Chapter 54 - Peter Anderson

I got a call from a urologist who specializes in sexual dysfunction. He told me that he had an unusual case. He was talking about a man named Peter Anderson who suffered from impotence. Although Peter was physically normal and could masturbate and experience orgasm, he had never been able to get an erection in the presence of a woman. In fact, until recently he had not been an active man. He had a sexual life, but suddenly he fell into this situation. He was smoking weed, smoking and using alcohol as bad habits. He came to Turkey with a teacher exchange program, but when the office of a secret missionary gave him a powerful drug to inject penicillin an hour before sexual intercourse, he was shocked by the result. He said, "In all my years of practice, I have never seen this drug fail unless the patient had major blood circulation problems." Peter did not have such a problem. On the contrary, his drug sometimes failed, and it even had a possible complication.Peter, who was eager to make an appointment, was the first vacancy in his schedule. I filled it immediately. When I entered the waiting room, I encountered an ordinary-looking, soft-spoken man wearing jeans, running shoes, a black t-shirt. When I entered my office, he explained the entire process with complete honesty, without making eye contact, instead of talking about himself, he was writing for an academic article. I explained the disturbing details by including the filter. He was playing keyboard in a band he had been with for 15 years. He was teaching. He was supporting himself with a daily job playing the piano with this income. He was living alone in an apartment. He had nothing to fulfill in his life. He was not in a relationship with a woman at the moment. He had relationships. He even had the direction of the Group industry. When he asked how I could help him. He is mostly lonely. I want to have a relationship with a woman. I asked him if he was talking about a sexual relationship. He said yes. I can't have a sexual relationship quietly these days. But at the same time, I want an emotional change. I will talk to someone with whom I can share such things. When he asked if he had tried sexual intercourse before, he said that he was very experienced, but I told him that sometimes he lives with relationships in his own mind. No matter what the problem is, psychologists always collect information about the patient's family sleep. Because these relationships form the building blocks of their relationships, he said that Yeter's father is He died when he was 9 years old. When I asked him for the details, he grimaced and had no words to explain. In the end, he described this death as a suicide. My father also described my diet as a suicide. My grandfather was a diabetic. My mother gave him dessert. She would make sweets and tell him when it was time to die. He gained a lot of weight. He couldn't carry it anymore. He sat silently for years. I think this is a thing. He was depressed and finally one day he had a heart attack and died. He told him that it was hard to lose his father at the age of 9. You said to him that it was hard to lose his father. But my mother said it was the best for our family. He said again that his mother told so many people about his father's death. When this man finally died, I expressed it from behind as if this was normal, that your mother was talking from the middle, which surprised me, but I did not want to receive a message for her needs, I had to collect information about her past, so I made a clear statement, stated that Milas was a problem, but somehow my mother still defended her. He said it was important for him and he worked hard. I told him that he worked two jobs in the same day and then he had another job. I explained that there are not that many hours in a day. At one point, Peter told me that while his father was cooking at the restaurant, his grandmother did something to be comfortable, to be surprised, etc. Which is the extra time? It was a salary that he sold to a determined store when he was there and he does a lot of work there Also in the summer he grows most of his food in large pieces and where it gathers for food suppliers He was late for our work Peter said he would leave it for a moment And still in the middle of the night At my mother's side while I watch him die okay they become miners picking vegetables "I can remember you cleaning the grass for hours," he said. "I asked if he was working at this job and also looking after the kids." If he accepted, I would return. I remember once, dear, I don't understand you, he was bothering me with my solutions. I would never say a word to you about what boys are more active with than girls. I just pointed out that you were acting normal. He repeated the refrain. My mother did what was best for our family. That she was very bad because she did everything that any normal child of that age would do. I realized that he changed his mother's message, believing that his mother also changed her son's message about me. He told you. Children, and according to Peter, his family had to work from 6 a.m. to midnight every morning. I settled into the chair I was sitting in, but I held my breath in front of me. I realized it was a rare case. There was a man in front of me who spent the most important part of his childhood in the dirt on the joke floor. He is one of the pioneers of child psychology. They care that childhood contains very important stages of personality development and that every life is built on the value. That's enough. Most of them migrated from the age of 2 to 5. It was normal that he had difficulty in transitioning to the remaining stages of his life. He missed good transportation. Attachment, shouting, language development were just a few of these stages. As children, we all as human beings. developing chronologicallyIf children miss one of these windows during the development process, they may have great difficulty in compensating. For example, children who are completely isolated often cannot compensate for their language deficit. After receiving Peter's shocking isolation information, I started to look at him with a new perspective. His impotence was probably just the tip of the iceberg. Now he does something to alarm him Or if you make him feel that you have taken it, it could scare him so I proceeded carefully and asked him to tell only the things he could remember about that time The winters were cold and the writer was very hot he said I would stay with the donkey I remember the sin I learned to crawl over the bars and get out of five make me happy but then I was sad when I found out the door was locked "What is your most vivid memory from that early period? It's an embarrassing memory, but I want to be honest," he said, going on to describe how he had to use an empty tomato can to defecate on Twitter. He recalled that it was a commercial size can and it was too sharp to sit on. "I was very worried about that because it was in the can." If I couldn't match it My mother would be angry I processed a toilet system where it was impossible to win I smiled lightly You and she accepted then her face turned into its original mask I remember being afraid of that box Because if I made my mother do any extra work she would beat me This causes wounds and bleeding When I said it sounded painful she was trying to make ends meet for her mother He advanced that he had no choice because he was working. If he couldn't waste time with her, he met her face. He said, "I got my worst beating when I robbed the creation material to make a toy. I just wanted something to throw away and a toy." I intervened, stating that it would have helped if his mother had given him a toy. Of course that's not true, but immigrants didn't have to lock their children in the attic alone for 18 hours a day for weeks at a time for several years, and as our rights progressed I began to question her interpretation of the direction of the good truck's immigrants until she really thought that all the boys had been in rooms for most of the first 5 years of her life. I asked him if he wasn't thinking about it and his answer shocked me. He said, 'Well, it was my fault. Your mother couldn't risk someone watching what I did. My sister learned to sit