Sunday morning. The storm had started brewing late Saturday evening. Heavy rain poured through the night.
I'm just glad that I'm not going to work. I would be sleeping in- a rare privilege.
I don't usually get to sleep in. Not with my crazy schedule;,I have to play the roles of a big sister and a parent to my little stepsister Zoe besides work. Two things that I find really hard to juggle.
Zoe has had these complicated heart conditions ever since I can remember. The main reason why Amelia,my mother, came one day, two and half years ago and dumped her at my Minneapolis apartment. Never to pick or see her again.
Apparently,her heart problems weren't something Randy,my mother's seventh husband could live with,and had threatened to end their relationship if my mother didn't quickly find a way to fix the problem.
Finding no other alternatives to hastily deal with Zoe's insistent heart problems,and desperately needing to make their relationship work,Amelia,with all the traits of an irresponsible,heartless,bed hopping mother,decided to do what any other irresponsible,heartless, bed hopping parent out there would have done:Get her out of Ray's sight and neglect her- just as she'd done with me.
And where else could she take her?When her elder sister lived in an apartment just across the Mississippi river on the Minneapolis side of the Twin Cities?A little less than twenty minutes drive from their St. Paul house?
So she'd tossed Zoe and her nagging heart complications in a cub and hauled her from St. Paul, across the river to my apartment in Minneapolis. Luckily or unluckily, depending on ones point of view,Sophie Bella, my roommate and my closest best friend,had taken the day off from work and was in. Bella took the 'little Angel'- as she had referred to Zoe,called me at work and explained the situation.
"It was either that or I would've strangled the little thing," my mother had defended her actions when I cornered her three days later in her favourite St. Paul City restaurant.
"Randy is willing to take care of the hospital bills,but he just won't have her around the house crying all the time and messing things up. What am I gonna do,Letty?Give my kid to some random stranger out there?I don't want to do that. At least with you,I know I've got someone keeping an eye on her. Besides,it's just for a little while. Until I can work something out with Randy. In the meantime,I'll be sending you something small from Randy. You know? For upkeep and to take care of the hospital bills."
That was it. I couldn't turn my back on Zoe or her heart problems like they'd done. I resolved there and then to take care of my little stepsister's needs like she were my own kid. Though over the two and half years,I've never gotten a nickel from mommy dearest,despite the fact that Zoe has spent most of that time in and out of hospitals.
Anyway,it's a Sunday morning. The day that I volunteer at the Hennepin General Hospital-where Zoe currently is, to hang with the sick children. Though today I won't be doing any volunteering, since Zoe's Doctor had sent a message saying that they were done with her surgery and that I should find time to visit, and that he wanted to talk to me, privately. So it's not like I'm going to have as much time to sleep in as I might have wanted,anyway.
Despite the unfriendly weather, I manage to wrestle my bloody-red,mini-car through an irritating drizzle across town to the hospital.
I'm here to see an apparently much healthier Zoe and talk privately to Dr. Elmer,then head back home to our shared apartment. Simple,right?
Wrong.
Things take a different twist the moment I get into the doctor's office. The so called private talk quickly going south.
I squirm uncomfortably in the visitor's wheeled chair,staring warily at Dr. Elmer as he casually tries to explain his professional advice to me.
"See,we did the CABG surgery successfully,no problems,"he explains professionally. I frown at him,I wouldn't know what a CABG surgery is if it jumped and bit me on my ass.
"Okay" he says,catching my confused expression. "Your little sister here had a little coronary artery problem. We successfully managed that. We grafted an artery to bypass the blocked portion of the coronary artery. Now the blood can flow to the heart muscle without much interference."
I nod,understanding,and Dr. Elmer rambles on. "The problem is that she still has got this irregular heart rhythm:her heart beats too fast sometimes, or too slow. We call it arrhythmia, and we thought we oughta do an ICD surgery, but then again, thought it might be atrial fibrillation, a more serious type of arrhythmia that might need a Maze surgery."
Damn! Doctors and their abbreviations. Why can't he just go straight to the point? My curiosity here is beyond overwhelming. Is he about to tell me that there is nothing more they can do to save Zoe?That they've reached a dead end?Probably. That's definitely where all this talk is headed to.
I squirm in my chair some more,bracing myself for the inevitable.
