Solanne tried to pull herself together again.
Still, she doesn't want to go. She doesn't want to move forward, feeling as if it is meaningless anyway. She heaved her breath, feeling her chest tighten. Solanne doesn't want to look up. She doesn't want to see those creepy eyes that seem to know every move she makes.
She swallowed. Despite not looking at those eyes, Solanne could feel the heavy pressure that was being projected onto her. Despite wanting to, Solanne can feel her knees trembling as she wipes the cold sweat on her forehead.
What should she do now? Is there any specific time limit to this? She asked while pulling the pamphlet and trying to know the answer to her question.
She stared at it. Looking.
Waiting.
Yet, after a few minutes, there was no answer. Hence, Solanne concluded that time did not matter.
So if that's the case, then would not be moving from her plausible? Isn't that the best way? Time is distorted in this place anyway. She tried to assure herself. Yet, in the back of her mind, she knew that she was just making excuses and that all of the questions on her mind had already been answered by her.
She needs to move. That was all it took. Even taking one step was acceptable.
Yet, it was heavy, excruciating, and torture. They were just eyes.
She heaved her breath. Solanne feels like a fool staying here. Still, she can't even make a decision.
In the end, Solanne lay on the ground. Eyes up on the vast blue sky, wondering, since this is a place in her dreams perhaps a miracle can happen.
She can wait. She had already mastered it.
--
Yael warily looked around as he tried his best to compose himself. For a moment, he was talking with Solanne now; he was in an unknown place, cramped and full of mirrors. If he describes it, he feels like he is in a house of mirrors, one of the attractions in an amusement park or fun fair.
With every step he takes, the mirror reflects what he is doing. He looked from his right to left. Although these mirrors contained his reflection, nothing was exceptional, he thought. In the long time he was in the entertainment industry, he was already used to these.
These mirrors felt like gazes. He thought. These gazes were not friendly at all, and they all had malice. In the many years he had with his work, he had learned to overcome it.
So, what was the purpose of him being here?
Without any clue, Yael tried to walk and look around. From what the pamphlet had said, he needed to find his way out of this place, and that was what he was trying to do the moment he got here, and yet, he felt like he was in a maze and he was lost.
Heaving his breath, he tried to look at this place from a different perspective. On what to do and what the ways are that he can finish this.
Yael paced back and forth, trying to understand when the mirrors reflected his every action shifted.
Suddenly, what was in front of him was replaced with a screen. Yael paused. He frowned, looking at it.
And without any hesitation, these mirrors had reflected something.
Yael clenched his jaw as he could feel the anger rising through him. His eyes reflected himself; no, he was seeing himself from other people's perspectives.
Each panel and glass of mirrors reflected has different narrations. He doesn't know where and whose narrations these came from, yet it hit him right in the gut.
Yael turned around, yet he couldn't even run away.
"He's blessed, that's why. We are nothing but commoners in front of him. He was blessed with connections. His father is a CEO, and his mother was once a famous actress. Of course, everything he does is easy. Talk about luck."
"He's just a selfish brat to begin with. He doesn't even consider what other people were thinking."
"He got it easy. We are the bigger person here. We should understand."
"Does he really think people would understand him and conform to his wishes?"
"He's not even that good. He lacks sincerity."
"Eh, I just wish for him to fall."
"He should just leave."
"He's not fit here."
Yael can feel the anger surging through him. He swallowed as he glared at the mirror. He wanted to destroy it. He tried to break it into pieces but knew that would be dumb.
He often hears these words whenever he succeeds in anything he does. These are the words of envy that he tried his best to ignore, yet even though he was an idol and an actor, at the end of the day, he was still a human, and most people forget that and try their best not to acknowledge that fact.
That these words hurt.
And that these words would drag him.
In the end, everything felt so ironic.
Looking at these, reflecting on them, Yael wanted to argue. He wanted his thoughts and words to be heard.
He's just a human.
It hurts.
He's in pain.
Can't you be nice?
He wanted to beg. He wanted them to understand.
Yet his anger. His ego. He knows he doesn't deserve any of this.
Feeling helpless, Yael turned around.
"Eh, what a sight!" Yael immediately turned around, hearing a voice from a distance. He tried to think that Solanne owned the voice, but that voice sounded familiar, and he had heard it on the train.
When Yael turned around, he saw the blue, yellow, and red hues of the clothes he had seen on the train.
Fuck this. He thought. The Clown was with him.
"Eh, these are the voices in your head? How laughable." The Clown laughed as his eyes were glued on every reflection he could see.
"Everyone seemed to think that you are lucky and blessed. How envious, hehehe."
Yael cannot do anything but look down, remembering what the train conductor said. That was his only choice.
He can't do anything.
Right at that moment, Yael can feel his own insecurity that he tried his best to hide.
He clenched his jaw. "Disgusting. How disgusting."
--
"Eh? What are your fears? How bland."
Solanne ears twitched. There's a voice? She gets up to look, only to withdraw her gaze and look down. The fucking Clown was with her. How in the world? Before everything else, she checked whether she was alone in this place, yet the Clown was there?
"What's wrong with being looked upon?" The Clown mocked and challenged. "Every day, people look at you. They have eyes. Are you insinuating that people should not have any eyes? Eh, isn't that so selfish of you?"
Solanne blinked, trying to understand what the Clown had said, but her mind was full of thoughts like, 'Do not engage. Do not look at him.'
In the back of Solanne's mind, she tried to comfort herself by saying that this was just a dream and that she'd wake up soon.
But, the instructions had told her to move forward.
What to do if she's not?
Would she be here stuck with this Clown after all?
Think, Solanne! She pressured herself. Think!
The Clown sat down beside her as if they were best buddies. "Say, what do you think?" he asked.
Suddenly, a thought rushed through her mind, 'What if I do not move forward,' she thought. 'Would I be stuck here in this place? Would I sleep forever?'
Just that thought made her shudder as she felt even more desperate, pathetic, and helpless.
She should move forward. Moving forward was her only option right from the start.
But then moving forward means facing those eyes! Moving forward means suffering!
What to do? Solanne wanted to push the limits of her brain. Perhaps she still feels like there will be miracles.
She believes. She has hope. Some entities take pity on people like her. She has nothing.
And yet….
"Say," The Clown muttered. His voice has a hint of mockery. "You are praying for a miracle, you are desperate for it, yet you are not even bothering yourself to move forward? Where is your effort?"
A laugh.
"What a damn hypocrite."
Solanne felt like cold, freezing water was thrown at her. Her whole body trembled at the same time; the words of the Clown were making her look at the things she had already shut from the back of her mind.
No.
No.
No!
"You refuse to move and expect everything to fall into place?"
He laughed again. This time, it was much louder. "What a damn hypocrite. Ignorant. Disgusting, and Selfish Human."
--
Solanne can feel the anger rising through her, and she can feel her down on her core and bones, and she's almost on the verge of exploding.
"Say," the Clown muttered again. "What do you even hope for?"
A deafening silence overwhelmed Solanne as she felt like she was drowning.
"Huh?"
It happened in an instant. She felt like her whole body shifted, and the moment she blinked, she was back at the cabin.
"What in the world?" She muttered, seeing Yael still asleep.
"Am I still dreaming?"
--