quietly. And I didn't. It was clear that she wasn't ready to look at what child neglect and abuse was. Her strongest childhood memory is what she could call happy. How do I go again? Here comes this, looking through the attic window. He was already going up to the second floor to get a bag of rice when he saw his mother sitting on the back steps of the restaurant chopping vegetables. He could hear her footsteps and wanted her to come to his prison on the lower floor. He remembered how he had called his heart in the hope of her coming. But this almost never happened, only after midnight did his mother carry him to their house right next door. They would come while he was sleeping, at dawn, they would take him while he was still sleeping and go back to work. They would go back downstairs to the restaurant and this would hurt Peter. The worst thing was loneliness, he said, remembering those years, getting beaten and shivering from the cold. He remembered seeing squirrels and begging them to come to his window I didn't know any words but I remember learning the word loneliness after I left the attic I must have been 7 or 8 when I learned I was watching a movie on TV that he was lonely Because he said he had to stay away from everyone so no one would know he was a hero At the end of the movie he said he had to stay away from a town Canan Muzik was very sad when he had to leave. I now remember how surprised I was that others felt lonely like me. You had a tag called When I had a word for that terrible feeling. While our therapy was going on, a slander. I asked if his mother had done anything good for him. She once gave him a small white toy piano. He said years later, his sister said that the piano was forgotten in the restaurant by a customer who had a little son. The piano and the cans of tomatoes joined the feeling. I said that these are the things he had over the years. I pretended to be my friend with my girlfriend. I didn't know his name because he had features other than my father. I had never met any other man of my age. A little confession. I wanted him to talk to me, so I started playing him and pretended to have a conversation with the voice of half a year. I could make him sad and happy in some way. After taking him to the piano, Peter's emotional life improved a little. He loved a friend of his. He had become much less dependent on a constantly angry and demanding mother. I went to the Library to get some information about his current situation. Computers of course.In one article he was described as a man who could make his keyboard talk, speed up, cry or jump for joy. Considering what Peter said about the role of his piano, I was amazed at how accurate this review was. Little Peter was Peter's closest and only friend. In psychological terms, he was a child's past attachment object. Attachment to the mother is an important but important psychological task. In normal childhood development, first the child's whole world is his mother. Then, between the stages of infancy and toddlerhood, the child realizes that he has graduated from his mother and experiences Separation Anxiety. He cries when the mother is not around, which represents the security of the mother-child relationship most of the time to avoid anxiety. Smiles an object This is also called a transitional attachment object Often this can be a blanket or a workbench toy or the toddler takes it everywhere with it especially to bed Helps the child bridge the gap between dependency and independence during the transition Twitter has an uncomfortable relationship with his mother There was a mother who had never expressed her love for her child she had left him alone from an early age and was punished if he was chattering, cheerful, noisy and even talking in front of everyone in the restaurant He had only allowed a little situation to express itself in any way He learned everything through her and Time As we passed by on Twitter a small truck arrived, tightly packed together. Since nothing was said about Peter's father, I asked him where he was in this picture. My father had nothing to do with me or anyone in the family. He was not a bad man. He never said bad things to me or hit me. His job was to eat at the restaurant. What do you mean by doing? We always played American jazz music in the summer. He used to talk to me with the music he explained in the evenings, and I am trying to imitate him. When he asked what caused such a condition in his parents' marriage, he explained: My mother saved all her money from her jobs and never did anything unnecessary. He didn't spend a penny. All of our clothes, including my mother's and my father's clothes, came from our cousins. He walked through town with heavy bags to carry them. He didn't have a car. He never took the bus. He used to go to the city center to buy supplies for my father. To this day, I'm not sure exactly what happened, but on one of his trips, he invested in a worthless piano. He lost all his money. The next day I started Peter's school. He whispered. I failed kindergarten. This is my biggest shame. My mother said I was an ass. It took me a few censorships to understand what was going on in kindergarten. But apparently Peter was afraid. He was rarely around children, except for a few weeks with his older sister and cousins before school started. In the early years of his life, he never heard more than a few sentences a day anywhere. When he consulted experts, they said that the children were either treated very badly and told language development to come from their own minds, or they spoke the language very rarely and did not receive the necessary acquisitions at a very important age because they could not speak the language. He chose to be mute. He didn't grow up with any friends or living around him. That's why he felt a little anxious when he heard a woman speak. Even today I get goosebumps when a woman speaks. Especially if she screams, it would scare me like that. I explained the situation so that I could read it without the ability to communicate verbally. It started when kids talked to him he didn't understand them Also when he was playing he was afraid of getting caught like that Once I had to go to the toilet and I was used to cans and getting beaten no matter what I did So because I didn't know what to do he asked how I tasted my trousers eye contact was scary right he likened it to feeling naked in public He thought it was too close and felt like running away when he looked directly at him. He also never learned that it was normal to share the same space with others. Since he was always alone, he thought everyone was standing too close to him. When I was overwhelmed, he would hide under the big piano in his classroom and use its wooden slats to relax. Actually, Peter did his job. That piano is the good thing about school. It was one of those things. He named the piano as the father of a little truck. He wanted to caress it. If this was due to his continued need for a large attachment object. Unfortunately, before Peter heard the news that he had failed in kindergarten, he really believed that he was successful. Another positive thing besides the piano was that he came across a kind teacher. He was surprised at how kind he was. At first, he was afraid of him, but the teacher smiled at him, which was something Peter had never seen before, and at that moment, he decided to become a teacher himself. He intuitively understood that this was a sign of acceptance. Moreover, his teacher noticed his love for the piano, so the three blind next to you when you call the mouseHe asked the teacher to put Peter's hand on the piano and feel it harden and breathe He held his hand there like a child holding his mother's hand on Twitter He didn't move Peter I saw the big white keys as teeth all their courage welcomed him This was the best moment he ever lived Hearing the notes that turned into a song Hearing the notes that turned into a song brought tears to his eyes Why did it happen? He believed that the piano was talking to him. That was the first thing he understood from his thoughts like Misfit in kindergarten. So, he came into his life. You give him music. After that, when he grew up, he started to think that he wanted to paint pictures and that he wanted to be interested