"Both nonna and nonno are still alive, she being 71 and him being 78 years old, but in a good health. Appa graduate in Business from Harvard, and in Architecture at MIT afterwards, both as the valedictorian. He's from October 10th, nonna is from January 14th, nonno is from July 12th, and Silas is from June 9th. He is 20 years old right now, a little more than 2 years older than me and Ari."
"He's best friends with Yoshihiro Nishimura, whose married to Moon Hyo-rin, and with whom he has three children, a 19-year-old boy, and a couple of 10-year-old twins. Appa's inner circle is composed for more 10 couples, all with kids who grew up together with my sister and Silas, forming another generation having a deep connection with one another, so their empire will stay alive and strong in the future as it is now."
"His best friend's younger sister, Sakura Nishimura, who married Javier Herrera-Aguilar, and together they had three kids, a 18-year -old son, a 15-year-olf daughter, and a 10-year-old son. Then there's Tigernmaglus Oscar Calleary, who goes by Tiger, and is married to Aimée Maud Fontaine, with whom he has two daughters, an 18-year-old and a 15-year-old. Tiger's younger sister Brianna Laoise Calleary and her husband Anton Kristiansen with whom she has three kids, a 20-year-old daughter, an 18-year-old and a 5-year-old sons."
"Then the ones not connected by blood with any of the others, Barthélemy Remi Fraise and his wife Margarid Yeva Nazaryan, having three kids, an 18-year-old and a 13-year-old daughters, and a 10-year-old son. Carwyn Vaughn Hayes and his wife Rhiannon Joanna Morgan, having a 17-year-old daughter and an 11-year-old son. Naemi Lise-Lott Forsberg and her husband Natanael Anders Holm, having three kids, a 20-year-old son, a 17-year-old daughter, and a 16-year-old son."
"Naveen Lakshmana Khan and his wife Sera Tiryaki Demirci, having the most children of their inner circle, a bashing of eight, a 21-year-old son, a couple of 20-year-old twins, a 17-year-old daughter who's turning 18 in 13 days, another couple of 16-year-old twins, a 14-year-old daughter, and a 10-year-old son. Susan Kirmani Ahmed and her husband Dorian Kiefer Dixon, parents of an 18-year-old son and a 15-year-old daughter."
"Zebadiah Houghton Campbell and his wife Celestyna Stefania Abramowicz, parents of a 20-year-old daughter and an 18-year-old son. And the last couple of their little elite circle is Siegmund Bernhardt Lehner and his wife Katie Bernard Reed, with their two sons, an 18-year-old and a 6-year-old." I said it all by memory, because opposite to eomma's my own memory is as perfect as any kid with photographic memory like myself. "All the elders, the parents of the grown ups, are friends too, and many of them were appa's childhood friends, not all, but more than half of them."
Passing a hand over my hair that was now dried, I sighed, "Aside from their bank account being on the billions, their connections spreading all over the United States, North America, and over a part of the world, and the fact that their conglomerate owns a handful of luxury brands and shit, and loads of real estates, this is all I got on them. Everything else, personal life wise, is heavily blocked. And though my skills could break through, I don't see a reason," I closed the laptop. "I've seen enough," they have each other, appa and my sister, having a 'mom' and a brother, I'm not needed.
"You… you're going to make contact, right?" Uncle asked hopeful.
I blinked and frowned, "Why would I do that?"
My question threw both of them off guard.
"Eomma's worry and desperation was of appa losing his shit after us, and of Euphemia being alone and needing her. I don't even want to phantom why but somehow, appa is with her, because that is her, and they have one another. She has a mother who raised and loved her, an older brother, loving grandparents probably, loads of aunties, uncles, friends, and appa. I would never butt into their lives just for the sake of telling them that eomma is dead, halmeoni and harabeoji are dead, aunt Harmony and uncle Julien are dead, or that my little brother aka cousin Kit is also dead."
"That they died in a train accident when they were trying to find my sister, that eomma lost her memories about appa and that's why she never went after him. That I'm a problematic arsonist psychotic mess whose absolutely lost and depressed after losing my entire fucking family, all the people I loved the most in an accident, where I was supposed to be part of. I was supposed to be dead with them, but I wasn't because I had a horrible fight with eomma, and stayed behind. That my entire life was shit, that my relationship with eomma was in tatters, because she only cared about my twin, and only apologize after regaining her memories, at her last minutes."
They weren't the only ones surprised by how I said all of them with no emotions, empty, dryly, with a straight face. I'm too. But it's the truth.
"I'm a wrack," I took a deep breath. "And I talk to animals," that got a dry laughter out of me. "Jesus Christ, I'm a mess. Eomma was right, I am a freak. And I may be a bitch, but I would never crash into their lives with my heavy baggage just to spread my shit on them, to stain them like I stained eomma with my 'episodes'. They are not looking for eomma, or for me. Eomma wasted her life away, and dragged me to the mud with her, and for what? She died for this, and for what? They are together, living like a perfect family, loving each other, while me and eomma were her, breaking."
"But your mom… she asked you find them and-"
I stood up, feeling my anger and grief and guilt burning inside me, "Eomeoni is dead," I yelled, fists clenched. "Abeoji is living his life with his sister-in-law turned-mother-of-his-kids and with a couple of kids. They are all dead, I'm left behind. And you will not contact them or tell them shit about me and my dead family!" I warned them, speaking with a fury I've never showed any of them, a fury that's been burning inside me for ages, but that I kept bottling up. "I am your boss now, and this is an order. I'll turn 18 years old in less than a month, so you have to listen to me. Are we understood?"
Both gulped, startled, "Understood," they whispered.
["Don't throw your anger on them, Missy. They are innocents."] Jungkook told me, looking sorry for me.
"What matters now is what I decide. I've fulfilled my promise to eomeoni, I found abeoji and her precious Ari, they don't need me, they have one another, they are not alone, and they clearly did not worry about us. My sister is a lucky girl for sure, she has everyone, an adoptive mom, she has appa, and she always had eomma even if she didn't know," if I was jealous of her before, it just got considerably worse now, but at least she's happy, she doesn't know grief, and it's not my bitterness and envy that will make me force her to suffer like I am suffering. "If you contact them, I'll know."
Eomma is dead, she died with my grandparents and Kit.
My body may be alive, but my soul died with them.
I just need to find the courage to kill my body.
An effective way that will left no chance of survival for me.
"I'll be in my room now, grieving," that was the last thing I said to them, before grabbing my headset, laptop, phone, and storming inside. I may die, but I'll leave my fortune to uncle Daniel and aunt Sofija, the only two people who've been by my side in this nightmare I'm lost in.