"The thing is,as we are,there is not much more we can do about that. We don't have the,uh..."he stops for a beat,staring at the ceiling, groping for a word.
"Capacity," he says finally,confirming my earlier suspicions.
I swallow hard,fear suddenly gripping and squeezing my heart. "Are you saying..."i start to ask him,but he puts up his hand to hold off the question, cutting me mid-sentence.
"Letty,what I'm saying is that we are not capable of carrying out this kind of specialized surgery that Zoe needs at the moment,I'm sorry." And he truly seems apologetic,I think.
The world shifts beneath my feet and I think the room starts to sway. I close my eyes briefly, hoping that if I shut everything out,all this might go away. That i might open them and find all this was a horrible dream. Dr. Elmer doesn't stop speaking.
"In other words...Uh,Letty?Letty? Are you okay?Are you with me?"
I open my eyes. He's still sitting at his swivel chair behind his desk in all his blue,patterned scrubs,gold-rimmed glasses and white,thinning hair. He's staring intently at me,concern written all over his face. This is real,not a goddamn dream,Letty. Get a grip.
" Are you alright? Can I get you a glass of water?" He asks.
I start to shake my head,then realize that my head feels heavier than usual. I nod,too confused to find my own voice.
He's already pushing back from his desk,getting up, "I'll get you some water," he states as he strides purposefully out of the office, slamming the door behind him.
I scowl at my hands on my lap,working it through my head. Now what?My mind is in a haze,i can't seem to think straight. I take a deep breath and exhale slowly, trying to calm down. I can hear Dr. Elmer mumbling to someone outside,though I can't make out exactly what they are saying. The door opens a moment later and he walks in,holding a glass of water.
"Here,have this."
I grasp the glass and gulp the water down at a go,with him gazing down at me,assessing me in that way that doctors do.
I blink up at him,adding him the glass. "Thank you," I stutter,feeling marginally better. He takes it and places it on his desk.
"Feel better now?"He asks as he steps around his desk and sinks into his swivel chair,all the while peering at my face.
"I guess...i mean,i'm good,sir."
"are you sure?"
"Yes,"I croak,then clear my throat. I sit up,cross my legs in front of me and square my hunched shoulders, hoping to look more in control of my self. I force a thin smile that I doubt gets to my eyes. "I'm good,Sir," i assure him,hoping he will relent and get this over with. He does.
"Alright," he runs his long fingered hand through his white,thinning hair,tiredly. "Where were we?" he asks,looking expectantly at me.
"Um...you don't have the capability to carry out Zoe's special surgery..." I offer.
"Oh,yeah," he smiles,pleased that I could remember.
"I was saying that we are not capable at the moment,but I know someone who specializes in this kind of thing. Someone that can do it better than us if we tried."
A glimmer of hope suddenly starts to blossom deep in my belly. Lighting up from within, I blink at him,waiting. An individual?Who?
"A hospital in the heart of London," he reveals as if he is reading my mind. "They've a great Cardiology team. One of the Cardiologists there is a good, old friend of mine. I called him and he said they could do the surgery in less than three hours. I really want to recommend them."
I gaze at him some more, London? It doesn't sound totally promising. I've never been to London,in fact,I've never left United States. I've spent most of my life in the Twin Cities. The two cities,separated by Mississippi river has had everything I've ever needed so far. But it's something,right?
Seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, hopeful,i ask the inevitable question that has been bugging me all along:"How much will it cost me?"
He's quiet for a moment,his eyes defocusing as he stares sightlessly past me toward the door. He nibbles on his bottom lip,calculating,I assume. I bet he probably has sent some other patients like Zoe to London and knows the costs.
Eventually,he inhales slowly, purses his lips and speaks.
"That'd be roughly two hundred and fifty thousand bucks. Everything included:transportation and everything."
And just like that, my world screeches to a halt. My eyes go wide and I can feel the blood draining from my face. What? This is insane,crazy. Where would I get that much cash even if I tried?Clearly this is the end.
We go back and forth with Dr. Elmer,working out possibilities,trying to find alternatives. He doesn't budge, insisting that in her condition, transferring Zoe to Hayfield Hospital in London is my best bet. I relent,eventually.
