When you choose to carry the weight, the load becomes yours to control.
As usual, I headed straight to the hospital after school.
I leaned against the doorframe, watching Alex for a moment before stepping inside, the silence between us thick.
"Hey," I said, breaking the silence. "How's the healing going?" I asked, though I already knew the answer.
The bandages around his arm were fresh, but he still had that hollow look in his eyes, like the fight had taken more than just his strength.
Alex glanced at me from the bed, his gaze tired but sharp. "I'm getting there," he muttered, his voice low. He shifted a bit, trying to get comfortable but not succeeding.
"We need to talk."
Alex glanced at me, his expression a little surprised by the sudden shift in tone. "About what?"
I watched him for a beat. There was something about this moment—something that told me this conversation had been a long time coming. "I can be your companion. When the blood moon comes again."
Alex's gaze faltered for a moment, his breath catching. His expression shifted from confusion to something more complicated, and for the first time, I saw a flicker of hope in his eyes—like he was unsure whether to believe what I was saying.
"You don't understand," he said slowly, his voice rough. "It's not that simple, Shay. You can't just decide—"
"I already have." I cut him off, my tone more firm than I expected. "When the time comes, I'll be your companion."
Alex opened his mouth as if to argue, but no words came. His hand, resting by his side, clenched into a fist, and he exhaled sharply. "You don't know what you're asking for. It's not just about standing beside me—it's about carrying the monster inside me. The weight, the blood, the rage—"
I smirked, cutting him off. "You think I'm too weak to carry it?" The question came out more playfully than I intended, but I couldn't help myself.
"I know," I continued, my voice a little softer. "But I'm offering. I'll carry it with you. When the blood moon rises again, I'll be ready."
Alex stared at me, his face unreadable, but there was something behind his eyes that shifted. His eyes softened for a moment, but I could see that he was still uncertain, still unsure whether I fully understood what I was offering.
But then, he spoke. "Shay…" His voice was low, almost hesitant, like he was trying to find a way to say it without sounding like he was questioning everything. "You have your own monster. Your own weight to bear. You shouldn't—" He paused, his eyes darkening slightly. "You shouldn't carry mine too."
I could feel the shift in the air, the tension thickening between us. Alex's concern wasn't about me being able to handle it. It was about the weight I already carried—the darkness I had yet to fully confront.
"Alex," I said, my voice steady. "I know I have my own weight. And if I'm offering to share in yours, it's because I think I'm strong enough."
The silence stretched on as the weight of the moment settled between us. But I could see that he wasn't rejecting it, not entirely.
"And I'll give you a pack too," I said casually. "You'll never have to carry it alone. Just... be a little patient."
I leaned back, watching him, my smirk still playing at the corners of my mouth. "That's what companions do, right?"
For a moment, there was nothing but silence between us. Alex's mouth opened and closed as if trying to find words, but the expression on his face was one of someone who'd been knocked off balance, and for once, I could see that I had caught him off guard.
He didn't say anything for a long time. Instead, he just looked at me. Finally, he let out a breath. "You're insane," he muttered, but there was no real heat behind the words.
His eyes, however, betrayed something deeper—something fragile. They were full of unshed tears, brimming with vulnerability that he couldn't quite hide, despite his best efforts to keep it all together. I saw the tightness in his jaw, the way he clenched his fists by his sides like he was holding something back. Something raw, something that told me how much this meant for him.
"Maybe I am," I said, a small chuckle slipping through as I rested my hand on his shoulder, grounding him in this moment.
I looked at him, eyes softening. "Where else would I find a better cook than you, huh? You think you could leave my side? Not a chance." I let the words linger, trying to bring some lightness to the weight of it all, but I meant every single one of them. "You're stuck with me, Alex. Whether you like it or not."
Alex managed a small, shaky laugh, his eyes still glistening with unshed tears. "You're really insane, Shay," he whispered, his voice hoarse but warm. "I guess... I guess I can't get rid of you now, huh?"
"Nope," I said with a grin. "Not a chance in hell." My fingers slid off his shoulder, but I made sure to catch his gaze again. "So, whenever you're ready, I'll be here."
Alex took a breath, steadying himself before speaking. "I don't deserve this."
I gave him a knowing look, my smirk fading into something more real. "We all deserve someone to help, Alex. You just happen to be stuck with me."
