I had an insanely hard time falling asleep last night. I lay in bed for a long time, thinking of at least some options for how I could save the situation. But for every good plan, there was something that ruined it. I thought of all sorts of things... sneaking in unnoticed to the scientists by forging documents? I can't do that undetected, there are cameras everywhere. Escape the ship with her? And what would happen if she died in some circumstance beyond my control? The only option I saw for her was for her to join the ranks of the prostitutes on deck. I'd talk to whoever was running the place... to keep her off the deck. Make her my concubine, secret from the bigwigs. But if she's too valuable a specimen of special interest to the scientists, I couldn't arrange it, even if I wanted to. The chief of security has no right to interfere in the course of research, only the chief geneticist on the ship can do that. And he can only be influenced by someone of the same rank as him. Maybe we should talk to the security officer again. But I'd be at great risk of incurring misunderstanding and possibly anger. He would hardly ask a colleague to fulfill such a strange request.
With these thoughts I fell into a disturbing, unpleasant dream. In my dream I saw dark pictures of the experiments being carried out on her. The clinking of surgical instruments, empty syringes, glass flasks. Strange apparatus, the name and purpose of which I do not even know. But the most unpleasant thing was the indifferent, dry faces of the medics bending over her. I struggled to get my sleep under control, waking from this lingering nightmare.
Lya was sitting behind the glass-she looked tired, like she hadn't slept. The floor was suspiciously quiet. Only occasionally did I hear the stomping of soldiers, but they passed by my surveillance camera. A dark and oppressive feeling of impending trouble swept over me.- Mm... - she said sadly.
The mutual silence suggested that both she and I knew we couldn't be together, even if we both wanted to. But no one dared to say it out loud.
- Kserd... - she said quietly.
I just looked at her, letting her know that I was listening.
- Do you think... will there ever come a time when all the races in the galaxy live peacefully?
- I've been asking myself that question lately, too.
- But you're a skrooge, right?
- Yes... I am.
- And scrooges want to conquer, right?
- Yes, Lya. That's what they're made for.
I didn't realize I said "they" instead of "we."
- What about you? What do you think about it? Is it right to eradicate other races so that your own can flourish?
She was asking me the same questions I'd asked myself a while ago, and I hadn't found the answers. I shrugged.
- I don't. I'm just a soldier created on this ship. I don't decide anything.
- But you've thought about it, haven't you?
I didn't answer anything. Why is she asking me? Why is she stirring up already lingering doubts in my head?
- I've been thinking about it a lot the last couple days. And realized that we humans... it's our own fault. We developed genetics not to improve our bodies and help the sick and infirm, but to create the perfect soldiers. We created you...
- Why are you saying that?
- No reason. There's no one else I can tell my thoughts to. You know... in this month that I've been here, I still haven't gotten scales. I wonder if I even have a chance.
- A chance at what?
- Well, that they'll succeed. That I'd become what they want to create, and what they kidnap women for...
I knew the answer to that question. No, she doesn't stand a chance. Not even her skin had changed - it was still the same soft, human skin, not to mention everything else. Her regeneration was failing miserably, at times, and her ability to bear and deliver a fetus was questionable, given her age and apparent underweight. When she came here, I was sure she would die within days, or be written off as hopeless - and sent to a brothel. But that didn't happen. She probably only made it onto the high-value list because of her stamina and fortitude, which mistakenly led them to think that something might come of it. But really, I didn't know why. I didn't believe at all that a womb could be created without the help of other civilizations. Nature takes its course - for every strong race, there is a significant disadvantage that prevents it from destroying everything around it.
- Anything is possible, - I lied.
We stared at each other for a while, saying nothing. I looked away cowardly first.
- Kserd, I...
The loud footsteps of the soldiers cut her off. The doors opened, and three figures appeared on the threshold - two dressed in military uniforms, the third in a white coat. Without saying a word, they entered and pointed to the glass. My hand seemed to resist pressing the button, but there was no choice, so I pressed it. The soldiers took her away for further experiments, closing the heavy metal door behind them.
— If everything goes well, we have a good chance of making progress, - I heard the scientist's musings through the door.
I felt nauseous. A suffocating atmosphere hung over me in that dark, cold room, and I just wanted to fall asleep. It didn't matter for how long - just as long as I didn't have to hear my thoughts. I lay down on the bed. It somehow felt very hard and uncomfortable, as if there were a pile of sharp stones inside the mattress. I closed my eyes, watching images appear in my mind. I was awoken by the screech of the door—the door opened, and Lia entered. She was alone. She wore a light white dress, and fresh flowers were woven into her hair. Her skin was pale, and her cheeks had a healthy flush. Her face was adorned with a wide, genuine smile.
— Are you... okay? - I asked in shock.
— Of course. There will be no more experiments. They've set me free. Forever...
— What? - I felt an overwhelming relief, a feeling I had never known before.
She came closer, silently, like a little mouse, and hugged me.
— Please, remember me, Kserd.
I hugged her back, not wanting to let go.
— Why would I forget you? You're here, on this ship.
She looked at me. Her blue eyes, like the earth's sky, were filled with happy tears.
— I'm going home.
