Diaries are for writing down what should not be said.
Future Diary
As usual, I headed straight to the hospital after school — this time with Alice for a change.
"So, you're in love with this mad hunter..." Alex's question seemed to be a statement instead as his eyes fixed on Alice's calm face.
The seer's famous coolness and unwavering composure had lasted until this very moment. As has mine. The slight blush that appeared on the boy's cheeks, the puzzled look, and the fact that he was unable to look at me, instantly betrayed him.
"You gay?"
A deep silence answered for him.
"Are you fucking with me? For God's sake, Alice, my brother! Are you seriously in love with my brother?!"
I won't say I was upset, but maybe the last time I made a face like that was when Alex announced the addition of a new member to our household.
"I was..."
"Oh, my God, I knew this was weird but never in my worst nightmares suspected it to be this weird!" I went on.
"Shay, I..."
"So that's why you befriended me? Because you thought it'd be a good point for my brother to babysit his poor screwed-up little brother?"
At this point, I was really mad at him. Alice didn't say anything for a few moments. Neither did Alex. My ragged gasps were all that could be heard.
"At first I was really just curious to see what my partner's famous little brother was like, but if that was really why I wanted to know you, I wouldn't be around you," he finally declared.
For a long time, I was silent and tried to make sense of his words. Although this usually takes no time at all, that day I was shocked enough to lose my general self-control, and certainly enough for my brain to go into an involuntary blackout for a short time.
"You know, Shay, I think you're a good guy. That's why I stayed," he said.
And I, in my initial surprise, even forgot that I was supposed to yell his head off, kick open the door, and then kick Alice out of the door. In the end, I didn't even do anything like that.
"And Des..." I started, but my voice trailed off. "So, he's... ?"
Alice nodded slowly, wary of how much he was allowed to tell me before I changed my mind and kicked him out of the ward and out of my life.
"We've been together for two years," he added cautiously.
"Oh."
"So, do you really love him?" Alex asked, even dropping the disparaging epithets for the sake of his friend, even though the particular hunter was not the apple of his eye.
Alice nodded slightly. There was silence again.
"Then there's nothing I can do" I shrugged, "I'm okay with it as long as you spare me from the need to claw out my own eyes. Okay, I'll agree to you holding hands or hugging in front of me, but please save the kissing and such for occasions when you are as far away from me as possible."
Alice was surprised, but then he simply smiled. With that, he left before the situation became any more awkward. None of us blamed him for being uncomfortable — we all felt uncomfortable. The situation was very new and unusual. We all needed some time to really accept it.
I didn't have to ask how the wolf knew about Alice's feelings — his kind can sniff out that sort of thing. That's how their sense of smell differs from other monsters.
Finally, it was time for our daily routine. Alex was given some nasty-smelling stuff by the doctor to treat his wounds. It seemed to be effective, so we didn't complain, instead we opened the window. He took his top off and turned around so I could treat his back, which he couldn't reach.
Although wolves have a slightly better regenerative ability than humans, it's nowhere near as good as mine. Besides, these were very nasty wounds, and even though they were slowly healing, Alex couldn't move around too much lest they rupture again.
He was begging for a while, and finally, I agreed to go down to the hospital yard for 15 minutes. I knew how badly he was taking the confinement, so I wanted to make it as easy as possible for him. I picked up the crutches from a corner of the room and helped the wolf up.
The two-storey journey, even with the use of the lift, was very slow and painful for him, but when we got down the freedom made up for everything. He paused for a moment and sniffed the air contentedly — finally no longer smelling the nauseating odour of drugs. He could hear the birds chirping in the distance, the faint sounds of people talking, and not far away the noise of traffic.
The weather was mild for late November. He was about to turn to me, I suppose to thank me for the moment of freedom when a familiar voice was heard.
"Don't give my little brother such sideways looks!!!", Des pulled me away from Alex.
"Leave me alone, jerk" I slapped his hand away, which he was about to wrap protectively around me.
"Shay, never underestimate a horny werewolf!"
"I know you're seeing Alice," I declared.
Now it was his turn to be surprised. Seriously, there's hardly anything more pleasant than making my always-calculating brother look so stupid.
"How did you..." his voice trailed off.
"Never underestimate the nose of a 'horny werewolf', you idiot of a hunter," I explained with a triumphant smile.
After that, although Alex was clearly not too happy about it, Des stayed with us for a while.
"Is your case progressing smoothly?" I asked for the tense silence was beginning to get on my nerves.
"Not really," he shrugged, "I killed a couple of vampires who were selling the stuff, but I didn't get much out of them. I'm telling you, there's something big behind it, these mindless bloodsuckers wouldn't be able to come up with something this big."
"What do you mean?", I frowned.
"How long since you've been off work?" he inquired.