He nodded, his shoulders relaxing a fraction, and I could see him fighting back the tears that threatened to spill again. "Thanks, Shay. You don't know what this means."
"I think I do," I replied, my voice softening. "Just don't forget it."
I looked into Alex's eyes, my gaze softening as I met the familiar warmth of his golden eyes. His gaze carried the same quiet loyalty I remembered from long ago. I could see the eyes again, bright and innocent, full of trust and devotion. The memory was hazy, fleeting—just a fragment—but I knew the eyes were the same. The same golden hue, that same quiet devotion.
Maybe it was his eyes that had drawn me to him in the first place. That soft, loyal warmth that shone through every glance he gave me. Maybe that was why I stayed. Why I let him keep coming back, even when it seemed like it was easier to push him away.
It sounded ridiculous, even to me, but in that moment, it felt like the truth.
The soft atmosphere between Alex and I was broken by the creak of the door. Alice stepped into the room, his usual kind smile in place. He paused when he saw the quiet moment between us, a flicker of something—maybe surprise—passing through his eyes before he cleared his throat.
His gaze softened a little as if sensing that something had been going on. "Ah, didn't mean to interrupt anything important," he said.
"No, not at all," I replied, my voice steady. "Nothing to worry about."
"Okay," with that, he made his way to the other side of Alex's bed and sat on the chair.
Alice looked at Alex with a slight hint of concern. "So, how are you holding up, Alex?"
Alex hesitated for a moment, his gaze fixed on Alice as if he couldn't look away, even though the question was simple enough. "I'm alright," he said finally, his voice a little distant. "Just a bit tired. You know, the usual... stuff."
But something in the way Alex's eyes lingered on Alice made the air around them shift. Alice noticed the intensity of the stare. He shifted slightly. "Is there something on my face—"
"So, you're in love with that mad hunter...?" Alex's words came out more like a statement than a question, his eyes glued to Alice's calm, composed face.
For the first time, Alice's signature coolness faltered. His usual unshakeable composure, which I had come to recognize so well, cracked slightly. The faintest flush crept onto his cheeks, and his gaze avoided mine, betraying him completely.
The room fell into an almost suffocating silence.
I made a face, contorting my features as if I'd just bitten into a lemon marinated in vinegar, dipped in salt, and then seasoned with dry dog poo powder. My lips curled into a grimace so intense it could've scared small children, my nose scrunched up as if I'd just caught a whiff of something that had been rotting since the Stone Age, and my eyebrows knitted together in a way that screamed, "What the fucking hell?"
For a moment, I stood there, my face frozen in this cartoonishly exaggerated look of disgust.
"Are you fucking with me?" my voice finally broke the tension. "For God's sake, Alice, my brother! Are you seriously in love with my brother?"
Maybe the last time I made a face like that was when Alex announced the addition of a new member to our household.
"Shay, I..."
Still in shock, I started pacing, trying to process what I had just learned. "Oh, my God, I knew things were weird, but never in my worst nightmares did I think it was this weird!"
"Shay, I..."
"What do you see in my retarded brother?" I muttered under my breath, unable to mask my distaste.
Alice blinked, clearly thrown off by my question, but before he could answer, I plowed on, the words spilling out faster than my brain could filter them.
"I mean, seriously, Alice. What is it? His charming ability to fall asleep mid-conversation? The way he eats cereal straight from the box while watching TV? Or maybe it's his unmatched skill at losing socks in pairs—because, really, who loses two socks from two different pairs in the same laundry cycle?"
Alice opened his mouth to respond, but I was on a roll now, waving my hands around like a deranged traffic conductor.
"Oh, wait, let me guess—it's his ability to snore like a chainsaw fighting a bear in its sleep, isn't it? That's the real clincher, right?"
"Or maybe," I paused for dramatic effect, "it's his unparalleled talent for turning the kitchen into a disaster zone whenever he tries to cook anything more complex than toast? Because, really, who needs a functional kitchen when you can have a culinary crime scene?"
Alice was now biting his lip, clearly trying not to laugh as I continued my tirade.
"Oh, wait, let me guess—it's his unique ability to suck at housework, right? The way he manages to somehow make cleaning the living room look like a tornado swept through it, or how he washes dishes so poorly that you need to wash them again right after. That's got to be what swept you off your feet, isn't it? His domestic prowess?"