Dr. Elmer has been in charge of Zoe during her whole hospital stay here. As a result,they've forged a strong bond with Zoe. So have i. My volunteering here every Sunday has made our relationship with him sort of friendly. I'm sure his advice comes from a good place and I have to take it. Not that I have a lot of choices,after all.
"Okay," i whisper, nodding. "Though it might take some time for me to come up with that kind of money." If it's even possible,which it isn't. At least not with the less than adequate salary I get at Greyson Mills,I think.
"Not a problem," He assures me. "We are monitoring her heart rhythm and we will keep her in medication before then,you know? The antiarrhythmic drugs. Just don't take too long. I'm afraid the condition tends to get worse,the drugs might not hold up for so long."
"I won't take too much time. Thank you, sir," I say as I stand from my seat to shake his hand. "I'll go see her,then."
"My pleasure,Letty," Dr. Elmer smiles kindly.
My limbs feel exhausted and weak. I can feel my blood rushing through my veins. Surprisingly,i manage to walk steadily out of his office and onto the waiting area,filled with harsh coughs from patients sitting on wooden benches,watching an almost muted television that is screwed to the wall.
The fact that I volunteer here doesn't mean I feel entirely comfortable around hospitals. The overpowering smell of antiseptic,deodorizer and the not so often cleaned mops has always managed to get into me,making me wish I was somewhere else but here.
I turn right and scurry down a short corridor to Zoe's room. She's lying on the bed,her eyes shut,her wild,red hair spread out on her pillow,her face as pale as a piece of white-typing paper. The too white,bleach-smelling sheet's pulled up to her neck,hiding the electrodes placed on her chest that lead to an EKG monitor that is producing a nagging,beeping sound.
Her wary eyes pop open when I enter the room,and a thin smile spreads across her face when she recognizes me.
"Letty," she breathes.
"I'm here,Zoe,"i whisper back as I sit at the edge of the bed and grasp her shaky,outstretched hand. "How do you feel today?" I ask,knowing what her answer would be.
"Better," she answers. The smile that she plasters on her face doesn't fool me.
When I respond, it is with an equally deceptive smile masking my face even though I can feel tears welling up behind my eyes. Oh,no. I can't cry,not now,not here. I have to be strong for her if I want her to stay strong.
"Look,honey. I'm working on something," I say,amazed that my voice is unbelievably steady. "I want you to be okay. I want you to come home and play with Bella, and i can teach you how to paint in my little studio. But I need you to be strong. Like I said,I'm working on something,and I will come and get you once I'm ready. You will never set foot in a hospital again once I get you out,I promise. Just a few more days,that's all I need. Okay,sweetheart?"
She nods,giving me a strained smile. I smile back automatically, squeezing her hand. I let go her hand and excuse myself,remembering the bouquet of flowers that I forgot in Dr. Elmer's office. Bella carried them from the flower shop where she works and asked me to bring them to Zoe. I had forgotten them in Dr. Elmer's office. Damn me.
I grab them,apologizing profusely to Dr. Elmer and hurry back,giving Zoe the pretty bouquet.
"Bella wants you to have this," I tell her. She brightens immediately. Seeing her happy even though for a short moment warms my heart. I lean down and peck her forehead.
"Say thank you to Bella for me,will you?" She says,her eyes alight with amusement.
"Sure thing,honey," I answer. "I gotta run,but I will come back and get you,Right? I just need a few more days and I'll get you out of here."
By the time I'm out,I'm overwhelmed with emotion. The elevator whisks me down to the lobby and I hurry out the front doors,momentarily confused as to where I should go from here. I don't want to head back to the apartment, because I will be all alone and will undoubtedly wind up curled on the sofa pitying myself. I pop the driver's door on my mini car and just stand there,working it over in my head. I need to clear my head. I clamber in the driver's seat and start the engine,back out of the hospital's parking lot and drive slowly,looking for a place to relax and think. Think of how I'm going to make over two hundred and fifty thousand bucks within how long? I don't even know,but fast. Preferably before Zoe's little heart stops.
An amount of money I have never made in my entire life. I have to get it though. I can't bear the thought of her heart stopping. Of losing her. I stifle a sob,swipe at a single teardrop that escapes down my cheek and tighten my grip on the steering wheel,flooring the pedal. I know exactly where I'm going. I've been there before, though it was just for fun. Today I'm going there to make money. If I'm going to find that much money in a hurry,I better start doing it now.