On the Sunday morning of 10 April as I woke up from my shack old friends surprised me with a visit. Lhelhe and Ntsika, the cousins had been coming to see me several times before only to come to a lock on the door. They stayed in the same area, and we've struggled together over the years. Nomakanjani stood low in the muddy forest of Kamvelihle, a squatter camp of shacks that were three feet away from each other; where you could hear a conversation going on next door. You could smell what they cooked let alone what the neighboring couples did at night. It was crazy. A random person would pray at night and say:
"Lord, you know that my neighbors are witches. Please protect me from their evil."
A crazy place to live in.
After the greeting formalities, we sat in a shade outside the shack and talked about old times over a couple of beers that were left from the previous night...
"Haa, boy, you drink Heineken now?" Lhelhe asked with a silly smile.
"You know him mos when he sees girls; he pretends to be the top class." Ntsika had to add salt to the wound before I could even respond.
"No man guys," I laughed, "it's this girl I was with yesterday, she drinks that stuff. And what are you trying to say? You know that I'm top class. I'm Champions League," I said while drawing the car keys and showing them off, "you, see?"
They burst up in cheers, congratulating me with hugs, high-fives, and handshakes. After that, I had to answer their hundred-and-one questions about how I got the car.
"It's a company car. It stays with me."
"So, my man how did you get the job?"
"Okay, you know mos I used to drive a jikeleza?"
"Yes"
"One day I picked up a guy whose car had been removed by a pickup van... He paid me R500 to take him to Coke's tavern, waiting for him and a minute and taking him to his destination. At Coke, he came out with a girl. They got inside the car. I took them to their destination. That's when the guy took my number... A few weeks later he called and offered me this job,"
"Wow, man you were lucky. Tell your boss you have two friends who are also good drivers," said Lhelhe.
"You? A good driver?" I asked before everyone broke into laughter.
We stayed the whole day until my time for work. We parted ways, and they staggered home wasted.
My order that day was a Lindo Kuhle from NU 2, Motherwell. At least that's her Facebook name. Lindo was an older girl; she could be two or so years older than me and she was so beautiful. Her big eyes glimmered light into every room and she knew it. I found her by stalking her Facebook profile. That's where I got her contact number and address. I knew where to find her on weekends because she always checked in to a particular place. She took photos in front of her home. The house had the street and house number written on the wall: 211 Matanzima Street. She rented a flat. Lindo wore a weave and also sold them amongst other things. Her status uploads on social platforms always talked about how all men are dogs and trash. According to her, men were all the same and deserved to be burnt in carnage of flame in a mass killing. She drank with her girls at Eskwerini Tavern and had made that place her regular chill spot. No man dared to touch her or her friends. She looked at men with her nose raised and never talked to them politely. This may be because of the loss of her sister whose murder was allegedly organized by her own boyfriend. Khanya was a young beautiful girl who upon losing her bursary. Her tycoon boyfriend came to her rescue to finish school. The guy had a wife and she was a side chick. He did not allow her to date other guys because he paid for all her expenses. This proved to be a problem because every time he would see Khanya talking to guys, he'd beat her up. She decided to run away but some people shot her to death at her home.
Lindo believed that Max, the boyfriend killed her sister and she continued to seek justice for her. Max still roved the streets of Bluewater Bay like a bicycle ice-cream man on a summer's day. This irritated Lindo. All those details appeared on her Facebook profile.
Soft music came from inside as I stepped out of the car. I observed the atmosphere and admired the night. A group of girls sitting at the lounge table listened to Lindo in a calm conversation. She went on and on talking and commanded respect. She came across as brewing trouble. I had no chance of winning her with a stupid small car like mine. Unlike other girls, her type doesn't value expensive clothing labels worn by poor township men. For them, a man should have wisdom, class, and principles. To please this kind of woman you must know how to respect a lady and prepare yourself to be her servant. It was either that or nothing. At least this much I knew.
