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The classroom filled with applause. There was only one person, a little girl, in the crowd who was biting her lip with her head down. It was Alisa. She was in the fourth grade at an elementary school in Vladivostok at the time.
This was the moment Alisa truly realized that she was different from the others, and it was all because of a research presentation her class did. The students in her class were put into groups of four or five, given a topic to research for the following two weeks, and asked to post their findings on a trifold presentation board that they would then present to the class.
The topic for Alisa's group was local jobs. They had interviewed local shops and family businesses and learned about their lines of work. It was the sort of innocent, simple project typically done in elementary schools. However, Alisa had always put everything she had into her tasks, no matter what they were. She'd always had a strong fighting instinct, even at a young age, and had always strived to be the best. It was only natural that she would aim for the award of excellence, which was essentially first place for best presentation.
Therefore, Alisa put a tremendous amount of effort into the project in order to win. Every day after school, she interviewed local shops until dinnertime and ended up filling out an entire notebook after only her first week. She took every possible measure she could to make sure she was ready for the group meeting to discuss their findings. But when the day finally came around, she was astonished by what the other three group members said.
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Their research seemed totally half-assed from Alisa's point of view. Even if they were to combine their findings, they still wouldn't have half as much information as Alisa. But the fact that they expressed absolutely no appreciation or worry made her more dumbfounded than mad. What really made her angry was when the three of them looked at Alisa's notebook.
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They stared at her with astounded gazes and forced smiles as if they couldn't believe her.
Wait. I'm the bad guy here?
Right after that thought crossed Alisa's mind, anger began to well up from the pit of her stomach.
No, I didn't do anything wrong. All I did was take my assignment seriously. I shouldn't feel bad. They should feel bad.
She was instantly filled with rage and disgust, and she was still far too young to suppress those feelings.
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The sensitive elementary-school children responded defensively to her piercing gaze and hostile tone. It wasn't long before it developed into a full-blown argument. They were in the middle of class, so the teacher almost immediately stepped in to stop them, but that brief moment was enough to sour their relationship to the point that it was clear Alisa wouldn't be able to work with them any longer.
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It was this response from one of her male teammates that had pushed Alisa over the edge. She decided that she would use the final week to create the best possible presentation according to her standards. But there was only so much one person could do in a week, and she hadn't been able to finish the project with the amount of care she'd intended. And as a result, another team had received the award for excellence.
Alisa could not understand why her classmates didn't take the project seriously. She could not understand how they could smile and laugh, not caring that they had just lost.
We wouldn't have lost if the others had worked as hard as me. In fact, we wouldn't have lost if I had just done the entire project all by myself from the very beginning!
I'm not like them. I'm the only one who took my assignments seriously and put forth the effort. I'm the only one who wanted to win.
The moment Alisa realized this was the moment she stopped expecting anything from others.
Nobody is at my level. Nobody has the passion or motivation to do what I do. That is why I'm going to do things the way I want from now on. I'm not going to lose to the unmotivated. I'm not going to lose to people who didn't work for it.
I'm going to reach new heights nobody has ever reached before while you all just fool around the whole day. I don't need anyone's help. I can do everything myself. If you are going to half-ass something or if you are only doing it because you must, then you are only going to slow me down.
Even after the years had gone by and Alisa had become slightly more skilled socially, her fundamental view had not changed. If anything, these beliefs had only grown stronger. Every time she saw how unmotivated or academically challenged her classmates were, her disappointment in her peers grew until one day, she started unconsciously looking down on others.
Once Alisa realized this, she distanced herself from her peers to avoid any unnecessary friction. It was a lonely world. It was the sort of loneliness only felt by someone who had been born with the talent and fighting instinct that made them different from everyone else.