in music. When he found out that he failed, he was devastated. My teacher thought he liked him and now he hates him. he thought everyone else had passed and now as a big kid he had to go to a school full of babies filter he believed he had failed in the world just like his father had done it was very degrading to learn that he couldn't give it all up completely it was very degrading to earn alone in a successful loft in kindergarten that is the accumulation of a lot of learning work behavior I tried to explain to so many guys that we missed it, there was no way he would be ready for kindergarten, the teacher noticed this and held him back, I continued to explain how independence is developed through the stages, as in his case, if these stages are disrupted, development will be delayed. In order for someone to start life in a healthy way, a mother must first When she said this, she always objected to me, insisting on her mother's love for her family. Everything she did, I told her that she couldn't be without love within her family, that she couldn't feel her mother's love when she was alone all day long. The mother had to hold the baby and didn't feel attached to her, and in the same way, what more should the baby feel? Children understand that they are separate from their mothers. They begin to disagree with those around them by saying no to determine their limits as individuals. Therefore, this period is called need syndrome. Babies who are successfully separated from their mothers can successfully express themselves by saying, "I will not eat whatever you want, I will not wear my boots, I will not do what you say, I am a separate person." This stage helps my children learn the concept of "I". But it's also part of how they learn to defend themselves. He never had the chance to maintain a separate self from his mother. In fact, when he was a child, he said that he would never come to terms with himself in any way, let alone objecting to his mother about something. Filtron was afraid of other children because he didn't know how to play with them. The rules of any game would not be taught to him. He seemed so complex and mysterious, so I explained to him that he couldn't describe himself as an asshole. Most of their children have been in a community and exhibited group behavior for years before they started school. Other Parents roll a ball to their children and let them hit it, or force them to watch them play with other children. I used to take him to the park. Watching children having fun on the slide teaches a two or three-year-old child to wait in line. When the child goes down the slide for the first time, there is a parent waiting for him, but he had no idea what waiting in line meant on Twitter. For example, he could never play dodgeball, that was for him. Very seriously, my brain is built piece by piece, it is not fully formed in the womb. I explain to him that in the first four years a child has to build what is called executive tasks. The cortex has to build pathways in the brain to establish memories that connect all learning. like learning it helps develop selective attention survival is complex we learn what to do one small step at a time it improved a lot after repeating kindergarten he had another teacher who he felt treated him incredibly well he was amazing have fun he didn't yell at me or hit me when I asked him what he meant This teacher said to the young people, he was a person he usually couldn't hurt. He played the songs he sang, including the cake. He thought to the teachers that they were probably having a good time together. This apocalypse caused an event that would change a person's life. Usually his sister would pick him up from school. But one day he didn't come. Filterman didn't know about the teacher. However, he fell while playing a game. The teacher was with the nurse to find out the situation and I left him alone with the piano in the classroom for a while. I went to Twitter and there were huge objections. While I was hugging him, one of the birds was stepped on and I heard the sound of an engine. Then Peter started playing the piano, joyfully just like the teacher played when you told me to do it. Then, when the bus got tired, he started playing the piano. He said he played it in 115 ways as if he was lost. He wasn't sure what it meant, happy or sad, but he could recreate meanings through itHis father, who had meant very little in Twitter's life until then, had become an overweight Diabetic who had problems with insulin and was constantly consuming sugar with his wife. One of the times they left the restaurant was the father's neglected diabetes overweight and crippling rehab that left him unemployed. All Emir sat in the chair and jazzed. Every now and then, when he discovered a particularly good hook on records, he would make a vague gesture at the pila, and Peter could tell that his father, who had broken eye contact with them just after the family had lost their money, was trying to share the music with him. Peter had heard from his older cousins that his father had been interested in museums as a child and could read sheet music. But this was pointless and decadent. They gave up pursuing the museum as their first career because it was thought to be a part of the West. Hawaii's mother never missed an opportunity to belittle the father who ruined the family's future. They wouldn't even give him money for his beloved records or cigarettes. Peter later said that his father was corrupted by western music and opium. He learned that he was from a musical family that was suspected to have connections with his mother. His mother saw all Western music as many parts of the disintegrated failure that his father had become. One day, Peter's older sister was busy doing beadwork, while Peter and his father, who had no duties, were listening to jazz together, his mother, who unexpectedly came home from work, was angry. "Peter was understandable how mad he was at us," said Peter, "after all, he was out working and someone was hanging around. He would say that my father and I were of the same mind, that we were both corrupted by decadence and music, and that we were no better than the trash of a decadent French wounded trotter." He burst into the living room and went through my father's records, one by one. "He was upset that it wasn't my turn. He was Ms. Melek, but he did it anyway," he remembered. The moment he finished tearing apart his record collection, he looked at me and then went to my bedroom, grabbed a small truck, and threw it out the window. He threw it with such force that the Window Curtain flew with it. Peter 9 He was 15 years old and apparently he was being punished for not doing beadwork But he was actually being punished for being like his father I asked him if a small truck was destroyed with anxiety he said he was used to losing but he was experiencing unemployment it's hard to explain I looked out the window and felt sorry for a little Idol as if he was amphidanfi I just didn't feel sad I was empty, he searched for words hesitantly, it was like I wasn't in my own body. I pointed out that the only thing that came to mind from millions of memories from 25 years ago was the death of a small truck. I said that I thought it got into your mind because it was so dramatic. I was experiencing the feeling of depersonalization that you can understand when you feel disconnected from your own personal self. You can hear it in your hair from your own. you just don't feel your feelings and emotions the world looks happy and I feel attached to it it smells it's in me a lot he said What causes it is usually the differentiation of the self in the early stages a traumatic childhood combined with high levels of anxiety a period of time He said he thought he remembered that event very clearly because of what happened a few days later He wrote And there was no school, so her older sister was doing her beadwork from dawn until night. Twitter's father had signaled her to follow him. Twitter's father had signaled Twitter to follow her. She just sat there, even though she was in her late years, she was having a hard time even walking with her feet together. She and Peter slowly walked to the mall. They left. His father was exhausted. His ankles were swollen and he