Chapter 55 - Süleyman efendi(davut)

During the years when I was teaching in a small town of Eskişehir, there was a building called Süleyman Efendi Pension. These belonged to a sect. In this sect, young children were forced to wake up at five o'clock in the morning while they were asleep, prayers were recited, praises were made to the person they called Süleyman Efendi, then the children were taken to school and when they were picked up from school, they wrote "O" again in Arabic letters. They were attending the Holy Quran lessons for hours, then they had study hours and natural sciences and social sciences courses such as mathematician or chemistry were given in 3 hours. I wanted the Mathematics lesson in 3 hours. The mentality was dominant, secular people who did not believe in democracy and little minds who did not believe in the modern world were being polluted and most importantly, children were being harassed in this sect.One of these students was a student named David. I told him I needed his permission. He reluctantly agreed, muttering "God, I hate coming here." I said I wanted to see how David would respond, wanting to recreate a moment from the past and have control over his own universe. With an everlasting smile on my face. "I can guess what will happen now," said Davut to me. He told me that the Quran teacher came to his room late at night and put his hands on his hips, under the pretext of waking him up, and caressed his hips. Then, he told me that he used the vacuum cleaner with you so that no sound could be heard, and that he finally opened his hips, applied cream to his surgery, and had sex with her. He said that he did this every night and that if I treated him well, he would let me sleep some mornings. He also said that he would not wake me up for morning prayer. He also said that he would be flexible with me during team hours. This is a risk, but I don't know who to complain to him about. Is it blood pressure? Whatever I say, he won't believe me either, because all the managers are in the same sect. He was a member. Davut was a handsome boy. That would have been the case if he had not been sexually abused. But Davut was not the only student. 3-4 more students like him told me that the same thing had happened to them. I had to do something. I immediately went to the town's police chief and explained the situation. I would say that the students were being harassed. I was feeling peaceful, then we started talking at school with Davut, he sat on the edge of his desk, the little ones' droplets started to appear on the clock line. I told Davut that I was unique, he smiled and said, Teacher, this didn't even last a minute, so I believe I'm about to talk to you. I remember the evil this man did to me and the abuse in the past. Davut said. This was the first time he used the word abuse. I said whatever, and continued. I have the right to make a request. As you said, you don't have to put up with this perversion. When I mentioned this reenactment as a defense, he shook his head in disbelief and said, "You made up every little word." David had only touched on human abuse, but we used it. We solved his handsome issues. In fact, the girls in the high school he attended were dying to be with him, but in the sect he was in, it was forbidden to have a relationship with a female student. Students with poor financial conditions were either sent to this sect or given to a state dormitory. The opportunities were better in this sect. Because they were used to exploiting people's religious feelings, David came first. I was ready to talk about the details of his history of sexual abuse. After David had been pouring over the gruesome details of his life for so long, it didn't seem to bother him that much anymore. It was as if I had gotten used to this perversion. I felt sorry for his wife. It was because these were done by his so-called teacher who actually helped him and liked him. This is religion. His teacher had helped him get into this cult. He was acting like a father figure, he had spoken loving words to him, he had told him that he was handsome, he had put his ear on his lap and hugged that boy. Of course it felt great, but then he sexually abused him without hurting him physically, which is exactly why he had to hold him and hug him. me calling him handsome It served as a trigger for him David as a manager He was afraid of sexual abuse with violent slipper from the person who was there and Pakistan revelation night when you are sexually abused you know what an enemy is like only in the beginning the religious teacher had approached David with gentle caresses and kisses without burning him alive but After 3 nights, he entered her room and turned on the vacuum cleaner to make noise. Then, this polite man was replaced by a wild man. He immediately took down her panties, applied the cream he brought with him to her back hole, widened it with his finger, and then applied the pen to the head of his hardened dick. Thanks to this cream, lubrication would be provided or not at all. Davut was trying to scream, but he was pressing his head into the pillow so that no sound would come out. He was telling him that he would get a reward for being quiet. Davut, as a manager, was very afraid of sexual abuse due to the violent sexual abuse coming from the person there. When you are abused you know you have an enemy But it was emotionally confusing for David to have someone who loved him and was kind to him But at the same time was sexually abusing him He was lonely and as a child he enjoyed the closeness and love of that man But then when he realized what was going on He was a part of him I felt guilty for what had happened and he felt contaminated. Not only had he lost his innocence. He had also been betrayed by a close friend. It's easier to know who the enemy is when there's nothing emotional going on. After talking about the abuse, David said he thought about it all the time.When you met him again years later, you got married. We discussed what marriage would be like if he could share his feelings with his wife. He couldn't even put his arm around his wife's shoulder without feeling uncomfortable. Sometimes, this feeling would escalate to the point where he felt suffocated and he had difficulty breathing. As a family man, what he loved most was driving in the car, having his hands on the steering wheel. He had to and his daughter was with him, he felt that this distance was right. He also called home every night he was on