Grief shared is grief halved.
I woke up in a bed that felt entirely foreign — the kind of bed you only see in fairy tales, with a canopy draped overhead, its soft fabrics swaying gently. As my eyes adjusted, I saw the masked elf standing by the bed. That was when I realized I was dreaming again.
The elf's button eyes locked onto mine, and her tiny lips curved into a small, knowing smile. In a high-pitched voice that vibrated with a strange, melodic cadence, she began speaking in a language I couldn't grasp.
"I don't understand," I muttered, blinking in confusion.
The elf's expression soured, but she didn't stop. She looked at me again and repeated herself, her voice a bit more insistent.
"What?" I asked, my confusion growing.
"She wanted to know if you were all right," came the translation, though the voice was unexpectedly familiar. Lordling.
I didn't know his real name, but that's what I'd taken to calling him in my mind—'Lordling'. He was small compared to me, a tiny ruler of this dream-world I kept visiting.
"Erm…" I turned toward the elf, attempting to shake off my disorientation. "Yes, I'm fine."
The elf smiled again, her expression softening, and helped me sit up in bed. The room around me buzzed with quiet activity. Several other elves were moving about, attending to various tasks. It wasn't until I took a better look at them that I realized how starkly different they all were. The one who'd spoken to me had hair, which made her stand out from the males, who all appeared bald.
Another elf was holding Lordling's large tray, and I noticed him taking small bites of fruit, all while watching me with curious eyes. A third elf, grumpy in demeanor, was pulling back the blinds to let in the reddish moonlight — that's when I realized it was brighter here at night than during the day. What else could I expect from a world with a jet-black sun?
I turned to the elf who seemed to be in charge, the one who had given me a moment's peace. "What happened?" I asked.
"You fainted," Lordling replied without missing a beat, "Then I thought you might enjoy a little of my hospitality."
The tiny ruler of this strange place sat perched on a table, legs crossed, his grin impossibly smug. I knew that look. He wanted something. He always did.
"What is it you want from me?" I asked, voice steady despite my growing unease.
"I see I can't fool you," Lordling chuckled. "I was bored. I'm not having any fun here."
I said nothing and swung my legs over the side of the bed, the soft weight of the duvet falling away as I stood.
"Why did I faint?" I muttered aloud. "I don't remember… anything."
"Because you were exhausted, of course," Lordling responded nonchalantly, waving a hand through the air.
"Oh, that's it?" I raised an eyebrow, "Well, that's disappointing. I've barely done anything."
"No, your case is special," Lordling's tone shifted, becoming serious. "Remember, your body is half human. You may heal quickly, but you're still fragile. You're as vulnerable as an ordinary human. Your bones shatter easily. Your muscles tear if you push them too far. A monster's strength is deceptive—if you use it too much, it'll wear your body down."
"But I barely used it!" I protested.
Lordling shrugged, his gaze distant as he seemed to weigh his next words carefully. "Your body temperature spiked to dangerous levels," he said after a beat. "Your heart was beating so fast it nearly stopped. You almost died… from that."
"What?" My eyes widened, the weight of his words sinking in. "How?"
"Why do you think you fainted?" Lordling asked, his voice lower, almost disappointed. "You hear everyone else's heartbeats, but you never listen to your own. They were pounding so violently, it's a wonder you didn't drop dead right there."
"So, I'm not dead?" I managed, trying to steady my breath.
He grinned, a wicked glint in his eyes. "Not yet."
I exhaled sharply, leaning back against the bedpost for support. "Good," I said, nodding slowly.
"Although you still need to master your powers, this was an important step in the right direction," Lordling said, his voice smooth and composed. "So, how are you feeling?"
"I think I'm quite fine," I replied, trying to shake off the lingering disorientation.
"Good," he nodded, his lips curling into a knowing smile. "Then would you like something to drink?" He jumped off the table with a fluid grace that almost seemed otherworldly.
