Darkness loomed at every corner of my room. A door cracked open, I held my breath, my heart was pounding hard in my chest. I heard the footsteps growing closer until they stopped outside my door. I could hear the knob turning, the door slowly opening.
I shrank back against the headboard, I noticed a figure, that of a man, tall and thin, dressed in black, as he approached my bed, his footsteps became light and silent. He reached out a long, pale hand and placed it over my mouth, his fingers ice-cold, I tried to scream but no words came out. "Shhhhhhh," he said, his voice quiet and weak, like that of a snake slithering through the darkness.
It made my skin crawl and my stomach turn. I felt his hand making it's way to my pants, I struggled against his firm grip that held me in place. I tried to speak but my voice was stiffed by his hand over my mouth.
"Keep quiet," he mumbled, I recognized his voice immediately. "This is Uncle Max's voice, what does he want from me, I thought already gasping for breath. I fought with all my might, but he was too strong for me. As he forced himself into me, I screamed out loud and woke up.
Despite the cold, I was sweating profusely. "This dream again," I muttered out of frustration. "What am I going to do about this recurring nightmare? It has been ten years, but I'm still haunted by this incident."
"Mom," my ten-year-old son, Daniel interrupted my thoughts. "I was sure he, might have heard me scream." I whispered silently to myself. "Are you alright mom,?" he asked with a worried look. "Yes honey, mom's fine." giving him a faint smile.
"But I heard you scream," he placed his cold hands on my cheeks, looking me in the eyes, he asked again to affirm. "Are you alright?"
I gave him a nervous laugh trying to hide my anxiety. "I'm fine honey, why are you not sleeping?" I asked trying to change the topic.
"Nothing," he shrugged. I stretched and pulled him close. "Do you want to keep mummy company tonight? My macho man," rubbing my hands on his stomach, as I watch him laugh. I tickled him hard, his giggle became louder. Stop mom! Stop mom! You're tickling me!" he said still laughing.
"Shhhhhh," I place my middle finger on lips. Don't wake up your siblings okay."
"Okay mummy," he gave me a tight hug and whispered in to my ears. "I love you mom."
"Mummy loves you more honey. Alright, let's sleep."
He lay in my arms, his head resting in the crook of my elbow. I gently caressed his hair as he slept. I gazed up at the ceiling trying to fall asleep.
"Hello, this is Charlotte, I'm calling about the job ad in the newsletter. Yes, I'm a mother of five...., butt..t. I thought there was an opening, ohh none. Okay, thanks." I hung up the call in disappointment.
"Hello, I'm calling about the job ad I saw in the newsletter," giving a big smile even though the person on the other end couldn't see it. "Resume? I don't have a resume yet, experience? Oh no, I don't have experience in sales, but I know I can do that, taking care of five kids isn't a day job. I guarantee you, I'll not let you down. Hello! Hello! Dam it, he hung up"
I felt crushed when he hung up. I needed a job, but it seemed impossible to find one with my work history. I stood up, picked up my bag, and headed out in search of a job. I was lucky enough to find a position as a waitress in a small restaurant.
I knew the pay wasn't much, but it was better than having nothing. I thought to myself.
As I walked toward the yard, I heard faint giggles in the distance. As I drew close, it was my little angels playing in the yard.
I joined them as they played hide and seek, their favorite game. Samantha tugged on my hand and asked, "Mom, where did you go?"
"Job hunting, my sweet girl," I replied. I was so excited to share the news with them, and I watched with joy as they leaped up and down. Being a single mother is not a nine-to-five job, it's a full-time job, with many sacrifices.
I leaped out of bed as soon as the alarm sounded. It was my first day, and I didn't want to be late, so I rushed to the bathroom to shower. After getting dressed, I hurried to the kitchen and prepared breakfast.
I dropped them off at school and rushed to work, arriving just in time.
A grumpy old woman stood before us, giving a long and boring lecture about the dos and don'ts of the restaurant. Her lecture was so dull that it sapped my energy.
"You!" she pointed, and everyone looked around to see who she was referring to. "Me?" they asked, tapping their chests.
"Yes, you!" she said, looking directly at me. "Are you sure you're up to the task?"
I stammered, "Uh, ma'am, I can... I mean..." My voice shook with nerves, and I glanced at my co-workers, searching for support. But their expressions were unreadable.
"You look too weak," she said, and I could feel a flush rising on my face.
"I'm not weak," I blurted out, bowing my head. "I've been raising five kids all alone with no support, I can work ma'am.
"Alright, everyone go to your assign duty post. Yes ma.
"I noticed you were a bit scared when she asked you that question, "I'm Mia," she extended her hands towards me. I oblige, "Yeah I was." I smiled back. She whispered under her breath. "I'm I the only one who thinks her speech sucks." I responded in a hushed voice, "I thought I was the only one." We both laughed.
I got home later than usual, and most of the kids were already in bed. All except Daniel, who was staring at the wall. "Honey, why aren't you sleeping?" I asked. He turned to me with a cold look. "How was school today?" I asked. "Fine," he replied curtly. "Have you done your homework?"
"Yes," he said, then turned away from me and faced the wall again.
