They were feeling tired and heading towards the city. Özlem felt like she had woken up from a happy dream to the bitter realities of life.
He continued walking down the street where the sound came from with his timid gaze. There was a smell of dampness everywhere. He wrapped a circle around him.
He felt like the houses around him were closing in on him.
When he addressed her with a word of endearment, she got up from where she was and realized that he had forgotten the beautiful moments they had just spent.
Everything she confessed in the drunkenness of love was starting to seem very foreign to her here, and she focused all her attention on the man.
A sharp expression dominated his face, and the folds around his lips gave him a confident air.
After examining him thoroughly, he thought it might be the hardness of his fame, which he was trying to cover up, and suddenly he felt so distant...
This couldn't be explained with words
In the room, a small stove was burning with crackling noises. A small television was on a table. Necip was sitting on an armchair.
Özlem used a wet towel because she was too lazy to go wash her hands.
The man was lying on a small sofa
He took the beers he brought out of the bag and put one in front of Özlem and opened the other one himself.
they started drinking together
Suddenly a deep fear came over him, a fear he could not see the end of.
Suddenly he began to hear many fearful voices inside him, drowning out his own voice.
What would happen next?
He could only answer this question vaguely. Because he did not have the courage to say something clearly and clearly, he felt deep shame with all his heart.
His girlfriend, who lives in another city, could call him at any time.
She had never been lustful or desired a man to this extent...
Now the only feeling inside him was disgust, and of course there was guilt. Everything was becoming meaningless. His temples were throbbing before his eyes.
As the man got drunk, he started to use casual words and was trying to come to her.
Özlem didn't want him in the single bed. However, Adam asked her to make room for him and said, "Let me come to you."
Özlem thought, "Don't come near me, I'll throw you out of bed."
Even while being crushed under the disappointment of the love within him and making him realize the fire in his heart. All of this should have remained an adventure.
The physical lust in the man had killed the innocence of the pure emotions of longing. Happiness, like a Cloud suspended from the bright Sky, had disappeared with the fall of the night.
All of this happened with the fall of the cruel night in a deep silence. It was as if the feet of longing were going backwards. The moment she realized that their path was heading towards the man's house, she wanted to tell him everything that was on her mind, but now that the two of them were together in a room, the love inside her was in a very different dimension than his. The intense conversation just now. He felt that the promise he made during the conversation was now causing a lot of trouble in his heart, but the words could not come out of his lips.
Everything that went through his mind turned into a depressing and dark intensity of emotion.
His mind was captured by terrible Memories
Memories he had with his ex-girlfriend.
Should he call her ex-lover or should his new lover be this math teacher? He couldn't even decide on that yet.
One of these memories in particular kept coming up out of the blue And it was suffocating him. It was the story of a girl he used to go to school with.
This girl, who gave her body to a man, went to someone else when she was abandoned. Then to someone else and someone else..
After a while, he even forgot how this situation started.
I wonder if she would be like that girl?
As she thought about it, she was filled with fear. It was not the fear of a girl who was afraid of what would happen to her. This was a fear created by her weakness due to the chaos of life.
The cold silence between them continued while drinking
Özlem wanted to break it, but it seemed like she was completely stuck with it.
nothing came out of his mouth
He was very tired at school. He was very tired outside and his eyes were slowly closing due to alcohol.
Throughout the day's walk, his thoughts got tangled up and became inextricable, he kept saying the same things over and over again.
Please let this end now
please let this man go now
But at the same time he wanted him to stay
I don't feel anything, I fall into a void, but as long as I get out of this situation
At that moment, he felt his heart stop, then suddenly it started beating faster again with what he perceived.
The man was whispering beautiful words to her. For a second, she felt her heart melting again with his beautiful words.
She was saying such loving words that he grabbed her arm
So she was filled with fear again for this man who seemed to be trying to stop her from escaping.
She suddenly felt like she had to get rid of him and beg him to leave her alone.
he was not in his right mind
He was now starting to feel the pain of what he was going to experience most deeply.
It was getting very dark too
The smell of dampness was coming from the basement, he could only notice a flickering lamp light in the darkness, but every man felt what he threw. All this happened before one's eyes before sleep.It seemed to him that things were passing through him that he couldn't tell whether they were dreams or reality.When a door opened outside, Özlem jumped in place as she heard what she heard around her.
He was listening with fear to the slightest sound and was trying to make sense of every sound he heard.
His sister came in and when she saw her sister, she realized how far away she was from these people she lived with.
