Any cost is a strong statement. I take that back.
The moral of this story is: don't follow random notes in the back of some journal that some hot man you like gives you.
So basically, I'm a dumbass, and in the back of Mark's journal, there was this address.
Did I jump through a broken window? Yes, yes, I did.
I looked up; my phone flashlight wasn't too bright, but it was helpful.
It was an abandoned and decaying warehouse in the heart of the city. I had passed it a few times, but I had never actually been in it.
Well, why would I explore abandoned buildings? That's dumb.
Everything in here smells like it is rotten and nasty.
It smelled damp, and everything was decaying, rotten, and old.
I walked slightly to the left, and I pulled on a string. And there was light. It was an overhead one that was flickering and old and didn't help that much, but it was light.
There are so many shelves and things all over the floor. Everything was lined to the brim with old-fashioned props and things I had never seen before.
I walked a few steps again, and there were discarded mannequins with their heads cut off and pins all over their bodies.
All of the signs are telling me to run, but I am very interested.
I guided my phone light on the floor, and there was this long red strip of carpet stretching each way like it was a runway.
And there were broken lights. It looks like this place was once a vibrant runway, and the sets used to be beautiful. Clearly not anymore, but there is beauty in everything, I guess.
Why would he have this address in his journal? That's so random; this whole place is so random.
I feel like I have seen this place on the news before. I think I know how this ends.
I sighed. Why do I always get myself into these situations?
I continued to walk and flash my phone light. There were these weird shadows that were cast on the floor, and they looked like people. God, this place is fucking scary.
The floor changed from red carpet to disgusting concrete, making the whole room feel cold and gross.
I felt like people were watching me from the shadows and the silhouette. I feel uncomfortable.
Like they were expecting me or something.
I turned around and flashed my light. I had heard creaking. Wait, but on what?
I looked at the concrete ground. How can concrete crack? That doesn't even make any sense.
I am losing my mind and doing all of this for a man.
I felt alone, even though I felt stares on every part of my body and behind me. I felt alone and isolated.
I gulped.
There was dust everywhere, spiders, and, well, not rats. At least I haven't seen any.
It's like everything was organized to look this way.
It smelled gross and nasty, but at the same time, this place wasn't that run-down. For a place that no one has gone to for a few decades now, the place was relatively clean.
Some fabrics were half-finished on the floor, and there were designs all over the walls, and everything looked lifeless.
Like the color had been sucked out of it.
Rat. Okay, I take my comment back about no rats.
This place was like a huge maze. As I took every step and turned around every five seconds, everything looked different.
I sighed. For once, I need those voices in my ears or someone like Mark, Asa, Ryan, Lindsay, or even Mark's dad at this point.
Wait, aren't those voices Mark's dad's? So ignoring the fact that his voice is always playing in my mind and he can hear my thoughts, why couldn't I hear him now?
Strange. All I could hear was the wind, and it was loud and haunting and made me want to run out of this place and never leave my house ever again.
Every crunch of the weird things on the floor and every step I took echoed in my mind because of this stupid space.
I could hear everything that was happening around me, but nothing at the same time. This place is making me lose my mind.
There's a reason why Mark put this address in his journal. There is something hidden in these walls, the concrete floor, and all these neatly placed things and designs.
This place wasn't abandoned.
I'm so going to die.
Only me. This would only happen to me.
This building would be the end of me. The end of something. I don't know. I could feel it.
"Open that," and Bryn is back.
"Bryn! I do not want to see you, but please get me out of here." I called back but got no answer.
Pussy.
"Open the book, Rosa; you'll understand why we want you dead." I looked down. It was a book.
Am I Dora, the Explorer? Why do I keep getting all these books and riddles? I feel like that reference was bad.
"Extremely bad."
Shut up, old man; don't tell me how to live my life.
"Open the book." I rolled my eyes, sat down in an empty spot on the floor, and flipped through the book.
"The pages are all blank, dumb ass." I watched as the book snapped shut and then flipped to the one page with words on it—well, two because it was the back of one and the front of the other.
Ignoring every weird thing that has happened, let me just read this.
"Bloodsuckers, mind control, human killers, blood bags, sharp fangs, live forever, love," I read out loud.
A bloodsucker, someone you would stop until they killed you and drained you of everything you hold dear to you.
Mind control. They speak in your head; they can control your mind and parts of your body. They are killers.
Human killers. They kill people with no remorse, drink them dry, and won't do anything. They don't care about people or themselves; they just want money and power.
Blood bag. Nowadays, instead of sucking their victims dry, they drink out of straws from these packages that look like juice.