was getting too much. He went to the music department of a store. He bought a synthesizer or walked to the common area of the mall. A security guard. He stopped them and called the police. The father, who didn't say anything when questioned by the police. After assuring Peter and his father that they had money to pay, they took Peter and his father home with the synthesizer. Looking back now, I think the cops knew we weren't thieves, but they thought there was something mentally wrong with both of us. They took us home gently and quietly, while I held the synthesizer in my hand. Luckily, Peter's mother was there at the time. He wasn't at home. His sister paid for the synthesizer with some of her savings. Jerusalem looked like it was a factory. It was good around the room. I looked suspiciously at the large amount of beadwork, sister. They asked why he was alone. They weren't found then the mother came and the cops explained the situation to her just before they left That's when she went completely crazy Peter told me his mother was a scary woman at the best of times he had never seen anything this scary she attacked his father and started hitting him until he fell to the ground.His father stood up in the chair Then he collapsed against the wall After breathing deeply for a few minutes he had a heart attack and died Peter told me he always felt responsible for the death because he thought he might still be alive if he hadn't bought the synthesizer for him Peter He saw himself as guilty He had few childhood memories but his father used the synthesizer He explained carefully that he felt humiliated because it was unacceptable no one he had ever met had stolen anything yet in another way it was the only act of Love he had ever seen in his short life his father had no money but he felt he was dying and he wanted his son to have something instead of his thrown away He wanted to pack it up, so he went into a store and bought a synthesizer. He didn't even bother to hide it. He accepted Umut as a dying man with love. He also accepted that his father's death was slow and suicide. I asked him how his mother reacted. She may have wanted to be impatient for your father to die, but Maybe he felt differently when this situation actually happened. He took a deep breath. It's not possible. He's not that kind of person. He wanted him to die, and when he died, he was relieved by saying that one more burden was less. After his death, he didn't say anything to your father, except to tell me that I was as lazy and a** as my father. Were you similar? He said, 'Well, yes. They had musical talents in both years. He could read notes by sight and play pieces by ear. I was also very interested in painting. Also, they were both quiet. They loved music and didn't care much about making money or competing. Fitre. If his mother understands that it is important to him. A few years after his father's death, he bought a small building with 4 flats for the mother of a truck, and four years later, he bought a building on 4 floors. Finally, he owned such a criminal building. He maintained, repaired and collected rent on his own. I did, and she fought for rent control, single-handedly, against the entire city. When she was about the age of Peter, he gave her an apartment in one of the buildings not far from her. He still prepares dinner for her every night. He runs home to prepare his own meals and then rushes off to do other chores. Meanwhile, as soon as his older sister was old enough to leave the house, he gave her an apartment. She had married the man. She had become a stay-at-home mother, which Twitter described as her reward for her mother. I believed that Peter's mother saw her as a burden. Peter was becoming well-known in the music world. Frankly, the filter's mother had described him as a bad, slow child from infancy to adulthood. No evidence to the contrary would convince her. Was it because she hated her husband that I asked them on Twitter? Was it because of my favorite? Or was it because of the belief that homeland music was bad? Or because of men in general? I don't know. What I do know is that if your mother labels you negatively, you believe her. Who else can be influential in forming your own faith? Who else can be influential in constructing your own image? Still, as time goes by and she becomes more impressive about her mother's life. As the wings emerge, her no-important behavior becomes more understandable. We were about to finish the first month of our therapy. During this time, a voice of objection became more audible, and in the last few months, he also started to make eye contact. Since he was very emotionally deprived, he would have put me on medication. He needed to learn that I cared about him and that we would work on a treatment together. I was worried about his future, we had missed so many stages of development. I was worried about what kind of EGO we were going to build with so much material. On what basis were we going to build an EGO? It was a little dangerous to build a self on such a shaky foundation. I felt the fear an architect would feel when raising a house on shaky piles. One of the things that gave me hope was his great kindness.One of the things that gave me hope was Peter's great kindness. He had someone's money. Or he would lend her money. Once in the waiting room, when a woman was crying, he didn't ask her what was wrong. He went out and bought her a coffee and told her everything would be okay. And how wrong was his devotion and forgiveness to his mother. It was touching, even though he handled it in such a way that kindness and forgiveness can take people a long way, yet whenever he was faced with anger or someone was too close to him physically, Peter experienced bouts of depersonalization and severe anxiety, which I suspected were also the source of his impotence because he was having unreasonable experiences. He was very worried. It is difficult to be sexually successful in such situations when you think that you are not in your body to feel arousal. The aim of the treatment is to build his ego in a way that he does not leave his body emotionally in times of stress and can cope with situations. Imagine it as a home, it protects you from the stresses of your outside world, it provides a metaphorical refuge, a safe place. If Peter's mother had been a healthier woman, she would have told him that he was sensitive, kind, intuitive and musically gifted. Praising these positive qualities could have helped the filter build a stronger foundation. When the wolf stole the quilt, just like in that children's story, Peter was sheltered in his solid brick house. Instead, his mother had been telling him for decades that he was a lazy ass and could not handle life. There was no solid brick at its foundation. He had been living in the house ever since Peter was about to have sex or have sex with other people. At that time, he didn't feel safe in his hands. His ego wasn't strong enough. He had to leave his body and depersonalize. I hoped to achieve two things in therapy. First, Peter would realize that his mother was disturbed and that he was looking at her from his own perspective. Second, he would be a good mother by helping her move out of the straw house and into the brick house. I could understand him because I was also a teacher in the past. Later, while I was teaching, he was studying psychiatry. I started this job. It is my job to help Peter see his positive characteristics so that he can be protected from the wolf. I am Peter. This is my safe house and I don't have to leave here. I wanted him to be able to say "You go" when he was 2 months old. It was time for Twitter to focus on his impotence problem and his inability to get erect while trying to have sex with a woman. Since he was in a group, he had the opportunity to meet a lot of women and had sex with his student. In fact, women often came to him. Twitter said it had nothing to do with being attractive. These only happened to men in a group. When I looked at the list of occupational hazards, the people who came would say, I pointed out that this situation was much better than the damage caused by coal. He wanted to have sex very much, he wanted to return to his old strong days, but being physically close to women made him