The three of us were silent for a while, each looking in a different direction, thinking our own thoughts. A nurse came in to check the nebuliser machine.
"Yina, good to see you're awake," she chirped. "How are you feeling?"
"Awesome," I held up two thumbs.
"Do you know that you have asthma?" she asked.
"Yeah," I nodded.
"Did you forget to carry your puffer with you?"
"Yeah," I nodded again.
"You know you should carry it around with you all the time, even when you haven't needed it for a long time, right?"
"Yeah," I nodded yet again.
"Do you still have one at home?"
"Yes? No," I shook my head. My parents hadn't bought me a replacement after the one I had in primary school had expired. Oh. A teacher gave me one once in school. I'd been using that but hadn't had one since I was… nevermind. "Anyway, it's been a long time. I know I have it somewhere."
"I'll let the doctor know to write you a prescription," the nurse said. "The one you have is probably expired if it's been so long that you can't remember. Do you know what triggered the asthma attack?"
"Cigarette smoke," I said, "while I was running."
"Good that you know your own triggers," the nurse smiled and continued to chirp, while she was looking at readouts and checking my blood pressure. "All your readings look good. When the nebuliser is finished, we just need the doctor to check on you and do the paperwork and then you can go home."
"Great," I chirped back at her and she smiled before leaving.
"I didn't know you had asthma," Siming said and Sihao nodded.
"I pretend that I don't have asthma," I said.
That earned me a smack on the shoulder.
"Take better care of yourself," Sihao said to me in a firm voice.
I looked into his eyes and saw a dark loneliness with a hint of desperation. I couldn't promise him. I was too used to doing things with reckless abandon.
"I'm sending you to Luo Ping tomorrow," Sihao told me in a tone that told me there would be no arguments about this.
"Where's Luo Ping?" I asked.
"Who's Luo Ping," Siming corrected me.
"I'm sending both of you to Luo Ping," Sihao corrected himself and looked between Siming and me.
"Ok, but who's Luo Ping?" I asked again.
"The Psychologist," Siming told me. "His friend."
"Him?" I scrunched up my nose and looked at Sihao. "Do I have to?"
"Do I have to too?" Siming imitated me and the two of us put our faces cheek to cheek to gaze imploringly at Sihao.
"Yes. You're both going," Sihao rubbed both of our heads. "We're all going."
"You're going too?" I tilted my head at the same time as Siming.
Sihao pushed our heads away.
"I already see him regularly. The both of you will be seeing him regularly as well."
I glared at the ceiling. Really? Would I now? I thought I'd already done all the counselling I would ever need. I was done with it.
A finger tapped my forehead.
"You are going," Sihao told me in a gentle tone. "You need it. We all need it. A lot of things have happened to all of us and we need to be able to look after ourselves and each other. Siming, you should move back home. I need you. She needs you. And you need us. We're a family. We're going to get through this together. No more hiding things from each other. We're going to be the family we all never had to each other. There's no one else more reliable than you guys."
"Even me?" Siming perked up.
"Especially you," Sihao reached over to poke Siming's forehead. "You are my most reliable brother. If I don't rely on you, who should I rely on? You tell me. When things got bad, you backed me up. When I couldn't protect Yina, you stood up. Bro, you're smart, reliable, dependable and most of all my little brother. I can't do without you right now."
"Well," Siming scratched his back in embarrassment, "when you put it this way…"
"You," I poked Sihao, "don't have to carry everything. You can share your burden now. Siming can help you."
"I'm just a dandy wallflower," Siming sang shakily, eyes darting all over the place. "I don't know anything…"
Some old man a few cubicles away roared out the rest of the song, making us all jump. Nurses hurried over to calm the old man down so that he didn't disturb the rest of the patients too much.
"You will learn," Sihao had walked over to take his brother by the shoulders. "You can learn. You can. He's gone. You'll be ok. I'm here."
Siming leaned his forehead on his brother's shoulder and I saw him shake. Heard his breath hitch and heard him sniff. Sihao patted his brother's back and I closed my eyes, pretending that I was just a piece of the furniture. I didn't see anything. Didn't hear anything. I was not here.
Ten minutes later, a doctor bustled in with a nurse. Seeing as the nebuliser was finished, they helped me take off the face mask. The doctor talked so fast that I was in a daze, but both Sihao and Siming were nodding their heads continuously like two little chicks. Moments later, the doctor nodded at me, handed the discharge summary and a prescription to Sihao and then dashed away as if there was something snapping at his heels.
I was helped out of bed and Sihao took my hand on one side, Siming hooked elbows with me on the other.
"Let's go home," Sihao told us in a quiet voice.
Once home, I sighed but was glad to see the familiar space. Sihao and Siming went about the chores without complaint, acting normal and asking me to rest longer.
Home life was pleasant, quiet and lively with Siming back. He helped to fill in the awkward, quiet moments that Sihao and I didn't know what to do with. I didn't know what agreement the two brothers had made, but although I usually slept in Sihao's bed, one night, the brothers had exchanged glances.
