The Adventures Of Captain Dither: Holding Out for a Hero in Rhinestone Pumps
The next week, everyone appeared in the conference room where they had the story review to determine what stories they'd be performing. Miss Jay was in attendance. Nick's dad was there. Pretty much everyone who passed through the studio since Captain Dither first appeared onset with a box of donuts was in attendance. Captain Dither looked around.
He didn't see Robert, Whitney, or Luscious around. Captain Dither breathed a sigh of relief. He was concerned about getting bombarded by another one of their pranks. He shuddered at remembering the seagulls.
The room was full, but Captain Dither managed to find a seat next to Canada. "Hey," He whispered. "What's up?"
"You ain't hear?" Canada said. She leaned closer to whisper her news. "Uncle Bob, Mama Witt, and Luscious didn't show up this morning. And then Nick called this big meeting"
Captain Dither's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "Why!?"
Canada shrugged. "No idea." She didn't have any answers for why other people did the stuff that they did. One of her friends entered the room and rand over to squeeze in between her and Captain Dither. The conversation between the two girls was animated.
Captain Dither sat back in his chair. He was stunned. "Of course if they were tired of cleaning up their own messes, why didn't they just stop making messes?"
There were conversations going on all over the room. A podium had been set up at the front of the room with a microphone attached. Nick and his dad were seated next to it.
Captain Dither was still ashamed to approach Nick. Nick had forgiven him for the punch. He understood that Captain Dither didn't mean to hit him. The terror was just too much. Things got out of control. Still Captain Dither felt bad. He had kept a low profile ever since the incident.
Nick approached the podium. "Hello? Can I get everyone's attention?" He knocked on the side of the mic. He paused waiting for the conversations to die down. It took awhile. The room was packed and everyone appeared to be talking at once. Eventually, the room quieted. "Finally," Nick voiced his impatience. "First, you all might have noticed the absence of Uncle Bob, Mama Witt, and Luscious. They quit. Maybe they were tired of cleaning up after themselves. I know I was tired of their pranks." Nick paused as the room erupted into laughter. He glanced at his dad. There seemed a bit of sadness in his eye. "The next order of business," he said, when the laughter died away, "the production company is shutting down." There was an audible gasp in the room, People were also screaming and crying. Nick understood the emotion in the room. This place was jobs. This place was the way people fed their families. Losing this production company would be hard for a lot of people. He didn't like shutting things down, but he didn't have a choice. He looked at his dad, again.
To spare his son from explaining further, Nick's dad got up from his chair. He replaced Nick at the podium. The room silenced itself, instantly. "Hello," the older man had a deeper voice than Nick. "Some of you know me, some of you don't. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Joe. I am Nick's dad. And I am the owner of this production company. I'm making the decision to shut everything down." Joe paused for more emotional outbursts. People were still crying, but they weren't loud enough to be disruptive. Joe continued. "Y'all haven't recorded anything on film in ages. You waste time, energy, and money on pranks and cleaning up after pranks. I've had enough. Unless Nick is able to produce something that makes money within the next week, I'm shutting everything down."
Nick sat bolt upright in his chair. "That's not what you said last week, after I woke up!" He blurted.
"I'm saying that this is a business and the purpose of a business is to make money." Joe hated crushing Nick's dreams, but it was time to face reality. "You have one week to figure something out. I don't care if the business only makes a dollar. A dollar profit is still profit. Figure it out." Joe didn't wait for anymore discussion. He left the room.
Nick jumped up to the podium. "All right everyone, no idea is a bad idea." Nick was excited. "Shout out ideas. Someone get a pen and paper lets write down the ideas and then start to work on whatever we like best. This will probably be the last chance we'll get. The old man doesn't play. Trust me, I know."
J-wow got out a pen and paper to write down everyone's ideas. Captain Dither sat up and was looking around the room to see who was suggesting what. A lot of people were talking. He felt like Linda Blair spinning his head around.
"Circus!"
"Fashion show!"
"Carnival!"
"Drag show!"
"Play!"
A few more ideas were called out. Nick paced the room. He kept talking to himself and nodding. He liked all the ideas and couldn't decide what to pick.