very uncomfortable, we discussed slowly developing a relationship and making a friend. Then he could handle it. He could continue at a rapid pace. I told Twitter that in order to solve the problem of impotence, we need to look at his entire psychological profile that has developed since his birth. Maternal deprivation had caused what British psychiatrist John Bowlin called attachment disorder. Attachment to the mother is more important than anything else for a baby. It is even more important than food. A baby gives up everything to be held and be with him/her. Without it, the child becomes anxious and cannot explore or cope with the world normally. Also, attachment disorder does not only affect the relationship with the mother. It affects all social, emotional and cognitive development. If the child cannot experience attachment. That child cannot move on to step 2, which also affects others. It's about trusting and being emotionally attached, and eventually it also affects being sexually attached to others. Another thing is that if you don't have a baby bond, you can't develop emotionally. He pointed out that attachment can be understood in an evolutionary context where the mother provides security for the baby, and this was part of something that won him the Nobel Prize. Attachment is variable, the baby's life. It increases the chances of survival. Therefore, the environment is also connected to the brain. The baby needs to be held and loved by the mother. However, Peter was having a hard time connecting his responsible behavior in kindergarten, let alone his impotence, with early maternal deprivation. Sometimes a Therapist will hit a wall and create a mess by doing something extreme or unorthodox to make the patient see the situation. He has to shake Peter's devotion to his mother. To help him understand FETO better, I organized a special show with the hot ten monkeys movies of the 1950s. These movies are probably the most famous movies to come out of a social psychologist's laboratory. It was going to be a special screening where I gave lectures from time to time.The film then depicted a monster figure resembling a huge metal insect with giant teeth and a swiveling head. The monkey, clearly frightened, ran and hugged the cloth mother. Once the monkey had been hugged sufficiently and was sure of its devotion, it turned and began making threatening noises at the large monster. Peter stated that he wanted his movie to be paused once again. I was bullied. And I had nowhere to go for solace, he said. I just hid, and then I got bullied even more. It became a cycle. We watched a few more movies. It revealed that these monkeys, deprived of motherhood, grew up unable to defend themselves. The most striking part of the movies was that they didn't want to have sex, and what kind of parents they were when they were forced to mate and give birth. They had no idea how to act like both men and women They became cruel They abused physically and withdrew emotionally Their offspring often had to be let out of the cage for their own safety The last movie ended The lights came on and Peter just sat there All the color in his eye I looked at him He looked at me in surprise And they don't want to have sex She said the coin is down now That's right sex is the end of the game I need love first then hugs then closeness then protection You can just open up the world and take your chances When people are isolated in their childhood They skip all these men And when they become adults sex seems terrible Peter asked The baby monkey with only a wire mother Have you seen how scared he was when he had to mate with a normal monkey? That's how I feel. I saw big sweat stains under his arms and his blinking rate slowed down. He was too upset and confused to leave the theater room. He took a terrible trip back to early childhood. He believed in his description as ****. My attempts to reframe this image could not distract Peter from how his mother looked at him. It was only the movies that made him realize he was missing important steps in his development. He later said that nothing had a stronger impact on him than monkey studies. Therapy came into play, and from that moment on he told him that he was missing important steps in his development. We called it before the movie and after the movie. He started to realize that he wasn't even peteraptal or a failure, but rather someone whose life wasn't ready for him. But what confused him was why other kids whose parents worked didn't suffer the same fate. I had to move forward slowly. Peter had always been loyal to his mother. There was only one bad thing about him. She didn't say a word, she kept saying, like a nursery rhyme, that she did all this for our family. However, I still saw her as someone whose motherhood had been seriously damaged, but as a Therapist, I knew that telling her this would not help her, she had to come to this realization herself and be ready to accept it. you point out a fact without notice they lose trust in the therapist or something defense mechanisms kick in and they can only develop superficially Over-interpreting the client is a sign of a novice or insecure therapist a Therapist can lead patients to the door of understanding but should not drag them in patients already walk through the door when they are ready therapy moves from depersonalization to personalization Peter was not treated as a human being and so in the end he did not experience himself as a human being he looked at himself from outside his body therapy I guided him on his long journey to feeling his individuality, to feeling his humannessThis therapy is good, he made some confessions to me, he told me that they had an agreement with a student and that they sold it together, then he said that he was with the student's girlfriend and that they were recorded on a hidden camera while they were together and that he was blackmailed with these images. His student, who wanted all the money they earned from weed in order not to spread these images, later committed suicide. Why? When asked why he committed suicide, he did not give any explanation. Maybe the reason for his impotence was that she always chose him. Well, at least he created a logic in this context, he was still seeing and having a relationship with that girl. But after the last relationship, he started to have steering problems and that's why he came to me, his student's name was great, great, we are still together. He even explained that he had group sex experiences, but he couldn't understand why he suddenly started having erection problems. He started meeting with the mother of his student who committed suicide. He was seeing this woman for help. Because the woman's husband was in prison for murder and her son committed suicide. He tried to guide the woman to get help from social services. Because he He had previously worked in social services for 3 years. For this purpose, they met and went to the social services provincial building. Later, they started to meet in cafes to drink tea with the woman. Peter was frequently writing messages to the woman. He managed to become a little more enthusiastic and even a little more in love in his messages. He was looking forward to the weekend. As the time approached, he didn't know what to say. I said, "I think there is a wonderful and sensitive, normal, loving, kind person who can fall in love. You've had a lot of beautiful childhoods and traumas. You still want to try and connect. If your student doesn't commit suicide in your house in front of your eyes, it must have shaken you. Hüseyin Duygu Lust." and full of expression So you actually have what they want, don't forget You're hurt but you're not broken We discussed what hugging is and how to do it without looking artificial Finally Peter took his wife out to dinner and then he said he wanted to go to her hotel room because he was living with 3 other girls and they got into bed But unfortunately the problem of depersonalization resurfaced and his pain was getting smaller and smaller. They went out. The woman had to work from 8 to 2 that night. She was working in a textile factory. And she agreed to meet him there, but when her shift was over, she went to the man at the place and left with him. The man who knew that he was