the road, no matter where he was, he valued those calls, but at the right distance enough for him to feel comfortable. The next week, David came to visit me and informed me that his wife and daughter were visiting, as he had said in the past. He tried to tell them what he wanted. I tried to eliminate this situation by saying that he was actually very strong. His wife and daughter lost their lives in the Kahramanmaraş earthquake last year. He said, "I was too weak to say such things while they were alive." He swore to himself that he would never drink. Because after the harassment, he took refuge in alcohol and I took my word for it. While he was staying in the hostel of the cultists, he made a mistake saying hello and got beaten, and then he never made a mistake at school. Saying hello is forbidden for the cultists. He should have said Selamunaleykum instead. It was forbidden to wear jeans. They were against jeans because they showed off his body lines. David was a hero in my eyes, even at school. He tried to change his environment, they took care of his animals. Because they were allowed to raise animals in the garden of the boarding school. He had two chickens and a rooster. He had a difficult execution. He was hard-working and well-bred. The owner of the transportation company saw this about him. Despite everything he had been through, he still wanted not only to live, but to be the best he could be. No one could take that away from him. As time went by, Davut began to see himself more objectively. He was no longer surprised when he received a bonus or a New Year's bonus. I gave a lot to the company, but I still appreciate what was done. He said, "Of course." After all, I had been working as a fighting officer for years. And he told me that he didn't tell anyone what he bought. "It's not my style," he said, joking. "I mean, do you have a style now?" I asked. David was happy with his job, alone, and family. He liked it. He traveled by following maps. He saw the northern part of the country. He was like a modern nomad. He especially loved the Black Sea region. He was his boss, he thought what he wanted, and he killed all of his products by reading books. He always had a book in his jacket pocket. He was also excellent at tracking the environment and smelling the air. He had innate talents and early experiences that made him an excellent driver. He also had post-traumatic stress disorder. People are hypervigilant. They are also in love. Those who never listen to what they are are constantly scanning the environment as they see so much danger This is part of what makes living with post-traumatic mental illness so difficult We were approaching the end of 3 months and David was taking sleepless steps together They allow themselves to feel the loneliness and regrets that bother them Now for his wife and especially his daughter He was in touch with his emotions, he learned how to do this. In this way, he influenced his environment and created his sense of self-worth. As he said, now that the ice was thawed, we had to start a new treatment for him. In our 3 years, we worked on what can only be described as the white man's treatment. David realizes his own emotions and how he expresses them. He was learning how to do it, he was transferring these feelings to others, and he was finally starting to forget about personal trials. He described it as putting an electric kit around everything he wanted to keep sacred. We had achieved our goals, but I didn't want to measure his success in psychological terms and think of him as cured. I knew there was so much more to do to help him. One of the local prosecutors I met in the first month of his therapy told me that a healer should be like a healer. The healer was a holy man in the shamanic language that the Turks believed in before Islam. He had special abilities. Otherwise, the rest is empty. He said that the healer should be like the healer. With the culture of David. I felt that he needed to reconnect. Of course, David was a Muslim like the majority of Turkey, but in a country of 85 million people, there were at least 25-30 million Muslims from different sects, they were called Alevi Muslims. Alevi Muslims did not fast in Ramadan like Sunni Muslims, they fasted in different ways on different days. Instead of mosques, they had places of worship called Cemevi, and Alevi Muslims were in favor of republican secularism and science, adhering to Atatürk's principles and reforms. Thus, they created a great obstacle to the Arabization of the Turkish people.I thought that Davut needed to reconnect with the Alevi culture he had been away from, and I experienced a type of spiritual Healing that was never a part of Freud-Based psychotherapy. I often wonder how Freud's theories could have been so widely adopted if most of his patients in Vienna had not been slippers like himself. I wonder how different the process would have been? During our therapies with Davut, which lasted more than a month, I spent several nights meeting with the Alevi community. I met with Alevi grandfathers and psychiatrists to help understand Davut. These healers are extraordinarily generous with their time, and I learned a lot from them. He had no intention of destroying the culture. On the contrary, they were an asset to this country. It was incredible how much they tried to help me. I knew I could not treat him successfully without a unified approach. There was a reason I was cautiously optimistic about being successful on this Leg of our journey together. Despite hundreds of years spent to destroy his Alevi culture, this could not be achieved. He was the embodiment of this, after years spent in schools and jobs, he had a life like a native dream where animals talked to him, in this spiritual universe, as if he was helping his wolves. Once, in his dream, he offered a white bullet, not an egg in the forest. I've always seen this clear that he needs to consider reconnecting with the Alevi side of himself, but someone who describes himself as a loner and is understandably wary of reopening old wounds because it would be difficult and the journey is not a way to connect with his heritage might be through his own family members I thought, I gave him to this f*cking cult because his family didn't have the financial means. Because they had 6 children and they couldn't take care of these children, it could help him establish broader connections with his culture. There was an opportunity to suggest this when David was