Her sister asked her a few questions about what she did today. Özlem tries to answer without further ado, but her attitude somehow makes her sister continue her questions.
why was it happening
Özlem was overwhelmed by these questions. Her brother had no right to interrogate her like this.
He had a terrible headache and all he wanted right now was to be alone.
n Faced with Özlem's indifferent attitude, her brother left the room without further pressure. Özlem realized then how unscrupulous she had acted. She had resigned herself to her fate, which had no taste.
An unfortunate feeling of pity for his brother had arisen in him, and with the revival of these feelings he felt himself again.
he remembered his thoughts were approaching and moving away from him, just like in the dark of the night, silently floating in the stream without leaving a trace.
But these dark feelings are like drifting boats
He did not let go of Özlem and fell asleep as soon as she surrendered to them. The days that passed after that were Özlem's
It only represented expectation and fear of a letter from the man
He was waiting for news, then he continued to ignite the anger inside him by thinking of the answer he would write to her. He needed a farewell.
a farewell to prove
That way, he would have a reason to live for the days ahead. Otherwise, he would be afraid of being stuck in these moments and not being able to see the future, or rather than saying goodbye.
This could only have been in a letter filled with beautiful words that would make her believe that happy days would return. Neither a voice nor news came from the man. Özlem told her.
Alone with the painful uncertainty, she is trying to continue her life under the influence of the emotions and excitement she experiences, but in this process, she wonders whether her love for the man still exists or if there is a problem.
He didn't know whether he had gone to another dimension with the transformation or not, and he could only feel the uneasiness and confusion within him, and this made him feel extremely upset.
He was tense, he had headaches for endless hours, and he was going back and forth in anger. Every sound around him disturbed him. He couldn't stand the rush and hustle and bustle of the outside world. Even his own soft ideas were turning into sharp-edged weapons. Around everything, everything had a secret secret to him.
He thought that he was harboring hostility. The world surrounding him was like a huge cage, furnished with great destructive weapons. Fame could never pass. That's why, however, it was evening and everything that disturbed him was covered with darkness. He was sitting in front of the window, waiting. The sun rose from the horizon.
When it slowly disappeared, the light inside Özlem was calming down with emotions and it was as if she was knocking on the door of peace. With that calmness, she realized that her life was not over, that a new opportunity was on the doorstep, they were trying to make their voices heard from Özlem to let them in, but she was not in the mood to think and evaluate all of these, all her emotions were about the outcome and consequences before saying goodbye.
that it consists of the results
He was thinking, two weeks passed and he didn't get any news from the man, everything that happened was over and gone.
It seemed like she had been forgotten. The uneasiness in Özlem and the imbalance in her movements had not yet been fully resolved. There might have been a change in the way she reflected it around her. However, when he saw her at school, the man was quickly moving away from her. He did not speak at all. The man left his angry and ugly state and abandoned himself to deep melodies and painfully tired chords. Some evenings, he was merging with these notes in front of his window.
It was getting softer and lighter, like the slight ache of your past love, maybe that
He should have tried to go to the man and talk to him. He should have found an excuse. For example, he could have said that he wanted to talk about a student or any teacher. But he didn't have the courage to go back to his books.
He clung to his books, in which he could feel the beauty of pain through the works of all kinds of emotions. They became his closest ones again. I also read his diary, which was never a part of a great truth.
He was focusing, but he stopped at some places and realized that he shared the same feelings with them. I wonder if he was starting to writhe in anger. He couldn't remember his story because it was more painful than surprising him. Only loneliness had collapsed on him too.
He didn't allow himself to get rid of the pain. There was no one close to him around him. After questioning himself to a stranger.
Don't forget to surrender
He also distanced himself from all his friends because of his strange shame. Moreover, he wanted to pour it out and ask for help, and then he could continue his life in peace.
He didn't have a belief in God that would provide peace of mind. The man started chatting with his geography teacher all the time at school. There was also a bit of jealousy, and the pain he felt inside him was over and over again.
-most It penetrated deep into his body and never left his body. Therefore, in an indescribable fatigue, his body, exhausted from hurting someone, could no longer struggle.
He was dealing with it in a hopeless way, not wanting to, sitting in front of his window and rejecting the chaos of life outside, he felt very alienated from what he saw, lovers wandering the streets hand in hand, running around in a hurry.
Young people drinking together on Barılar Street
young people, cars speeding by, all of this seemed like it was from another world to him because it had nothing to do with the reproach in him and what was happening.
Where do people go so quickly?
He was wondering where they were going, he was wondering what was the purpose that gave their lives such energy, but I think it was a source of peaceful secret powers that melted and destroyed underneath. So, what is all the gain in war for? In this endless theft of no one, from time to time, he gets lost in thoughts about these issues.
