Ryan's POV.
There were situations where you felt like you were between a rock and a hard place. You're put in a situation where you had to make an impossible decision, and no matter how careful you were, how much you thought about it, or how meticulously you weighed the risks, you were fucked either way.
And then there was this.
As I watched Rayna step out, for the first time taking the hint that I didn't want her around, messing up my head anymore, I realized that I was well and truly fucked over by everyone.
The moon goddess with her wicked sense of humor mating me with an actual gorgon, my father for forging this alliance in the first place, Rayna for being Rayna, and Clarissa, for well, being the love of my life.
Clarissa... Fuck.
She was already more pissed at me than ever, and who would blame her? And now I was going to tell her to let me fake date the same woman who was causing us so much trouble to appease her father.
The mere thought of the look on her face when I would be insane enough to finally break the news filled me with dread and, in a weird way, amusement.
Deciding not to waste any more time, I picked up the phone, my hands slightly shaking as I dialed her number.
No response.
Well, that wasn't surprising at all, I thought to myself as I redialed the number. We had never had a fight this serious before, not ever. And that might be why this hit me really hard, including the fact that I had no idea how to fix things between us.
Again, no response, which could only mean she was ignoring my calls.
Giving up, I decided to head back to my room. Maybe she was busy, or maybe she would rather be by herself and gather her thoughts before talking to me again. Honestly, I didn't know which one it was, and that worried me even more.
Getting to my room, Clarissa on my mind, I decided to try again, part of me screaming to the moon goddess to hand me a lifeline and make her understand, even though Clarissa wasn't a werewolf and the goddess likely had no business with her.
The other part of me was praying that she wouldn't pick up. I would wake up the next morning, and all of this would turn out to be just a horrible nightmare.
Of course, I was never going to be that lucky. She picked up almost immediately.
"What is it, Ryan?" she hissed almost immediately, and this had to be the coldest way she had ever spoken to me.
Yeah, this was certainly not going to be an easy conversation.
"Hey, Clarissa, I have been trying to reach you all day."
"Been busy."
I nodded, of course. "How are you holding up?"
"Fine. You?"
"I'm alright. Actually, Clarissa, I called because there is something I need to discuss with you."
There was a slight pause on her end; maybe she was dreading this conversation almost as much as me. "Go on," she said, her tone measured.
"Okay, so Rayna came up with an idea about us." I could instantly feel my palms get sweaty. "Fake dating for a while, just to appeal to the public."
Fuck. There it was; I finally said it.
I heard her chuckle. "Is that so?"
"Yeah, yeah, crazy, right?"
She straight up ignored the question. "And what do you think, Ryan?"
Fuck. Here we go. "I am thinking about playing along with it, for now at least," I added quickly, like it made any damn difference.
The pause on the other end of the line was so thick and deliberate that I could almost physically feel it.
"Hello?" I asked after a few seconds, desperately praying she hadn't heard me, so at least I could pass it off as a bad joke.
"Ryan, I am not sure I heard you clearly," she said slowly. "Pardon me, but it sounds like you want me to give you permission to date another woman in the middle of our fight."
"Fake date," I muttered, as if that made any difference.
"Oh my goodness, thanks for clarifying, fake date," she retorted, her voice dripping with barely concealed sarcasm. "Fake date another woman, the same one who caused issues between us in the first place, while you and I are still very distant."
My throat was suddenly overtaken by a certain dryness. "Yeah, uhm, pretty much."
"Ryan." She spoke slowly before taking a deep breath and releasing it, as though she were trying to calm herself. "Have you gone mad?"
"Clarissa, I know this sounds crazy, but..."
"Crazy is a fucking understatement, Ryan; you sound like you have gone absolutely insane!"
"Please, listen to me."
"CAN YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF? ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO THE WORDS COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, YOU SELFISH BASTARD?!"
I had never heard her scream or hear her voice crack so badly; it sounded like she was on the verge of tears.
"Clarissa-"
"You are a lot of things, Ryan, but I never took you for a bloody coward."
"Coward?" I realized I sounded stupid, just repeating what she said.
"There are less ruthless ways to break up, Ryan." She spoke slowly, her voice almost a hush. "But all this drama, is it really necessary?"
I fell silent, genuinely speechless.
"Yeah," she said finally, after the short pause. "That's what I thought."
"This isn't what I want, Clarissa."
"Call me when you actually have something to say. Goodbye, Ryan."
Then the line went dead.
I spent a few seconds still holding the phone to my ear, half expecting her to call back and half expecting myself to spontaneously combust.
Neither of those events happened, unfortunately.
* * *
There was only one thing left to do that evening: try to get as drunk as I possibly could.
I walked to the bar, deciding that the evening stroll could do me some good and take my mind off things.
It didn't.
I walked into the bar, my eyes scanning, looking for the tall, lean frame of my best friend, Damian Willis.
And sure enough, there he was, at one end of the bar, in a hearty conversation with the bartender, a pretty blonde. Exactly his type.
I strolled over, sliding into the bar stool next to him. "Don't believe anything he tells you," I said, nodding at the lady. "He isn't even remotely trustworthy."
Damian turned around to look at me before breaking out into a loud laughter that told me he had been drinking for a while. "Hey, brother, I took you long enough."
We shook hands loudly, dapping up. We've been friends since we were kids, but we didn't meet as often as we used to. Being around him always lifted my mood, even if he sometimes had the maturity of a teenager.
We ordered a few more shots, and after I told him what the situation was with Rayna and Clarissa, he seemed very amused.
"Okay, so let me get this straight." He cleared his throat before swiveling to face me. "On one hand, there is a hot, badass shewolf, whose father happens to be one of the most powerful Alphas around, and on the other hand, a whiny, annoying little human with a permanent deer caught in the headlights look on her face."
"Clarissa doesn't look like that." I snapped, somewhat defensively.
"Yeah, I kind of agree with the human chick. You have gone insane."
"Damian, I need you to be serious for once."
"I am being serious," he retorted, leaning into me. "Ryan, this is a fucking no-brainer. You get together with Rayna, and you have every single thing you would ever need. A powerful ally, a powerful Luna, and all the power in the fucking world, with Clarissa? Absolutely fucking nothing."
"It's not about power." I said stubbornly, "And get off my face, man, how long have you been drinking?"
"Then what is it about?" he asked, frowning and ignoring my question. "Wait, don't tell me, love?"
"What is so wrong with love?"
"Oh, please tell me you are kidding." He said, leaning away, a look of disbelief on his face. "Ryan, please don't tell me you are about to pass up this opportunity because you have fallen in love with that human."
"Okay, how about this? You should at the very least try to get together with Rayna."
"But-"
"Just try, okay? It can't possibly be that bad."
I snorted, "Oh, it's going to be way worse. She is stiff; she is annoying; she is overbearing; I cannot fucking stand her man; I can't."
"You hate her well enough to ruin your relationship with her father?"
I fell silent, unsure of what to say.
"Yeah, I guessed not. Just give it a try, man, and after a couple of weeks, if you are still positive she isn't what you want, you can throw it all away, go ahead with the rejection ceremony, or whatever. But at the very least, try."
He was right; I knew it deep inside. I had to try for my pack. But one question burned deep inside me—something I just couldn't stop thinking about.
"What about Clarissa?" I asked quietly.
He paused for a while before shrugging. "Well, you just have to figure that one out yourself."
And that was the problem.