Cruden didn't want emotions. They suffocated him. Empathy. Love. Agony. Everything was too much. He hated how his chest tightened. He despised his heart yearning for anything. He detached himself from reality and lived through life feeling nothing. Life was better that way. When you feel too much, you hurt even more.
Cruden numbed himself to everything. What was heartbreak if he never learned what love was? Emotions were an expensive burden he couldn't afford. Not that he wanted to, but the very idea of feeling something was irritating.
Cruden had been alone all his life, taking care of his brothers, and he was fine with that. He provided for them a home, money, food, and power. Everything a person needs to survive. He had spent his entire life convincing himself this was enough.
