Ryan's POV
I hadn't felt this bad in a while. Not since I discovered Rayna was my mate, not since Clarissa started to move away from me, and not since the event that triggered this whole drama started.
I couldn't resist Rayna that night, not with how things had spiraled and the tension that had built up between us as it progressed. Now, I feel like I have walked headfirst into an avoidable situation.
And now here I was, guilty as sin.
For the fourth time that day, I picked up my phone to dial Clarissa's number, hoping and praying with every fiber of my being that she picked up. I didn't even know what I was going to say—whether I was going to apologize or even talk about it at all. I just wanted to hear her voice and know she was still there somehow, unlikely as it was.
My phone remained a cold, lifeless object in my hand. Three rings, then voicemail. Clarissa was no longer answering my calls. Shame tightened its grip on my insides. How could I have been so stupid? I betrayed the only person who ever truly saw me. Rayna's words echoed in my head: "This was a mistake."
Her words were harsh but true, and we both knew it was, but we did it anyway. Rayna was different; she didn't have someone to cheat on, as far as I knew, but I did, and that was what made me feel so much worse.
Rayna. Damn, I owed her an apology too, for behaving like an immature little child after all of it.
Reaching for my phone again, I dialed another number. Rayna picked up after the first ring. "Hey," I said, my voice tight.
"Ryan," she replied, a hint of coolness in her tone.
"How are you?" I asked, unsure of how to start the conversation, and I knew for sure she wasn't interested in hearing it.
There was a pause on the other line, like she was considering whether my question was worth answering or whether I was worth talking to.
"Fine." She said finally, "I am fine."
I paused to hear if she would ask how I was. She didn't; apparently, she was still mad.
"I... I need to see you."
"Ryan, we have nothing to talk about." She sounded exasperated and a little annoyed.
"Yes, we do," I replied, somewhat firmly, "and I owe you an apology."
"You don't owe me anything," she said sharply. "We made a mistake. It happens. Let's just pretend it didn't. I have no interest in helping you relieve the guilt you feel about cheating on your little human girlfriend. I absolutely don't care, so stop trying to apologize.
"No, I can't do that. You deserve an explanation. An apology."
Silence stretched between us. "Look, Ryan, I know the guilt you're carrying. You don't need to voice it. We both know this wasn't supposed to happen."
"But it did." My voice dipped low.
"Yes, it did," she sighed. "That's why I think it's best if we don't meet in the meantime. Let's just… Give this entire thing a rest for a while; I am not interested in seeing you right now."
"Rayna, please," I pleaded. "Let me take you out. Dinner, a walk, anything. Just give me a chance to"
"To say what?" she interrupted. "That you're sorry? I already know that, Ryan. I don't need another apology laced with guilt. We both made bad decisions, fueled by the moment. Let's just make sure it doesn't happen again."
I bit my lip, frustration simmering inside me. "Fine," I huffed. "But I insist on meeting you. When?"
She sighed on the other end; I could almost picture her rolling her eyes, "When do you have in mind?"
"How about tomorrow?" I needed to get this apology out of the way as fast as I could. I hated feeling like I owed Rayna, of all people, an apology, and the sooner I made up to her for it, the better for me.
There was a pause. "Look, I'm still mad at you," she said in her impatient, clipped voice. "Tomorrow is too soon; I need some time. To be honest, I cannot stand the thought of seeing you right now.
Ouch.
"Alright," I conceded, defeated. "When are you free?"
"Four days," she said definitively.
"Four?" I echoed.
"Yes, four days," she repeated firmly. "I need space to process all of this. And frankly, so do you."
I couldn't argue. The guilt gnawed at me, a constant reminder of my betrayal. "Alright," I agreed. "Four days it is."
We hung up, and I sank into the worn armchair, burying my face in my hands. The weight of my actions pressed down on me. How would I face Clarissa? What would I say? My phone vibrated in my pocket, pulling me out of my despair. It was a text from Rayna.
"Meet me at the beach, near the old pier, in four days. Sunset."
The beach. A neutral location, away from both our packs and possibly from prying eyes. The perfect location. Nothing could possibly go wrong, right? We would get the apology over with and move on, like adults.
Perfect.
* * *
Four days crawled by in a blur of self-loathing and nervous anticipation. Finally, the day of our meeting arrived. I drove to the beach, the salty air doing little to calm the storm brewing inside me.
After finding a spot in the parking lot, I exited and scanned the place to try and spot her. There weren't a lot of people left this late in the evening, and the families left were packing up. At first, I was afraid she had decided I was worth her time and had decided to bail on me, but then I found her.
There she was, sitting on the sand, the setting sun casting a warm glow on her hair. She looked up as I approached, a flicker of something crossing her face before she schooled it into an emotionless mask.
"You made it," she said, her voice cool.
"I did," I replied. That was her form of greeting—cold and emotionless.
I sat down beside her, the sand warm beneath my touch. The silence stretched between us, thick and suffocating.
"Look," she started, breaking the silence. "Let's just forget about it. It was a mistake. We both know we were about to reject each other anyway. What we did would certainly make it more difficult on the both of us, worse if it happens again, so it would be best if we just... pretend it never happened."
I opened my mouth to speak, but the words wouldn't come. She was right. We were on the path to do away with this mate thing once and for all, and one night of passion shouldn't change that. But the guilt still lingered—a bitter aftertaste. And even worse, her eagerness to chalk it all off as a mistake and move on—how casual she was about it all.
I knew I really didn't care much for it, but my ego was a little hurt. Had she hated it that much? Was it that bad? She seemed to enjoy herself well enough that night.
"Focus, Ryan," I muttered to myself under my breath. "Focus."
She looked at me, raising an eyebrow. "Huh? Did you say something?"
I shook my head, trying to clear the intrusive thoughts already pushing in. "No, no, you are right. There is nothing else to say about it; that chapter is closed permanently."
She nodded. "Good. Now that is out of the way, I think we should." She paused suddenly, a look of surprise on her face.
"What?" I asked, confused as she seemed to stare at a point behind me. I started turning around to see what had shut her up so quickly when I heard the voice.
"Ryan?"
I froze. My head snapped up, and the blood drained from my face. Standing there, a look of shock etched on her face, was Clarissa.
The ground seemed to open beneath me, threatening to swallow me whole.