And he was smiling there. He didn't realize that his belief in being happy was also an ambition in his mind. It was just a great enthusiasm that didn't allow us to abandon ourselves to the flow of life. He believes that he was freed from the love within him. He believed that he was dead.
I was remembering the calm colors in their experiences as if I were remembering a lover.
Her appearance has become more beautiful, some moments that she doesn't remember come to her mind.
The threads that tie them together cannot be unraveled in his mind as to whether these are real or imagined.
All his experiences were becoming intertwined in his mind, as if they were fragments of a novel he had read a long time ago and vaguely remembered.
Their characters were slowly drawing closer together, reunited with words that seemed so familiar, and everything was returning to the past.
It was spinning, all the places were in front of your eyes as if they were connected to each other by tunnels, everything was the same as before. These thoughts that occupied your mind, especially in the evenings, could not connect to you exactly like a creature. He was trying to reach the result by trying different combinations every time. However, this
He could not make up the ending of his novel as he wanted. What he wanted was to say goodbye and not get stuck in a cold-blooded life reached with maturity, but this
It didn't seem possible. Along with her romantic dreams, she had a belief like this. Maybe the man was also remembering and waiting for her in the shadow of happy and painful memories. Gradually, the intensity was on the way to turning this belief into a real idea for the woman.
He was moving forward, believing that everything could be alright, he strengthened his confidence that he would complete the melody of their love, to a final harmony of voices, and now, after a long time,
He found the strength to put a small smile on his lips while remembering his love that was starting to crust over. What he didn't realize was that those deepest wounds secretly move inside a person and are talked about at their weakest point and revealed like a flowing stream at the most unexpected moments.
In the end, he would get his freedom by piercing the walls he was imprisoned in, and with all his energy, he would wound his way to the future, happily unaware of everything. It was a predictable situation that everything would be different from what he imagined. Love knocked on his door once again. This time, it was not childish, innocent and calm like the freshness of notifying me. This time, a faulty woman with flaming lips and hair that contains the red of passion is not the same as the lust seen in men. This fire in men is never the same in the years of tension.
It starts to burn, but women realize this. Later, after a few steps, they also realize different appearances. At first, the passion and lust that hide themselves behind the excitement and aesthetics of romanticism suddenly tear off all the covers and emerge. One day, she experienced a deep enlightenment. The reason for this is that she solved something stuck in her mind. Or maybe it wasn't because he experienced a big event, maybe it was the effect of a chaotic dream he had, or maybe he was seduced into reading his book, or maybe it was because of a different experience he heard.
It is fruit or they are happiness in a far away place. She couldn't understand him fully, there was only one thing she knew, and that was that the man's character was good, but he was trying to convince himself that he was dead, even buried, not the quiet hours they spent with his beautiful words, but his strong body, his arms wrapped around her, her lips burning in the fire. But when the nights came, in her bed where her blood was boiling, she was turning from one side to the other, she had to press her fire-scorched lips to her left side in order not to cry out for the man. After a while, she started to deceive herself no more.
He could not continue and was astonished by the facts. He realized that the intense emotions he felt were due to the gradual emergence of some forces that were turning his soul upside down. That passion was very daily and
I knew it could be defined simply. He was observing this feeling with his strange feeling, which was planting and sprouting a new seed of pain every day. It was the work of emotions he had never experienced, and the power of untouchedness.It was combined with the abundance of wasted days in the days of our youth, which did not keep up with our blood flowing in the seas. This in him could not resist anything, he could not stand in the way of any obstacle, that fiery power was in its vortex and destroyed any body that stood against him.
He didn't realize how weak he was in the face of this passion that emerged at that moment. Even though he didn't know that he was watching him, he definitely wanted to see her. He wanted to see her, even from afar. He was always looking at her during class breaks. He was always looking at her while buying tea. While walking in the garden, he was always looking at her in his small drawer. dusty photo of the man
she was hiding it passionately, she kissed the photo and then put it in front of him and said the words that the man actually wanted to say to her, saying it with fire. The boy was apologizing to her for running away and moving away from her. Then you said what he felt for her, okay, he is telling about his feelings for her.
She was talking quickly about how love was great and would never end, but putting a tiny photo into it was not enough for her. She wanted to face the man. She passed through the streets above him and him. She could not meet him. She wanted to meet him on the street, even though she always met him on the road at school. For example, on the way to her house, despite all her efforts.
Not being able to see him on the street made people angry at times.
He wanted to go to the man's house and apologize to him.