I always wonder how experiences that seem to be universal still don't have solid solutions.
The situation in question is the inherent awkwardness of walking, or just being around, two people who verbally and outwardly don't like each other. No matter how many times it happens to me, I just can't seem to figure out what to do or say.
It didn't help that the cold was getting harsher as we climbed, the altitude starting to reduce the quantity of air available. Though, between the vampire who could only get killed by very few rather specific things, and the woman who was born feeling nothing but the cold, I, the squishy and not particularly remarkable human, was suffering the most.
I was shivering, the cold soaking me in an uncomfortable haze. Stories don't often consider how miserable things like the elements can make you. We weren't even in the snowy portion of the mountain yet, still in the deeply forested trail leading up. The cold wasn't at the point where it would hurt me seriously, I had no risk of hypothermia or anything like it, so all the cold served to do was make me miserable.
The two girls on either side of me shooting the other an occasional dirty look wasn't helping. Looking up at the trail still to follow, and the altitude still to climb, I let out an annoyed breath. "We should camp out here."
Yuki frowned, looking at me. "No, we should press forwards!"
I shook my head. "We shouldn't, it's going to turn to night soon, and if we're going to be fighting something that's cursed the lineage of one of the strongest ducal families for centuries without being killed yet, we need at least a full night of sleep. I forgot to mention we're all children. Have I mentioned this is a bad idea?
She huffed. Turning to stare up at the remaining path with narrowed eyes. "Fine. But…"
"But?"
She looked away from me. "I uh, don't know how to do that."
I shrugged. "Hey, it's good that you admit it. Me and Lilith only have the one days experience, but it shouldn't be an issue. Do these mountains have animals?"
She shook her head. "No, rather unnaturally, they do not."
Annoying, but not overly problematic. I reach into my pockets, pulling out a small bag of emergency supplies I carry around. It doesn't have much, a length of bandages, a few high value coins, a small amount of beef jerky, some flint, and a small whittling knife.
It's a little weird to have one of those, but I couldn't really find a pocketknife, so, a whittling one had to suffice. I threw the entirety of the jerky to Yuki. "Eat. Lilith just needs blood and I'm used to running on empty."
She cocked an eyebrow, before her eyes narrowed and turned to Lilith. I huffed, cutting off the thought. "Before I came under her. I get fed plenty now."
She relented slightly, taking a bite out of the food.
I turned to Lilith, as I started clearing a small space for a campfire. "Could you go get some good firewood?"
"What makes it good?"
"Dry, decent size, not too big, not too small."
She nodded, wandering off to go and find some a little further down the mountain, where the trees were more dense. Yuki watched her go, huffing when she was finally gone. "Alone with you again."
I finished clearing out a little circle, a few decent rocks making a little circle around it. "Hey, you threatened me last time, I should be the one annoyed."
She was silent, as I sat down on the ground with a huff. She seemed to be looking me up and down. "Why are you doing all of this? Shouldn't you be happy if I go off and die?"
I let out a groan, happy to be finally off of my sore feet. "Sorry, I'm a little more mature than to celebrate the death of a child."
"I'm not a child."
"That's what every kid says." I gave up on sitting straight as my back started aching, and just laid all the way back, letting my clothes get dirty and undoubtedly getting some grass and dirt in my hair. "It's not a bad thing to be young. You should be enjoying the splendors of youth."
She scoffed, finally sitting down opposite me, separated by the outline of the future campfire. "What splendors? All being young is, is being talked down to and disrespected because of something you hold no control over."
"It's not so much a matter of age as it is experience. You learn through experiencing things, and when you've had less time to live, you know less."
"Please, I've met far too many witless adults for that to be true."
"It's not a foolproof theory. There's something to be gained from every experience, but only if you're willing to learn from it."
She rolled her eyes. "What are you, my tutor?"
"I am but a lowly butler. One unfit for all of this adventuring."
