Chapter 23: coward.
'What happened with me is something that shouldn't happen to anyone else' that's my wish.
I was in my room , lying down on the bed , just staring at the celling. My head empty with no thought's or anything.
I learnt that the person who did this to me is a source user. Due to the world government , source users are unable to be punished. Their strength is something that we normal humans can't control. Which is why he will be free and won't be punished or anything.
I was given or more specifically thrown towards my parents , with only a old cloth that barely covered my body. At that time , I saw that there were brushes on my hand and legs because of being thrown so harshly but I didn't...feel anything....I felt numb.
It..was a new feeling. I wasn't sure how i should react for feeling nothing. Maybe what he did was the reason why this happened? Yeah probably.
After I arrived I was met with eyes of pity and sadness fall on me.
'It...was annoying...'
Those eyes belonged to my family members. Grandma, Grandpa , uncle , aunt , sister and even emiya , my cousin.
I had my gaze on the ground , I didn't wanted them to see my , I wanted to bury myself , I wanted to disappear. But that's not something I could do so I just walked towards my room.
My mother , aunt and grandma gave me a bath , dressed me up in a new clothes. They walked outside, leaving me alone in this room.
The other came to talk with me. I talked with them. Just answering questions from my point of view if I were to be honest. They left after no being able to find the girl who would talk for hours and hours no stop about the most random things.
While I was looking at the celling fan , I heard a voice I didn't wanted to hear , it belonged to Akeshi-kun. His normal gentle voice was now filled with worry.
'...It's because of me...'
That's what I thought. I blamed my self.
Then I heard them talking with him. It was.. fairly normal. But I didn't want him to stay here. I didn't want him to see such a impure girl. So I went in the living room , gathering all of my courage to tell him to get out.
But I said shown harsh things. And unknowingly I told him about the fact that the guy who.
'The...guy...who..
Who...rap-' thinking about it I felt like vomiting so I immediately ran towards the bathroom and vomited. It felt like all energy from my body has left me.
'I really wish all the impure things that that FUCKER DID , HIS FUCKING TOUCH , HIS SHITTY HANDS ON MY BODY PARTS. I FUCKING WISH THEY WOULD GOD DAMN VANISH!!!IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK!!!'
I then looked at the mirror and then at my hand.
Even though I was given a bath , I started to use the sanitizer to rub my hand , my face to let go of the touch that guy had. To clean my self. Even though I tried so many times , I knew that what happened can't be changed.
.
.
.
I heard the sound of mother's shouting at Akeshi-kun. When I looked at what was happening my eyes widen in shock. Mother was beating up Akeshi-kun. She had him in the corner , hitting him with her feet , saying things like it was Akeshi-kun's fault this happened , he should get out like that.
Yes I did wanted him to leave but not like this. But if he does leaves then.
'..He will probably have someone better than...me..' he wanted one minute of my time but I didn't give it to him. He changed his work time and placed it in a impossible time just so I can talk with him. Not anymore.
I am a bad person. I don't deserve all these happiness. Happiness that he is willingly to give me , sacrificing his sleep and rest for me. I don't want them.
⟨"I am a coward. That's what I've become. A coward who stood by and watched as the person I love was torn apart by the very hands that were supposed to protect him. And why? Because I was too afraid to speak up, too paralyzed by fear to stand against the storm that raged around me.⟩
I watched as my mother's accusations cut through the air like knives, each word slicing deeper into Akeshi-kun's soul until he stood before her, battered and broken, his spirit shattered by the weight of her unfounded blame. And what did I do? Nothing. I did nothing to stop it, nothing to defend him, nothing to ease the pain that I knew he was feeling.
I could see that he was hurt , it was clearly seen in his eyes, the betrayal etched into every line of his face as he looked for me , for salvation, for a lifeline to pull him from the abyss of despair. But I turned away, unable to meet his gaze, unable to bear the weight of my own shame. I walked into my room like a cowards.
I wanted to speak up, to tell my mother the truth—that Akeshi-kun was innocent, that he wasn't the reason for what happened—but the words caught in my throat, choked off by the suffocating grip of my fear. Fear of my mother's wrath, fear of the consequences of defying her, fear of the unknown that lay beyond the safety of my silence.
And now, as I sit here alone with my thoughts, the echoes of Akeshi-kun's soundless pain kept on ringing in my ears, I realize the true cost of my cowardice. I have lost not only the person I love, but also a piece of myself—a piece that I may never be able to reclaim.
I heard sister and grandma blaming Akeshi-kun. I wanted a hope. But I didn't wanted to be that [Hope] .
Then I heard dad telling everyone that it wasn't Akeshi-kun's fault for what happened. It felt satisfying and I don't know how I can thank him.