"I'm sorry for coming home late. I'm doing my best, I'm working hard to make sure we have everything we need." He didn't say anything, but I could feel him soften a little next to me.
"I love you so much," I said, hugging him. He didn't hug me back, but he didn't push me away either. I kissed him on the head and went to my room. I took a shower, forced myself into my pajamas, and collapsed into bed. Exhaustion took over, I don't know when I dozed off.
The next day I went to work as early as possible, everything was going on smoothly till a call came in
I heard the phone ring and picked it up. "Hello?" I said.
"Is this Ms. Charlotte?" a voice asked.
"Yes," I replied. "Is everything okay?"
"Your son has gotten into a fight, and you need to come to the school immediately," the voice said.
I immediately rushed out the door. When I arrived at the school, I saw Daniel applying ice to his swollen face.
"What happened, Daniel?" I asked, my eyes wide with surprise.
"He beat up Jackson for no reason."
I didn't know what to think. "This is unlike him, I said, I want to understand..."
Before I could say anything, the principal spoke up. "I understand you're his mother and you'll want to defend him, but this behavior is unacceptable. If this happens again, he'll be expelled."
I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. "Thank you, ma'am," I said. "This won't happen again, I promise."
I turned to Daniel. "Let's talk about this when we get home," I said, with an angry tone. We left the office in silence.
"Daniel, don't you dare walk out on me," I called after him. "Why did you beat him up?"
He turned, his hands clenched into fists, and his voice rose. "Because he called you a horrible name!" he yelled, "He called you a whore." his hand making a slow, rhythmic motion as if trying to keep himself calm.
"I couldn't stand it - tears were streaming down his face. "He called me a bastard," he said, his voice choked with emotion. "I can stand being insulted, but I can't stand it when someone insults you."
"Oh, Daniel," I said, my own tears welling up in my eyes. "You're not a bastard. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." We both sobbed.
I had so much to say, but I didn't know where to start. How could I tell him that his father is my uncle? How could I tell him about the abuse I suffered, night after night, until I found the courage to run away?
I had to find the words. I had to find a way to explain, but what could I say?
As the car pulled away, I wished I could leave my worries, fears, and guilt behind. I couldn't find a suiting balm for the aching of my heart.
His eyes were fixed straight ahead, not even glancing in my direction. As soon as the car pulled to a stop, he jumped out without looking back. I felt a sharp pain in my heart as I watched him walk away without a wave or a smile, as he had always done in the past. My whole body yearned for that smile, but it was shattered like a mirror.
I got to the hotel and saw Mia waving her hand. "Where have you been?" she asked. "The boss has been looking for you."
I gave a weak smile. "It's nothing," I said, not wanting to talk about what had happened. "I'll go to my post now."
As I walked away, Daniel's words echoed in my head, shattering my heart like a broken mirror. My heart felt like a battlefield, with warriors clashing and my emotions were the weapons of war. My head felt heavy and my eyes were starting to go blur.
"Charlotte," Ms. Grumpy (as I had nicknamed her) Called my attention.
"Yes, ma'am," I replied, folding my hands behind my back.
"I noticed you left your post without permission. You've been here only two months and you're already acting like the queen of the hotel."
I couldn't believe my ears. "Was she really trying to de-mean me," so many thoughts raced through my mind, but I kept my face neutral.
"I'm sorry ma'am," I said. "My child's principal called, and it was urgent. I rushed out without thinking to ask your permission."
"I'm sorry, Charlotte," she said, handing me an envelope. "But I'm afraid I must terminate your employment."
My stomach dropped. "Please, ma'am, I need this job," I pleaded. "I have five kids, and we won't survive without it."
Tears stung my eyes as I tried to think of what to say, in a way to convince her to change her mind. "Please, ma'am, I'll do anything to keep this job. I'll work harder, I'll be more careful, I'll..."
"Charlotte, it's not about your performance," she interrupted. "It's about the rules. We have a strict policy about leaving your post without permission." Mrs Grumpy said.
I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I had worked so hard to get this job, and now it was all slipping through my fingers. "Please, ma'am, there must be something I can do," I begged.
My mind raced as I walked down the street to my apartment, all of a sudden it seemed far, and empty, with my heels in one hand and my bag in the other, I walked home, feeling like a failure.
"How can I give my children the best without a job?" I thought. "I thought I could become someone, but look, I can't even retain a job. My uncle was right. I'm useless."
My spirit felt heavy as the droplet fell from the sky. The loss of my job hung over me like a dark cloud making me feel small and insignificant. I trudged through the puddles, my feet sinking into the soggy ground. The wind howled around me as if it were mocking my misfortune.
"Mom, you're home!" their voices chorus, as five pairs of small feet ran toward me. I tried to put on a brave face, but I felt my resolve slipping. "How was school?" I asked, forcing a smile.
"It was great!" gushed one of the children. "We learned about dinosaurs!"
"And we had pizza for lunch!" added another.
As they chattered excitedly, I felt my heart sinking. "How am I going to tell them I'd lost my job? How am I going to make ends meet? I'm a terrible Mother."(sobbing inside)