I decided to tell Adriel the truth. Let me rephrase: I thought about telling the truth... And I came to a conclusion.
I couldn't.Hear me out.
It's Shadrach's life we are discussing, my literal best friend. I've already lost too much.Too many friends, I wouldn't know how to handle the tragedy. Adriel isn't exactly promising to be lenient either. He is as hot-headed as he always was.
I'm partly surprised he didn't go to Shadrach before me.I sent Carlotta to check on him this morning and he had had a peaceful night.
Thinking about it all now, I feel less guilty.
All I have seen Adriel do to the men around me was violence, ranging from acres of burned property to throwing someone on a champagne tower for dancing with me. Even my own father wasn't spared. The only reason I'm here is because he took me so he could hurt my father. So what if I told him a little white lie to protect my friend?
He had no right to talk to me as if I were some whore who gave myself to everyone like I did to him.It's my fault really, I let the darkness lure me in.
I still had to talk to him, though. That was inevitable.
Breakfast was two hours ago, and he wasn't there; quite frankly, no one was really there. The Valerian Queen dropped by for two minutes before announcing that she had a busy morning schedule of self-care and would therefore only have breakfast in her room.
I agreed, as if I could object.
She then placed her hands mysteriously on mine and said;
"Everything will be alright soon."
I doubted her, but I agreed either way.She must have known something about the crisis.Part of me thought she was behind it but my kind heart refused to let the thought sink in.
Today's breakfast was an Italian breakfast dish of sfogliatelle, and I genuinely enjoyed the meal, it would have being amazing if I had company or didn't have to think about what I would say to Adriel as I ate.
Perhaps I could tell him part of the truth: Shadrach suspects him of being involved in my murder attempt. But he will not know why,how he got to that conclusion.I pushed that thought away too.
I stared at the empty seats around me in sadness. I was never this lonely back home. Besides being locked up like a caged bird, my family made sure to provide all the company I would have gotten outside of the palace walls.
This was a sad way to start the day.
I pushed the plate aside and went to look for Adriel. My chest felt heavy. I couldn't bear to argue with him anymore. I asked Vivi about his whereabouts.
"He must still be in his office. He went in there last night and hasn't come out since." She said she was casually walking off with a basket of herbs and tea.
Is that how he dealt with anger? Gee, what a productive way to be furious. I sobbed and fumed when I was mad.
I already knew my way around the palace quarters, so it didn't take me that long to find the office.
I noticed the stares of some of the maids as they whispered to each other.
They have heard—perhaps not everything, but something.
I chinned up and straightened my back. I already had a shitty morning. I didn't want more gossip to add to the bunch of ugly things I had to deal with.
I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
"If you are a Valerian, don't come in."
Good thing I wasn't a Valerian yet. I pushed the door open slowly and poked my head in.
Adriel took a glance at me and groaned.
I walked in and closed the door behind me.
"Good morning."
His eyes lifted up the paper and set on me. He made no effort to hide how unhappy he was in my presence. His voice came out grunting as he greeted me.
"Can we talk?" I asked.
He ruffled the sheets of paper between his fingers.
"I'm a bit busy."
"I see." I nodded and looked for a place to sit. There was a lonely chair by the window .I turned to the chair to face him and sat.
"What are you doing? " he drawled.
"I will wait for you to be done so we can talk."
He narrowed his eyes at me, and I smiled in return. He returned to staring at the paper.
The memories of last night plagued my head. We said mean things to each other. Unfair and mean. Perhaps since we are both calmer, we can have a civilized conversation.
He wasn't even looking at me; he had his top buttons open,his hair was oddly still in place despite the tired state of his face. He looked like what you will see in an article named. "Playboy of the Year."
"Stop that." Adriel said it coldly, snapping me to reality.
"Stop what?"
I asked innocently, despite knowing that my gaze was practically boring into his soul a second ago.
Adriel glanced at me. "What do you really want?"
