"You're saying, you want to take a leave of absence?" In Nick Fury's office, Nick was lounging in his office chair, feet on his desk, looking at the Natasha in front of him.
"Yes, sick leave!" Natasha replied through gritted teeth.
"Sick leave? Are you ill? You can perfectly consult our in-house psychiatrist." Nick suggested offhandedly.
"It's because I've been seeing the psychiatrist, that I fell ill!" Natasha exclaimed, "I've been seeing the psychiatrist at least fifteen times a day over the past week! Are you reducing our insurance coverage using such underhanded methods?!"
"Can't help it, it's the cost of employing multiple Shillers. Who asked him to be a psychiatrist?" Nick shrugged, "Whether it's the Shiller who can handle finances, lead Hydra, or perform his duties as a doctor, they're all psychiatrists. If there are no patients, they wouldn't exactly stay here willingly."
"That's no reason to use me as bait to lure in three Shillers!" Natasha retorted angrily, "S.H.I.E.L.D. has so many agents, why can't they divide the work evenly???"
"Please, Natasha, how many of our agents can withstand scrutiny?"
Nick lowered his feet and pointed to the room next to his, saying, "There are nine agents in the office over there, eight belong to Hydra, and one is from the CIA. The CIA one is likely a Hydra infiltrator."
"That other office there, twelve agents, six are administrative staff. Apart from Agent Carter, all are Hydra. The remaining six, three are KGB agents disguised as Hydra, three are KGB agents disguised as CIA. Would you have them go see the psychiatrist?"
"I..." Natasha was at a loss for words, she said, "But I'm also ex-Soviet, I was just recently investigated for potential ties with Soviet spies..."
"Exactly, Shiller is also a Soviet spy, that's why you have to be the one to go." Nick replied grinning.
Natasha took a deep breath, and looked up at the ceiling, unable to find the words to describe the current state of S.H.I.E.L.D.
At the moment, S.H.I.E.L.D is entirely made up of 100% professional agents, 99% of them are Hydra members. Half of the members in Hydra are CIA agents, and within these agents, half are spies from various countries, and within these foreign spies, half belong to the KGB.
And her, Natasha Romanoff, a former Soviet professional agent, neither part of Hydra nor KGB, has become a unique figure within the vast organization of S.H.I.E.L.D.
So much so that when Shiller, a known Soviet spy, needed to treat a patient psychologically, Natasha became the prime candidate.
There were too many points to criticize, so much so that she didn't know where to start. The only thing she knew was that this couldn't go on. Any normal person would go mad after undergoing dozens of psychological treatments in just few days. The fact that Natasha hadn't gone mad proved how professional she truly was.
"In any case, I quit!" Natasha said resolutely, "If you make me undergo psychological treatment again, I will turn myself in to the IRS!"
Nick looked at her in astonishment, "The IRS? I can't believe such words would actually come out of a SHIELD Agent's mouth! How could you be so ruthless?!"
"Every time I pray at church, I thank the IRS. They keep you from lowering our insurance three times per week and give me the courage to stand up against you, a shameless boss!"
"Don't say that, Ms. Romanoff. You and I both know that this little sacrifice is just..."
"Don't give me that crap!" Clearly on the verge of bursting, Natasha interrupted, "Either someone else takes the job, or I quit. I'll contact the KGB right now and get myself deported to Siberia!"
"Alright, alright, calm down, ma'am..." Nick held up his hands in a soothing manner, "I'll send Agent Carter, is that okay? However, she's a newbie who just joined us recently. You have to keep an eye on her..."
"If she overreacts to Shiller, there may be complications. You'll have to keep in mind that this is all for the greater good..."
"Enough. I'll inform her now." Natasha turned to leave.
When Carter received the assignment, she was somewhat puzzled. Seeing a psychiatrist is considered a task?
"Is this for real?" Carter said holding up her orders, "For the following week, I do not have to do anything other than seeing the psychiatrist non-stop? Didn't we already go through this when I joined?"
"Miss Carter, do you remember the first rule of being an agent?" Natasha looked her in the eye and asked.
"Listen more, watch more, ask less... Fine, I'll go. It couldn't be worse than waxing the Sky Carrier's deck." Carter put away the papers and left.
But before the day was over, she rushed to the office all flustered, grabbed Natasha and asked, "Is there a problem? Does this psychiatrist never rest? And why does he keep changing rooms and clothes? Are these necessary therapeutic procedures?"
"Remember, listen more, watch more, ask less." Natasha turned to say. Seeing the puzzled expression on Carter, she shook her head and walked away.
