Why is it so dark?
All around me is just pure, pitch, darkness.
A sea of endless nothingness.
Anywhere I try to reach towards, ends up being nothing but the dark. My hands engulfed as well as my sight and my body. As if they've never existed.
Am I dead?
If I'm dead, I shouldn't be thinking, should I? It is death in this world non-existent?
But what happened to me? Last time I was awake, I clawed my face in order to go pee. And then this unbearable pain flooded under the skin of my face, eating me like trillions of microscopic fire ants. And after I left the room, I encountered a little boy being teased by other boys. I saved him and--
"Haha..." I remember now. "AHAHAHAH!"
I laugh at a sudden thought. That my head is empty.
I have no body as of now. My empty head makes me feel lighter. As if a burden or a type of emotional weight has been lifted off of me. I also no longer feel the narcolepsy creeping up on me.
Sin!
"That's right...Sin. The prince isn't attached to me." I huff.
My mind is my own. No more thoughts from a stranger with such wrath and pain. No more otherworldly knowledge constantly circulating my clueless head, and no more mind blocks. "You bastard. You left me so blind and confused."
Sin and I. We don't exist anymore. We're not longer fused, like the crystal gems.
Although, I wasn't truly me when I was out there. I was conscious somewhere inside my--this body. A part of a new being alongside Sin.
And now Arsin doesn't exist anymore.
"And when I was telling my story...it wasn't even me telling it." I cry out. Everything. Everything I said and did, he planned it out meticulously. You made me fabricate my new life because you wanted to replace me. I'll fucking kill you!"
I then laugh. He's making me sound more like the villain than his own reputation.
Alas, there's no use yelling or screaming curses at him. After all, no one can hear me in this place. Wherever here is. I'll just reminisce of past memories that got me here.
So far my experience in this new reality has been nothing but agony. Being chased by a weird justice cult with insane "heroes" and demons. Meeting many faces, both friendly and not.
Then there's Ezephyr. He's an odd case, purely because he's the only fairy I've seen and has OP powers granted by an OP Goddess. Not only that-- he has tried to kill me for the sake of humanity. Then after exchanging blows and memories, we came to a common ground and formed an alliance. Built on mutual understanding and respect for each other's goals and experiences. As we both connected, we have never thought of each other any lesser than family, although we rarely showed it. Even through such an understand, was I truly the one who became his friend? Or did Sin plan that out too?
And Attor. My lifelong friend. He's still on my watch-list. Though I really do wish to trust him, I feel like there's more to him than what meets the eye. After all, he's now a part of that damn justice cult and part of a species that's been been cornered and massacred for many ages. Doesn't having a past like that incite a powerful grudge and wrath?
Now that I have the chance to think about it, is Attor just like me? Has he been pushed into a dragon's body, inheriting their memories and becoming someone different? Or is he still the same, just with a rewritten past?
I'm utterly clueless. If I was Arsin, I would have known the answer or come up with one quickly.
But I don't want to be someone else. I want to stay as myself without the toxicity and fire. I want to stay free from the chains of the new trauma. I already have enough on my plate, after all, I am human.
A knot ties up in my throat (what throat?).
"I didn't want to be here!" I shout to release the pressure. "You...you poisoned me! Give me my own self back!"
The darkness somehow lifts, allowing for me to see my body.
"What...?" I breathe, waving at the still air with a deep inhale. I then chuckle, touching my arm.
There's the scar on my forearm from when I shielded myself from an armed lunatic at the metro station.
I have my body back intact. Although I'm naked.
A light appears far into the distance to my left. Its light blue glow leaving me to wonder what it is and where it'll lead. Or if it's even safe.
Though it seems my body doesn't care. I end up walking towards it without a second thought. Now mesmerized by the light and how softly it strokes my skin.
Once I push myself into the light, it disappears only a second and I'm left in a colorless forest.
