Tomorrow marks the ceremony, and it's incredible how time has swiftly passed.
What's even more challenging to grasp is Damiano's silence about everything he's discovered about me. Ever since our eyes met when I reunited with my siblings, he hasn't approached or checked on me. Perhaps he called Emilio, but who knows?
Is he growing weary of my charade? If not, how am I supposed to decipher the workings of his mind? I sometimes wish to understand him better to alleviate the stress about what he might do.
Despite not uttering a word about my secrets so far, on what grounds can I be sure he won't now, especially when he has more evidence that I'm untrustworthy of entering the mod as a loyal soldier?
I don't even feel like eating…
"You don't like the food?" Emilio questions while enjoying a mouthful of pasta.
Undoubtedly, I love his cooking, but right now, I wish to vent my frustration on Damiano. Though that's impossible—he's more dangerous than he appears, and, in the end, I find no reason to harm him. His mouth remains sealed.
"You know I love your pasta, Emilio. It's just that I'm not really hungry…" My voice almost whispers as I attempt to take a bite.
"Just let the girl alone, Emi. Maybe she wants to eat something else?" Bianca winks at me, her smile mischievous. It's clear what she's implying, but she's somewhat right.
I'm thinking about a boy, but not in that way. I wish to confront Damiano and be done with it. Though I already made my mind about that .It will make me look like dumb bitch ….
"She's not like you, Bianca ." Emilio turns the tables on her, but she doesn't seem to mind.
Niko seems lost in thought, an unusual occurrence. Despite that, she manages to finish her pasta.
The others are out in the city. Terry, Antonio, and Terzo are taking a ride on the motorcycle. I heard there's a race nearby, at the edge of the city.
As for the rest, I think they went to find some company… sigh.
Good for them.
My ribs still hurt, and my leg, thank goodness, is getting better. I'm in no position for romantic encounters; I need to rest. I don't know why, but I feel that Damiano might approve of my thoughts… about this, I'm certain of what he thinks.
Emilio's phone rings, and he answers with his mouth full, "Yes, boss."
By the way he said "boss," I guess it's Damiano. We don't call Nicolas, boss.
"I am listening." His words are interrupted by Bianca, who starts laughing about one of her escapades.
Emilio exits the kitchen, settling himself onto one of the living room's couches, and I wish he wouldn't. I'm eager to know why Damiano made the call.
I hear Emilio say something about giving Damiano a girl's number, and suddenly, I feel down. So he just wants to hook up with a girl… Now I really don't feel like eating. I rise, and after thanking Emilio through signs, I vanish into our room.
I stretch out on the matress, and my mind keeps looping around that damn man- Damiano. I've never found myself thinking so much about a guy before. Sigh…
Since my parents died, no one really cared about me. Maybe Terzo did his best, but not like him. He seems obsessed with keeping me safe, despite not knowing my true intentions. Despite knowing that I betrayed him with the secrets I hold. My heart aches more than my ribs, and I wish I knew what these feelings are. Why am I so sad?
Damiano… I can feel it, like he's on the verge of unlocking every layer of my existence. The way he almost peels me apart is both a challenge and an invitation. There's a curiosity within me, a desire to reverse the roles and unveil the concealed dimensions he guards so fiercely.
My eyes close, and a tear crosses my cheek. If my parents were here, maybe I wouldn't become attached to a bastard who protects me with all his might. Maybe I wouldn't have had to enter the mob at all. Maybe I could have lived with my siblings. Maybe we would have been together.
All these wishes are dust in the wind… I know it too well.
Despite his protectiveness, I should open my eyes and keep him at arm's length. I should never forget he is Marco's son. If he knew that I want to kill his father, I know he will turn his back on me. Though a part of me hopes he won't.
After all, what's more important than family?
Few minutes pass and Emilio comes inside the room, and I'm already too cold to make him realize I cried. Cried is too much to say; the tear that fell was the only one.
"I bought you a phone. If we'll be separated after the ceremony, I should know where you are, and we can talk." He passes me a phone. I don't remember the last time I had one.