waiting for her said, "I'm sorry, but these women are not talked about well here." He said he was in prison and changed lovers as often as he changed socks. Peter thought the man was saying this to him to console him and had no idea how humiliating it was. I felt sorry for his filter, but I told him to think of it as a test drive. Sex was just the tip of the iceberg, 90% of the way there. He was subconscious underwater and that's what we had to focus on. I tried to give Petre access to his dreams because they were our best way into the subconscious. I told him to leave a pen and paper next to his bed so he could write down his first thoughts in the morning. It seemed his dreams were brutally similar. There was always something going on beyond his control.Whenever Peter had this dream, he would wake up in fear. We talked about how his life was out of control, like the bus. He was in a relationship with Vatan. I stated that this was not true. He could not have sex with me yet. He was in a relationship with his sister and the band members who loved and respected him. They communicated with the band members through their music. Peter had no difficulty in doing this. In fact, he visited the museum only sincerely and he reached many fans. He was as interested in painting and music as he was interested in music, and he was painting a painting of a young girl. He felt closeness in this continent. The only time he did not experience desensitization was when he was making music, regardless of the size of the crowd, but Peter felt his true feelings about other people. I objected to this, saying that it wasn't so how could he have a real relationship? She couldn't be upset when he left work with another man. What happened was that she appeared on the cover of a major music magazine, which didn't make her happy. When she showed it to her mother, her mother said that only Afyon users read music etiquette. In the second half of the 3 months of our therapy, Peter and A shocking event happened to his sister. This event was a completely different turning point in therapy. Peter's older sister was a quiet child sitting in a corner at the restaurant and drawing something with crayons. What her mother wanted was a quiet, obedient robot. However, she was much less afraid of her mother than Peter. She never locked a lock. He was not overwhelmed and could interact with customers and receive Love from them. As an adult, he was still quiet and respectful, yet he would never allow his mother to mistreat her child. He rose to the occasion like a mama bear. Peter often visited his 3-year-old niece and enjoyed bonding with her sister's little girl. He was learning normal behavior by observing the loving interaction that took place. Peter's great-nephew had undergone tonsillectomy. A week after the surgery, at around 3 am, the child woke up with blood coming from his mouth. He immediately hugged him to take him to the hospital, but as soon as he hugged him, the child breathed his last breath. From that moment on, the biggest problem in his life was He had experienced the trauma and after this trauma, Antep started using depressant drugs frequently. One day, Peter put a lid full of boiling water on the stove into his nephew's hand and burned himself seriously and had to be hospitalized. His nephew's wounds were traumatic for everyone. Peter, his mother and his sister came together to visit him in the burn ward He said they were going to the hospital. He was horrified to see the children writhing in pain. Then suddenly his mother started acting strange. As he was walking down the corridor, my mother started laughing. And she said, "Look at this, look at that." She was pointing at a badly burned child and giggling. A nurse looked at her and said, "Either act like a human being or go out." She said that's enough, I was surprised at how the nurse was talking to her. Suddenly, I remembered everything you said about my mother. Believe it or not, she kept seeing and said that if the nurse didn't stop, she would call security. People were gathering around us. My sister looked at her in silence. She felt so bad for this little girl who was terribly injured. And suddenly I burst out at my mother. What's wrong with you? These are suffering children. I said shut up or come home on the bus. He shut up and My sister put me on my back as if she wanted to show some kind of support. This was the first time she was consciously angry at her mother. I can't even imagine how angry she was unconsciously. Even though didn't feel anger for what her mother did to her, she did. I pointed out that she had some feelings of anger about how she treated her victims. Then, wondering why her mother was acting so strangely, I asked her about her mother's childhood. She implied that her past was a complete Mystery to her. She didn't know any parents or siblings. She had cousins on her father's side, but they had pushed them all away. I just remembered that she needed a place to stay after she and her husband lost the family money, and now they rejected them because she owns a few small apartments that she is rich in. Peter said that seeing his mother being so callous towards those injured children now made him angry about what his mother had done to him. He refused to go to his mother's house for dinner. His mother seemed confused by his withdrawal.Peter told me that he witnessed a suicide during this session. He and a student of his were selling weed and he had sex with his student's girlfriend. While they were together, their videos were recorded in public. With these images, his student was threatening him and he wanted to take all the money from the weed sale. He blamed himself on himself. He had a great trauma because he witnessed this suicide, but he still continued to see the student's ex-girlfriend. They had been together a few times before. Twitter did not have problems with sex at that time. He was going to help the student's mother. They started meeting with her mother frequently. The hacker asked about his past. her mother dismissed the issue by saying that the important thing was for her to earn a living for herself so that she would not be dependent on a sick husband. She also said that she would never be a second wife. It took a few weeks for her story to come out. The filter's grandmother was the second wife of a man, but she had been living in England for a few years, so I was constantly with a second wife. She was something of a concubine. A rich man would financially support a woman in exchange for sexual desires. Children were never part of the bargain. Her grandmother was beautiful and said she was rich, which was a feather in his cap. But when the man lost his money, he started to treat her badly. He didn't plan or provide any financial support to the child, who refused to give any legal rights to Twitter's mother. Twitter didn't know what he meant about his mother's rights, and Dilan couldn't figure it out because of his back, and his grandmother wasn't allowed to work. A second wife wasn't considered legitimate, so she didn't have a business license or proper employment. He couldn't get the documents either. In the end, I opened an illegal lion's den for the corrupt, and in those years he met opium. At the same time, among the men who loved bitter opium, he heard this expression from his mother somewhere and he wasn't sure what it meant. The customers of this place Halit was a kind of brothel where he burned people as a perversion. and it was Opium and never realized later his grandmother had supplied Opium and the girls in the brothel including his mother had been burned with their French cigarettes I said Peter I was completely Shocked I asked if the customers were French the largest minority in the country the men ran most of the businesses to make people happy believe and bad It was her mother's job to do things. She described it in English as twisted sex or hot lion laying. When her mother saw burn victims in the hospital, it reminded her of home. She asked if her grandmother had been burned, and her mother said matter-of-factly, "Not really, I mean, the girls were bringing in more money." He wanted to know how young he was. But his mother ran away from him, saying, "I don't understand your language." It was a thing to