"At my school the teacher gave us the assignment of what I did over summer vacation. We could do something like that!" Canada called out.
"Brilliant! I love it!" Nick was jumping around the room. "We're going to do a play. 'What I learned this year in Drag School!" The room roared with cheers. They could pre-record the play and sell off the DVDs at the performance as merchandise. "Devonne, Allan, and... Captain Dither!" Captain Dither cringed when he heard his name called. "You're our performers! Start working on what you're going to say and do! I also want to do a parade to advertise and get people interested in coming to our play! If there are no further questions. Go get started!"
Captain Dither got up from his chair with a groan. He didn't know anything about drag. 'What I learned in drag school?' He saw Devonne walk by. Maybe if he talked to Devonne, Captain Dither could get an idea on what to do for his performance, or so Captain Dither thought. "Devonne!" Captain Dither called out.
Devonne was chatting with Allan. They paused their conversation when Captain Dither approached. "Do you guys know anything about Drag?" Dither asked.
"Drag is about performance." Devonne snapped and sassed. "Sing, dance, whatever you want. The purpose is to entertain!"
"I see." Captain Dither dither was still confused. "I still have no clue what to do for this drag thing."
"Whatever you do..." Allan chimed in. "Do it fabulously!" The guys roared with laughter and walked away.
"Fabulous..." Captain Dither had a feeling that he would need to do some research. He grabbed his phone and disappeared into his truck. A search on YouTube found him what he was looking for. He watched a few minutes, then sat back. "Yikes! There's a lot going on. I don't know if I have the energy for this. Oi.... I'm 40." Captain Dither decided to work on the speech that he was going to do. He figured the drag performance would figure itself out when he was in costume and make-up. Then he sat back and thought about it. He hadn't really done any kind of performance and acting acting since his first day on set.
Captain Dither didn't count the "Seagulls" thing. He didn't really count it because that was another obvious prank by Uncle Bob and Mama Witt designed to piss him off and make him look bad in some way. He sighed and stared at the warehouse that had become a second home to him. Captain Dither still felt really bad about punching Nick. He had lost control. Things had gone too far. It wasn't his fault, but Captain Dither felt that he needed to make it right somehow. He wanted to fix it. Captain Dither was determined to give the best drag performance of his life. He felt like that was the only way to make things better. Captain Dither couldn't think when he felt guilty. He started his truck and put it in gear. Captain Dither drove home to binge watch Rupaul to get an idea for his performance.
A few days later, Captain Dither had returned. The production studio had gotten permission from the city to do a parade. But today was the filming of the DVD that would be sold. The stage had been set up like a giant fashion runway. Special makeup artists had been brought in to get Captain Dither, Allan, and Devonne all dragged up.
J-wow took her spot in the director's chair. "Action!" She called out.
-Scene Start-
Captain Dither selected a short sleek black wig to go with a tight leather trench mini with fishnet stockings and a black pillbox hat with short veil. He stood center stage with Allan and Devonne standing on either side of him, each looking ultra fabulous in their own costumes.
Devonne and Allan had each delivered their own speech for what they learned in drag school. The pair would be doing a dance-off to Lady Marmalade by Christina Aguilera.
-Scene End-
Captain Dither had practiced his song and performance all week at home. He had all the moves right. He just wasn't sure about himself. This drag thing seemed a bit over the top, to him. But he wanted to give a good performance.
-Scene Start-
Captain Dither retreated to the back of the stage to watch Allan and Devonne do their performances. There was a lot of hair flipping, death drops, and flailing that appeared like dancing. Captain Dither wouldn't call it entertaining, but he remained at the back of the stage and watched the other two try while at the same time looking like the fiercest chick in the room.
Devonne was judged to be the winner of the dance off. Now, Devonne and Captain Dither were to face-off. (As was in the script. )
Captain Dither breathed. He didn't feel this nervous the first day when he was asked to join the crew. Captain Dither managed a look of defiance. "Lets do this!" Captain Dither, at least, sounded confident. He strode to the front of the stage. Captain Dither dripped fabulosity. At least he hoped he appeared that way. For the camera's sake.
Captain Dither stood poised for the music to begin. The tune selected for the final dance battle was Dark Lady by Cher. It was all Captain Dither could do to stay in character. Cher was a drag favorite.