After my parents' death, I lived in obscurity, no need for traces. Terzo was always with me, and therefore, the need to have a phone was out the window.
The phone looks kind of big in my small hand.
Terzo is knowledgeable about technology, and I've seen many types of phones. However, I never knew more than basic commands, like how to call or close/open the screen. In fact, that's all I needed if I were to have a phone. Terzo taught me well.
"I don't really need one, though." My eyes glance at Emilio, who frowns.
"I don't care. Just take it. In fact… Damiano put me to buy it. So don't dare to give me to a wild beast. I still value my life ." I sigh and smile at him shortly.
"I guess I don't have a choice."
"True. None of us have a choice to begin with." He lets out a giggle and bends to pat me on the back. I am sitting on the edge of the mattress, inspecting the new acquisition.
"True."
After he left, the phone suddenly starts ringing. I look at the screen, and it reads 'Dami' . Emilio sure had his fun; he even came up with a nickname. Emilio sure had fun. Screw him…
"Hi." My voice doesn't want to be louder than this.
He responds to my greeting, and I feel my heart beating for no apparent reason. But I know it has to do with the man I am on the phone with. His voice will be the death of mine… sigh…
After he asks me some basic questions, I respond with some basic answers. I am sure he doesn't like to have small talk either.
"Can I ask you for a favor?" I want to feel assured of something. I don't want to stress, and my mouth asks that quicker than I expected.
"Please don't tell anyone about my siblings. You can do what you want with me. Expose my name, or whatever. But keep my siblings out of it. I… I am begging you."
My words leave with an emotion I didn't know I could display. I don't want to let this in his hands. I want to make sure he keeps quiet, even if I have to use the favor he owes me. I hate to do it. But the thought of my siblings being dragged into this mess makes me forget myself.
His answer leaves me speechless on multiple levels, and I don't know how to respond to it. Is he truthful? Was he really going to keep his mouth shut even if I didn't beg him? Sounds too good to be true…
But something makes me feel that he does it for himself, not for me. Maybe I should expect him to ask something of me in the future… God, if I would understand him! I would feel so much grateful and peaceful…
"I get it." I state, even when I don't really grasp his words fully.
"Good. Just remember, we're on even footing." His raspy voice makes me chuckle. His words are funny when I owe him more than he does. Still, he seems excited that we are on equal grounds. I wonder why? Usually, wouldn't you be happy that someone owes you more? Most people do. Maybe he is a little crazy… However, from this, I don't sense any hidden agenda.
I can't help but be blunt, as if he cracked me open fully , "I owe you more. Even this phone." I say it with a wince as my ribs tell me that I should be more careful with my laugh.
"That is a gift." Now, this is another shock. His voice seems serious, and I can't help but take him for real. Now I am really lost… I can't help but be curious about why he is doing all these.
"I didn't need it… but thanks." I reply truthfully, not caring if this is being offensive or not. If he wants to play it truthfully, I might as well say what I really think.
"You're welcome. I am sure you will need it a lot from now on." Damiano's voice echoes in my ear, and I can't help but feel a light shiver crossing my spine .
"Why?" I feel like I chose to be myself for tonight, my real self. And I know I shouldn't. I will not be able to act like this with him in front of me. My veil will cover all my real self from him.
"I will be calling you often. Keep it near you always." I feel the prize of being honest. It feels good to know what he truly plans. Still, I gulp hearing his reason. A knot forms in my stomach, and I wonder why…
"I will try…" I let Damiano know my real answer to that.
"You should." His voice sends a chill down my spine, as if I can grasp the dark repercussions behind his words.
I have no words. This conversation was too real without a veil, and I feel like hiding away. I feel that I revealed too much…
"I have to go." My brief cut of the call makes him sigh. Is he disappointed? I bite my lip at the thought of his frowny face.
"I will see you tomorrow." Blessed by his understanding, I bask unaware in his voice once again. Damn… I knew I have to cut this. I am turning weird again.
"See you tomorrow." I close the call with quick movements, and I feel my face burning. Now I know his voice and his sincere words have a weird effect on me.
Damn it… He might be more dangerous than I thought.