say often when I wanted to hide something. Her mother finally met her husband in Afyon province. He used to play in a back band down the street for that brother. They came here to smoke from time to time. I wanted to marry him and marry him. When his mother offered to take him to America he didn't miss the chance to confess he said what he cared about was making money so he wouldn't be his second wife they had no power or rights and they had to run a Corrupt business finally Peter asked him an important question Did your mother lock you in any room His answer was very revealing No you "You're lucky I locked you up," she said. "I always sang for dinner." I nodded slowly and looked at the fitter. "I know." I was saying you always did my best. Then she added a thought. "I think part of the reason she hated my father and my cousins was because they knew what he was." Did she ever have affairs with men after your father died? Never at weddings. He even wore second-hand clothes and cut his own hair. If someone took care of him, he said that all they wanted was his money. The only thing he loved was money. The only thing that kept him from getting burned was money. I explained that money was the only thing that saved him from being burned. He had a sadistic mother who sacrificed her only child for pleasure. Your grandmother was a customer when I saw the burns. She laughed together. Just like your mother. As seen in the hospital, in this place, young girls were having cigarettes extinguished on their arms and legs in exchange for huge amounts of money, and then they were having anal sex. These sadistic customers liked it when the girls screamed in pain. Sometimes anal sex and cigarette extinguishing were done at the same time. Thus, the girls suffered both burn pain and pain. Peter's poor mother had no idea how to be a parent because she never had a loving parent herself. After a long silence, I said, "I feel sorry for your mother. She lacks the three instincts of motherhood, which is one of the most satisfying emotions in human nature, and the enjoyment of motherhood." maternal instinct appearsPeter was silent for a long time. Finally I said, "I keep thinking your mother laughs at burn victims. She was a burn victim herself. The clients must have laughed at her and they. Your mothers were childbirth models. After all, clients were paying for the privilege of burning people verbally. She didn't know how to attach to you because she wasn't attached to her mother. When she was a baby. He had a mother who abandoned him emotionally. In fact, his mother offered him to sadistic men for money. No wonder you feel like your mother is always protecting you by keeping you away from harm. She said she was able to earn a living from her mother. She helped others throughout her life. She was really obsessed with men. She was good with your sister. Was that the case? and asked him not to move the only thing he knew how to do was make a living no wonder he hated my father when he lost the money There was nothing worse that could happen in life for him He just pulled the plug and added Well why is he always yelling at me and telling me I'm a failure why do you think he's expressing his fears Picture The music thing scares him. He thinks it's opium and maybe burning is next. I nodded. It's ironic that all these comments come from a kid who failed in kindergarten. He wanted him to be quiet and not move. All he knew how to do was make a living. No wonder my father hated him when he lost the money. There was nothing worse that could happen in life for him. Peter sighed and added. So why is he always yelling at me and telling me I'm a failure? I think he's expressing his fears. He's afraid of painting. He's afraid of fine arts and music. He thinks it's opium. And maybe burning is next. I nodded. I nodded. All this. your comments are the blood of a child who failed in kindergarten ironically qualitative for years he thought his mother was right about his inadequacies otherwise why would she treat him this way now she saw that maybe her behavior had nothing to do with him and everything to do with his tragic childhood he tried to talk to his mother once again about his early life But they wanted to never argue again. He said it was like that. He remembered that the other day, when his grandmother asked him how he felt when he went to Canada with his father, she screamed that my mother didn't care. Then, for the first time, he said, "I can't handle his failure talk anymore." All this was good news for me, because it's normal if his mother constantly calls him a failure. she couldn't act like a Ugur I voiced my curiosity out loud How can you stop her she doesn't hesitate to argue it might be the only way to connect emotionally she doesn't know how to express her concerns or love Or he says weird things like he will cry all the time if you pick him up. My sister goes crazy when it comes to short words. That's why my mother learned to hold her hand. Now, when my sister hugs her baby, she just shakes her head. I pointed out that her mother can learn to change her behavior towards her, too. After all, this worked for her sister, but I still believe that Peter can never change his mother. He had a fatalistic view but what he could change is how you interact with him I suggested he tell his mother that he loves her and appreciates everything she does for him but will no longer tolerate being spoken to disrespectfully He would have to explain to her what the veil means to him Little things like saying he is a corrupt musician like his father If she tried to make a derogatory move, he would leave the house and not see her for two weeks. This was difficult to do because they lived so close together. Peter had a good nature and did not like to hurt her, but I assured him that over time he would get the message of what I could and could not say, as evidence that he had learned not to interfere with his sister's parenting style. I reminded him that even though he came to Canada without speaking the language and without any education, his mother had more real estate than most Canadians and could be shaped according to the environment she was in. So Peter was reluctant to try this program, he did not believe it would work. Even if he had to evacuate the entire boat across the Atlantic Ocean, he could do it only with perseverance and determination. But when it came to his relationship with his mother, he said that he felt as if he had seen the ocean and the sand but had no bucket. I could see that he was feeling tired and discouraged. I told him that I was with him. I could give him the bucket and we could dig together. He agreed to try. One of the positive steps he took was sharing his professional success with his sister. He wrote in a music magazine. And when I saw a recent article about his band, I suggested framing his picture as a Christmas gift for his older sister. His response was typical: He would never do that, and his sister wouldn't want the photo either. However, I suggested he take the risk and he agreed.This painting became a catalyst for a change in the dynamic between Peter and his mother. At his brother-in-law's birthday dinner, his mother said that Peter didn't know why his sister would hang a picture like that on the wall. Peter told his mother that she was making her upset by doing that. Then he stood up and walked out to see Peter's own needs. This was one of the few times he expressed it to me. He told me that it was terrible and that he thought no one would understand why he left. He was shocked when his sister and brother-in-law called him the next day to tell the mother what he had said. They also told the woman that if she belittled her son's achievements, she would not be welcome in their home. That was not all, sister objected. said she knew she was a victim of child abuse Peter said I was surprised when I heard that and defended my mother But my older sister who is generally national said I had to face what happened to me Your mother once took my sister with her when I was about 3 years old when she took me to the Pediatrician The doctor didn't like the way she was straight and if I headbutted her she didn't come out far enough from the brink She asked me if I was going out. My mother just smiled and