Clarissa
Ever since I found out that Ryan had met his mate, I haven't stopped being restless and frustrated. He already assured me that they were going to reject each other as planned, but I couldn't help but still feel restless despite his assurance.
I didn't know whether to call it being insecure or whatnot, but after seeing Rayna for myself and knowing how she looked, I found it hard to believe that Ryan could easily just reject her. Seeing how her physical appearance was made me feel intimidated and annoyed, especially because she was everything that I wasn't.
Tall, olive skin, dark hair, grey eyes, and a face that anyone in their right mind would die for. That was just how unbelievably beautiful she was. And then, compared to me, who was short, pale, typically blue eyes, and had blonde hair that came with the dumb blonde stereotype, Rayna was any man's ideal type.
It didn't make any sense to me that Rylan would find out that such a woman was his mate and still decide that I was what he wanted. I couldn't bring myself to believe that he wasn't just saying he'd reject her to make me feel better.
Sighing, I looked around my bedroom, taking the space in as several thoughts ran through my mind. A few things that didn't bother me before suddenly started to seem like a problem, starting with the fact that my room in the packhouse was nowhere near Ryan's room.
I didn't think too much of it before, but looking around now, it suddenly dawned on me that I was in a room that was on the far end of the packhouse, almost as though I was a secret he was trying to hide away.
I felt a sudden sense of humiliation at this realization, and I was self-aware enough to know that my insecurities were now blowing through the roof. Another reason why I couldn't help but feel small and intimidated was because, unlike Ryan and Rayna, I wasn't a full werewolf.
I was born to a human mother and a werewolf father I never got to meet, but even with that, I couldn't even proudly call myself a half-werewolf, especially since I was way over 18 now, and yet, I still didn't have a wolf.
After I turned 18 and realized that I was still wolfless, I tried not to let it dampen my spirits, especially after I was told that some werewolves don't usually get their wolves until they turn 21. But now I was twenty-four years old, and I still had no wolf, nor did I think I had any hope of ever having one.
I was already struggling with the thought of whether or not I'd be accepted by Ryan's pack members when he eventually proclaimed me as his Luna, but with the arrival of Rayna and the possibility of his pack finding out that he was mated to her, I was starting to doubt my chances of ever being accepted.
Feeling suffocated and annoyed with how my thoughts kept getting worse, I decided that it was time for me to head back home. I definitely needed a few days away from Ryan so I could figure out a way to deal with the situation. I also needed to pressure Ryan one way or another so that he would speed up the process of rejecting her if he really meant to.
After making up my mind, I grabbed my suitcase and placed it on the bed, before bringing out the few clothes I had in the wardrobe and also placing them on the bed.
When I was done bringing out everything I had brought with me to stay for a few weeks, I sat on the edge of the bed, folding clothes and placing them carefully into my suitcase. Each movement felt mechanical, devoid of the happiness I had felt a few days ago when I packed my things and came here to stay with Ryan for a while.
The decision to leave the packhouse weighed heavily on my mind, but I knew it was necessary for my own sanity and also to see where I stood in Ryan's life.
As I zipped up the suitcase, a knock on the door disrupted my thoughts. Before I could even respond, the door swung open, and Ryan walked in, his expression a mix of concern and sadness. My initial surprise quickly turned into a frown as I stared at him, wondering why he was intruding even after I told him that I needed time to think by myself.
"What are you doing here, Ryan?" I asked, my tone laced with a hint of frustration. I couldn't bear to look into his eyes, afraid of the emotions they might reveal.
Ryan's gaze softened as he took in my expression. "I came to check on you, Clarissa. Are you okay?" he asked, his voice gentle yet cautious. He moved closer, his concern obvious.
I sighed, folding my arms across my chest as I turned to face him fully. "I'm fine, Ryan. I'm just packing my bags to head back home. There's nothing left for me here anyway," I replied, my voice tinged with resignation.
Ryan's brows furrowed in confusion. "Heading back home? But you'd only just arrived a few days ago. Why leave so soon? Is this because of the situation with Rayna?" he asked, his eyes searching mine for answers.
I scoffed, a bitter taste lingering on my tongue. "Why wouldn't it be, Ryan? What reasons do I have to remain here? Now that you've found your mate, I'm just an outsider here. I don't belong in a packhouse that will only see me as an unwanted distraction in your life," I retorted, the frustration and hurt seeping into my words.
Ryan's expression softened, understanding dawning in his eyes. "Clarissa, you are not an outsider. You are a part of this pack, a part of my life," he said, his voice filled with sincerity and regret. "Please, just be patient with me. It'll all be over soon."
"Ryan, I can't stay here and watch you deal with that woman. It's too much for me to handle," I admitted, my voice wavering with emotion.
"I already said the situation would be resolved soon, Clarissa. Rayna and I will soon have no reason to ever see each other again. Can't you please just be patient with me?" he pleaded.
I stared at Ryan, his words of assurance ringing hollow in my ears. "Ryan, how can you expect me to be patient when it's starting to feel like you're slipping out of my fingers at every moment?" I retorted, my frustration boiling over.
Ryan ran a hand through his hair, a gesture of frustration mirrored in his expression. "Clarissa, I know it's not easy, but I really can't rush things, which is why it hasn't happened yet. There are political considerations to take into account," he explained, his voice tinged with a hint of exasperation.
I scoffed in disbelief. "Political reasons? Ryan, this is about us and our feelings. Why can't you just go through with the rejection ceremony now and end this once and for all?" I demanded, the urgency in my voice betraying my inner turmoil.
Ryan met my gaze with a mix of regret and frustration. "Clarissa, Rayna, and I have already agreed to reject each other, and that won't change. I promise you, this will be resolved soon," he assured me, his words laced with sincerity.
I shook my head, frustration simmering beneath the surface. "Ryan, words aren't enough for me anymore. I need to see action. The only way I'll believe that you're serious about this is if you call Rayna right now and schedule the rejection ceremony for tomorrow," I insisted, my resolve hardening with each passing moment. "Only if you do that will I remain here, but if you can't, then I'll leave right now."