I had my best outfit, and my perfume sent those who were close enough to heaven alive. The divine aromatic flavors that pounced from my aura to the world mystified me too. The world smiled back at my wide smile. The walls were also wowed by my awsomeness. I wore a gold watch and Italian designer shoes of price. I knew this meant little to her, but it still gave me a feeling of pride. What would be the best pickup line for her? I entered and bought one of the most expensive whiskeys. I ordered a platter of braai meat and sent it to their table. As I walked behind the waiter, I looked at her sharply in the eyes. I pointed him to their table signaling that he should put it there.
"Complements to this gentleman," he said pointing at me with both hands, with a slight bow of the head.
"I was looking for a pickup line, so I thought actions were better than words."
"Wow, thank you."
"Wow, miss. It is great to finally see you face to face. Can I have an autograph?" I teased.
"No bhuti, you are mistaken. I'm not a celeb…"
"Then you should be one."
"Where do you know me from?"
"You are that women's rights activist from the socials. I know you from there. Can I have a pic with you, please?"
She immediately stood up and came to me smiling. A resident photographer worked at the place, and he didn't hesitate to capture us.
"That's so kind of you. One wouldn't think you are such an angel. Yes, your eyes are inviting but when I'm here with you your aura draws me even closer. Can we chat for a moment?"
"Wow. What's that smell? Yes, we can chat," she smiled.
"I thought it was just your eyes now I hear that your voice too turns you into this princess. Your whole being just demands a man to offer you all his services. Like: what can I do for you, my queen?"
"Please. You can start by stopping with those compliments. No one has ever seen me blush here. I'm Lindo," she said, giving me her hand.
"My name is Gift. I don't shake hands with beautiful women. I hug them. It shows that my shoulder is always here for you," I said spreading my arms.
She came for the hug, and I lifted her a little. She giggled and said I reminded her of her father when she was little.
"Those are great memories we should cherish and it's my pleasure to know that is what I can bring out of you. You know if someone makes you feel like a child it means that you are free with them. You can trust them with the responsibility to protect you or your heart. And it is rare to find those kinds of people. In this world full of weak men who use their physical strength to demand power. These guys feel entitled to women's bodies let alone their love, but it's about connection and admiration. You must admire your man for you to reward him with your love but what is it that you admire about them? If there's nothing then they must go," I said in a desperate move to collect more points.
I needed to be deliberate with my moves. Her surprising generosity could be depleted at any time.
"I admire your intelligence, Gift. You are smart." She wouldn't close her mouth about my unique breed.
"Wow. She still remembers my name. I'm blessed. Let's eat to that," I said taking a piece of braai meat.
She laughed, "Funny too."
"I think it goes hand in hand with intelligence."
"Yeah, all comedians are intelligent."
"Yeah, that's why none of them ever goes to varsity."
Lindo laughed at anything I said. We chatted for some time before I asked her to go tell her friends not to worry about her. They pushed her back saying she must not keep a good guy waiting. After taking a few mouthful sips from her cider Lindo went straight out of the door and I followed her.
"Hey. So, are they cool?"
"They have never been cooler. I'm tired yazi."
"We can sit inside the car," I bragged.
"Where is your car?"
"There. Come."
We sat in the car talking for a while.
"You said you were tired; let me massage your feet," I offered.
"Really?" She looked at me face to face with a big smile.
"Yes, it will make you feel better," I said brushing it off.
"So, you're the master of body kinetics now?" she said taking off her high heel shoes.
"Put them here," I said placing my hands on my lap.
She put her feet on my lap one by one and I squeezed them to her whimpering with closed eyes. I went on for a while before I told her that if she wanted more, we could wrap it up at home. She said we could go. She wanted to fetch her handbag, so we drove to her home, and I waited for her outside the house. After a long while, the lights from the house went out. She was not coming out. I called her but her number didn't even go through. The time was 23:33 and I had to deliver her to The Point before 12. Time flew so I had to do something. I looked for clues everywhere and nothing came…