"We've walked up a hill, if this is too much for you, you should probably turn back now."
I stuck my tongue out from my seated position. "You should turn back, and then we can all go back to the castle, hide under some blankets and sleep on an actual bed."
"Only you two would be able to enjoy that sensation. I feel the same frost all over my skin no matter where I am."
I'm silent for a few moments, as I try to carefully consider my words. "Look, it's obvious your curse sucks to live with, but, you really shouldn't be throwing yourself into a situation like this."
"That's easy for you to say. You have someone close to you, who holds a degree of clear affection. You don't have to wonder if anyone would care if you disappear, or lie awake at night, clinging to blankets which don't warm you, wondering if you can ever feel love. If your kids could feel love. If your father can feel love for you, or if every pat on the shoulder is an act by someone doing what they need to appear like a good father."
"...Why are you so convinced your father doesn't actually love you? I haven't interacted with him much, but I'm pretty sure he cares about you."
It was her turn to be silent, and I was about to tell her she doesn't need to tell me if she doesn't want to, when she finally opens up. "My mother. The duchess of the Frost family. She's alive, despite what you may think. She lives in the imperial capital, surrounded by a cadre of men whom she mainly keeps near her with the financial wealth afforded to her from my father. The two supposedly were once in deep love, but I don't think that's even true. How could it be, when the two haven't even looked at each other for over a decade?
As far as I know, the last time they saw each other, it was so she could hand me over to my father.
I'm a bastard in all but name. A child neither wanted, but instead, were obligated to produce in accordance with noble traditions. My father, he…he can't look me in my eyes. He speaks to others about his pride, his desire for my safety, how he cares about me. But, I've never heard a single word of it from his own lips."
I nodded slowly, taking in her words without outwardly reacting. "...None, none of the things you just mentioned, would change if your curse suddenly left you."
She clenched her fist, her arm shaking slightly as she let out a long breath, cold air blowing out from her mouth. "No. It wouldn't. But things would be able to change. I could change things after, I could, if I…If I can gain the ability to feel affection first, if he can also feel the same things, then, maybe then we can be like a real father and daughter."
You know, in reality, it doesn't take much for someone to grow up unstable. It's funny how mentally frail we people can be sometimes when you look at things like that. No animals are like that, no creatures of the earth really go beyond the first two, maybe three stages of the hierarchy of needs. We're the only ones with the whole pyramid.
Again, somehow, once again, I'm struck by the difference between reality and fiction. This character, no, person, in front of me, was just that. A girl who longed for parental love, when she didn't have any. Due to her desire for belonging and connection, she was striking out, doing something crazy to affirm that people did care about her, did love her.
I think, even more than she wants to lift the curse, she wants to be stopped. She wanted her parents to be the one here with her, trying to keep her safe. She wanted her father to hold her tightly, and tell her that she doesn't need the sword for him to love her.
It made my chest ache. In truth, half the reason I recommended we stop, rather than having Lilith run us both to the top, was so that hopefully, news of Yuki's disappearance would get to the Duke, and he'd come running.
I sincerely hope he does now. Still, I snap myself out of the moment I was taking to process all of this. "...Sorry."
She scoffed, her thumb wiping at the corner of her eye. "I don't need your pity, or your condescension. I know I'm a fortunate person lamenting to an unfortunate one."
"I…I don't think it's like that at all." I lie back, closing my eyes as I try to settle my own emotions. "It's all relative right? You could have absolutely everything and still have issues. There's…" I blink a few times, as my mouth forms words I hadn't really thought until this conversation. "There's no such thing as a perfect life. We all have our problems after all."
There was the crunching of leaves behind us, as Lilith walked back into the area we were resting in, a bunch of logs and branches held in her hands, holding them up like they weighed nothing at all. "There weren't any good ones lying around, so I had to knock a few smaller trees down."
She said it so casually.
We all have our problems, but I think mine are especially weird.