Sharp fangs. They have sharp canine teeth that they use to suck their victims. They have two dots on their necks.
They never die. Nothing can kill them. They will live forever. They will live forever and ever and ever, and nothing will kill them.
Love. They can love and love like no others. They have one soulmate in their forever. One person can see past everything and see them for who they are.
"Bryn!" I called out.
No response. I shut the book, grabbed it in my hand, and had my phone light in the other one.
"Bryn, I know you are here," I screamed.
Oh god. Oh god.
Mark can't be a vampire. They don't exist. They don't exist. They never have. Soulmates don't exist. They can't.
I turned around, and there Bryn stood.
I ran towards him, and he was gone.
I am hallucinating and hearing voices.
Oh god.
I ran as quickly as my legs could take me.
Oh, what the fuck?
Don't jump out of broken windows.
I opened the door, and everything was going on as normal.
Is it daytime?
I am sleep-deprived, hungry, thirsty, hallucinating, hearing voices—the whole deal at this point.
"Hi Rosa-," he said, stopping dead in his tracks and looking at what I had in my hands.
I have so many questions for him, oh my god, bro.
"We can talk at your desk if you'd like," he said, turning around like what? Wait, why is he being so nonchalant?
"You wanted me to find this?" he nodded at my question.
"Why?" I asked.
"Did I want you to find it?" he asked back, raising an eyebrow.
"What?"
"He wanted you to find it, and you did," he said, shrugging and sitting on my desk as normal.
I gave him a nasty look.
"Calm down, Roz; I'll explain-."
"Do not call me that."
"Okay, damn," he said, putting his hands up in defense.
"Explain all of this, because what the fuck?" I said I'm pretty fucking angry right now.
"Where would you like me to start?" His smile was now irritating me. He was taunting me.
"Your dad, that bag, everything."
"My dad's weird; he's just controlling-."
"He's controlling me too, and I'm not even his son, so what the fuck is wrong with him?" I asked, raising my voice.
I took a breath.
"I hate liars, Mark."
"I know."
"So why the fuck do you keep lying?" I asked him.
He went silent.
"What is the meaning of all of this stuff? I want to like you, to love you, even. But you are making me lose my mind by sending me on all of these riddles and side quests. What is all of this, Mark?" I asked.
He looked down at the ground.
"Well, I don't know-."
"You're lying again-."
This time, he interrupted me. "Let me speak; I can't explain myself if you keep fucking talking," he screamed, and I felt my shoulders drop, and I started to feel a pit in my stomach.
"I'm sorry," I said.
"Don't be; just let me speak. Please," he said, and I nodded at him.
"This, everything—the book, my journal—these are all things about me you wouldn't understand. These are the secrets or the lies even I have told to protect you," he said, looking at me with a warm look on his face.
"Protect me?"
He nodded.
"You think lying to me, making me believe that you love me, all of this shit? You think that is protecting me, Mark?" I asked.
"It is."
"Is it Mark? Is it protecting me, or are you just a liar?" I asked. I feel—well, I don't know how I feel. All I feel is awful, like I am going to throw up as the pit in my stomach gets bigger and bigger with every word and every lie Mark says to me.
"I am protecting you," he said.
"Protect me? From what, Mark? From what? What are you not telling me?" I asked him.
He didn't respond.
"Answer me, Mark. Please answer me and tell me what is going on-."
"I can't!" he yelled back at me.
"Yes, you can; you can speak; you have freedom; tell me what is happening, Mark," I said.
"Please," I said, and he played with his fingers and stared even more at the ground.
"Rosalind. Sometimes, the shadows we hide inside us are darker than we imagine. You have only seen a glimpse of who I really am," he said.
What? What does that mean? I don't understand why he can't just tell me.
My stomach felt even worse. And I felt as if a weight had been placed on my shoulders. I don't even know what the words mean, but deep down, I do.
I do know everything that he is saying. The truth behind it all.
"Mark," I said.
He was now looking me in the eyes, and I didn't feel fear.
I looked into his sad eyes, looking for answers.
His charm was fake, and the whole personality he put on died down as guilt started to eat away at him.
"Mark," I called out again.
"I don't know how to tell you this," he said.
"Tell me what?"
"Sometimes I wish I could wake up from this nightmare. I remember when I was younger, and I did this whole thing for the first time. They all looked at me like I was crazy. I was; the loss of my mom made me that way. Irene looked at me that way. I wanted to wake up, and this would all just be a dream, but I can't wake up. And I can't hide it from you any longer."
Hide what? And why is he always talking about Irene?