I wondered. How long had it been? It was a few weeks ago that Hajnal had not-so-subtly swung me out the door of the pub cursing a lot under her nose. She told me I couldn't go back until my friend was better and I'd pulled myself together.
"A few weeks ago," I said, "Why?"
"You must not have heard about it then," Des mused, "It's no coincidence that I was sent to investigate this, this drug business is spreading all over Pécs and even to some of the surrounding towns. There is no point in killing a dealer, another will take his place almost immediately. The problem is more complex than that."
"I see."
Under the pretext of investigation, the hunter soon left and I escorted Alex back to his room. Time was slipping by, it was getting close to seven p.m.
I had a few more words with the doctor, who assured me that Alex would be home in a few days. After that, I went home feeling a little calmer. I managed to maintain this calm until someone woke me up in the night. At first, there were only three solid knocks, and the next moment the person was banging on the door as if he intended to break it down.
I staggered to the front door and decided in my mind that whoever had visited me, this occasion would surely be the last time, for he would not leave my doorstep alive. Alice stood in front of me, and though he said nothing, he was looking very upset and angry.
"What is the problem?" I asked and put the idea of ritual murder out of my mind.
He took a deep breath and sighed, but even after that he still didn't answer, only an almost desperate question left his lips.
"Can I sleep at your place tonight?"
He didn't have to say more, I immediately moved out of the way and he hurried in from the cold of the night. I invited him into the kitchen and placed a pot of tea on the gas, knowing it could always calm him.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" the question sounded ridiculous from my mouth.
Somehow it seemed absurd that I was the one trying to comfort someone. He shook his head and I didn't push it any further. For some reason, I felt that just quietly making him tea and drinking it would mean more than any words of comfort.
I chose the decaf one, as I thought we both needed a good night's sleep. For myself, I chose my favourite combination of mango, honey, and ginger, and I knew Alice liked strawberry-flavored tea.
We enjoyed our hot drinks in silence. We were both preoccupied with our thoughts, but it felt normal. It felt more appropriate to have this silence than the clichéd sobbing together over something unimportant.
Alice quickly showered while I changed the sheets on Alex's bed, and then we settled down to rest. The seer had carefully placed a burgundy leather-covered notebook and a pen on the bedside table. When I asked what it was, he replied that it was a diary.
"A diary?"
"Yes, my future diary," he replied as he lay down in bed.
"So, a diary..." I savoured the word. "What is a future diary?"
"It's common knowledge that most seers usually dream of the future, right?" he questioned, to which I immediately nodded, and he continued. "So, people don't remember all their dreams, and neither do seers. Each of us has a future diary in which we make notes while we dream."
"Oh," I answered, "I see."
That was not entirely true. How can one take notes sleeping?
"Good night, Shay," Alice concluded.
He seemed to really want to sleep now.
"Good night," I replied.
I must have been asleep for an hour when I woke up to the sound of soft fidgeting. I am usually a light sleeper, this is sort of a remnant of my old life. I heard the sound of turning pages, then the scrape of a pen, all mixed with a low murmur. Alice was sitting up in bed, he and the tiny notebook were the sources of the sound as he was busily scribbling something in it. All this would not have been so astonishing.
The real surprise came when I looked into his eyes. He was staring fixedly ahead, though he didn't seem to see anything of this world, more as if he were dreaming wakefully. His eyes were shining. Seriously, like when you shine a light on a cat and its eyes reflect the light. Alice's eyes were exactly like that.
Speaking of cats, the fleabag lying next to me almost had a heart attack from the seer's actions and started wailing frantically. It ruffled its fur and then, with noble simplicity, threw itself under the bed and continued to growl hostilely.
When Alice had finished, and the trance had ceased, he closed his eyes, put the notebook on the bedside table beside him, and then, as if nothing had happened, he fell back on the bed and slept on — oblivious to the fact that there was a witness to the strange phenomenon.
Yes, this was supposed to be the part where I just brushed off the thing and went back to sleep. Well, I didn't. Have I ever told you about the frightening power of curiosity? It's the one thing you can't overcome so easily, and it's no different for monsters like me.
I got up and crept noiselessly to the bedside table, then picked up the book and slipped into the kitchen. I know, I know, normal people don't look at other people's diaries, yes, it's an unwritten rule. But I'm not human, so I can do it. No remorse.
I opened the tiny notebook to a random page.
There's blood, corpse stench, and a broken body on the ground. A vampire. Alex finds a cat. He takes it home. Shay and Alex have a fight...
Oh, this is really familiar, I thought, and turned a few pages.
Madame falls ill. Substitute teacher this week. Shay pulls Izzi aside at lunch. They talk about the Fifth. Alex is still mad about the cat. Johi writes down a new recipe on a napkin...
I turned a few more pages.
Deni enters an appearance before the judges of the Crosspherat. The judges threaten to suspend him but he is unmoved. He gets a new job in Pécs. He finds me that day...
