As soon as Solanne and Yael found the employee who was holding a sign bored, Solanne and Yael didn't hesitate to follow the direction where the arrow was pointing. Both of them were silent, as they had their matters and thoughts to deal with.
After 10 minutes of walking, they saw the train, and many passengers were already boarding it.
With hesitations, Solanne and Yael boarded the train. Yael was anxious and unsure of what would happen next, and he couldn't help but overthink it. It was the same with Solanne. Despite her words earlier, she still found herself scared.
Additionally, she feels somewhat embarrassed to share her life like that, especially to her dear actor and idol, Yael. At her age now, she had long learned not to share her life casually with people whom she just knows. It was her habit before, back when she was just a teen, thinking that sharing her weakness and thoughts would help her gain sympathy for other people, yet she had long realized that she was displaying all sides of her being vulnerable.
Swallowing, she tried to distract herself and think of anything to elevate her feelings. The damage has already been done. She couldn't just take it back, and she should act like it doesn't bother her at all to save her remaining dignity.
Right as they boarded, Solanne and Yael found the seat number on their tickets. After passing the 6th carriage, they found their seat right in front, with a fantastic window view. They sat down and settled in, watching the travelers find their designated seats.
After a few minutes, the train conductor notified them that they were prepared to depart. Another five minutes and the train left the station.
Just like before, the train traveled at the speed of light, blurring the view from the windows, and the passengers were all silent, minding their own business.
The difference this time was that both of them were more knowledgeable. They know a few reasons why they were here. Still, Yael can't accept the fact that he's just here for some god's amusement. He felt like he was just a toy.
That doesn't sit right with him. He feels small. He feels so powerless. He swallowed. His gaze traveled to Solanne, who was looking at the supposed view outside the window, as he couldn't help but ask, "Aren't you furious?"
Solanne raised her brow. "About what?"
Yael couldn't help but scoffed. He fell silent for a minute before he continued. "This." He pressed. "Our situation. From their Point of view, we are just toys."
Solanne stared at him, trying to understand his facial expression. His tone doesn't sit right with her.
"What's wrong with that?" Solanne casually answered. Yael frowned as he didn't like the answer to that. "People – well, I don't know about deities. However, people treasure their toys very well. Like a priceless possession." She tried to comfort him.
"But they're toying us with this. I feel like a doll. Something useless and for someone else entertainment."
Just as Yael finished those words, Solanne couldn't help but stare at him. The word entertainment lingered on her mind. Isn't that what his job was? She asked herself. She was the main amusement of the people. Being their entertainment and distraction? He's an idol and actor, after all.
Yet, seeing him right now, she realized and understood that the answer to this question was important to him and that he was confused. He seemed to be out of control.
Solanne stopped herself from opening her mouth. She refused to utter the thoughts from her mind, feeling that she might offend him. She tried to think of this situation from a different point of view. Just like she had always done, she wanted to put herself in Yael's shoes.
Although this matter was not a big deal for her, it was for him. He can't accept the train conductor's explanation, but she readily accepts it like a lunatic. Perhaps the one she should be worried about is her mental health.
Or has she become unstable? Has Yael's emotions affected her?
Pushing her random thoughts aside, she smiled at Yael. "Then, in this journey, why not search for it."
"Search for what? Are you not taking this seriously? Are you curious? Thinking of this as an amusement? A game of world?" He frowned. Sometimes he was blown away by her way of thinking, but was it really okay for her to think this way?
He doesn't understand what Solanne is talking about. He doesn't even realize what is coming out of his mouth now. He's overwhelmed.
He can't seem to understand Solanne's words from the cafe. Was it too complicated for him, or because he hadn't felt those experiences before?
He doesn't understand.
There's something inside him he needs to understand. It's disrupting him. He's restless, and he doesn't understand himself.
He doesn't understand!
He couldn't seem to understand it, and his annoyance was growing. He clenched his teeth and heaved his breath. He can feel the heat rising on his stomach, spreading onto his chest.
He fell silent. Confused.
Solanne sighed as she observed his reaction. Something about this didn't sit right with him, and she knew that.
"The very reason why they chose you as a toy and an object of their entertainment. We can't do anything now but follow their arrangements, but from what I have observed, we can find the answer in most of our journeys. And in a long time, you can ask those deities their reason if they met us. Thinking of everything now, all at once, will just push you beyond your emotional capabilities, as I know you are probably confused, annoyed, and even angry."
"Yet, as a piece of advice coming from someone older, worrying and overthinking things, finding an answer where there's no clue will lead you to exhaustion. I am not asking you to enjoy what is happening to us right now, but I am asking for your understanding and patience because even if you pressed these questions, all the answers I can give you are just based on my thoughts and the way I think."
"I am not a god, Yael. I don't have any of the answers you seek. I am a mere human like you who is also in the same situation as you. You can't just expect everything to be answered. And I can't always control my thoughts and emotions just because you don't feel like it."
Hearing Solanne's words, Yael felt like he had been plunged into an ice-cold lake drowning, and suddenly, a hand appeared to help him up, trying to pull him up so he could breathe. He sighed, trying to calm his emotions as he tried to rationalize.
Just as hearing Solanne's words, he realized that he was angry. He was furious with what the train conductor had said and that people, even deities, viewed him as entertainment. He tried to pull himself back together. Yet, there was just this feeling, inside him and he doesn't know how to handle it and where to put it.
Reality crept in. He realized that there was an awkward air surrounding them. As he tried to formulate his thoughts, he felt a pang of guilt inside her heart and felt that he was guilty of even looking up and meeting Solanne's gaze.
She seemed to have some thoughts going through her mind.
He leaned back and shut his mouth. A few hours passed, and both of them didn't know they had already traveled back to the cabin. After all of the sight they had just seen, they were back in the living room, cans of beer everywhere, and the cats sleeping on the couch.
And the clock that says 3 in the morning.
--
Right at the small hand of the clock landed on the number 7, Solanne opened her eyes, hearing the cat's meows.
She opened her eyes before squinting. Suddenly, she was greeted by a familiar ceiling and the smell of beer reeks.
She swallowed, feeling her head aching and her throat dry. Dammit, she cursed under her breath, realizing that she was now back at the cabin and that there were so many messes everywhere. At the same time, Yael was lying on the floor, still asleep.
She sighed and stood up. She refilled the cats' bowls before picking up the cans and their trash and putting them away. She put the leftovers on the fridge and swept the floor, not minding that Yael was sleeping there. He seemed not to care.
After clearing, she went to his room, grabbed his blanket, and covered him up. She kept the whole living room dim by pulling the curtains. Then, she returned to bed, changed her clothes, and brushed her teeth before lying in bed, hoping to fall asleep again.
It didn't take long. Her headaches and her body are tired. She closed her eyes and fell asleep again, forgetting that she was a bit upset about Yael.
--
Right as the small hand of the clock strikes 10 in the morning, Yael wakes up with a blanket all over him, two cats lying on his belly, and the living room is dim enough for him to sleep comfortably. He lay there, not wanting to get up because of the cats.
Yet, he realized and noticed that the living room was clean and that it smelled so good that a blanket had covered him. There was no sunlight coming through the windows as they were covered with curtains. The atmosphere was cozy, and he couldn't help but doze over once again.
Still, he felt guilty for his actions. He could still remember them.
In times like this, he most certainly feels and acts so childish. He sighs, thinking of ways to apologize. However, before he even knew it, he slept once again with the cats over him.
--