Now that he mentioned it, I realized how parched I was. "Yes, that would be nice."
Lordling's smile deepened. "Follow me."
His movements were effortlessly graceful, yet strangely calculated, every step precise as though he were a puppet master pulling invisible strings. He led me out of the room where I had woken, down a series of corridors. Eventually, we came to a balcony that seemed to stretch on forever—larger than the room I had come from, larger than any balcony I'd ever seen.
At the center, a round glass table stood, set with two cups, their contents steaming softly. A bouquet of transparent flowers, their petals delicate and shimmering, rested in a crystal vase. I couldn't help but wonder: Where did he get these flowers?
Lordling took a seat in one of the chairs, his posture regal, and I hesitated before sitting in the other. Everything around us seemed to glow with a strange, almost painful brilliance. The colors in this place were washed out, bright and sterile, like they were trying too hard to be perfect. It was almost blinding at first. The sky above, a faint, sickly pale, was stained by the red glow of the moon disk, casting everything in a peculiar orangey-gold hue. The clouds had turned black, their shapes distorted and ominous. Could a place like this really exist?
"Beautiful, isn't it?" Lordling said, his voice carrying a hint of pride.
I thought it was grotesque, the strange beauty of it making me uncomfortable, but I didn't share that with him.
"Unusual," I replied instead, offering the only diplomatic response I could think of.
"Indeed," he nodded, his gaze drifting towards the sky. "When I first came here, I thought much the same. But over time, I've learned to see the beauty in its oddness."
"So, you weren't born here?" The shock must have shown on my face, but Lordling simply smiled at the question.
"Oh no," he said with a shake of his head. "I'm from your world. But that was... hundreds of years ago, by your reckoning."
"And by your time?" I asked, curiosity piqued.
"Three thousand years, give or take," he replied casually, as if it were a mere passing thought.
As if on cue, more elves began to appear. The first was a small girl with her hair tied in playful ponytails on either side of her head. She carried a bowl of sweets, which she carefully set on the table before bowing low and silently departing.
Another elf, even smaller than the first, pushed a cart with two large metal jugs. She poured a stream of dark liquid into Lordling's cup, the rich aroma filling the air as she placed the pot down and bowed before him.
Lordling didn't even glance at her, simply sipping the dark liquid with an air of nonchalance. Afterward, the elf turned to me, pouring from the second jug. My cup was filled with hot cocoa, its scent sweet and comforting, a stark contrast to the sharp bitterness of Lordling's drink. I nodded my thanks, and the elf bowed again before placing a sugar bowl on the table and retreating silently.
"Tell me, this place..." I began, unsure of how to phrase the question.
"Yes," Lordling nodded, his expression faintly amused. "But you've figured that much out already, haven't you?"
I hesitated, then asked, "But what am I doing here?"
"I told you," he said with a shrug. "I'm bored."
"Are you a necromancer?" I asked, my confusion still clear in my voice.
He shook his head with a slight smile. "I'd prefer to call myself a mage."
"I'll show you something," he added, his voice softening as he reached for the sugar bowl. He sprinkled a few granules into his palm, then hid them from view with the other hand.
When he revealed his hand again, a crystal rosebud began to form, its petals unfurling slowly in his palm. I watched, wide-eyed, as the magic unfolded before me. With a casual flick of his finger, Lordling broke off a single petal and placed it in his mouth. He then extended the rose to me. I hesitated but took a petal, tasting its sweetness on my tongue.
"Sweet," I commented, my voice flat but filled with the obvious.
Lordling placed the sugar blossom carefully back on the tray. "But how did you end up here?" I asked, my curiosity piqued again.
He leaned back in his chair with a sigh. "It's a very old story," he said, almost as if to brush it off.
"Will you tell me?" I pressed.
Lordling met my gaze for a moment, his expression unreadable, before a grin broke across his face. "Why not?"
"Hunters didn't like mages much back then," he started, his voice turning slightly distant as if recalling a far-off memory. "Especially me. They formed an alliance with a necromancer, who locked me away."
