Chapter 15: Shadow People
Jocelyn and Kiera interacted like long lost sisters that absolutely adored each other. Both of them reveled in their wicked and teasing ways. It was hard to get a word in as they bantered back and forth, so I spoke more to Gordo and Ariel. Speed was a superdrug that made you question if this is who you really are underneath all the baggage that life throws on your shoulders. A social superdrug that was like a socially-awkward kids' medicine.
The party dialogue muffled away from my ears. My focus was on the tiny bugs crawling all over the couch cushions. They diverted in various paths toward me but always dissipated before reaching my body. It made me rather uncomfortable, so I sat outside on a log in front of the fire while smoking a stogie.
Inside of the fire I could see little sprites whisking away into the night sky. If I listened really carefully, I could almost hear what the crackles of the fire really said… It was always too low of a volume to decipher… Perhaps if I got closer to the fire… But I wasn't high enough to do something silly as that.
Gordo came outside and saw me trailing down the rabbit hole, following the white rabbit… He gave me some pointers on being a 'responsible dopefiend' and a 'functioning addict'. I didn't see Gordo as an addict; none of us were. We simply chose to have a chemically-induced good time, nothing wrong with that! People drink beer and that's totally legal. Why should this be any different? I had a job, money in my pocket, a house, level 10 social-links…
Jocelyn and Ariel got into a deep conversation about work, which Kiera found rather boring. Gordo was inside of his room. Kiera found me outside as I was focusing deeply on the fabric of my jeans. I wiped my lap, yet debris kept reappearing each time I looked away… I wiped again and again…
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing," I fixed my posture and looked at her pretty green eyes. She sat at the log closest to me, keeping her eyes fixated on mine.
Kiera smirked. "You look a little lost. Can I help you find your way?"
I looked into the fire, thinking what she just said was very wise. "You ever see things when you're smoking jib?" I hoped she wouldn't start to treat me like a mental patient.
"Uh huh. That's a side effect. What do you see?"
"Bugs. Dirt…" I thought about telling her of the fire spirits whispering to me, but decided to keep that a secret between me and them.
"How long have you been up?"
I counted 3 with my fingers.
"Oh yeah. That's about the time when I see them too."
"Them?"
Kiera crossed her legs. I noticed she changed from her sneakers to chanclas now. Her pedicure was a jade color; the flames made a mesmerizing reflection on each tip of her toes. "Yup. Not everyone sees them, but we do."
"Who's we?" I directed my gaze from her toes back to her eyes.
"You know. Dope smokers." She shrugged. "Don't worry about it. It's a mix of sleep deprivation and the giggy-go fast. The jibbity-jib makes you see things that aren't really there…" Kiera leaned onto her knees close to me and whispered, "or are they?"
I felt a shiver snake down my spine.
"I've seen the bugs too, crawling out of my skin. Out of my pimples. You believe that? I was stressed the fuck out seeing that. I don't do this anymore, but I used to sit in the mirror and pick at my face, trying to squeeze the bugs out of me. Now I know better than to go too long without sleep."
"How long is too long?"
"I'd say… 4 days. I try to sleep around 3 but it never works out that way."
The low crackling of the dying fire filled the gap between us.
"So you still see them? And it's normal?" I asked, simply verifying that I wasn't insane.
"Yup. I see the shadow people all the time."
Shadow people? For a moment I felt like every demon in the surrounding area turned their eyes toward me and began encircling my mortal frame, ready to pounce and claim my soul…
Kiera saved me from my isolating thoughts with a cigarette offer. She picked up her wooden log and set it right next to me so that our thighs were touching as we sat together. She crossed her legs, angling them so that her foot was dangling right in front of my knees.
The cigarette smoke felt soothing on my grinded teeth, like the nicotine was a numbing agent. Jocelyn opened the screen door and made her way to us. I gave her a head nod and a smile as she picked up a log and sat on the other side of me. I was sandwiched between two of the prettiest girls I've ever met… Drugs are awesome! Although, Kiera leaned her legs away from mine when Jocelyn appeared. I appreciated this; I didn't want to give the wrong idea to either of them…
"Shadow people?" I continued the conversation as Jocelyn sparked her own stogie.
"You haven't seen them yet?" Kiera sounded almost offended.
"I have," Jocelyn said. Me and Kiera turned our heads toward her.
"Really?" I asked.
"Ever since we took that first hit in the bathroom. I see these fucking people, out of the corner of my eye, but when I turn to look they disappear… Sometimes in the distance. Or faces in the wall, out of the patterns…"
"Don't worry about it. Like I was telling… Kashi," Kiera had to think of my name for a second, which damaged my ego. "I see them all the time. It's usually a sign that I should get to sleep within 24 hours. If you're up for too long, that shit starts to happen."
Kiera gave Jocelyn the spiel about how bugs used to crawl around in her flesh. I noticed some scratch marks on Jocelyn's forearms and how she seemed relieved when Kiera told her…
"Does everyone see them? Like," I looked toward the inside of the house through the sliding door, as if we were conspiring… "Gordo and Ariel?"
"No, not everyone. I mean, they might, but they never admit it to me. They always want to seem like they're responsible or some shit. It really pisses me off. But it might be true; I believe only those in tune with themselves can see. I met this shaman at a homeless shelter that told me the shadows are actually real entities, not just a hallucination. Smoking dope does something to the brain and connects your perception to their world, letting you see into the next dimension. That's why shared psychosis is possible."
Kiera must have noticed how scared our faces were as she shifted her tone to light-hearted and high pitched. "But don't worry! They can't touch you. That's why it's best to ignore them."
A branch snapped behind us. Our hearts nearly jumped out of our chests as we all yelped, stood and turned around… It was Gordo, sneaking around like a ninja… He hopped the fence-line.
"What the fuck, Gordo! I didn't even know you were gone!" Kiera shouted, shaking her head with her hand.
"I needed to take care of something," Gordo said as he walked past us. He looked pissed off and was balling up a plastic baggie in his fists. Something of value… For a brief second at the right angle, I saw it was a fat bag of dope. Nice.