Sihao nodded at Siming and picked me up.
"Whoa! Are we doing bedroom exercises again tonight?" I asked with a confused grin. We were in the middle of watching a drama that was just getting to the good parts. I wanted to know what happened after the heroine was captured by the villain who secretly had a crush on her.
"You are," Sihao patted my backside. "With Siming. That ok?"
"You - you're going to share me with your brother?" I stammered when I was passed from Sihao's arms into Siming's. "I thought you weren't going to let any other man…"
Sihao gagged me with a rubber ball on a harness thing.
"Think of it as doing it with a more kinky version of me," Sihao told me, blindfolding me as well, batting my hands out of the way.
We'd already crossed so many boundaries and I knew Siming was pining for me, because I often found him listening outside Jun Sihao's bedroom door after we finished making love. Not like that wasn't embarrassing or awkward or anything...
I nodded my consent. If this was what Sihao wanted, I'd do whatever. After all, I belonged to my man. I'd already given myself to him and was willing to do whatever he wanted and whatever pleased him the most.
In short, I hadn't completely kicked my doormat habit. I was working on it but it was tough when I didn't want to say 'no' and couldn't be bothered either.
"Thanks, Yina," Siming murmured, kissing me.
Being with Siming wasn't all bad either. It was like adding a deeper layer to our best friend relationship. He was sweet and nice in a different way. Just that it was weird, cos it still encroached on my loyalty boundary with Sihao. To be honest, I might never completely be ok with Sihao sharing me with Siming, but Sihao said that he was willing... so... whatever.
I felt myself being laid on Siming's bed and smelled his scent. I was undressed, while hands slid over my skin. It wasn't just Siming. I smelled Sihao as well. They were going to do me together? My hands were cuffed up out of the way above my head.
I was confused as to why Siming and Sihao would feel the need to restrain me. If they wanted a threesome, they only needed to ask and persuade me. I'm sure they would have found a way to convince me to agree after I made an initial fuss and screwed my nose up at it all.
Four hands touched me all over, teasing me until I wanted to beg them to get the deed over and done with through my gag. I arched and moaned and realised that despite being somewhat nervous about this kind of play, I was also looking forward to what would happen next. This sort of blindfolded, muted play really heightened the senses.
A phone rang and Sihao groaned, leaving the room. A moment later, Siming was called out of the room as well. Neither came back. I heard voices of exclamation and then there was a rush. Footsteps rushed out of the house and the door banged shut.
Oi. I was still on the bed here, cuffed, blindfolded and gagged, expecting great things. I had just started getting wet. This was a let down. A big let down. I was so going to give them an earful when they got back.
The good thing was, at least this way, I could remain faithful to Jun Sihao for a little longer.
After a long while, despite feeling a little cold and uncomfortable, I fell asleep.
A finger being shoved inside me woke me up, making me writhe in pain. I hadn't been wet enough yet. It was a really rude awakening. Rude enough to want to swear. Only I was gagged and could only grunt.
Rough fingers fondled me and I came to the realisation that this might not be either of the boys. It was a stranger. Freaked out and panicking, I began to try and kick at the intruder, but the finger shoved itself in me even harder, the other fingers of that hand banging into my sensitive nob hard enough to make me feel bruised.
There was a muttering and then the click of a tube. Something cold and wet was lathered on me and the finger, now better lubricated, f'd me hard. I kicked and twisted but a bigger, stronger body caught and held me down. My feet were caught and bound above my head, so that I was completely exposed and no longer able to move. I could only make muffled sounds through my gag.
Two fingers and then three, stretched me open. Not very gently. Not too roughly. And then a heavy body was pounding into me while I groaned at how rough he was being.
My sleep befuddled, surprised and confused brain soon recognised this touch and this rhythm. This smell. It was Mr Jun. I struggled and exclaimed in horror at the realisation, screaming for help. All I got was a harder pounding that made me breathless.
He filled me once. Twice. Thrice. Then he put a moving vibrator toy inside. It was probably the biggest size that the shop had. He shoved it in as deep as it would go, making me groan. Another one was lubricated and eased into my back hole.
Then there was a swishing noise and I was being caned or whipped. My backside, thighs, sensitive areas, breasts were all whipped until I cried. Cried until I was choking on my own mucous. A tissue roughly wiped my face.
"Blow," said Mr Jun's rough voice. "Again."
After my nose was cleared, the vibrator toy was removed and the man emptied himself in me one more time with a satisfied moan. He put the vibrator back in.
"You'd better get pregnant this time, Yina," he told me. "Otherwise I'll have to make another visit. I'd rather you were pregnant with my seed rather than those brats. When you give birth, I'll take the child and bring it up right this time."
He left and it was another few hours before the boys returned. By the time they came back, I was drenched with sweat and exhausted. I could barely keep my eyes open. The vibrators had thankfully run out of batteries, but it was still uncomfortable to have those things left inside.