hell do things always get complicated when the path is crystal clear? Why the hell does Ralph want to complicate things for himself and for others? Why was I fucking behind a complicated guy when there are thousands of fishes in the damn sea? Oh god, I was not only going to get heartbroken, but I was going to get my first heart attack. This will only happen if one thinks through their dick.
Don't fall blindly for anyone; research them thoroughly before fucking jumping.
Oh boy, that face just sucked me in without my knowledge, and I am fucking drowning with knowledge. This fish is disastrous.
That fucking smile I started pulling my hair with frustration. I knew it was a fucking hard road, but this was fucking harder than I thought. Does the word complicated would even resemble the current situation I am in? No, it's fucking more than that.
He was going to be the death of me.
This bastard was never easy, right, and definitely not fucking peasy.