Training under Eris wasn't just the most grueling experience of my comparatively short but exciting life; it was also an opportunity—one that I abused the hell out of to delve into the deep, dark well of forbidden knowledge she possesses. Sure, she taught me the intricacies of magic and the knowledge about my path to ascension, and ridiculed me for not being tough enough to give her a proper dicking, but anyway, those weren't the real treasures. The true gems were the tales she was willing to share after each brutal session of destroying my self-worth—stories of civilizations she personally tore apart, plunging them into chaos, destruction, and eventual ruin, or the works of other gods she appreciates.
Now, you might be wondering why I value this knowledge so highly. And if you are, then you're a fucking idiot who doesn't grasp the immensity of MOUNT TAI—nah, just kidding. It's basically because I'm a power-hungry lunatic who wants to fuck up two other power-hungry lunatics, and maybe because I loved watching archaeology TV shows.
Seriously, who gives a fuck? And who knows? Both at once? Well, anyway, if you understand that magic and the rise and fall of empires in this world are connected, you might know why I want their stuff.
So, you half-wit! You've got to think to understand my grand ambitions! What do all these ancient myths and stories have in common? Go ahead, I dare you—try to piece it together. I know you can do it! Make Daddy proud!
Good job, or maybe not—I'll never know. Anyway, these myths and stories are littered with artifacts, hidden knowledge, and lost locations just waiting to be unearthed and owned by me. Imagine the treasures that have been buried by time being owned by me—secrets that are long forgotten and ripe for the taking. I get a metaphorical hard-on just thinking about it! Best of all, I'm the one with the inside scoop! Because that's right—I've got a goddess at my beck and call who was there when shit went down. Eris, the divine puppet master, pulling the strings of fate as these civilizations crumbled to dust. She's bloody insane, but damn, does that turn me on!
Take the Sumerians, for example. Ever heard of the Tablet of Destiny? According to legend, it grants absolute control over the Cosmos, but I assume it's really just control over reality. Yeah, you heard that right—reality itself will be my *bitch* and bow down to my will.
Even more so than it already does, with me being merged with the most ridiculous wand in modern history.
Anyway, I assume most of their stuff also inevitably caused their eventual downfall, at least in their myths. And from what Eris told me, she always played a role in some form or another. Or take the Egyptians—those crazy bastards had the Book of the Dead, a piece of work that enabled them to do far more than just talk to the dead. Imagine having the power to summon and enslave the spirits of the departed, forcing them into rotting corpses as an immortal army. Or even better, revive them and have them work as scientists to improve society.
Just picture it—a horde of fucking mummies at my command. Sure, they're not exactly an army of mommy dommies, as I'd have liked them to be, but they'd be one hell of a power boost, don't you think?
Then there's the Palladium of Troy, that legendary statue said to make the city invincible—until Eris and her godly buddies decided to tear it all down, laughing as they went about doing it.
Anyway, the list is long—insanely long—and I want to find all that shit, figure out how it works, and use it for myself.
See, one thing I've decided to get over is living like a rat, hiding from everyone, and to do that, I need something I call 'arguments.'
If you have enough arguments on your side, people will align with you naturally; you don't need to coerce or threaten them to follow you, and this is what I will be doing—just away and outside of any group's jurisdiction.
What I find extremely funny is how some idiots think myths are just that—myths. But in this world, they're not just bedtime stories—they're roadmaps to power. A fucking "Dummies' Guide to World Domination," so to speak. They're keys lying around for anyone to pick up, and they're my path to elevating my own status, upgrading my people, and cementing a reputation that would make even the darkest lords piss themselves. But here's the cock-blocking part: getting my hands on these artifacts isn't exactly a walk in the park.
Every single one of those fucking items, every piece of knowledge that once brought a civilization to its knees, is out there, waiting for someone with the balls and the luck to claim them—but you have to jump into the meat grinder willingly. Luckily, with Eris as my guide, at least I know where to start looking. But finding them? Surviving the traps, the guardians, the divine fuckery that's surely protecting these relics? That's a whole other story.