Inside Nick Fury's office, Coulson, holding a newly made financial report, asked Nick, "Boss, will this really do? One Shiller is in charge of finance, another one oversees experiments, and yet another one takes care of personnel... Isn't this a bit excessive?"
"What's there to fear? It's not like we got these Shillers through irregular methods. We simply identified several Shillers using S.H.I.E.L.D.'s well-established intelligence network, and then invited them here to work for us. What's the problem?"
"The problem is the number of Shillers!!!!" Coulson shouted, "Why are there so many Shillers?!!!"
"Coulson, some of your questions always make me doubt your Level 8 agent rank. Do you remember the first rule of being an agent? Listen more, watch more, ask less. What can you gain from asking the reasons behind things? Can it solve this year's financial report issues?"
Nick spread his hands and said, "Our first Shiller, he solved our financial issues for the next quarter."
"Just to remind you, the previous quarter, we hired three accountants, two of whom went on a vacation to Moscow. The third one had 'committed suicide' on his way to Moscow..."
"At the start of this quarter, we don't even have a single accountant. Are you suggesting I should go to those Russian sharks who charge exorbitant fees? They even want an additional fee for translation!"
"We found a Shiller, and he not only took over the work of three accountants, but also proposed two financial optimization plans. My God, I've never seen such a competent financial staff member!"
Nick clenched his fist strongly and said, "If he had worked here full time, within a year our Sky Carrier fleet would have been operational!"
Just as Coulson was about to say something, Nick raised his voice and said, "And then there's the second Shiller who arrived. He's like the perfect quack doctor with great medical skills, hardworking, and more importantly, no morals!"
Nick gestured with one of his hands, saying, "From participating in our illicit human experiments to using hypnosis for intelligence extraction. He alone is equivalent to an interrogation team. If they worked here full time, we could hire an additional ten thousand people next quarter!"
"And finally, the last Shiller who arrived, God, I can't even begin to describe how wonderful he is. You can't imagine how much trouble he has saved me!"
"Just one of him, managing the personnel transfers for both Hydra and SHIELD's field agents, creating enough work for at least 40,000 agents!"
"The mission completion rates he made up out of thin air garnered praise from Congress, saying I'm the best Director of Shield they've ever seen!"
Nick beamed ecstatically, but Coulson, after checking his conscience, felt quite uneasy. He said:
"The financial report is optimized, the experiments and interrogations are illicit, the personnel is imaginary, the tasks are fictitious, the work is fictitious… What exactly, is SHIELD doing "
Nick gave Coulson an alien look and said, "If you ask such a stupid question again, you will be happily promoted to a Level 6 agent next year."
"What is SHIELD doing? Of course, SHIELD is protecting the world!"
"But we aren't actually protecting the world,", Coulson said, looking troubled.
"What is the goal of protecting the world?" Nick walked up to Coulson and asked.
"The goal is... well, to protect the world!" Coulson responded.
"No, the goal of protecting the world is to make the world feel protected. That's the raison d'être for SHIELD.",
Nick shook his head saying, "Just the existence of SHIELD makes the world authorities feel that someone would protect them in case of strange events."
"But if some weird events actually happened and no one protected them, wouldn't they feel disappointed?" asked Coulson.
Nick sighed and said, "They never had any hope to begin with, so how can they feel disappointed?"
"No government on this planet would ever believe that an organization led by Americans, staffed by Americans, and controlled by the U.S. Congress would save them in times of crisis. As long as we don't add insult to injury, they would think we're a fairly just organization."
Coulson opened his mouth, and he found, to his surprise, that he could not refute it.
Nick continued, "In fact, Congress doesn't need us to do anything. As long as we exist and are effectively controlled by them, they can tell the world that America is protecting our planet. That is the whole point of SHIELD's existence."
"If you really want to protect the world, don't count on SHIELD or any other organization that ostensibly aims to protect the world."
Coulson sighed and then said, "Okay... Here is this quarter's salary report, Director. You need to sign it."
Nick eased back into his chair. Coulson placed the report on the table. Nick casually picked it up and was about to sign when he saw the figure at the very end.
With a thud, Nick tumbled off his chair. He asked incredulously, "Why is it so high??? How could SHIELD's salary this quarter be so high???"
"Where... where is the increase in the salaries?" Nick, panting heavily, climbed up from the floor and started frantically flipping through the report. He noticed a line item in the salary report named "SHIELD Agent Psychological Therapy Fees".
Looking at the long string of zeros, Nick took a deep breath. His roar echoed throughout SHIELD headquarters:
"Assemble The Avengers!! Assemble immediately!!!"
"All hands on deck!! Hunt down Shiller!!!!"