It was already one afternoon that Yael woke up from his sleep. The cats were meowing for their food; hence, he stood up and filled their bowls. The room was still dark, and he could feel the heaviness around the house for some reason.
Yael swallowed, looking up at the second floor, wondering if Solanne was awake. He can feel the aches in his body. He felt so stiff since he could not move when the cats were beside him. Moreover, He's also hungry. He walked towards the fridge to see if there was something he could cook. In his mind, he was looking for ways to apologize for his sudden outburst.
His thoughts occupied his time. He sat down on the kitchen stool; a glass of water was beside him, for he could feel his headache. How should he even apologize? Not even that, how should he face her? She seemed angry. No, she was angry. He leaned back, feeling heavy.
Yael then gulped down the water in the glass and pulled the curtain to let the sun enter the windows, lifting his mood slightly.
When he saw the coffee maker machine, he walked to the kitchen and thought of an easy food to make. Suddenly, an idea struck him.
A small smile appeared on his lips, and he went upstairs. He checked if Solanne's room was open, and he was pleasantly surprised to see her door was slightly open and she was sitting on the floor; in front of her was a small table, and her laptop was open.
She was typing and writing some words on her laptop and notebook. She looks busy with the paper scattered through the floor.
He heaved his breath and braced himself. Yael then knocks on the door. Suddenly, he felt his heart stop momentarily, meeting Solanne's gaze. She looked at him, her eyes asking questions. Yael tried to read her expression, yet he couldn't read it.
He smiled. "Do you want some coffee?"
Suddenly, a small smile appeared on Solanne's lips. Yael did not like seeing stares at him, so he pushed it aside. "Yes, please. Thank you."
Hearing her response, he finally managed to breathe in properly. Was he overthinking things again?
Yael went down the stairs without any second thoughts and prepared some coffee. He also grabbed the chicken and filled the sink with water, intending to defrost the chicken. After that, he focused on preparing two coffees and found some bread to make a sandwich. After he was done, he placed the sandwich on the plate and headed upstairs with the two cups of coffee and sandwich.
"That was fast," Solanne commented as she pushed aside the papers on the table to make room. Yael did not hesitate to sit down on the floor beside her and push the coffee and sandwich for her to reach it.
"What time did you wake up?" Yael asked.
Solanne looked at the clock on her laptop. "12," she answered casually, taking a sip of her coffee. On the other hand, Yael just casually sat beside her like it was natural for him to sit beside her.
He looked at the papers scattered on the ground and read some. Suddenly, reading at the words, he felt like he was back on time when he was reading the raw script that the writers often give him.
These words reflected what Solanne had in her mind and how she envisioned the world they had been traveling with. It was a draft and a list of the things they had experienced, and some of it had red and green writings that reflected how she wanted the scene to develop and what her reflection was on that time.
Her thoughts had no limits, and all of the possibilities she could think of were written on these papers without hesitation and without doubts. Suddenly, he felt guilty. He was such an ass talking to her like that. He had been in the entertainment industry for a long time and often heard those words.
That they are just for entertainment.
Toys and distractions to pass the time.
Subject for people's attention and that they should always be perfect and avoid mistakes.
And hearing what the train conductor said brought him so many memories he wanted to bury.
Suddenly, he realized that he had buried so many things and emotions that made him uncomfortable as he was so busy with his life. He doesn't know how to face it.
He swallowed. Yael looked at Solanne, her hair still messy, sipping coffee as she looked at her laptop.
He put down the papers and sipped his coffee. Solanne was busy with her work, and Yael was trying to find a way to apologize.
"Is there something?" Solanne asked. Her eyes were still on her laptop, yet she could feel Yael's gaze. He was clearly taken aback; his ears turned pink, and he was so flustered that he almost choked his coffee.
A chuckle. Solanne giggled as she put down her coffee and looked at him. For a moment, Yael felt tensed. However, he was trained to act prepared for his entire life as he smiled casually, "I want to apologize."
"For what you said yesterday?" Solanne bit back, which made him even more embarrassed and caught off guard. He smiled and scratched the back of his head.
"I am not trying to make any excuses," Yael started; he couldn't seem to make eye contact. "Yet, it was my first time encountering such emotions; I do not know how to deal with them."
Solanne sipped her coffee and bit her sandwich. "It's okay," her mouth was half full. "I understand."
A moment of silence. Yael was expectantly looking at her. It took a while for her to understand as she ridiculously looked at Yael, "Are you asking me for advice at the same time you're apologizing?"
"Is it that bad? Should I not?" He chuckled and finally realized that the heavy feeling inside his chest had disappeared and that he could be at ease. "I just… it's new to me so, I don't know—"
Solanne grinned. "Meet too, though."
Yael scoffed as he rolled his eyes, not believing what Solanne had said. "Stop lying! You sounded and looked so mature!"
Solanne laughed. "Doesn't mean I know how to handle my emotions. I almost snapped at you yesterday."
"I was being an ass. It's understandable."
Solanne shakes her head. "It just doesn't sit right with me. I can give you some advice, like calm down before you speak or decide things. Have time to reflect and strive to be the best version of yourself. Yet sometimes, advice is just advice, and I can speak senseless about how mature I am, but I also struggle to calm myself and keep my emotions and self in check, so that's all I could ever help you with. Also, you can share it with a friend. I feel and think that would help you a lot."
Yael stared at Solanne, who had finished eating her sandwich and was back typing on her laptop. "Can I share them with you?"
Although he has a professional therapist, he doesn't have a friend with whom he could just casually share his thoughts and be carefree like this. At the very least, Solanne doesn't judge and doesn't give advice. She accepts his words, and sometimes she gives one or two comments.
"Me?" Solanne pointed herself with her index finger. She had this confused expression, to which Yael nodded enthusiastically.
"You trust me that much?" She added. A grin was on her face, "You're an actor. I can blackmail you."
Yael grinned back, looking so confident. He took a sip of his now cold coffee. "I know a few of your secrets, too. I can blackmail you, too."
Solanne raised her brow. She doesn't remember telling Yael her secrets except for her confession in the realms café on the portal of worlds.
Still, she shrugged. "Whatever," and focus back on what she was doing.
"Should we have a therapy session?"
Solanne frowned. "I'm not a therapist."
He chuckled. "Just joking." His eyes then traveled to the laptop that was in front of her. "What are you doing? Are you writing?"
Solanne sighed, and Yael was caught off guard. "I'm trying to grasp the ideas in my mind, filtering them one by one and trying to make them make sense, yet all of them were interesting, and I want them all to be written."
Solanne leaned on her bedframe. "I feel tired. I want to sleep. I'm so lazy."
"You just woke up and worked for one hour, and you feel tired?" Yael asked back. Looking at her ridiculously.
"I don't know. I feel like everything in me works whenever I'm writing, and that it invokes all of the feelings, thoughts, and even memories I don't want to remember, and it's kinda hard to filter all that."
--