Floating in the middle of the pond with her eyes closed Naruko for once relaxed. 'It's finally over. Months of reading those damn reports, and it's finally over.' She let out a happy sigh as the water tickled her back, gently moving her around in circles. 'Perfect. Peace. Quiet. No complicated thoughts, no headaches. Just... the sun and me.'
"Naruko-sama, Sasuke Uchiha stole the Scroll of Seals!"
"Don't care, fuck off."
"Na-Naruko-sama! It's Hokage-samas orders."
"Fuck. No. I'm on vacation. It's fake anyways." With that said an Adamantine Chain would emerge from her sternum, pick up the Chunin, and proceed to flick him through the forest. "Fuck. No."
With that, she relaxed into the pond again. "Aah, what a peaceful day."
-The Next Day, Hokage Office: Academy-
"Yo, what's up Gramps?"
"You ignored orders in relation to the most important Scroll we have being stolen."
Naruko shrugged. "I'm on vacation still. Besides, I knew it would be a fake scroll."
"It wasn't."
Her eyes widened, "What do you fucking mean it wasn't Old Man? Even I can't break it out of where it's meant to be, y'know?!?"
Hiruzen sighed, "It was taken out so that I could look at something specific."
Naruko started twitching. "You're telling me an Academy Student stole a scroll from the Hokage."
He glared at her, "It's your fault! You're the one that changed the regulations, and now everyone knows how to use Henge like that!"
"Sasuke Uchiha stole the Scroll of Seals from you because he Henged into a naked woman? You want me to believe he actually stole it from you because of such a stupid reason? You stupid old man, I KNOW you use that damn Crystal Orb to spy on the hot springs!"
He coughed blushing slightly. "That last part is untrue. But yes - maybe I let him take it. But it was still the real scroll, and maybe he learned a Jutsu from it."
Naruko closed her eyes, counted to three, then sighed. "Alright. So why did Sasuke Uchiha steal from the Scrolls of Seals and what Jutsu did he learn?"
Hiruzen sighed. "He didn't actually. A spy from Orochimaru managed to infiltrate the academy, and using YOUR lessons, managed to grab the scroll. Sasuke found the spy that had henged as him - don't ask me why we're still figuring that out, and then 'accidentally' read the scroll. The Jutsu he learned is again - YOURS."
Naruko sat up a bit straighter. 'So it appears Tsunade was correct in canon. The scroll was going to Orochimaru. But...' "Which one? I have a few in that scroll."
Hiruzen sighed. "He learned Kirin." 'Oh. That's... probably fine.'
Naruko let out a breath of relief after that. "Oh, that's fine. It's only a Kinjutsu for Chakra Reserves reasons in most cases."
He let out a groan. "It's still bad Naruko! We now have a Genin that knows a Ninjutsu that can destroy towns or even cities depending on how bad a storm is."
She shrugged popping her feet up. "Doesn't really matter. Inevitably he would have learned just as powerful a Ninjutsu unless you wanted Itachi to come and play a little."
He stared at her before he smiled. 'Oh no, I don't like that.' "Then in that case - since you're so supportive of him learning this Jutsu," 'Wait no - Old man! I don't like where this is goin-' "Then I suppose it's only appropriate you're his Jonin-sensei." 'Fuckkkkkkkkkkkk'
"Now hold on Gramps! Let's not get hasty. I'm too busy being the Overseer, I'm not allowed to leave the village, and besides - I'm the same age as him. He and his squad won't accept being trained by me!"
Hiruzen nodded along. "You're right, I guess you just can't be the Overseer anymore. After all - it was a position given to a Chunin, and you're a Jonin now. Besides, your reforms are still in place. I'm sure when out-of-village missions happen you can figure out the issues of you not being able to leave. Just like you've been doing with your other C and B-Rank missions. As for the squad accepting you as a Sensei... I'm sure you'll figure it out."
Naruko shrunk back in her chair pointing a figure at him shakily. "You tricked me! Damn old man! You knew I wouldn't do anything yesterday, and you know I wouldn't care about him learning Kirin!"
He lit his pipe and placed it in his mouth, but she could still see the hints of a smile. "I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. But you have to pick up your students... Oh, thirty minutes ago or so?"
Naruko let out a groan of pain. "Fine, whatever Gramps. Tell me who's on the rest of this squad?"
He puffed on his pipe a little before saying, "There's Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, Sai, and then yourself."
Naruko slowly nodded. "I suppose that'll work. Anyways, ramen?"
"You have a squad to meet Naruko."
"Eh, they'll be fine for an hour or two."
"Naruko they're just two floors below us."
She shrugged, and he sighed. "Alright, fine. Ramen it is."