"You can tell me anything," I said. I wasn't sure if he could tell me anything. The meaning behind my words left as soon as they left my lips.
"I hope so because I can't hide it from you any longer, Rosalind," he said, and I heard Mark's voice start to waver and fade out.
He was on the verge of tears.
"You found me out a long while ago," he said.
"You are really perfect."
"I'm not who you think I am."
"I'm not that perfect model with a CEO father."
"We are both fakes; I am a fake."
"I'm not who you think I am," he repeated.
"I'm a vampire." I heard the words leave his mouth.
I looked at him like he was crazy, like people had done when he was younger.
They don't exist, but at the same time, I'm not even sure of my thoughts anymore.
I feel betrayed knowing all the things he can do and all the lives he has lived.
I am just another life that will pass him by in his forever.
I felt like my breath was caught in my throat, and I felt my eyes widen.
I hadn't even known him for that long, but I looked around and watched as the walls started to crack, the windows, the clothes, the air—everything was crashing and cracking.
I looked back at Mark, and he stood there with no cracks or scratches. And he looked at me with this sad look on his face.
I felt sick.
I had shared all of these moments and all of this time with him, and it's all going to just flash by for him.
It will be a life, a long life for me, but just a blink of an eye in his world.
And he wasn't lying. For once, he wasn't lying.
It was the truth, and I can't handle it like I said I could.
I watched as his mouth morphed into words as he started to speak.
"I never meant to go this far. But I felt something different with you. I have been here for 224 years, Rosalind. And I have never met someone as perfect as you. And I fell in love with you, and I thought I could protect you from this truth," he said, looking heartbroken as he spoke those words.
I felt my heart pound in my chest and the reality of all of his words finally started to settle in.
I feel so mad at him. He just tries to justify all of this with love, and that makes me even more mad, but at the same time, it makes me fall more in love. His words were so genuine, and I could tell he was filled with regret and wanted me to understand it all.
"I'm not like my dad; I'm not like other vampires," he said in the same pleading tone of voice.
"I never wanted to hurt you, but well, it's in my blood, my nature. Vampires aren't easily understood. And I thought if I could just experience love, it would change it all. Change everything I feel and what I do," he said.
I felt my mind start to race. Everything that books had said, everything his dad had said.
I stared at Mark, and I could see him and his handsomeness, but I could also see the monster he was deep down coming to light.
My head. I feel betrayed, and I feel scared. I knew what he was capable of and all the things he could do. And I just don't know what to do.
I stared at his fangs. I mean, those are kind of sexy. Fuck. What is wrong with my brain? After all this, I still feel that light of love flickering in me that can't be distinguished by fear, betrayal, or lies; it would burn forever.
"I'm sorry," he said, and I watched him walk away from me as I reached out for him but was unable to say any words.
What in the world?
I felt my eyes widen as what he said set in again. I don't even know what to think anymore.
I knew he was a liar, but he had lied to me about everything.
I thought I knew him past the superficial; we shared all of these cute moments and these intimate moments and dreams, but they were entirely different.
I heard my heart pound in my chest as all of my memories lay shattered in front of me, trailing behind Mark.
I can't go back and look at the memories now; all I can think about is his teeth and his eyes.
Every shared smile, his comments, and every promise were all tainted by Mark being a vampire.
Betrayal clung to the air around me.
I'm still standing here in the place he left me. I'm confused about all of his affection and love. It was all questioned now.
Did he really love me? Or was that all a lie too? God, I don't even know anymore.
Love clouds your vision and makes you blind, and then when it's all gone, you can't remember, think, or do anything for yourself anymore.
The trust we had is gone; I don't. I don't know.
I feel like I just lost him. I lost the man I thought I could believe in—the loss of our future on a lake house with his dad making us waffles with our three kids and two dogs, Castro and Fernando, and our farm cat rounding up the chickens and the cows—what? What am I thinking? What is happening?
I felt all the dreams I had of us together shatter. It all built off his lies and paved the way for everything he had said about himself and me.
Our dreams, designs, everything—the walking, our moments—were all empty and just another illusion that I could not seem to shake off.
Everything was distorted, including my vision and my breath.
Was anything real, or had I just imagined everything?
Ouch.
It hurt, my stomach hurt, and I felt sick again.
I pushed the bathroom door open, and I felt myself drop towards the toilet.
I felt my mouth start to water as I touched the toilet rim with my hands.
I stared into the bowl as the mouth-watering got worse and worse.
I felt myself gag, and then I felt myself throw up. But nothing came out.
Just my pounding head and this burning sensation in the back of my throat go deeper and deeper into my stomach.