I could try channeling my inner Indiana Jones, dashing through tombs and dodging ancient curses. Or maybe I go full Pokémon Trainer—because let's face it, I'm a collector at heart. Or a hoarder, depending on who you ask.
"Gotta catch 'em all!" I mutter with a wicked grin, striding through the dimly lit halls of the manor, while humming the classic Pokémon theme as I map out my next move.
"Sir, you've received, well, I think it counts as a package." Slavon popps in and informs me while I am on my way to get back to looking through all the maps I've had Hundone purchase for me.
"Slavon, what the fuck is that supposed to mean? Either it is a package or it is not!" i say annoyed to the little shit, well at least he upgraded himself form fugly little shit to just a little shit.
See at least I made him wear some noice clothes I could not look at the them wearing sack and rags while dangling their small dicks around and flashing me whenever I was not prepared for it, well, I am not saying one will ever be prepared for getting flashed but fuck it you get what I am hinting at.
"Well, Sir, it is a burning bird in a cage alongside a letter, being delivered by yet another burning birdy. And I know you do not like birds, sir." Slavon says, and tries to dodge just in time before I throw my cup at him.
"Sir, please calm yourself. It wasn't our fault, but the bird just popped up in front of our house, and would not leave unless we received the package."Slavon says.
*Sigh*
"Sure, lead me to where you've deposited them." I say as I command Slavon to lead the way and fall into a walk behind the elve.
metre minutes later I am looking at the most beautiful bird I have ever seen, well, I hate the flying bitches, but I won't deny them their due! When they look good they just do!
"Give me the letter." I order Slavon, and he goes on to bring me the letter.
**Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry**
Headmaster's Office
Albus Dumbledore
January 2, 1977
Dear Severus,
I trust this letter finds you in good health, or at least as well as can be expected given the circumstances. It is with a heavy heart but an open mind that I write to you today. I know the pain of loss all too well, and I understand that the grief of losing your only remaining family has been unbearable. I understand that in your anguish, you lashed out—against the world, against yourself, and, regrettably, against me.
Severus, I am not one to hold grudges, particularly against those I care for. Your transgression, while serious, is something I am willing to forgive. I recognize the extraordinary pain that has driven you to these actions, and I cannot, in good conscience, let that pain continue to fuel the distance between us. You are too valuable a mind, too remarkable a soul, to be lost to the darkness of anger and grief.
I would very much like to see you return to Hogwarts. The school is still your home, and the doors are always open to you. More than that, I believe you have much to offer, not just to the students who look up to you but to the entire magical community. Your knowledge is profound, Severus, and knowledge, as I have always believed, is meant to be shared, not hoarded.
I am particularly intrigued by the achievements you have made, and I suspect that there is much you could teach me as well. There are questions that I have—questions about how you achieved what you did, questions that I hope you will answer. Not out of a sense of obligation, but out of a shared desire to see knowledge used for the betterment of our world.
In the spirit of reconciliation, I wish to offer you a gift—one that I hope will serve as a symbol of the trust I still have in you. Enclosed with this letter is the promised wild Phoenix, a creature of extraordinary power and resilience. Her name is Pyramid. She is yours to bond with, should you choose to accept her. Simply offer her a drop of your blood, and she will be bound to your bloodline, loyal and steadfast as only a Phoenix can be.
I hope this gift serves as a reminder that even in the darkest times, there is always the potential for renewal, and rekindling of broken bonds. I have faith that you can rise from this, Severus, stronger and wiser than before. The path forward is yours to choose, but know that you do not have to walk it alone.
I await your return with hope and anticipation.
Yours sincerely,
**Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore**
Headmaster, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
"Motherfucker!" i curse annoyed after reading his fucking letter, the audacity of this old bag of bones.
"Does he seriously think I will go back and waste another year in his crappy school?" I think annoyed, I have already made plans to finish my NEWTs in France to get away from this crappy school, and afterwards I will be traveling, and won't return to HOgwarts until I am ready to become a teacher.
But the greedy fuck is still after my knowledge! Probably thinking that now that my gramps is dead he has an easier time to coerce me into giving up what I have to him in order to get protection from him against that fucking MoldyFart.