talking about how much overtime he planned to work. and he said he made enough money by winning bonuses and I asked him why he wanted this he said there is not much to do and added So I don't mind working that much don't you ever go out with my friends I go out with his other staff once every forty years but they just sit in a coffee house and drink tea any of them you Like Alevi? No, do you have any knowledge about Alevis? I always go to some cafes when I'm looking for my sister, but to be honest, it's not really for me. What's not for you? Being an Alevi? By reading my mind? Quietly boarding school was useful, you know, when I couldn't find a sin to confess at school, I would confess that I was an Alevi. He said, because in this society, being an Alevi is seen as being a criminal. He said that close to New Year's Eve, his unit will take him to the Union car, which will pay twice as much as David. While on the road, I asked him if he thought of stopping by. Is it bad for me? There was no need for anyone. You can't get there by car. The roads of the North are very difficult. You have to be picked up by an ATV. There is another half-day ride on it. After that, I'm sure I would ask the owner of your company. I can pay for it too. I just don't want to go. Then I asked for details about his father and siblings. Davut's father guessed that he would be on their yacht in the 60s. His two brothers He didn't even know me properly because they were born while he was at school. Because after entering that motherfucking cult, wasn't it easy to get out? Shortly before the New Year's break, I brought up the idea of visiting these relatives again, but Davut still resisted. I feel like I'm getting better and I lost myself again to take the risk. Or he was saying, "I don't want to be a parent." Those perverts didn't show any mercy to me when they sent me to the floor. He kept asking me why should I feel sorry for them and leave, why should I see my family, who don't care about me and who don't act as a parent to me? There's a reason why it's cold there because my heart is closed to them. With his mind, he was on dangerous ground. Maybe I should go back to the family. He needs to establish solid ground before he returns. He knew more about this than I did. David came to me the first week of January, sat down and said, I went to see the old man and the little ones, he was against my idea, but then he took my advice in his own time. He was a state of mind. So, I went to see if my family was in the area. When he said the name of my father and his siblings, he said Yes, they are an old couple and he still speaks the old language, he said nothing, he said nothing, and from there, this is a bad sign. I remembered him as a man who could trap animals all day long. Now he was an old man. The settlement was also called socks. David laughed and said, "The houses made of wood, why did your brother settle around the hairy school?"He knocked on the door but hesitated. I was afraid this visit was a bad idea. David came in. I saw his father lying on a shabby sofa. He looked old, even older than his age. His face looked swollen and so on, and for some reason he had scars. I've never seen such a problem with his skin before. He used to be big. Now he was thin, he looked a lot like me, but now he looked like he had shrunk and he had a big stomach, he was like a madman. David's father didn't recognize him at first, then he looked at him a second time and said, who sent you, I must be sicker than I think? David told him that he was working in another city and He said he decided to come here. He just looked at me sarcastically and said, "I never thought he would keep his praise. I ignored him. Because I knew that he really thought I was a white apple to break in my brain. It wasn't fair." After a long silence, Davut noticed the mess of the house and the bottles on the floor. His father's Turkish was limited because the village they lived in was a Kurdish village. The state believed in Turkish cities for years and did not invest, and as a result of this backwardness, terrorists dominated the region in the 80s. The ritual that started had been going on for years and the state had finally realized the mistake it had made and started to invest. Davut said, "We sat for about an hour. It was so obvious that he wanted me to leave so he could smoke. But I had no place to go, I didn't know anyone there. Finally, I went to buy cigarettes and when I came back, he said he was smoking." 's brothers also returned home and they started drinking too. How did my brothers respond to you? I asked if they looked like you. They shaved their heads and had their eyes like my mother's. They never acted surprised that they saw me, and they didn't really wonder. My real brother, whom they had almost never met. Didn't they wonder? It didn't bother me Because they didn't do it Actually it's a way of not sticking your nose into my business David got up and walked around a little bit this is unusual for him with someone I finally felt the anger in the room and while they were drinking it got worse and while they were drunk their friends came over and started talking nonsense about me to their friends They made fun of me by saying that I was a lone wolf who never made love, and they said that I came only to see my father die, but that I did it too early. They were all laughing at this joke. Is your father dying? Yes, the police officer who brought me by helicopter explained the situation a little to our village. Only he said this, we can come by helicopter with his officer, my father to Silozkaracı. He's got cancer or something on one side basically he's drinking himself to death and it's only a matter of time before he dies did no one in the family talk about it They just joked about me coming in too early I couldn't help but think this disastrous trip was my suggestion My dad just changed on the couch and laughed when they made fun of me I could see my siblings wanted this man's approval That's why they were increasing the food and I smelled Bela, he said. When Sparrow finally decided to leave, he called the gendarmerie again and the gendarmerie dropped him off at the small airport he was passing through. I knew they thought I was being nice for leaving. I couldn't stay there and fight them with the bottles. If I did that, it would make me a real man in their eyes. Also, I don't think I could They were also dealing with drugs, because men would stop by from time to time and suddenly