Hussh! Finally, this cursed life will come to an end.
I've done my best, but in the end it looks like I'm not cut out for this world filled with hatred.
I can't stand this pain anymore!
It was hard to bear, and even God wouldn't have the right to condemn this decision of mine.
Atlas. I will be able to get rid of this monsters who are disguised as humans.
I no longer have to smile on the outside and cry on the inside. Today is the day I can let my emotions run wild.
Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it! It hurt my soul every second, no matter how much it hurt, this damn society wouldn't let me cry because they said I was a man and real men never cry. (Tears are running down)
But why? I want to ask everyone, don't men have feelings too?
I don't care what you think, I'm bursting into tears right now and for the first time in my fucking life I feel elated.
(As he cried so whole heartedly after so long, the tears coming from his eyes were more valuable for him than the pearls that comes from oyster. One would assume that the stars from the sky are coming to this cursed cage of disguised monsters.)
I thought me and my feelings had died a long time ago, but it seems that there are still some traces left, and now I'm going to make sure that not a single trace of them remains.
Husshh! (sighs in relief), crying made me feel alive again after a long time. I will make sure that this memory is burned into my brain so that in my next life I will remember that my past life was not in vain.
I'll make sure that I finish this today!
(As he shouted these words alone on the terrace of a 15-storey building, the echo of the words could be heard all around. When he said those words on the roof, the pitch and sound of those words were loud, it was like a mute person speaking for the first time, like a newborn child crying after being born, the voice was majestic, like a king addressing his people. Now it is another thing that all the king's people were asleep, and the king alone shone like a star in the sky.
In his ragged clothes, with the many stitches in his trousers, the torn shirt, the dirty shoes, the unruly hair, and the sleepless eyes, he may not have looked like a star, but his face shone more than a star. The smile on his face was like that of a starving child who has been given a piece of bread. In the silence of the night, his words dominated the sky. For this one moment, he wanted to enjoy the beauty of this night that so many people hate. They don't know how beautiful it is when the earth shines in the moonlight, it's healing, it makes them feel calm. The streets are usually full of monsters during the day, but at night it seems as if God is destroying the monsters by putting them to sleep.
As he stands on the roof, the darkness envelops him like a heavy cloak, and he stands alone on the top of this 15-storey monolith,
Above him, the velvet sky stretches endlessly, a vast canvas studded with diamonds - each star a distant promise. Their brilliance pierces the obsidian expanse, and he wonders if they are watching over me, mere mortal that he was.
He leans against the cold concrete, his fingers tracing the rough surface. The city breathes, even in its silence. A distant siren wails - a lone wolf echoing through the canyons of steel and glass. But it fades, swallowed by the vastness of the night.
The dazzling lights continue their dance, and he squints against their brilliance. They blur into streaks, like comet tails, as if urging him to leap into the abyss. But he remains rooted, his toes brushing the edge of the roof).
Well, it's high time I introduced myself, my first name is Amit, taken from the 108 names of Lord Ganesha, and I just want to forget my family name.
I don't want to remember my shitty parents right now. They were the first to introduce me to the world of trauma and depression. I don't want to go any further recalling them or I'll end up in hell because I took their name before I died.
Yes, that's right! You guessed right. I'm going to do a divine act that most of you want to do but can't muster the courage to do, but somehow I managed to gather it.
Yes, it's suicide! I can't believe I can stop being an inferior human being. All I ever wanted was to live like an average person. I wanted an average family and average parents, I wanted to be an average student, and then I would have taken an average job, married an average girl, wanted to be an average father, and in the end I would have died.
Damn you, God, you were the reason I lasted so long. I admired you so much, worshipped you so much, loved you so much and believed in you that one day you would allow me to become an average person. My devotion for you was true. All I ever asked of you was to give me an average life, not something luxurious, right? But even you, like humans, have deceived me. You must enjoy watching me cry and suffer from above.It must be entertaining, right?
But I won't entertain you anymore, yes, I will commit suicide and free myself from your unpleasant world (Amit screamed his heart out).
When I took my first step, my whole life flashed before me, filled with nothing but pain,
After taking three steps, I was only three steps away from death,
When I took the fifth step, I was scared and thought I was prepared for death. But I guess I can't suppress my survival instinct for long, so I closed my eyes and jumped straight ahead, skipping the sixth step.
When I opened my eyes, I saw that I was only 5 seconds away from death, but it felt like time had stopped. The blinding light made me feel like a bird trapped in darkness being released after a long time, and I even wondered what it would feel like to be stuck in that moment forever.
(He felt like a bird flying in the sunlight after a snowy night, he felt the warmth of the feathers, the comfort of the night lights that acted like sunlight).
Every bird that flies in the air must eventually fall and taste the ground, but in my case that time came in just five seconds, I felt nothing and before I knew it my crimson blood, which I thought was dark black, began to pour out like a hole in a container. I felt the warmth of the feathers and the comfort of the sunlight disappear, and for the first time in my life I doubted my decision to commit suicide, wondered if it was the right thing to do... but it was too late, for I could feel my soul sailing on its way to the afterlife.
If I ever meet God in the afterlife, I will surely ask him: What was my mistake, why did you let me burn in torment when I gave you my heart and soul? Could you not even fulfil my wish to live an average life like an average person?
[If you think that suicide will free you from your pain and the curse of life, then you are wrong. If it were that easy, nearly 50 percent of the population would have committed suicide, right? Believe me, there is no end to this cycle of suffering, no matter what country, no matter what time, no matter what world. Even if you disagree with me now, I ask you to join me and Amit on this journey and you will eventually change your mind. Remember I said grief will never end, no matter what world we live in].
WTF, am I still alive, did I even fail at suicide... everyone would make fun of me if they found out. Well, it's another thing that no one knows me. Seriously, have I failed? No, this place doesn't look familiar, nothing is recognisable in this thick fog. Wait, could it be that this is the first time in my life I've been able to read a book? Yes, I made it to the afterlife i guess.
It seems I was right, yes, I am proud of myself, well done! (He said in a cheerful tone)
Suddenly I heard a harsh but pleasant voice say, "You said you suffered a lot, didn't you, Amit? I don't know how to explain these feelings, but one thing is for sure, if you have committed a crime and you hear your name from its mouth, you will shit in your pants and feel intimidated and you will confess everything without a second thought. But if you are innocent, a pure soul like Kind, and if that's the case, then you will feel that you have achieved everything in life, you can now rest in the warmth of these words. I felt like I was in heaven. In simple words, the feeling was like when a deaf person hears a word for the first time, when a long-sought lover finally finds his love, when a sage, after a long time of sadhana, catches a glimpse of God and achieves enlightenment. Just before my suicide, I wondered if I had done the wrong thing, but hearing my name from his mouth makes it worthwhile. I can commit suicide in every life if I can hear these words after every suicide.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I forgot to answer his question, and for a second I thought, would he kill me for defying him? But dying at his gentle hands might lead to salvation and I would feel so virtuous and consider myself lucky for the first time. Then I suddenly snapped out of my thoughts.
I wondered, who is this bright, radiant being in front of me, radiating majestic vibrations? My soul feels so humble before him.
Is it the omnipotent being that people often call God?
(Amit muttered to himself)