I thought I had died.
The idea never frightened me; I knew that on this mission, I had the potential to end my life in the blink of an eye. I sit on the mattress where Damiano placed me with his gentle arms. His carefulness not to harm me makes me wonder where his ruthless self is hiding, the one that breaks arms or necks without hesitation. Most mafiosi go through that.
Why did he save me? More importantly, why did I save him? The answer to my question is hard to guess. Maybe I felt compelled to save him since he saved me first. However, this doesn't overshadow the sinking feeling in my heart when I think of him dying.
Aside from that, the answer to his question is even more elusive. I can't seem to find any reason. His actions so far don't provide a clue. I think he is truly obsessed with finding out why I can't seem to protect myself when he believes I can. And today, I proved his theory right. But what does he gain from that?
I don't believe he intends to harm me after what happened today. He remains a mystery regarding what he truly wants from me. When I first asked him, "What do you want from my life?" I intended to understand his motives, but he skillfully brushed it aside. Even on the second attempt, his response only left me annoyed.
Of course, I'll never ask him for any favors, even if it means facing death. This means I'll never learn his true reason unless I ask him for a favor - in short, never. He didn't mention anything about my last name either.He could trying to manipulate me through it leisurely. But no.
I start to think he just enjoys solving puzzles a little too much. Is that his obsession? Still, his serious expressions and behavior indicate deep concern and a sincere attitude.
I don't know anything anymore. I refuse to understand him because it seems impossible. Yet, I am bound to him by a favor, by a truth he knows about me.
Something tells me I will never escape from his grasp. I will have to understand him eventually, find the reason in some way or another, so I can devise a plan to get away from him, free from his grasp.
He might seem reasonable, but I just don't want to deal with or be connected to any mafia man. I need to keep my wings free, avoiding obstacles that could hinder my quest to kill Marco.
I wince as I try to move. He told me to rest. Funny. This is nothing. With some painkillers, I can even run.
Emilio enters the room. "Amy, I brought a glass of water. Do you think you can drink?" He sits on the edge of the mattress, and I nod. My mouth feels dry, and I lift my head in anticipation of the cold, refreshing water on my throat.
He puts his hand under my head and, with careful movements, tilts the glass to my lips. I sip and feel thankful that he supports some of my weight with his hand. My ribs are hurting like trash. I had my leg sprained once, but I never had anything broken in my body.
"Good. Drink slowly." Emilio looks attentive so that I won't wet my clothes. "Thanks, Em…" I look at him, and a smile forms on my lips.
He mirrors my expression and says, "You're welcome." After placing the glass on the windowsill, he positions himself on Niko's bed, watching over me.
"Say, how did you manage to kill that man and even get yourself out of the hospital alone? I was called by Damiano to check and see if you arrived home. I am sure he will be surprised to see you looking like this. That man is already into you too much." He looks at me curiously, smirking.
Damiano hides things because of me, and he is aware. Is he really into me? I might be giving myself too much credit, and Emilio is probably delusional. He covers for himself so that Franco or Nicolas don't know he helped me with the killing.
I should be careful with what I say since he might come up with a story on his own. I don't want to make him look like a liar or risk losing his position or even his life. I heard that lying to the mob is equal to death.
See, now I am bound to him! I knew this would happen.
"I just killed him and got myself to the apartment shortly after deleting all info about me from the hospital I went for the quick check up ."
"Cool… I knew you were more than you seemed to be. This will get you in the gang for sure. Let's hope that after the ceremony, we can work together." I like his optimism and sense of family connection, but I hope I will get assigned not near them.
It will be harder to act around them now that we are sort of friends. I felt attached to them as well though.
"I hope so too." My lips move slowly, and I look away, not able to lie while looking into his eyes. He doesn't deserve that.
"I think you should be careful with Damiano." Emilio sighs and looks at me. "He is soon to be the next leader, meaning he is one of the ruthless people around here. I just don't want to see you suffer."
"You don't have to tell me twice." I want to let out a laugh, but my ribs are killing me. It comes out as a gasp.
"Though from the things I saw, he seems to be watching you always." He says while brushing his chin. Emilio might exaggerate.
"He looks the same at all of us. His eyes are the filter from where we are tossed into the grave or become made men. I think he is taking his job seriously." Why the hell do I defend him? I don't even know if what Emilio says is right or not. I think I just want to convince myself that Damiano is not just watching me. I hope I am right …..
"He looks at you like Terry looks at his motorcycle." Emilio raises his eyebrows, making a 'you-know-what-I-mean' face.
I scoff, not in the mood to deal with Emilio's banter. I still don't care even if Damiano might be interested in me on a deeper level, be it lust or love.