appear in my neighbor's bedroom. "The sad thing about a profession that seems to be smuggling is very reasonable in our region." Their shaved heads were full of scars. They looked like someone from the sea. In fact, it's sadder that your father knows that the truth is different. He knows that it is not right to be a Kurd. Do you think that all that alcohol and pain is under Altındağ? But I can assure you that even my father never had anything out of order every knife was sharpened and thought of according to size he had his time and place for every little thing like upsetting madmen or visiting friends he worked day and night once or twice a year to sell his skins at the market While making a deal, it was a one-night deal. Over the years, instead of donating the evidence to the Turkish Airlines, people began to give it to religious communities. The communities were gaining more and more power in terms of money in the country. They claimed to teach religion, but they had placed people close to them in every institution of the country. My father, I hope you felt humiliated by seeing it like that. I asked, he was too hesitant to know how he felt.My father didn't want me to judge him. He thinks he has a hard life. I looked out the window. Actually, it was hard, he lost his land, his livelihood, his wife, he lost two children that will never come, and his dignity that will never come. He must be seeing that it's too late to change now. He's too drunk to think straight. David seems to be in his drawings. Walking with his legs cramped as if they were weighed down, he dragged himself to the door. He put his hand on his head and said, They wanted to force him to become a Sunni. But it didn't work, but they took away his family life, they spoiled him a lot. As I was slowly descending the stairs, I rubbed David's shoes on the steps and heard the voice of an old man. What Davut was describing was called intergenerational trauma. Decades later, when tensions began to tell their stories in schools, this term would become familiar. Nowhere could this be observed more clearly. Children who were taken away from their culture and taken to boarding schools were subjected to psychological, physical and sexual abuse, and their parents were subjected to this abduction. Because of this, they became so Arab that they turned to alcohol because they could no longer parent successfully. They were raised by David's younger brothers and later alcoholics who lost both their land and their life energy. How could these younger brothers, who were already alcoholics, successfully babysit their future children? In the next session, David expressed depression for the first time. We worked so hard to get my feelings back, I almost forgot why I got rid of them. He said it was so painful to feel and now I feel like I've been bombarded with memories since last week. I cried tears and immediately wiped them away with his hands. I am a man with no country or identity. I feel neither Turkish nor Alevi nor Sunni. Moreover, I have a more important problem, having anal sex after the abuse I suffered as a child. It created an addiction in me. I met people I know on social media and had every relationship with countless people. Now I am completely passive to myself. I felt like that's why I'm not a father or a husband, at least my siblings have each other and my father or the pumpkin I inherited from him They know that they are Kurdish and Alevi They know that they are Kurdish and Alevi sometimes I feel that it is not worth living This was a dramatic statement It was Davut's assistant who usually does not reveal himself I was worried that Davut was my suicidal thoughts During my patient's time, the suicide rate was six times the national average. One of the biggest challenges of personality therapy is what happens when that person regains their sense of self. Authentic feelings can return. However, that person had begun to feel trapped again in the same unbearable conditions that caused extreme distress. For David, feeling back to himself was a success. It was a defense mechanism. It was true that he couldn't feel sad or happy. But for everything else, he was working well. His wife and child were not devastated by anxiety. He had not missed a day in his 10-year career at the transportation company. The star employee had also saved money. He did not have any addictions. He did not suffer or suffer from unconscious depression. I shouldn't have woken up the sleeping snake. I made many mistakes as a Therapist, but I never thought that suggesting David go home would be one of them. Unfortunately, no matter how sad it was, it was really one of those mistakes. David had to face what happened to his family, just like he had to face his own problems. He avoided his father and avoidance would never help anyone get better That's why my David has a tragic past in this regard It was a rocky road ahead of me In the end it happened He became so depressed that he couldn't get out of bed And he didn't even call the courier company to get sick leave My boss missed an appointment too He called me and said that his memory was irregular and that this person, who had always been a meticulous worker, looked miserable. When I asked him if he had gotten help from me, he saw it in a dark light. I was trying something inside him. I called his doctor and asked him to prescribe antidepressants. After 2 weeks, I told Davut's boss to bring him himself if necessary. Davut came on his own. antidepressants were starting to help now at least he was moving he bent over in his chair and said one thing I didn't confront anything "Are you serious you have complex post traumatic stress disorder" I showed him the book Explore Trauma and held up my fingers as I outlined each of the characteristics listed 1 situation in an environment of neglect and poverty growing up I grew up in a hostel where no one loved you or cared about you I was sexually abused I was hungry and cold and the Children around me were also being sexually abused like you the second situation is you have a feeling of powerlessness and helplessness there was no one to help you you had nowhere to turnThirdly, you are socially, psychologically and legally dependent. You were separated from your parents and locked in a prison for most of your childhood. When you returned to your family, they said that you were on the side of the enemy. And finally, you became a target of racism. Unfortunately, for years, Turks and Alevis were considered