I didn't interrupt, but his next words startled me. "But I'm not complaining," he continued, his tone light. "In this world, I'm like a king. Could anyone ask for a more pleasant prison?"
I looked at him with a mix of intrigue and disbelief, but pressed on, "And these elves... did you create them?"
He shook his head, a soft laugh escaping him. "Oh no. They were here before me. I think you've heard of them. The Wraiths."
I froze. I hadn't expected this at all. The invisible arms, the eerie presence — they were Wraiths?
"They're peaceful, for the most part," Lordling went on, "But if a gate is opened, they go wild. It's as if they can't stand being confined here anymore." He sighed, his eyes darkening. "Even I can't control them then."
I swallowed, still absorbing everything he was saying. "I've heard that anyone who's dragged into this place becomes a Wraith..." My voice trailed off, and I stopped myself from asking the question that had been lingering on the tip of my tongue.
Lordling, as usual, anticipated my thoughts. "You're wondering why I didn't turn into one?" He took a sip from his black juice, his expression unreadable. "To be honest... I did."
"What?" I couldn't hide my surprise. Lordling didn't look like an elf, not with his unusual appearance—the mask, the aura, the strange energy.
"I simply changed my shape," he explained with a nonchalant shrug. "A little magic, and here I am. It's more comfortable this way."
I swallowed, feeling a bit overwhelmed.
"You're wondering if you'll turn into a Wraith, aren't you?" His eyes glinted knowingly as he gazed at me. "The answer is no."
"Are you sure?" I asked, the thought of becoming like one of them—a small, bald elf—unsettled me deeply.
"Absolutely sure," he nodded, his voice reassuring, though I wasn't entirely convinced.
I took a long sip of cocoa, the warmth of the drink settling my nerves a little.
"It's time for you to go," Lordling said after a pause, his tone shifting to something more businesslike. "They're waiting for you."
I nodded, standing up, feeling the weight of what I'd just learned.
Lordling's smile returned, this time with a hint of mischief. "See you next time."
As soon as those words left his mouth, my eyes snapped open, and I gasped for air. The first thing I saw were Rolo's tear-filled eyes, his small form practically throwing itself at me, as if he was determined to squeeze the very breath out of me. Alex's face mirrored a relief so profound that it was almost painful to see. And then Des decided to join the group hug, his weight nearly crushing me.
"What are you all doing?" I whimpered, struggling to free myself from the pile of bodies.
Des couldn't stop voicing his concerns, repeating how worried he'd been. Rolo, still sniffling, showed no signs of letting go.
"Can someone please explain what's going on?" I frowned, still a bit dazed.
This someone was Alice. His voice was tinged with raw emotion. "We thought we were going to lose you, Shay."
I groaned, the weight of his words sinking in. I remembered now.
"How long has it been?" I asked, still processing everything.
"Three days," Alice answered, his voice blunt.
"What?" I was stunned.
Mirrorworld had felt like no more than a few minutes.
"Is Elsie awake yet?" I asked, quickly shifting the focus.
"Yes," Alex gave a weak smile. "She's resting in the other room."
I tried to sit up, and immediately, Rolo latched onto me like a small, determined koala. "What are you doing? You can't get up yet!" he protested.
"Come on," I smiled, doing my best to reassure him. "You know I'll be fine in no time."
But every movement I made felt like my muscles were screaming at me to stay still—of course, they didn't need to know that. After a final reluctant grunt, Rolo let me go.
I walked to the next room, where Elsie was resting.
"Hey!" I called softly, but she didn't stir.
"Hey!" I raised my voice this time, "Wake up!"
Elsie's face twitched, and her eyes flew open. When she saw me, she shot up in bed, panic flashing across her face as she instinctively tried to put as much distance between us as possible.
"You…" she hissed, her words laced with hostility.
"A warm welcome for your rescuer, I see," I quipped, trying to break the tension. "Now, tell me—what happened?"
