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Chapter 2 - depression

It took Amelia a few days to get to a decision that she would never show it in her behavior that she has witnessed a very bad faith, especially not to her mom who is always scared even if she has ordinary headache .I was at the faculty gate when I saw my friend Maya she is the class rep, intelligent and likes to make a lot of friends, she is also one of the brilliant student in our department.

" Maya!!!" I called out on a loud voice

"Amelia how is your body?, hope you are feeling better?.. " I felt shocked because I never mentioned anything to her about my health

"hmm...am.. fine and getting...bet....' she interrupt me

"ohh!, are you wondering how I figured out"

"yes...."

"it showed on your face you look stressed and lin"

" ohh!!....really " this is why have been ignoring her she quickly understand peoples feeling especially me

"yes, well.. that is by the way I have so many gist for you, let's go in and talk "

we went to our lecture hall to chat but I felt scared for some reason, but I tried to force a smile on my face

" Amelia... I have a boyfriend now, we met not quite long he is so hot... and has this big muscles I love him for real"

"that is good for you but I will advise you not to fall deeply for guys...." she cuts in

" point of corrections he is not just some guys he is James..my boyfriend, got that "

" oops... sorry seems someone is really in love "

" of course I love him as much as he loves me "

"no prob, I can't argue with you" I was thinking badly about the guy he was saying, what if he do something bad to my friend.. well not all guys are the same.. I thought but I know I can't change Maya mind he is really in love.

Mike one of our course mate showed up and suddenly put his hand on my shoulders.. I acted like I was defending myself from a big problem, "what the the hell is wrong with you?..."

"Amelia are you okay....? why are you so tense over nothing "

my mind fash back to the horrible memory I had when I was raped, Mike who was still standing wondering what he did wrong to make me react harshly to him in that manner

"Mike am so.. s..o... sorry I was lost in thought... I need to use the restroom..,"

I stormed out to the restroom I locked the door on myself, my body was shaking as if am on a galloping hill, my body was sweating even though there was air conditioner as if i am running a marathon race, everything felt blurry and as if everything was rotating I kept beating my chest times without number, I wanted to calm my self down I kept breathing as if I was going to breath my last breath.. I was slowly breathing in and out if not I would imagine my heart will stop breathing

" I am so depressed.. what is happening to me am still disturb by my past... I don't want it to take over. future but I think it is... "

I kept crying like little baby girl who they refuse to feed milk. I tried my best to console my self I only have my self any ways I raised my face cleaned it and do my makeup again and went to lecture hall I was silent through out the class and Maya don't even bother ask me anything after we finished lecture I received a call from my mom

" hello my daughter.. hope everything is fine"

yes mama.. am happy and healthy; all lies..., I could say am the saddest girl but not to my mom "ok....I just wanted to check up on you ,

"ok ma,"

I went back to meet Maya, she was acting strange towards me.

" Amelia what's the matter there most be something you are not telling me, we are friends remember..."

" I know.... I a..m..no..t hiding anything from you" I stammer to say something

" you are have a secret you don't wanna share with me but just know when ever you wish to tell am here for you always";she hugs me and whisper to my ear

" A problem said is half solved, am going home see you later "; I Waved my arm to say goodbye to her and went home also

when I get home the piece of advice maya gave me can't stop getting to my mind, maybe If I tell her there might be another help she would offer maybe I won't be depressed or have any fear In mind but still can't trust her, seems like my trust is lost in the incident , what should I do now. my mom called me again I don't want to pick up the call but she is so persistent and kept calling me, I answered the call

" mom.., why are you disturbing me, am reading"

sorry my dear, but I need you to see me in the morning tomorrow it's very urgent seems I can't rest unless I tell you.. am scared "

"ok, I will come and greet you tomorrow"

"Yes.. that is better tomorrow morning please I need to do the necessary things "

"I would come don't worry mom "

"ok, face your studies....Amelia bye!!!"

my mom hang up, still my mind could not rest to the extent that I almost burned the hole house I forget to check on the plantain I was frying, quickly run to the gas to off it and put it down on fire I could not move an inch from the kitchen I just sat down as if i was trapped In a narrow cage.

"why will my mom wants to see me urgently maybe she already knows about that night...., no...no..no.. "

the more the thinking the more am sad , I use parastamol, because am having headache its as if the are using hammer to bang my head, I used the drug prescribed to me by the doctor, I could no sleep I just lay down on the bed looking at the celling, an idea pops up to my head

" if I read I would eventually sleep off..." I said with a great smile on my face fortunately I slept of when I started reading.