So, it's a diary of the future. A lopsided smile spread across my lips. Who wouldn't want a glimpse into their future? I hoped Alice had written a few lines about me as I turned to the last entry.
Deni in a bar. He kisses a girl. A vampire who sells blood. Tries to get something out of her, but fails. He kills her. The investigation's not going well. Shay gets... BLOOD! KILL! KILL! CATCH HIM!
I bountifully ignored the bit about my brother's shenanigans, it's none of my business. However, the end of the prophecy did pique my interest. The words in capital letters were heavily crossed out with several lines. There were no trace of the pleasant letters as if they had not been written by the seer, and I was concerned because it seemed as if his prediction was interrupted — something I have never seen on any other page.
Shay gets...
I get what? Do I get going somewhere? Do I get angry? Or do I get killed? The words in all caps were threatening, I could feel it in my gut. Something told me they were for me. Only for me. After all, it can't be a coincidence that Alice's prophecy broke at my part, can it? Damn it, enough. It's just a coincidence. A simple coincidence. The subject is closed. I closed the notebook and sighed deeply.
You know, I'm not a scaredy-cat, but the next moment, I almost had a heart attack. There was a ghostly scratching sound coming from the only window in the kitchen. I glanced over but saw nothing.
I shook my head and decided to have cocoa. I'm sure I'm still half asleep, it will wake me up. I convinced myself that I was too into this diary issue, and that's why I was exaggerating things — it just got my imagination going. I was just about to put the mug in the microwave when out of the corner of my eye I thought I spotted a shadow in the window, but when I glanced over, the human-like figure had disappeared.
Okay, this is definitely not just a figment of my imagination. Silently, I put the mug of milk down on the table and headed for the hall. I put on my shoes and jacket. I removed the key from its holder, walked to the front door, and inserted it into the lock. I turned the key as the lock clicked obediently in the eerie silence of the night. The door swung open and I was greeted by the familiar sight. I walked around the apartment, taking a good look around as my eyes watched each shadow ready to attack. Needless to say, I found nothing.
The rain started pouring. It fell in big, lazy drops from the inky blue night sky. On rainy days, I always feel like taking a walk and thinking things over. I did so again this time. I remember doing this a lot as a child. Often I would just sit or lie in the wet grass, sometimes I would wander aimlessly.
I love the rain. Rain makes no exceptions, it falls equally on the rich, on the poor, on humans, or any other kind of creature. Rain teaches each flower to dance with the same tenderness, and sometimes it tramples the unopened buds to the ground with the same rough touch. Rain is the best friend in loneliness, sometimes embracing you coolly if you let it, but even if you shut it out, it will knock anxiously on your window.
The rain is a cruel tyrant, who sucks the warmth of life from your body, and gently, carefully, kisses an everlasting dreamless sleep on your closed eyes. At one time it caresses your skin, at another its coldness bites into your flesh. Sometimes the rain is quiet, its voice a mere whisper, sometimes it roars deafeningly.
The rain is capricious, yet I love it. The rain is the only one who accepts me as I am. The rain doesn't make exceptions, it sees everyone as an equal. I love the bitter smell of rain. Water is colorless, tasteless, and odorless — but then what is that pleasant, nostalgic aroma in the air? This essence both soothes and upsets me. What kind of scent is it?
When I got home, Alice was sitting at the kitchen table, looking at his notebook. Even though I made no sound, he somehow spotted me before I could sneak back into the room.
"Did you look?"
Eventually, I walked over and took the seat opposite. "Yes."
He didn't seem angry or offended, just a little nervous and terribly tired.
"Did you see the last line?" he looked up at me.
I nodded.
"It's not my handwriting, Shay," he said in a foreboding tone, "I didn't write that."
"I thought so too, yet I saw it when you wrote it down," I replied.
"Seers are very sensitive," he looked up at me again. His eyes looked more alarmed than ever. "I fear someone has taken control of me while I was in trance."
" Is that possible?" I frowned.
"Yes," he confirmed with a nod, "My grandmother was possessed during trance because she was inattentive. She was no longer able to take back control."
The boy's hands shook involuntarily. Although he didn't say it, Alice was terrified that the same thing would happen to him.
"What kind of things possess the seers?" I asked.
Alice was thinking for a long moment. "Maybe demons, or shadows. No one really knows. All we know for sure is that when it happens, they can devour or squeeze the soul out of the seer and steal their body."
"In any case," he cleared his throat to keep his voice from trembling, "It only took control for a moment and then left my body, so we're talking about a weak entity."
" I see. "
What else could I say?
"However, it is a message," he poked his pen at the last line. "A threat."
I swallowed hard.
"It's obvious."
Alice poked the pen through a few pages of the notebook in his nervousness.
"To be involved in transcendental affairs," he said, "it's never a good sign... But now we're being openly threatened. I've never heard of such a thing, we must be careful."