She glanced at Alex, who nodded at her.
"Our pack…" she started, but her voice faltered, and her words seemed to get stuck. "was destroyed."
"The alphas?" I asked quickly, but she shook her head.
"The alphas?" I asked, my voice urgent, but she shook her head.
"The mages who were chasing us finally caught up," she said, her voice trembling. "I was the only one left. Viktor—he chose me as his companion instead of Alex, and he was an alpha, so I couldn't disobey. When everyone else died, and he was on the brink of death, his last order was for me to escape… so I did." Her sobs caught in her throat.
"What happened after that?" I pressed.
She met my eyes, the weight of the past few days clearly heavy on her.
"The alphas found me," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "They knew exactly who I was."
I let the silence hang for a moment before speaking again. "Now rest," I said softly. Then, with a quieter tone, I added, "You can stay here as long as you need."
Elsie seemed taken aback by my offer, but after a long pause, she gave a slight nod.
(...)
Later I briefly visited Ábel and fed my blood to him. I still hoped that it helped.
"Everything is grey and empty without you," I said to the cold gravestone. "I also feel empty and grey inside."
The only time when this numbness fills up is when the monster awakens. He doesn't feel pain or grief. He only knows desire and hunger.
"Sorry, I couldn't visit you sooner," I apologized. "Stuff happened."
I lit a cigarette and took a deep drag.
"I wish you were here," I confessed. "Sometimes I just want to... I don't even know what I want."
I pursed my lips into a sharp line. "I didn't come here to complain to you. I've got you some flowers."
I couldn't bear the silence. "I got Ábel some too. You know, I think it would be nice if he saw those first when he woke up. They are not so fancy as Lordling's sugar roses but pretty enough."
Silence again.
"I miss you so much."
I thought that would be the moment when tears would fall uncontrollably and wouldn't stop for a long time. But my cheeks remained dry and the tears did not come no matter how much I craved release.
I don't know how long I sat there in silence before Coffee arrived. She sat down next to me.
"You feel cold," she said even though our bodies did not touch.
I didn't answer.
"I miss her too."
I didn't answer that either.
Coffee was no good at comforting others, so she stopped trying. Instead, she silently handed me a box. I stared at the food for a moment, as if unable to believe what I was seeing.
"What is this?"
"Pancakes."
"For me?"
"Yes."
She gave me a fork as well and I stared at the bandaids on her fingers.
"I didn't know you could cook," I remarked instead of thanking her.
"Because I can't," Coffee replied. "But Johi always wanted to teach me. Now I regret I didn't learn it with her."
I mumbled something that couldn't be called a response.
"When I cook, I think about her a lot," she admitted. "At those times I feel a little like it never happened."
Everyone copes differently. But I don't know how I'm supposed to.
"Eat," she said quietly. "You look bad."
I smiled wryly. I opened the box, stuck the fork into the sliced pancake, and raised it to my mouth. I chewed and swallowed, making sure my face remained expressionless. How the hell had she managed to turn an otherwise normal-looking pancake bitter?
"How is it?" she asked.
"Good," I replied tersely, then decided I needed to add a few more words. "It could do with a little more sugar, though."
Coffee nodded as if she'd noted my comment, then dropped her head to her knees and just watched me slowly eat the pancakes.
Maybe that was when I really understood why Coffee always ate the pancakes Joe made for her. I didn't have the heart to say it tasted like shit either.
We sat in silence for a while. She was lost in thought, and I was eating the shit-tasting pancakes.
"Feeling better?" she asked when I finished.
"Yeah."
Well, I just couldn't say that I probably got food poisoning.
"I'm glad."
"Hm."
"I care about you too, Shay," she added. "So take better care of yourself."
I looked at the vampire girl with eyes so round I thought they might fall out of place.
"You too," I finally said, because Coffee had dark circles under her eyes and I hadn't missed the fact that she had lost a lot of weight.
She nodded.