PROLOGUE
They will never understand.
"It's alright, darling. You're safe" the woman dressed in a furred coat gently took my hand in hers. Her eyes are gentle and understanding and her voice is soothing but that doesn't stop me from immediately wrenching my hand away.
Nothing is alright. I want to scream at her.
Everyone is saying that everything will be fine, that it will be okay but they don't understand. Nothing will ever be. Never again. Not after what he did to me and them.
The nurses that had changed my clothes and saw the marks on my back and stomach know of this. The doctors that took tests and discovered the creature residing in my womb knows of this too. Even the woman currently sitting across me is aware of the truth. The whole world knows but they just refuse to admit it.
Nothing will ever be fine.
"Please don't touch me" I almost whimpered.
My nails scratched each other, my legs jittery and my gaze darting here and there with unease. I cannot escape him. Even with the distance, his presence haunts me. I can feel him watching and the cops' guns and security isn't enough to protect me. I tried and failed to escape him, and I wouldn't hope that I succeeded in doings so.
The woman in front of me sighed.
"I'm sorry, Carlisle" she moved closer and I flinched at the proximity.
"I understand how much this traumatizes you but I want you to know that whoever had done this to you will never put his hands on you again, do you understand?"
I nodded, despite silently disagreeing. It's the same phrase, the same words repeatedly said to me over and over again that they lost their meaning. The same lies I am getting exhausted over.
Time is ticking and I know it's just a matter of weeks before he'll come for me.
A sudden knock on the glass door made me jump on my seat. My legs prepared itself to flee but I settled back on my seat when I see a familiar face. The cop that had frequently visited me since I had been discovered and often brought me warm blankets and coffee smiled in apology.
"Hey there, Carlisle" he greeted in a soft smile. He approached slowly as if a single misstep will scare me away. I avoided his eyes and instead played with my nails.
Click.
Click.
Click.
"Gregor has come to see you, is that alright?" the cop, Victor asked and I looked up to see another fed approaching. By now, I had memorized their names and faces. Gregor, the dark-haired fed with those piercing eyes entered with a brown enveloped clutched in his hands. Victor, the wheat-haired one that reminds me so much of Nellie and his kind smile, trailed behind. Both men gentle in their steps and movements.
"Yes, its quite alright" I replied.
Nothing is alright.
The movements of my nails got faster when Gregor gave the woman her cue to leave before coming closer and sitting across me. Victor remained standing beside him after the glass door was shut.
I eyed the cameras surrounding the rooms, suddenly hyperventilating with the presence of men. I am used to their visits but that doesn't stop me from fearing what they will do to me. I don't trust them to not do what he did after I placed my complete trust to him and he broke it.
"Carlisle, breathe. Breathe, we're just going to show you something and ask some questions, okay?"
Gregor put his hands up and I followed the motion of his palm, inhaling and exhaling. When he is sure that I am no longer in the verge of losing it, he slowly opened the brown envelope and revealed a picture that trigger my nauseousness.
Placing a hand on my mouth, I silenced my sob when I stared at the image of David's star etched on the rock site I knew too well. At the same symbol carved into my back and stomach. At the star that meant everything and had caused me to lose them all. Just looking at it gave me flashbacks of what he did to them and to me.
I almost vomited.
Victor offered his handkerchief and I immediately took it to wipe my tears. Both men stayed silent and merely observed until my sobs ceased and I began to compose myself again. Their stares had once unnerved me and got me to the verge of panic attacks but I'm forcing myself to get used to it. To be looked at and see the pity in their gazes because all what they can see is the abuse done to me.
It's sickening.
"Six" I sniffled. They shared a look when I raised a shaking finger to point at the six sides of David's star. The paper is rough underneath my skin and I swallowed before revealing what I'm dying to tell but cannot.
Because, how can I speak when he'd taken my voice? Just like, how can be everything be alright when everything had gone wrong?
But they deserve justice. They deserve peace and that I can give them so I swallowed the lump on my throat and began to speak.
"Janine Steward" I pointed north. Their eyes followed the movement and I exhaled a shaky breath with my revelation.
"Jamie Hallmark" I traced my finger down to East side.
"Nellius John" my voice broke when I reached South and more tears poured down my eyes, recalling their screams.
"Tasha Zanders" West.
I paused and lowered my finger just below west and south. "Shane Jacobs"
"Ralph" South East. Both the fed's brows furrowed in contemplation and confusion when I pointed the final spot just within the middle of David's star.
"Me" There's a stretch of silence before Gregor finally spoke and I retracted my finger away.
"But that's seven…and there were six of you" Gregor murmured probingly.
I sniffled, nodding my head.
"Ralph wasn't a part of the plan. He was one of his but he intervened" I can sense their confusion and bewilderment but I didn't elaborate further. His fingers doing that tapping thing when he's trying to piece a thing or two. However, my case is akin to a puzzle with thousand missing pieces that will never fit.
They will never solve it, that I'm certain.
Gregor signaled something to the cameras and a while later, the same woman came back with a pen and paper. It had been weeks and this is the first time I'm telling them information because I knew that the time is nearing. Before he'll come for me, I wanted to at least give them this. I wanted them to be discovered although they are too late for saving. I want what's left of them to go home and not rot in that place.
"I was the final sacrifice" I looked down on my hands then placed a protective hand over my belly. "He called me his chosen one because I was the last one to survive. I was supposed to be the same as them but I-" I paused, hiccupping.
"He said he won't kill me as long as I'm carrying his child. I used it to my advantage to flee"
Gregor tapped the pen on the paper, more befuddled by my answers that revealed something yet nothing at the same time. It was on purpose, of course.
"And the six sides, what do they mean, Carlisle?" Gregor bent closer, his curiosity and desire to solve the mystery of my case, evident on his face. Everyone is curious about my case and they are dying for an answer that only I, can provide.
I looked down, then back at the star.
"'Follow the direction of the star, and there you will find me' He used to tell me this." I finally admitted, the motion of my nails getting faster as my agitation worsened. "It's a ritual for him and you will find them or what's left of them. When you will find them, take them home. Please take them all home"
Victor and Gregor again shared a look. "And them? Are you referring to your friends"
I nodded.
"Take them home" I pleaded, the tears beginning anew. "Take them far away from him"
"We will, Carlisle. But we need more. If you want to find justice for them, tell us more. Tell us about him" Gregor urged.
I darted my gaze to their grim faces, then down to the picture laid before me. 'Take me home' Nellie's last requests echoed inside my head and I know that I need to sacrifice one thing for that to happen. Even if it means losing myself again in the process.
So, despite my unwillingness to share and relive the terror of it all, I began to tell them the whole story.