Trees pure white or coal black, a sun that's white and a sky that's grey. And the leaves a shade of dark grey. The only object in color was myself and-
"It's you." I growl, face to face with another me wearing a half smile on his face. His usual eyes shining at me with his light now as grey as the forest.
"In the flesh." Mad Star finishes.
"What do you want?" I ask plainly. I also want to ask why he's here or where we are, but I feel too pissed off at him to ask anything else.
"Relax. I'm not here to fight. On the contrary, I'm here to be your friend."
"Bullshit."
"You're just as straightforward as he is, aren't you?"
"Don't!" I bark, an unknown anger bubbling within me. "Don't ...compare me to him."
"Why? You both have a lot in common. That's what made you both compatible."
"I know!" I hang onto my head with a deep breath. I disliked this feeling of exposure. Like my ribcage is out in the open and everyone can see it. But somehow can't see me for me. "We both share pain and frustration. Nothing more."
"Do you know why?"
I take a moment to stop. Why? "I don't." I reply in realization. "Is it because of the blockage?"
Mad star nods. "It seems you've realized it now. Good boy."
"Can I really trust your words?"
"Hehe. You can't. After all, I can't answer any questions. Only indirectly hint at it."
"Sin really thought through this, didn't he?"
"For a very long time."
"But you're powerful, aren't you? Why aren't you fighting back? Unless..."
"It's hard being big boss when you have a pesky employee slapping your rear in a not so pleasant way. Anyway, we are losing time. Go back out there, soldier."
"What?" I question as he pushes me forward. Forcing me to walk into the distance until we reach a gaping hole in the ground.
"This is your stop."
"What is this?" I ask, fighting against his pushing.
"Questions!" Mad Star sings.
"Uh...is it a prison?"
"No."
"Is it the afterlife?"
"Ha! No."
"Is it another world?"
"Eh, sorta."
Another world, another reality? I take the moment to think.
If I'm somewhere else, some place where I am free to be alone with my own thoughts and still retain some memories. Then I must be inside of the subconsciousness? No, this is a world of fantasy, not Earth psychology. Therefore--
"It's a gateway..." I trail off and see the mad Star nodding, ushering me to continue my thought. "...the real world."
"Bingo!" Mad Star sings happily. "A gateway out of your own body."
"So I'm a soul right now? Pretty hard to believe souls exist."
"For a human like you from a boring reality with just science, maybe. But this world is beyond normal. Right now, you have freedom. You're my ultimate weapon!"
"I--"
"You want to be free, just as you are now, don't you? Not be stuck with a broken, Mirrkhian Prince with family generational trauma and unquenchable thirst for control. You already had your own problems to deal with."
I drop my gaze to the hole. He's right. I do want to stay as myself again. Even if it means having no magic.
"But what do I do after I'm out? If I'm just a soul, won't I be drifting in reality aimlessly?" I stop. "Unless I find a vessel."
"You're on fire today, my boy!" Mad Star then pats my shoulder and rubs my head.
"But I don't want to take someone else's body if it's occupied." I sigh.
"Interesting thought. Have you ever wondered what makes individual perspectives on the world so unique? It's a concept philosophy has always touched on."
Philosophy... I try to think but it has been a while since I've been in college. Living life without thinking about my philosophy classes again. But one concept I've always paid attention to was the question of if we're truly real. And if everything outside of our thoughts are existing. And if everyone truly has thoughts and dreams of their own.
After all, I've rarely made friends as I grew older and the narcolepsy grew stronger. I spent more time in dreams than I did living life without guidance.
"If my dreams helped with the creation of this new reality, does that mean some of the people here aren't-"
"-real. You tell me, pal. Are we real with thoughts of our own or did you give it to us?"
"I hate thinking about this type of stuff." I breathe. It fuels my already distorted perspective on reality. "I just don't understand."
"What I tell you may or may not be true. Just cope and jump in the damn hole." Mad Star hisses, pushing me in without a second thought. "The world is big! Many vessels to choose from! I'll see you sooooooon!"