Captain Dither thrust out an arm. He used it to brush aside Devonne, as though he were shooing away a pesky fly. In a smooth sultry motion, Captain Dither put the hand that waved Devonne away on his him and swayed his hips through the remainder of the song's intro. Then, as the song kicked into high gear, Captain Dither also kicked and skipped in time with the change in the song's tone. When Cher began singing, Captain Dither's lips matched perfectly, on cue.
Devonne, acting the part of the total diva was not interested in being outdone by this upstart. 'I mean, who did she think she was anyway?' Devonne pranced over to try to block Captain Dither from the judges's critical eyes.
Captain Dither spun and danced around Devonne. He looked at Devonne, lip-synching and waving an 'Oh-no-you-didn't' finger. To add emphasis, Captain Dither did a hair flip right in Devonne's face.
Devonne got mad at the hair flip. (Really mad.) He trotted to the back of the stage to put on a display of stunts and twirls designed to wow the audience. That's when Devonne saw that Captain Dither was blocking him upfront.
Captain Dither took center stage up front. He vogued, giving the judged more face than they knew what to do with. Devonne was furious. (Really furious.)
At that moment, Allan tried to join the foray to team up with Devonne against Captain Dither. (As was in the script.) But Devonne wasn't having it. Devonne put out an arm to hold Allan back. Allan's eyes bugged out at Devonne. However Allan accepted the adlib. He returned to his place and let Devonne do his thing.
Devonne strutted fiercely towards the front of the stage. He wanted to get in Captain DIther's face. Unfortunately, for Devonne, his very real emotions had affected his performance in a most negative way. Devonne's drag wasn't at all entertaining. It was just angry and hurtful, but not in the direction of Captain Dither.
There's a line in Dark Lady that goes, 'When they saw the gun in my hand.' It was during this line that Captain Dither pointed a finger gun at Devonne, freezing the fuming queen in her tracks. On the next line of the song Captain Dither fired the finger gun. Captain Dither did a death drop, while Devonne stood looking silly. Captain Dither writhed and wriggled on the floor until the song came to an end.
All Devonne could do was hang his head in shame. He knew that he'd been beaten. A black line ran down Devonne's cheek from the tear that fell. He watched Captain Dither return to his feet.
Captain Dither gave Devonne a stage hug to wish him good luck. The pair stood side by side, while they waited for the judges's decision. Naturally, Captain Dither was named the winner of the lip-sync. He was given a bouquet of roses and a crown to wear. Captain Dither held a quivering lip. He looked like he was crying.
-Scene End-
"Cut!" J-wow yelled out.
Nick had wandered into the studio as they were filming. He'd stayed behind the camera and remained quiet. He didn't want to spoil the recording. Nick was impressed by the performance. He applauded the actors. "Well done!" He cheered. "That was much better than your first day in the studio, Captain Dither congrats." Nick could tell that Captain Dither was blushing under his makeup. "Devonne... nice emotion, nice drama, but it is called acting. Don't let someone else's performance get to you so much that it hurts what you are doing in front of the camera. Either way, good job all. Tomorrow is the parade, go home, get some rest. Make sure you are on it for tomorrow when we do this live." Nick was pleased by the nods of his performers. "Now, Go home and get some rest."
Captain Dither followed Devonne and Allan to the dressing room. As they were removing their makeup Devonne leaned over to Captain Dither. "I lost my cool back there, sorry"
"No worries." Captain Dither smiled. "It made for a great performance for the movie."
Devonne watched, somber, as Captain Dither took off his makeup. When he first arrived, Devonne thought that Captain Dither was a joke. That smile, the ever-present friendliness, Devonne thought it was all fake. He'd laughed when he first saw Dither. Now, he was ashamed. Captain Dither was genuine and Devonne felt like a heel.
Captain Dither finished removing his makeup. "See you tomorrow." He waved to Devonne, then left.
"See ya." Devonne echoed. Devonne felt sad to see Captain Dither go. He felt sadder to know that this might be the last performance. He supposed that it was out of his hands. Devonne sighed, removed his own makeup, and left.
~
The next morning, Captain Dither