"I know I'm not the only one who came to this conclusion. Bianca was the first to figure it out. Niko pointed that out too. Terry was getting defensive when he saw how Damiano watched you last time. Even Carlo, who doesn't care about anything except money or killing, wondered why the man is interested in you. It's just you who is blind."
Now, this is shocking. Every time our eyes met, his expressions were either serious, angry, or deeply penetrating into my soul. Yet, upon reflecting on Damiano's actions, it seems Emilio and the others might be correct.
The tender gaze he bestowed upon me initially, his lingering eyes on my lips, his protective nature, risking everything for me, the kiss on my neck, and his firm grip on my hand while visibly disturbed seeing me in the clinic bed… Damn! His actions have exposed him on numerous occasions.
"Why are you blushing suddenly?" Emilio looks at me suspiciously.
"I am not…" I avoid his gaze while I feel my cheeks burning.
I never realized I was so oblivious to love. I believed I wasn't that clueless. Now, I'm left wondering if he's aware of his actions.
He doesn't appear to be, though.He might not be conscious of his actions, just as I am. Upon reflection, using the word 'love' might be too intense; perhaps he just likes me a little.
The room opens, and Bianca comes in, her blonde hair splattered with red dots, her face unscathed, the black crop top splattered with blood too. Her boots are the most bloody.
"I feel refreshed." Her words make Emilio and me burst into laughter. Only that I wince through laughs. She surely looks tired. Given that last night she stayed up late even after we ended playing cards. How the heck does she keep up with this sleep schedule? Is she recharging watching that TV and I don't know? Or worse, she recharges killing people!
Anyway, she is funny and most important herself .
"Crackheads." She smiles and continues, "I see you wanted to refresh yourself a little too much, Amy. Who got you in the spirit to destroy them without a gun?"
"Stefan. I felt like feeling his muscles on me. He was just a little too rough." I smile, speaking her language. She smirks.
"You should have passed him to me. Vincent is losing his edge recently." I crack up again hearing her remark.
Only us, recruits, know that she somehow got tangled up with Vincent, the Capo of the drug section in the gang. He is by far her boyfriend. Maybe friends with benefits? But by the way she despises him except for his lower part, I would consider he is a mere tool to satisfy her sexual needs.
If Vincent would hear her talking like this, I bet she would feel satisfied completely next time they hook up. He didn't kidnap her these days; maybe it has to do with what Stefan did with the drugs. Though I am sure he is rough enough to make Bianca satisfied without hearing her say that.
She went to bathe, saying that the man she killed was bloody energetic.
"Is pretty late. The others should come too. I will go make some pasta." Emilio leaves the room too.
Sure thing. It's almost dinner time.They should appear in any moment.
"You should have let me kill the other one too! Damn asshole!" Niko bangs the door open, and Leo is behind her. He seems pissed.
What was I saying few minutes ago ….
"Girl! You are crazy! I know that. But still! He was innocent!" He wants to grab her hand.
"Get your hand off me! You are the same!" She yells, hitting his hand.
"Same as who?! I swear to God if I understand you!"Leo appears to grow more and more infuriated, disregarding her request as he grabs her hand to turn her towards him.
I believe they are entangled in this argument to the extent that they don't even notice me. I observe them, trying to comprehend what is happening. Although they frequently argue, and Niko strongly disapproves of him and his arrogance, it appears that there is something deeper at play.
"I said don't touch me!" She retrieves her knife from the sheath beneath her leather jacket, pushing him against the wall and placing the already bloodied knife at his throat. He sighs, releasing her wrist, and she withdraws the knife from his neck, stepping back a few paces.
Turning towards me, the anger initially portrayed on her face soon gives way to a mix of fear. Then, Niko's expression transitions to sadness as she glances at me. She doesn't seem bothered by my presence.
Leo exits the room after uttering his final words, "I should have not done anything. Nothing to do with you. My mistake." Niko bites her lip and appears lost for a second. After he forcefully closes the door, she sighs.
"Are you okay?" I ask in the end, seeing that she just looks absentmindedly at the knife in her hand.
"Are you okay?" She asks me with a low tone while tossing herself on the bed. A muffled scream is heard from her pillow. I conclude that she feels some sort of pain that I feel. My ribs hurt like a bitch. But she is hurt emotionally, most likely.
I hear voices in the living room, and I know the others arrived too. I could never mistake Carlo's laugh combined with Terry's who calls out Antonio. Or Bianca's name coming out of Julio's voice, sign he entered the bath without knocking again.The only person I can't be certain is here until I see him is Terzo. He is too silent for his own good.
A knock on the door, and I say, "Come in." Terzo's face pops into view through the half-closed door.
"Amara!" His expression was enough to let me know I had explanations to give, and I will not have the right to talk back.
Here he comes…
Sigh…..