ignored her. Her sister wanted to tell the doctor the real situation because she knew it wasn't true, but she said. Peter knew he would betray my mother. He also said worse than that. They would eat standing up. That's why he remained silent for not speaking out for years. He said he felt guilty. He took to Twitter after the incident at his sister's house. His new policy was that every time his mother said something derogatory, he would get up and leave without giving any explanation. I approved this tactic. Believe me, he will understand. I said to the mouse. Eventually, he starts to react with positive and negative reinforcement. Slowly, his mother stopped insulting him and telling him to find a different job and marry a girl. She was not a mother I could curse, but through behavioral change she learned and had to accept things that she was not allowed to do if she wanted to maintain contact with her son. She did not want to be alone. She wanted to give him food or give it to him, and if he refused to take it, she would be deprived of it, you know what? She thought that was all his wife had about her mother's childhood and her We had spent a validated and productive year in therapy learning how damaged she was. She was alternately angry and original. We also began to understand that her reactions to him had little to do with her. She was encouraged by her sister's support. She was shocked when she told him she was a victim of child abuse. But that's why there were so many problems in her life. He also stubbornly stuck to his rules about his mother and saw her improving behavior as a result. Unsurprisingly, when Peter started to understand what was happening and set boundaries for his mother, he also began to look at how people outside of his family treated him. He had endured a lot of unfair treatment with the band's singer. He was demanding. and he had the idea that the audience was just there to see him he was getting more respect than the lead singer did at gigs with bands from other bands eventually peter confronted him and told him he couldn't give you repeats or ruin the pictures any more he wanted from now on they would make this decision together the 37 year old lead singer was at a party He was proud of being human and he was an alcoholic. He wanted to be an actor and have sex with someone else in every city they performed in. His carefully chosen personality. The only problem was that he remained married to his girlfriend for 19 years. He became a 4-year-old and had a 6-year-old daughter. In fact, Fitre had known them since high school. What did he do to the man's wife? He was surprised that he lied so often. He wanted Peter to protect him by lying too. In his new effort to find his own personality and express his needs, Peter told the lead singer that his girlfriend wouldn't lie about girls on tour if he asked. He didn't like that. Peter didn't think the lead singer was careful enough. How many singers thought they were friends? and said he should help her He agreed on Twitter but stated that his friends wouldn't include lying to the woman Children have a hard time setting boundaries when they are in abusive families like Peter's in dysfunctional families their parents don't listen to their needs so they have no idea the rest of the world will let them set some rules in social life Everyone They have to learn that they don't have to do everything they want.People can be Heroes in surprisingly different ways. Peter wasn't an obvious warrior, his tool lay in his power to forgive. He reminded me of Jesus Christ, the good hero in his Catholic school days, and how he spared them on the cross. Because they don't know what they're doing. It's easy to assume the role of victim, but he also kind of forgave people's intrusions. He removed each thorn from his crown one by one. After therapy, he was resurrected as a man who loved his new girlfriend, who was more successful in the fields of music and painting, enjoyed being a parent to her children, had an intimate sexual life, and had made peace with his mother as much as possible. This is the biggest aid to Peter's recovery. I believe he was miraculously healed compared to those who were held under a javelin at the same age and for the same amount of time. He rolled the boulder from his grave and rose from the dead as a soulful human being. He once said that if he had to evacuate the entire Kumlukova on the Atlantic coast, he could do it with just perseverance. He was equally slow for his mental balance. He fought slowly and steadily, not with one blow, but with many dog blows. He was victorious. He could never convince his mother that he was hurting her. Because he had been too hurt in his past to see it, but he managed to train her not to speak ill of herself. It hurts inside. You had no idea where you went wrong. It must have been painful to realize that she was also a bad mother in some way. She never gave him up to the hadiths like her own mother did. Instead, she worked all her life to give her son a roof over his head and saw it as protecting him from harm. She had once been a defenseless penniless woman with an addicted mother. She was a child, but she left him a lot of money in her will. Considering her extremely limited emotional repertoire, she was strong and protected her children. Almost all stories of abusive parenting are based on the same foundations. The abusers were probably abused themselves. Therefore, there are no enemies in these situations. Rather, it is you, the Heroes, who will be resolved, after you finish therapy the next Christmas. Then shiny paper and purple. He came to my room to give me a gift wrapped nicely in a ribbon. A package containing his new CD, which was transferred to a big company. This CD was lying in a blue plastic shovel and a red plastic bucket. This is a child on the seashore, playing with sand. It was a bucket like the one he used. We chatted for 2 hours over tea. He said that he had an affair with the student's mother before she returned to her husband, who was now an alcoholic. Shortly after leaving, he had a religious transformation and was going to church more. After all, he came to this country as a missionary. He won the hearts of Muslim youth and converted them to Christianity. He wanted them to be like that. One day he said he suddenly felt filled with religious energy. I told him how strange that was because I described his kindness and forgiveness as Christ-like. He was proud to see him that way. He had started to play an active role in several Christian movements. Although Turkey is a predominantly Muslim country, there were not many people in Istanbul. There were many churches and he spent more time in church than he ever thought possible. Peter was tired of bands, bars and long drives, but he still loved painting and playing the piano. He taught people all over the world. He often flew to foreign shores. He also did consulting work for piano companies around the world. Even though he explained everything, he could not explain why his student committed suicide. His mother died of stroke at the age of 78, but 10 years ago. She had already started to suffer from dementia. Surprisingly, her personality had completely changed. Peter described her as a goofball, like a young girl going on a date for the first time. She is nice to everyone, and now she has money. He wasn't obsessed with his children's future. He seemed grateful when he visited him at the nursing home. One of the most surprising things Peter said was that if he had to live his life over again, he wouldn't be able to change a thing. He suffered so much that I was surprised. He said, "What if I were raised like other little kids, what if no one else would?" If I wasn't locked in a place where he wouldn't talk to me, I wouldn't have to rely on painting or playing the piano for comfort and conversation or as a vehicle for my emotions, to use your word. I might never be attached to him. He went on to explain that playing the piano gave him the greatest joy in his life, and if he had friends and a normal life. If he had been raised that way he might not have needed it Now I know who I am I love myself and I think everything I've been through was for a purpose I guess it was all God's plan to make me the person you are