But how? How was this possible? No sooner had I asked myself that, than I heard the iron screech of the door again. It was a dream. In reality, instead of Lia, a lone soldier stood before me. It was slith Zed - he was patrolling the third floor, guarding the scientists. His black eyes, like the cosmos, stared directly at me, and the muscles in his face were still, making his face resemble a mask.
— Kserd, I was asked to tell you that you can return to your cabin, and from tomorrow you'll resume your duties.
I was stunned by what I heard. My world seemed to crumble in an instant.
— But... the officer told me to monitor... the subject, - I stammered, unable to speak properly.
— Failed. Her heart stopped, literally five minutes ago, unable to withstand the drugs they administered, - his voice was even and emotionless. — What do they expect, feeding young human girls chemicals that make even us sick? As far as I'm concerned, it's a waste of materials and time. Anyway, I've reported it, and you know the rest, - he said before turning and leaving.
Barely able to move my legs, I made my way to my cabin. Everything was the same, nothing had changed: the same cold, metallic walls pressing in on me, yet providing isolation; the color visor, covered in a thin layer of dust; and the bedside table, still empty. I sat on my familiar bed and practically howled. My throat felt like it was in a vice, and tears streamed down my cheeks, flowing in torrents. Lia... it can't be. Why? Why so soon? I had known this would happen. I had even prepared myself for it, but I didn't expect it to happen today. In a day, a week, a month—but not today. I didn't even get to say goodbye to her. She never wished harm to anyone; she only wanted freedom from the pain! She wanted to live. She just wanted to live...
I spent the rest of the day in that state, not closing my eyes for a second. I had no tears left—only sadness and anger, tearing me apart. I was angry at everything—the strict officer, the indifferent scientists, the guards who didn't care about their subjects. But most of all, I was angry at myself - for not doing anything. For not coming up with a plan. For not having the courage to stand my ground. For not being able to influence anything...
The next day passed in a haze. In the morning, I woke up with a painful, burning feeling in my eyes, like after a sleepless night. Reluctantly, I headed for the observation rooms. I checked one room after another, inspecting the equipment and the guards' condition. They stood up immediately, greeting me. Of course - they had already forgotten what a daily routine was. But once they learned that Groot was no longer in charge, they had to remember, whether they liked it or not. Strangely, even the slithes were behaving well today: checking their sector, I saw they were all at their posts, relatively sober. Except for two - Yenel and Kasyl - they were lazily returning from a break, chatting absentmindedly.
— I'm having a hard time. My kayan drug ran out, - mumbled Yenel.
— Kserd is such a bore, he doesn't care about us at all, - Kasyl confirmed.
Of course. I wasn't expecting anything else from the tail-bearers. I'd gladly trade places with their problems...
— Did you talk to Сindy? Kasyl asked Yenel, slowly moving his tail.
— She broke. She says I need to quit the drugs. What nonsense!
After inspecting all the sectors, the rest of the day was left for me to sit in my boring office, staring at the bright, eye-straining monitor, setting the schedules for these idiots. A sleepless night was taking its toll — I kept making stupid mistakes. I'd mix up a letter in some brute's name, or launch the wrong program... eventually, dying of boredom, I fell asleep right at my desk. I dreamt as if it were the first day Lia was brought here. When her body had no scars or bruises, when she wasn't so frightened and subdued, when she was... alive. It felt like I was reliving that day from beginning to end, truly believing it wasn't just my mind playing tricks, and that I was given a chance to correct my mistake. But a dream, as dreams do, didn't last forever, treacherously giving way to wakefulness at the most inopportune moment. I woke up, feeling suffocating despair. Why does my mind keep showing me these images, not letting me forget it all? Again, a lump rose in my throat, and I struggled to push those feelings away. I looked at the clock—the workday had ended an hour ago—and, closing the door behind me, I headed to my cabin. The corridors were empty and quiet, everyone was either in their cabins or on duty. I stopped by the observation room where I had watched over Lia. It was empty, so the door was open. Something unknown to me drew me in. I entered, slowly surveying the room and trying to hold back the tears as I gazed at the white room behind the glass. My gaze was drawn to a strand of light brown hair lying on the floor—it was hers. I picked it up, running my finger along it and inhaling its scent.
I roared again, like a wounded beast, unable to stop myself. I wanted to unclench my damned hand, but I had no strength left. Instead, I just hid the strand in my pocket.
I wanted so much to leave this place, but at the same time, it was the only place that reminded me of her.
Soon, I left the observation room and returned to my cabin, where I opened the nightstand. There were three doses of artecidine inside. Without hesitation, I injected them one after another, slowly sinking into a drug-induced sleep under the sounds of the color visor broadcasting the latest news. All my senses gradually faded into the background, giving way to relaxation and euphoria. I could only hear a snippet from an interview with the head of the Galactic Commonwealth and the ruler of the planet Moelis.
— I insist that we need to try to solve this issue through diplomacy, although no one listens to my words, not even my own daughter, - said the ruler, Lesvold III.
— Talking to the Skroges is, at the very least, a waste of time. Such proposals haven't been taken seriously for a long time, - the head of the Galactic Commonwealth responded, as if the answer had been prepared in advance.
— None of us has even tried to do so in this century... - came a comment from the audience.
— It would be nice if they made the first move, offering a ceasefire, - remarked a quick-witted journalist.
The last thing that reached my ears was the loud laughter of the audience.