An hour and a half later-
Letting out a yawn Naruko would stand up and rub her eyes. "Aah, that was a nice post-ramen nap. I should probably pick up my team now." Taking a step she'd fall off the ceiling and landed on Sasuke's desk he was sitting behind. "Yo! Why do none of you ever look up?"
"YOU'RE LATE!"
"Naruko-sama... why?"
Looking around confused Naruko would scratch her head. "Sorry, I thought I heard someone say something. Anyways, meet me on the roof."
With that said with an obnoxiously large swirl of leaves, she'd disappear from the classroom.
-On the roof of the Academy-
Sitting on the railing with her legs dangling Naruko would start counting. '1... 2... 3... 4... aah Sai is here on 5. 6.... 7... There's Sasuke. 8.... 9.... 10... 11... 12... 13... There's Sakura.'
"Alright, sit down and get comfortable."
As they sat down she started off, having previously ignored whatever they said while she was thinking. "As you know my name is Naruko Uzumaki. I'm a Jonin of Konohagakure and former Overseer of the Academy. I like training, quiet, beaches, and hot springs. I dislike idiots, traitors, and many other things. My hobbies include training, alcoholism, and things I can't legally say. My dream for the future is to punch a bitch. Any questions? No? Good. You're up next cotton candy."
"What do I do? Do I just repeat you?" Naruko rolled her eyes and nodded. "My name is Sakura Haruno! Genin of Konohagakure. I like." She looked at Sasuke and blushed. "I dislike.... I don't really know. As for my hobbies, they include," she looked at Sasuke and the blush got deeper, "as well as learning the Jutsu I was given! My dream for the future is..." She looked at Sasuke and then squealed.
"Right. Well, the person who's planning to get married and pop out twenty kids went." Sakura's ears started smoking as blood dripped from her nose, "Next up is the 'stud'."
Sasuke scowled at that. "My name is Sasuke Uchiha. Genin of Konohagakure." 'Oh for fucks sake he's doing the pose.' "I hate a lot of things, and I don't particularly like anything." 'Really? REALLY? After all of this, you're still doing THIS introduction?' Sakura gasped. "What I have isn't a dream, for I will make it a reality. I'm going to-" he stared at Sakura, before re-adjusting. "-destroy a certain someone." He stopped speaking at that, and Naruko sighed.
"Alright. The only normal person on my team. You go ahead."
"Of course Naruko-sama. It's a pleasure to be on a team with forehead and emo. My name is Sai, Chunin of Konohagakure. I like drawing, training, and being Naruko-sama's secretary. I dislike certain people. My hobbies are drawing, and being Naruko-sama's secretary. My goal is to make sure everyone recognizes Naruko-sama."
Naruko groaned. 'Fucking kill me now, please.' "Right, well. You're a rag-tag group of Genin that I'll be teaching, y'know! I'm not doing some dumb Genin Test like you were taught about because of my curriculum, because I'll just be forced to accept you anyway. That said, meet on Training Ground 7 at 8 AM tomorrow morning. We'll begin training then, since you don't need to do D-Ranks because of again, my curriculum. Any questions?" 'Oh right, Sai isn't a Genin. Eh, oh well. Call him a Genin anyways!'
Sakura slowly raised a hand. "Naruko-sensei should we have eaten already at that time?"
Naruko sighed. "Yes. I said 8 AM so you'll have eaten and digested your breakfast. If you train on an empty stomach as a Shinobi, you are actively crippling yourself. It's best to have a settled stomach that isn't empty at nearly all times. Chakra is converted from Physical Stamina and Spiritual Stamina, and guess what - food helps with both of those. It's why Ninja Villages have the best food in the world. Any other questions?"
Sai raised a hand, "Naruko-sama, will the training be group or individual?"
She pointed a finger at him, "Good question! We'll be starting with group training, before moving into individual so I can specifically assess you all. Any other questions?"
There was none, and Sasuke still hadn't moved from his brooding pose. 'Right. Well, we'll have to fix all of this. A good old bandit slaughter will probably fix Sakura. As for Sasuke... Well, I'm sure we can engineer a situation where he has to realize the importance of teammates.'
Clapping her hands, Naruko would stand up. "Great talk team. I'm gonna go fuck off and do something else because I'm supposed to be on vacation still. See you all tomorrow."
She proceeded to disappear in a burst of lightning. 'Fuck my life. Just let me train for a few more years so I can just walk around the world with no fear Gramps. But no. Have to be a Jonin-sensei. Fuck this. Time to go back to relaxing and drinking. Get fucked other-world laws. I'm 12 and would have to drink an entire liquor store at once if I wanted it to affect me negatively!'