After a while, school ends and I go over to my bus and slunk down next to Liem.
"Anythin' up with the situation?" He says. We learn just to call it "the thing" or "the situation" to keep from anyone finding anything out.
"Still no." I say.
"Man, if you ain't gonna do squat, I might have to do it for you!" He says.
"I don't know man. Just- please don't." I say.
"Don't feel like you're in a rush, just don't feel like you have time." He says, contradicting himself.
"What does that even mean?" I say, slunking down even further in my seat.
"Let it move on. Forgive yourself. That's the first thing you have to do to even say anything to her and- you know, leave her in the dust." He says.
"You're making it hard to do that with your metaphors." I complain.
"Oh- metaphors." He mimics me.
"My god, dude! You know what. How about we- don't talk about it so it doesn't spread." I say, pulling myself back up and looking in front of me.
"Fine." He says, following my movements.
Too bad for me, word spreads like wildfire. The next day at school, people are rushing me over.
"Dude, really?" They ask.
"Are you serious- why would you do that?!" Someone yells. I am physically getting trampled by the abundance of people jumping around me.
"Do what?" I say.
"Akako." Someone yells out. My heart sinks to my feet.
"Huh?" I say, worried and genuinely about to cry. There's no way they know it. How? How could they find out? How does it spread so fast? Did Liem really tell her? Or did people hear me talk? This can't be happening. It's a dream, right? I can just wake up right now, right?
I glare around at the group. It's not a dream. I can feel it. Angrily, I storm out of the entryway, holding back tears.
I wanna go home. I wanna go home. I wanna go home. I wanna go home. I wanna go home. I wanna go home!
I start bawling and racing to my locker, slamming my backpack inside it and walking into the class. It feels like thousands of arrows are pointed at me. A sea flows from my eyes and starts splashing onto the tile. I practically jump into my desk and I curl myself into a ball in my desk. People again surround me.
"Dude, what happened?" A person asks around.
"You don't know? He cheated on his girlfriend!" Someone exclaims.
"Really, man?" Another person turns to me.
"It's okay. I know for a fact that he would never do it on purpose."
"BUT I DID!" I yell out.
"I DID DO IT ON PURPOSE!" I start screaming.
What's wrong with me? What in the world is wrong with me?
I start crying loudly. I look around me to see Cara's shock. She approached my desk halfway.
"Alright class, walk away- walk away." The teacher says. The murmuring only gets louder.
"What's wrong, honey?" She asks.
"Nothing. I'm all good." I say.
"Okay." She says, a bit unsure. I would blame her but I would definitely want to get out of my business if I had the chance to. I can't believe it. This isn't real. What is Akako going to think? Or Cara? If I told her, I would at least have a chance to explain what happened. She probably wants to kill me now! Cut me straight into my heart! Honestly, I deserve it. One-hundred percent, I deserve it.
The fury is real. It was choking me from the inside out. In all my being, going home was the last thing I wanted to do today. Last. There's absolutely no way I could figure out a way to talk to Akako. I have to talk to her! This is horrible. Might as well start now! I still can't believe what is happening! How did this spread? And-oh Sam! Sam is going to be so mad at what happened. But that's the least of my worries. I guess I'm just going to have to tell Akako. Well, I'm dead.
The rest of the day was shrouded in anger. I couldn't think straight, all my five senses were weakened heavily and my heart beat was going exponentially. I got onto the bus, curled up and awaited my doom.
"You're screwed." Liem says. I didn't say a single word about it and it got so popular that it spread back to him.
"I know," I start tearing up.
"Look, man." He starts.
"I'm done! Done! It's all gone. My reputation, my respect, my pride. Gone!" I yell with tears washing my face.
"Dude, it's okay. You're still alive. You haven't lost everything." He says. I continue crying until I step off the bus. Should I even go home? No, I have to. It's not like I can buy myself any more time. I stomp home, taking my time with each of my heavy steps. I go home without saying a word, I step into my room and lock the door. She texted me hi this morning. At three o'clock AM. I started tearing up again. What if she was so sad and couldn't sleep and that's why she texted me so early. But also, does she really care that much about me? The worst thing I could do was overestimate how much I meant for her. I'm not that full of myself. Am I?
I text back.
im sorry
um okay
u heard about it, right?
yea
look, im rlly sorry
i messed up
hello?
you there?
She stops texting for a while. I get really nervous yet relieved. No, it was not as good as diamonds as I thought it was going to be.
idk what to say
get with her i guess?
so, this is the end?
yea
no hard feelings but i think its for the best
alright
im so sorry
bye
goodbye
know that im always rooting for you guys
thx
but dont
I continue to cry as I shut my computer. I curl up into a ball. It's all over. It feels like a cold cut through my leg. It doesn't hurt all that much but it's vulnerable. How? All of that; gone? Do I really want this to happen? Should I have asked her to stay? But now, what am I going to do? It's not like I can quickly shift into dating Cara! Or should I even? That seems so rude! Oh my god, oh my god. I wanna go home!