"As I said, to talk."
Adriel sighed, placing the paper on the table.
"Alright.Talk."
My eyebrows furrowed, and I was sort of hoping we could talk together. But I took the lead; what harm will that do to anyone?
"Last night was unpleasant for us both. I'm here to make peace."
Adriel raised a suspicious eyebrow.
"I regret every harsh word I said last night. In my defense I felt had accused, ashamed and cornered. I take pride in my reputation, and watching you taint it with such a lie made me lose all self-control.The slap was also a result of that.It hurt to think you will believe something like that."
He said nothing. He did nothing. It was as if he were playing poker-face.
"The peace-making is team effort though; you have met me half way."I said to him.
"What do you want me to say?" he hoarsed.
"Anything you feel." I whispered, gazing into his eyes. "It was just one argument based on a huge misunderstanding Adriel, and we should at least try to move past it. It happens to every couple."
"But we are not a real 'couple."
His words were like solid ice in my heart. I licked my lips and shifted in my seat uncomfortably.
"I had forgotten."
"Kiara, I apologize for my outburst last night. It was just misplaced anger, honestly. I completely forgot the basis of our…union.Its a contract marriage after all."
"I don't remember signing any contracts."I retorted.
"Well, that is because we aren't even married yet." Adriel said, leaning forward in his seat. "Which made my actions even more inexcusable? You must forgive me, Neonata."
There was a dark edge to the nickname now; he wasn't speaking because he wanted peace. He was distancing himself from me. I had told him I couldn't handle the part-time affection,It was breaking me. And he knew it. What was worse was that he wasn't doing it either way. With no obvious remorse.
My tongue was stuck in my throat. I couldn't speak if I wanted to. So I questioned him with my eyes.
He looked away from them and picked up the paper.
"This is the draft of our marriage contract. I have specifically included that we will be allowed to do as we please outside of the marriage as long as the public doesn't notice. It frees us to do anything we wish."
I knew exactly what he meant. Cheating was allowed. This made something snap in me.
"But I do not want to do anything. I did not do it before. I won't do it now."
"Yeah, I get that, this is irreversible, you should consider.It would be helpful.. in case you have desires that you-"
"Why are you doing this?" I cut in.
He didn't reply instantly. I saw him get uneasy. He put the paper on the table and ran his hands through his hair in frustration.
I got up and walked to the table.
"Is this because of Shadrach? Nothing exists between us, Adriel. Nothing ever has."
"No, actually. It's because of us both,"he replied, raising his head to look at me. His eyes held slight pain. I wish I could take the pain from them.I was open with him, why wasn't he open to me?
"Let's get a hold of ourselves, Kiara. Last night was a freaking mess. We got carried away by something that doesn't even really exist. We do not have a relationship. The whole argument made no sense."
"You didn't like that you were jealous?" I asked plainly.
"No."he answered honestly, to my utter surprise.
"Why?"
I was expecting another solid, hard-truth answer, but I was given silence instead.
"Are you afraid to feel? Does it scare you that you actually might like me?"
He chuckled over my pain. "Now you are just flattering yourself."
"You are a cruel man." I backed, sniffing back my tears. "You are–"
I wasn't going to allow this. I have had enough. I turned and left.
This time, I didn't want him to take it back, because even if he did, it wouldn't change anything. This is why the distance thing was a good idea. I cursed my soft heart for wanting to feel so much for a man who felt so little. Life was unfair at times.
I opened the door to Erica. Her face was in a bit of shock, and her hand was raised to knock.
" Hi.. I was just about to knock",she explained, nervously trying not to run the risk of being thought of as an eavesdropper.
"It's fine."
She poked her head behind me. "Am I interrupting something? Vivi told me you were here, and I came, "
" It's fine." I repeated. "And you aren't interrupting anything. I got the tea for the party. Shall we?"
"Sure." Erica said, jolting to life. "We cannot afford to be late."