"Shay, seriously, you're being a bit harsh," that was the most Alice could do to try to save his love's dignity.
"Harsh? I'm just being honest! I mean, Alice, come on, what part of my brother screams 'catch'? Because from where I'm standing, it looks more like 'hazard.'"
Alice's face was caught somewhere between amused and shocked, his lips twitching as he tried to decide if he should defend Des or laugh. Well, in the end, he disguised his laughter as a cough.
"I mean, love is blind, sure, but Alice, love is also supposed to have at least a smidge of common sense! What are you seeing that I'm missing? Some hidden charm? Some buried treasure of personality that only you have the map to?"
Alex, sitting on the bed, looked like he wasn't sure whether to try to leave the room or endure my tirade.
"Shay," Alice started, trying to catch his breath from chuckling, "I think you might be just a tad bit biased."
I crossed my arms, huffing. "Bias or not, I'm calling it as I see it. And what I see is a walking disaster zone with a subscription to chaos."
Alice finally smiled, clearly more at ease now. "You know, I was actually worried you'd be mad about this," he said, relief evident in his voice. "I mean, your reaction's a bit... animated, but at least you're not furious."
I rolled my eyes so hard I half-expected them to get stuck. "Alice, please. I'm not five. Do you think I'm going to throw a tantrum because my brother's love life is a little unconventional? I don't care about other people's sexuality. Love who you want, it's not like it affects me. I'm just trying to wrap my head around why you'd willingly walk into that disaster zone."
"So, does Des know about your little crush on him?" I asked, my tone as nonchalant as if I were asking about the weather.
Alice's face, which had just started to relax, immediately tensed up again.
"Well… actually…we have been together for two years now."
The room went dead silent. I blinked. Once. Twice. Then, the corners of my mouth twitched as I processed the bombshell Alice had just dropped.
"You've been what?" I said, my voice laced with disbelief. "For two years? Secretly?"
Alice nodded, biting his lip like a kid caught stealing cookies. "Yeah. We've been... keeping it under wraps."
Alex's jaw dropped, and I was pretty sure he was choking on the sheer absurdity of the revelation.
I threw my hands up in the air, pacing the room like a detective piecing together the most bizarre case of my life. "How did you even do it? Des? Keeping a secret? Des? This is the guy who managed to get into a fight with a vampire lord, then bragged about it to the whole bar, saying, 'It's just a little thing I do on weekends.' He even used the vampire's ring as a bottle opener!"
Alice shrugged, looking slightly embarrassed. "It wasn't easy, but we managed."
He said this with the kind of conviction that only someone who's been in denial about how insane their situation is could muster.
I crossed my arms, with a slow shake of my head. "Des. This is the guy who, after a werewolf hunt, showed up at breakfast with bloodshot eyes and scratches all over his face—and then proceeded to claim it was 'just allergies'. Sure, Des, sure."
Alice's shoulders shook with silent laughter. "We were... discreet."
"Discreet?" I echoed, my voice going up an octave. "Des can't even sneeze without the whole neighborhood knowing. And he is a terrible liar. How did he manage to keep something this big under wraps without blowing it sky high?"
"We had our close calls, believe me. Like that time he almost texted the Crosspherat instead of me about a date night," Alice sighed with a small smile.
"I don't know if I'm impressed or terrified. Maybe both," I sighed and I couldn't help but picture it in my mind—Des, fingers flying over his phone, blissfully unaware of the catastrophic consequence about to unfold.
Just picture them, the stoic, ancient members of the Crosspherat, revered for their wisdom and discretion, sitting around a big, round table. The leader, a serious, middle-aged guy with an intense beard that makes him look like he could bench press a mountain, picks up the phone, his face set in a permanent grimace. He scrolls through Des's message—'Hey love, you ready for our dinner date tonight? Don't forget to wear that sexy red shirt, I love it! Also, did you get the garlic bread last time? If not, we're going with extra this time! LOL. P.S. I'm bringing the 'weirdly spicy' sauce you like. Don't make me eat it alone, okay? LMAO.'"
Would the old farts really just chalk it up to Des' madness or would they all be like, 'Hmm, yes, very tactical. What kind of secret message is this?' 'Does the 'spicy sauce' refer to the forbidden potions we sought during the last hunt?' 'Don't make me eat it alone? Hm, he must be in need of backup.' 'Garlic bread, extra weapons, perhaps?' 'And, what is this 'red shirt'—some sort of code for covert operation?' 'Oh, and 'LMAO'... a symbol of impending doom, no doubt. We need to prepare for war.'"