second-class citizens in this country. This situation continues today. For example, when an Alevi and a Sunni apply for the same job posting, the result of the interview is very, very likely that they will get the Good Citizen job. The same situation also applies to Turks and I lived with homelessness and extreme poverty. I experience child abuse and other physical things they are also included in this victimization situation The man who took over your character abused you for most of your childhood Also the others were less kind but they would also violently abuse you Then when you went home your alcoholic parents told you You were a sellout My book I threw it on the table This list doesn't even include the death of your wife and woman Are you saying you haven't faced anything I've faced your demons heroically and I won I admit I closed some business And we chipped away at us This was your breaking point But guess what I didn't do anyway Alcohol is my preferred way of coping in situations like this It is the medicine that is given, it kills the pain and then it is enough to release some of the false anger that accompanies a lifetime of abuse and it can cause you to abuse your power but you have not even taken a sip I continued by saying you would never want your child to feel the way you felt when I saw your father drunk What? Unfortunately, many victims of sexual abuse in boarding school have repeated the pattern of sexual abuse and violence because this is their only union. This is the parenting I saw in your institution, whereas you did none of these, you were so worried about doing something wrong, but I felt uncomfortable even sitting down, then I mentioned your sister, unlike what everyone else did. I never gave up on finding her. The only fight you've been involved in so far is the one with the robbers. There was a man who slandered your sister. Your sister had run away from her lover at an early age and your family wasn't her talent. Why did she have to run away? Because the boy she loved was Sunni and your sister was against his family for this marriage with Israel. He also decided to marry her as a last resort. He found it right to run away from home in the middle of the night You never beat him or did anything that hugged him I refused to be a channel of fear for any other purpose I clung to life in an attempt at cultural genocide You stood tough and brave No matter what was thrown at you in this life War heroes have endured less While they were receiving the Medal of Honor for their actions. You have won many battles on many fronts of your life. Therefore, do not say that you have never faced anything. I know that I have a nervous temperament most of the time, but when I finished this criticism, I realized that I had already raised my voice. Without realizing it, I had done something that I had never done before and spoke during the next Sena. I was filled with great anger about Davud being a psychological hero, but not even realizing it. He looked surprised. He said, "Okay then." He simply stepped back, walked out, and closed the door silently. Why did I experience this sleepless outburst? I was also afraid that he would commit suicide. I wasn't sure about what Davut had experienced. I was hoping that he would understand that it was because of his brakes. I was frustrated by a challenge I had never encountered before. How do you make a man who was convinced that his life in his fragile years was wild and wrong, re-identify with himself? Davut and I. After all, in our 5-month relationship, we had already passed the halfway point. We had spent a lot of time together. Davut had never been with me in my life. I think I was helping him but I knew for sure that he had a very special problem he was helping me on a dark rainy junkie winter night 2 months into our therapy with Davut I was coming home from work when I arrived at the entrance of his house in the city center A man was sitting on the steps of Doğuş Işıklı and next to the snow He asked to borrow his shovel. He said, "I want to earn some money shoveling snow, but I don't have a shovel. I saw this on your porch." I realized that I had not experienced anything. This man was no longer a trigger for me. The positive transference I had growing up for David had ended all the trauma I had experienced. David had just gotten over the depression caused by the belated writing of his child's wife, his sister's mistake, his parents, and his own lost childhood. It all came crashing down on him in an instant. Now that he could experience real emotions. He realized that the worst childhoodDavid had just gotten over the overdue depression of his child's wife's parents, his own lost children, it had all come crashing down on him in Iran, now that he could experience real emotions, he realized that the worst childhood memories were not abuse or physical abuse, the worst was hopeless loneliness to be an experience that numbness does not increase its repetition. He took his antidepressants for another two years. In one of our meetings, I told him to get plenty of rest and take his medication. Because we will be on a new path in our next session, he said great. I started to explain that he meant this in an explanatory way, in his usual immeasurable voice. Expression and exact are different in every culture. At first, his voice sounded flat to me, but it was almost After two hours of talking, I realized that his speaking style contained certain accents and intonations for humorous disappointment and other emotions. Now that I got to know him better, I could tell from his tone how much I was missing at first. Just as I found him quiet, he called me loud and honest. To be honest, aren't most people like that? Davut came once and said he heard me talking on the radio and he liked it. He's never given me such a compliment before. So I asked him if he liked it well. I could have turned it off, but I listened. The next session was a new one that I mentioned before. He tried to make a pre-emptive move against the idea of hitting the road. I know what you're going to say and he declared, "I'm not ready. I didn't know you were a mind reader as well as being a truck driver. How do you have time for all of that?" I said, "Enlighten me." You want me to meet a woman. "No, I wasn't going to say that, but it's interesting that I think I'm going there." It says a lot, he said no, knowing that he had given it to himself too, which was very unusual for him. They would indicate that he