I felt myself gag again, and this time liquid came out.
I flushed the toilet and stood up to wash my hands.
I felt the room start to close around me and start to follow off below me.
I looked at the ground as I turned off the sink.
One by one, each tile fell into the void below.
My stomach hurt again as I felt the candle continue to burn and burn. He was not who he appeared to be, and his love wasn't either.
The void stopped as I pushed open the door of the bathroom.
I took a breath.
The journey to rebuild my trust in Mark had started. I was going to trust him or try to, at least.
I didn't know where this would lead me, but you can't get anywhere if you don't walk forward.
That was deep.
I reached for the water on my desk and drank, and I sighed as the burning left my throat. I capped the water and put it back down on the table.
I watched Mark walk towards me.
Vampire. Vampire. That word is the only thing that my brain can think of right now.
Not a model, not handsome, just a vampire. It echoed in my brain and wouldn't leave.
I felt angry looking at him.
But at the same time, I felt more angry at myself. I knew he was lying all of this time, but I was still so blind and did not see all the signs.
I'm mad that he just left me here in our crumbled city that we had halfway started to build together. I stood there in all of our shattered illusions and dreams.
He smiled at me. He smiled at me with a tender, warm smile that made me feel happy and good and made that pit in my stomach get replaced by butterflies and joy.
Was he still the man that I had fallen in love with? His genuine smiles and the tender moments we shared. Was it all a testament to someone he used to be? Something we used to be?
Was he now an evil monster who cared nothing for human feelings and only wanted personal gain?
Or was I being blinded again by prejudice I found in a book or a movie? God, I don't know anymore.
I felt the ground shift beneath me as he smiled, waiting for me to say something to answer him.
I was torn between the love that burned brightly in my heart and the fear that was consuming me as he stared and looked at me.
I'm not sure anymore; I felt the same fear I had felt with both him and his dad. I was scared.
I am scared of him.
I felt my fist clench and my eyebrows furrow as my lips tried to speak. They tried to say something as they trembled, but I was confused. It was tormenting me, and I didn't know what to do.
I never knew what to do. My whole life started with a hobby, then school, and then this job that I have been trapped in and can't escape, and now love.
I don't know what I am doing or what the purpose of life is anymore. I don't even know.
He could tell something was wrong, and I watched his eyes soften and remorse flash on his face. But he still had that mystery about him.
A puzzle of emotions that I just couldn't solve. It's like a puzzle with no pieces. No matter what I did, I couldn't solve it.
I looked around; it was us. We were alone. The silence was like we were talking about our emotions and body movements.
Everything ragging in me and everything in him too.
I don't know if I should embrace the dangerous unknown with open and loving arms or if I should just distance myself from the danger that was haunting me and that lurked in the shadows. God, I don't know.
I'm scared for my life, but I'm scared for my love. I am more scared of love. For Mark. More than myself at this point.
Everything was crumbling. I was crumbled, and what we had was crumbled.
I looked up at him. I smiled at his handsome face.
Our eyes locked as silence held us both in a chokehold.
We looked at each other. There was no fear; there was no lie. Just silence as we looked at each other.
I felt my hands tremble as I reached out to touch Mark's face.
His pale skin in my hands was cold to the touch as he leaned into my hand.
I was looking for the remains of the man I once thought I knew. And he was there. He was just engulfed by the monster he was.
He smiled with his teeth, and I saw his fangs as he leaned deeper into my hand.
He grabbed my hand with his two hands and continued to lay into it like it was his life source.
I pulled my hand back, and he looked at me. I felt as if there was a barrier that didn't want me to get close to him.
Everything we had once has changed now. It would be different forever.
But I love him so much that I don't know right from wrong. I love him so much that it will, and I hope it will go over the fear that consumed me. Go over the betrayal; go over it all.
"I've never told anyone this," he said.
"He didn't want me to," he said.
"Your dad?"
"Yeah."
"Years and years following him. I still don't know why. He's been in denial. Mom wasn't his soulmate. He knows that, and I know that. He knows you are mine, and he wants you dead for that reason too, because love holds us back from our true destiny," he said.
"Destiny is stupid," I said.
"I'm glad we can agree on that. I think the whole soulmate thing is too, because I have to spend all this time looking for someone, and once they die, I will never feel that way again."
"That's a lot of commitment."
"A lot for forever too," he said, smiling.
He continued to talk, but I felt his words go silent in my ears from the echoes of his lies.
Fuck I don't know what to do.
I want to go after my love and fight for Mark.
But at the same time, I don't think it's worth it.
His love, his lies, everything.
I think I might have to say goodbye to him.