This is exactly how Des would bring down an entire board of ancient, secretive judges. By being... too much Des. Okay, Shay, focus.
I pointed at Alice, almost like a judge delivering a verdict. "And you're telling me that no one noticed? Like... no one? He didn't—oh, I don't know—accidentally start a rumor about his 'mysterious late-night hunts' that just so happened to coincide with your secret meet-ups?"
Alice's face turned a shade redder. "We—uh—we may have done some... creative damage control."
"Creative damage control?" I repeated, eyes narrowing. "Like when he walked into the local apothecary, looking like he'd been rolled in mud after definitely hunting a werewolf, and said, 'I'm just... really into dirty clothes right now. It's a trend, you wouldn't understand.'"
"Well, I was mostly the one doing the damage control," Alice said, clearly at a loss for words.
"Figures," I nodded, understanding everything. "Otherwise, your secret would've been busted in the first five minutes, if not sooner."
I paused, a thought striking me like a hammer to the skull. I stared at Alice, my mind suddenly running wild. Wait... wait, wait, wait—hold up. My brother... able to keep this a secret? Could it be? No! He wouldn't... would he?
My eyes narrowed. "Hold up. How old are you, anyway? 'Cause, you know, I need to figure out if I should castrate my brother or just give him a stern talking-to."
Alice blinked, clearly caught off guard. "What? Castrate him?!"
"Yeah," I said, tapping my chin thoughtfully. "You're probably old enough to make your own decisions, but you are dating my brother, so I need to be sure we're in the clear. Real age, Alice. I need numbers. I need to know if I should start sharpening a knife, or if I can just go grab a drink."
Alex's eyes went wide.
Alice, looking more than a little flustered now, stammered, "I'm... I'm 20."
I took a deep breath, calming myself. Okay. Des is not secretly dating a minor. That's good. That's a relief. He's not in a weird criminal phase of his life. I can handle that.
"Oh, well, that's... definitely pushing it. But I'll let him off easy this time," " I said, putting my hands up in mock surrender.
Alice gave a small, nervous laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. "Thanks, Shay... for looking out for me. Really."
I raised an eyebrow and gave him a dry look. "Yeah, well, someone has to. You're dating my idiot brother, which, frankly, is already a bad life choice, but if you're going to keep making terrible decisions, the least I can do is make sure you don't get exploited."
Alice chuckled awkwardly, clearly unsure of whether to take my words seriously or not. "I—uh—appreciate that. I really do."
I gave him a sharp nod. "Good. Look, I'm okay with it, alright? You wanna hold hands? Hug? Fine. But please, spare me the details and save the kissing for moments when you're as far away from me as humanly possible." I paused for emphasis. "I don't care what you do behind closed doors, but if I have to witness a kiss, I'll be spending the next few hours clawing my eyes out, and you do not want to see me in that state."
Alice blinked, probably trying to decide if I was joking or serious. Then he nodded quickly, his face flushing a bit as if he'd just dodged a bullet.
"Good," I said.
"Yeah, uh... I'll just, uh, I have stuff to do," with that, he stood up and started towards the door.
"Yeah, you have a Des to look after," I called after him, a smirk tugging at my lips.
Alice threw a half-hearted wave over his shoulder as he quickly turned. The door clicked shut behind him, and for a moment, I stood there, completely still.
I let out a long sigh, rubbing my temples. "I need a drink."
I didn't need to ask how the wolf knew about Alice's feelings—his kind could sniff out that sort of thing. Their sense of smell was nothing like ours, finely attuned to the subtleties of emotions and bonds, even those that went unsaid. It wasn't surprising that Alex had sensed it long before I did.
"Next time you drop news like that," I began, "maybe you could, I don't know, warm me up first? A little warning would be nice."
"I'm sorry, Shay," he said, the apology genuine. "I wasn't sure at first..."
"You don't have to apologize for it," I replied, my voice steady. "You weren't sure. And helI I can see why. Still... next time a little heads-up, yeah? I don't think I'm ready for a punch like this one."
Alex nodded, his eyes shifting away for a second before he looked back at me. "Can I have a drink too?"
I shot him a look that could've melted steel. "Absolutely not."