wasn't going to talk about it. He nodded. I suspected that he had met or wanted to meet someone. But I decided to leave that topic for another time. What I wanted to discuss was the idea of Healing. I said I felt like you were there. One thing I've learned for sure is that I can only take you so far. His eyes narrowed slightly. I knew that meant fear, or at least something. I'm not saying our therapy is over. I'll be here as long as you need me. Then he added a sarcastic touch. After all, I knew that meant fear, or at least something. man from the state of not feeling the emotion and I said you're doing like me He mumbled "Yes thank you for that I honestly believe you need healing all your dreams are about animals on lips and animals turning into half humans it's like you've been reborn as a Turk with Shamanism and life It's begging for my soul" I explained to him more I explained that I thought he needed treatment that was on a very spiritual level. Let me watch the Europa League, while I was concerned with the body and the Emotion, the perspective of the Anatolian people had a more holistic world view. From what I observed and learned from the healers, the Healing ceremonies focused on spirituality, prayer and contentment in the Universe, what constitutes a healthy soul. I added to his idea that it is different in every culture and then I asked him to listen to me and think about a group healing session and he looked horrified. I said this was a group trauma and therefore needed Group healing. Only someone who is an Alevi himself can understand the effects of his people being traumatized for hundreds of years. It seemed obvious that there were people who had experienced loss of land and livelihood, who had experienced physical and sexual abuse in boarding schools, who hated themselves in the same way just because they were Alevis. Also, this was a multi-generational tram where children who were taken to boarding schools were so badly treated that they did not know how to raise their own childhoods. I said that these generations have become adults, they need to hear each other's voices and heal together in a way that is based on their own cultural traditions. David shook his head and refused. He said, "It's like a group of unfair alcoholics." He said, "It's the same thing. You come together there to tell everyone how you managed to get out of this situation and tell each other how you managed to get out of this situation. You can be without hitting each other." I told alcoholics that I only made session appointments if they agreed to go to these groups. One by one, I mentioned that I had set the condition of attending 30 meetings in 30 days as a starting condition. Hearing the stories of how others opened up about their problems is to inspire others. David shook his head. He had no intention of not believing it. I live in the city, how can I get involved in this? "I can go in and steal chocolates from shopping malls, I have no intention of going back there again," I said, "I completely understand that," knowing that it's a family situation and that the area he comes from is one of the truly responsible places, but I still explained to him that more people than ever were living outside those bathroom members.After 20 minutes of silence, Davut asked, with a mixture of mockery and fear, "What are they doing for healing in the city center?" Drum rings, feather rings, traps, all kinds of things happen, not all in the city center. Of course, you know, it can happen in different places. I said something in Kurdish. It probably meant No. Sometimes it meant bones. I could be insistent like a dog that has seen a dog. It's not the one that sounds fascinating. He expresses how important relations with relatives are, especially for the way they reflect culture and traditions. I have to start from the beginning. Even hearing my father speak Kurdish made his pulse quicken. "It was completely taken away from me," he said. Then he added, challenging me. He wants me to tell it in your language. Are you? I ignored that. I told him you probably remember more than you think. Birth to age 5 is long enough to learn a language. Also, I've been there for some summers. Let's not let the professors win this battle. Citing the demands of his job. Say it again. He tried to stop working overtime for the company. I told him to work overtime for himself and protect his soul as you protect the cargo. He gave that squinty look again, which meant that he wanted to go outside or run away. Isn't being a Kurd something that scares you? If they had taken this from me by force, it would have been scary for me. I protected my traditions Yes I did and that says a lot I have never met anyone who looks more Alevi than you I have never met anyone who looks as Turkish as you I laughed at him because I have hair and a skin I did not mention local healing again Davut said on his own When the time comes, you will either take action or not and his It wasn't my time. A month later, just before New Year's Eve, Davut wanted to buy a gift from work, who invited him to New Year's Eve dinner. Today, he was diagnosed with fatal alcohol syndrome. The secretary there was quite open in telling Davut that she invited him so that he could meet another Kurdish winner. Davut was also going to buy them a gift. He asked where I should buy it. I said, "There's a shop two blocks away." When Davut came to his appointment the next week, he said hello. When he sent me to that center, they asked, "Did I know that I give Kurdish lessons twice a week?" I objected, "No, really, I swear." Davut just looked at me suspiciously. I knew the library next door to everyone, it's my neighborhood. It's the library. I was taking my children to story time on Saturdays. I noticed that they had the most comprehensive collection of writings and tapes in the city. Davut said he went to the center to get the gift, and I saw the library sign next door. It means the place of the book in Turkish. "Do you remember that?" I guess I asked, he said. As it turned out, I also enrolled in Kurdish Lessons. In addition to these frameworks, the Center, where people living in the city gather, tried to reconnect with the Kurdish identity as the best alternative to stay connected with Davut's culture. His first participation was in outdoor life. The Davuts have been following one by one from the truck for years. He was imitating the behavior and now I really decided to do it he first started walking in the forests I am a hiker too so we had a bonding group and when we met in the waiting room we laughed when he saw we were wearing two jackets with exactly the same fear we camped alone in various forests and walked hundreds of kilometers Then we started hunting deer by ourselves. A week later, he came to his grandfather. He said that he had met someone from his village. This person told him that his father had died 8 months ago. No one from his family had contacted him. He did not seem sad when he said this. His father had died when he was 5 years old. David, I mentioned him as disappeared, as missing. His brothers, whom he named, did not seem interested in connecting with him either, but he is still interested in connecting with other Turks to rediscover his roots. There at the same time, Davut expanded his wardrobe with him. He was still wearing black trousers and a leather jacket, but he had changed to a black T-shirt. Therapists should not make fun of their clients. But by this time Davut and I knew each other very well until we suddenly decided to go to the center. I asked him if he had ever paid attention to dressing like that when coming to my office. He said, "Are you implying something?" Learning Turkish does not usually mean a trip to the dry cleaners. I guess I learned this from other men who bought Turkish notebooks. I'm just saying this is in a pattern that Davut used all the time and I could imitate his flat tone quite well. He smiled and said, "Okay, okay. Her name is Rojin. She was born in the center of Tunceli. Tell me about her. There's not much to say about her. For some reason, I wasn't surprised at all." In the end, Davut told me about her beautiful self. He said he was younger and interested in connecting with his roots, as were his parents who went to boarding school and later became alcoholics, and he is also part of his brother's alcoholism.Did I ask him out? No, he made me interested in the things at the centre. I used to just sit in the living room and buy books and read them, not books. He introduced me to his brother and so on. He thought about what kind of person you are for a few minutes. He thought calmly, I can say the best part was that he liked quiet men. He found what he was looking for. I started saying "I mean, you don't feel the pressure of the referee. It's possible that I'm a Kurd with no explanation when I'm with him" and he leaned back in his chair. I said, "This wasn't a relief." Even though his wife was good and kind, I had to try to perform all day long. "It must have been very tiring. It was like being in boarding school." Like David, he felt trapped in a white world, and when he researched his biological family in his hometown, he found them too dysfunctional to form a meaningful connection. Yet his roots were important to him. He always felt different in society. In fact, despite his love and respect for his adoptive parents, he was attached to them. They knew he wasn't, but they still sent him to college. Like David, he had a strong work ethic and was good at his duties. It's normal for therapists to ask about their patients' sexual lives, but I knew Davut was a very private person, but I had to ask because I didn't know he was a victim of sexual abuse and I didn't know the girl's past. Sex "How is your life?" I asked. After all, it was a childhood we were working on. "At least I don't have to explain why it's not on my chest." Knowing that this was Davut's roundabout way of saying that he wasn't nervous and had no trouble having sex with a Kurd, I smiled and nodded after a pause, almost whispering. "Once I had my breakfast." He said he sat on my lap while drinking. We both knew that this was one of the triggers for his son. Because they sat on the lap of the s*** teacher in the hostel. Davut looked out the window and said, "I thought we should work on the incident." I said, "I don't like people sitting on my lap." I went through some really bad things at boarding school too and this reminds me of them I said it had nothing to do with you He seemed to understand and he didn't have any bad feelings To be honest it scared me to say it I hated it But I had to explain it otherwise we could have drifted away from each other like my wife and I don't want to go through this again "Intimacy is not a difficult language to learn," he said, "especially for someone who is discouraged, but you did it." "It's not a language I can learn," he said in a sarcastic voice. "When I asked if they were living together with the girl in common, he smiled. He said he guessed they were, since he had been staying with her since he came to her a few months ago and a week later." When David came a week later and told me about the project when he and his brother went for a walk, another period point was missed. He explained it as a visual and crowded place. He said, "It's not my style." I encouraged him to participate in some ceremonies again. He went to a hut with others. This hut was called a steam hut, another name for it. It was a solarium, also in this group, they also visited their cafe from Eskişehir. David told me that being in the dark felt like being in a warm womb. Over the next months, David was involved in all kinds of healings, such as the trumpet ceremony, and tried to connect with Mother Earth and express some of his hopes for people. He joined speaking groups where they would get together and talk for so long that, in his words, there was nothing left to talk about. His favorite ritual was a cleansing Smoke bath with one person in the middle and meant to eliminate Negative energy. He and Rojin were going to their homes almost every day and cleansing their tainted souls. They were constantly studying shamanism. David loved it. Because Gurbetin was forcing him to think about his energy every day and guiding him to the right path. Towards the end of our therapy, he took one look and said, "You know you were right. That's nice to hear." I replied. He shook his head. People love being right. If they're right, they'll tell it 50 times. When it comes to loving being right. It also matches how white your hair and skin are I said let me know what I was right about so I can enjoy the success white therapy had no soul he said it was like a donut with a hole in the middle I was in pain I always learned from you how to reach it what to do but there was nothing spiritual and this local The healing methods were the most spiritually effective for me. In the last days of our therapy, Davut went on a camping trip to the Black Sea Region with a team that included the director's brother. He said, "We had to wait for a long time for a deer. They are animals that teach easily and come from far away. They can sense that there is a Hunter nearby, but there is no one from group A." No one expected to find this deer, the weather was minusculeDavid won the battle of life, where most people either mentally succumb or drift into substance addiction. So why was this? I think the first reason lay in a signature tree in his personality traits. His mother, who was with Ada very little during this process, said the right thing, this was very important for him. He was always stubborn, he was different. In other words, he was unshakable. First, he made the decision to never let anyone interfere with him, and he slept with it, he decided not to drink, and then he decided to go on, not stubbornly, as his mother said, or determinedly, as I would, and that was it. Second, he was always alone, even as a little child. He did not have the same social needs as most others. For example, his older sister stayed with his parents and tried to win their affection, and then he rejected them. Thirdly, and more importantly, he had the love and affection of his well-functioning parents. These are the formative years of a whole child from birth. This is the time until he was 10 years old. During this period, he was able to spend peaceful days with his family. What if his shameful parents were also harmed while staying in, he would have a very different sad profile like many other parents? David used one of the strongest defenses known in psychology: depersonalization, he cut off his connection with all his emotions. It was the perfect armor for him. His perfect weapon. The only problem was that it was very difficult for him to connect to someone or feel the pleasures of your life. As he said at the beginning of our work together, he didn't need joy. In a sense, is it better to feel things properly or to preserve your sanity? For many years, he chose the latter. Even though it had been carefully programmed for 10 years, the Kurds did not give up on themselves to do this again. Don't insult me. There were times in my life when he was a child, he confessed his identity. It was like it was his sin and it made him worry, but he was a fierce warrior. He also came to long therapy sessions. He took step by step to get back the identity that was stolen from him. It was an incomprehensible situation for me at first, it taught me a lot about therapy, it revealed the painful truth of society, the institutions and attitudes of society had destroyed his family and caused dynamics that had consequences beyond an object, I was face to face with the public, not aware of the disturbing awareness of the culture I was a part of. He was from a group that tried to assimilate and destroy his culture. It wasn't surprising that he had issues with me in terms of trust. Secondly, this case taught me the limits of psychotherapy. It wasn't designed to deal with cultural destruction, which was something he had explained to me before. He moved an army of Akif trees to a small place to provide what psychotherapy couldn't provide. I got hired for the first time I understood how this happened It was the first time I realized how culturally specific psychotherapy is and I had to face these limitations Before I became a full-time David I took a basket making course at the museum from Sweet Kim It took me months to even make the basket that sits on the desk in my office It was that small It could only hold 4 papers. Davut found this tiny basket very funny. As he said, Why did I bother? I didn't even make a drum. A few weeks after the final meeting, I found a large and beautiful basket in my waiting room, made by Tatlı. We had an unusual image on it, it was from you. It was a surprising piece. A collector's item. It looks like it was there I knew it was old and it was probably painted using a potato to make this intricate design I was so moved and so proud I had to move it to my house I came home after 5 years5 years later, while I was renovating my house, the moving men collected our belongings and put them in storage. When I opened the packages later, only my basket was missing. The insurance company told me that it was worth thousands of dollars and that it was museum quality. I didn't care about the cost. I just wanted it back, but I would never want it or Davut again. I didn't see it, but later I learned that David started counseling others on their spiritual journeys and participated in Healing ceremonies. He gained in-depth knowledge about Shamanism. He was considered very good at it. They went from conference to conference. How did you know this? Well, because I often had clients on the ground and they were guided to me by David. He would tell me that Davut said I should see you for a tune-up and maintenance before I worked with him. Davut loved all kinds of cars and engines. So I took him as a contact. He knows how to see it that way. It had been almost 30 years since I first saw him. I wanted to reach him. He must have been 70 years old. To reach him, I drove to my former employer, who was in his 80s. When he asked how Davut was, he was going to drink on the other end of the phone. Then, Davut died of cancer while he was in the hospital at the age of 50. I was too shocked to say anything. The employer still never complained, he lost weight, but he coughed all the time. Toprak continued to work as he did when he lost his wife and daughter. When he collapsed and was hospitalized, he could only last a few days and was reunited with the daughter and wife he lost in the earthquake. He wanted to be buried next to his daughter. The boss said that he went to the funeral and was surprised to see hundreds of people there. It was mostly filled with Kurds in their local clothes. She was Davut's girlfriend. As he guessed, a woman sang a Kurdish song and the men played the drums. Just as he was about to hang up, something happened to the employer's right. Getting cancer is a strange thing. He did not use any of the substances that caused cancer. One wonders what caused this. Maybe it was because he had to swallow those Kurdish words throughout his childhood. I wanted to say that it was related to him. He had been left in the dark and sick. The boarding school had ripped out the Kurdish language in him, but Bağcı literally got its grip on him, he physically remembered what he had heroically endured.