"I shouldn't have done that," Isaac says.
"But you did, and I responded," I tell him. "It takes two."
His eyes find mine again. I can't read what's in there, not right now, but I do know he makes my whole being expand like a developing star. It's scary to realize that a man can have such an effect on me. It's even scarier to observe myself relinquishing all forms of self-control when he touches me. Whatever Isaac wants to do next, I'm game. I shouldn't be. Then again, I have deprived myself of what I've truly desired for far too long. Whatever this is, I'll see it all the way through to the end.
"Just know that it has nothing to do with your job at the Elizabeth," Isaac says. "Don't ever think your future there is any kind of danger."
I nod slightly, wishing I could muster a reassuring smile for him. The thought did cross my mind, but Isaac's sincerity is crystal clear. I believe him. "I should go upstairs."
"I'll wait."
4
Stella
By the time I reach my mother's apartment, she's gone. Lucas is asleep on my bed, and Ava is taking a nap in her playpen. At least they're safe and the heat is on, so the room feels nice and snug. But my mother did exactly what she told me she would. She locked the bedroom door and left. The tea in the mug she left in the kitchen is still warm, though, so I know she didn't leave that long ago. I shake the anger out of my head and proceed to carefully pack everything of ours—clothes, shoes, a few crayons and coloring books, a box full of toys, diapers and other essential stuff. Whatever else we need, I can get it later. Right now, I need to get the three of us out of this place.
Once I'm done, Isaac is kind enough to help me with the luggage, loading it into the trunk. Looking at our things now, I'm surprised to see we have so little. On one hand, it's a relief since we can all ride in the car back to Port Elizabeth without getting crammed between bags and boxes. On the other hand, it's sad that this is everything I have.
I go back upstairs to fetch my children, waking Lucas in the process.
"Mama?" his eyes peel open and he lights up like a firebug when he recognizes me.
There are specks of Elijah in his features. His hair is rich and curly, brown and bouncy. His eyes are a warm blend of blue and green, and his smile fills my heart with joy and endless love. I get him dressed and ready for the road, then gently scoop Ava from her pack-n-play and strap her into her infant carrier. Isaac's voice startles me.
"Ready?" he asks.
I turn around to find him standing in the doorway. "Yes, we're ready."
"I'll take the car seats from your car, and we'll get you a new crib from the Elizabeth for the little one. We have a few available for our guests."
"Oh, no, Isaac, I wouldn't want to use any more resources."
"I said don't worry about it," he chuckles, his gaze lingering on Ava. "She's gorgeous. And who's the big guy?"
Lucas hides behind my leg, shyly sucking his thumb as he stares at Isaac. "This is Lucas," I say, smiling. "And this is Ava."
"Handsome young man," Isaac replies. "Hey, Lucas, do you wanna go for a ride?"
My boy looks at me, his big eyes searching for my approval. I giggle softly. "We're going on an adventure," I tell him.
"Yay!" he exclaims and rushes over to Isaac, who gives him a high five.
Isaac gives the room one last look before he heads out. "Are you sure you've got everything you need, Stella?" he asks as we leave the apartment behind.
I lock the front door and slip the key under the doormat. "I made sure to pack everything essential. We're good to go."
"Then let's get you three out of here."
He's so good to Lucas. Every time they look at each other, Isaac makes sure to smile as if to reassure my boy that the world isn't all bitter and dark. Ava barely moves in her carrier as we go downstairs and leave the building behind. She continues in deep sleep even after she's strapped in her seat next to Lucas. I give Lucas one of his sensory toys to play with before I get in the front seat.
Once we're all loaded and ready, Isaac gives me a confident wink and starts the car.
An hour later, we're at the Elizabeth, just about settled in. The road back wasn't as congested.
It takes me a while to get accustomed to our new room. Isaac is in his office downstairs, going over the finances as usual, while I put the clothes and shoes away in the sturdy mahogany dresser and gigantic wardrobe. Each of the guest rooms is equipped with luxury wood furniture and the kind of lighting fixtures that are probably worth more than what I make in a year. But it's beautiful and cozy, which is precisely what we need.
The crib Isaac had brought up to the room is carved from cherry-wood and is a lovely place for Ava to sleep, though she's more interested in discovering everything around her at the moment—her eyes are bulging with wonder and curiosity as I leave her in the crib for a while. I keep an eye on Lucas as he rummages through his big-boy suitcase. He doesn't really know what he's doing, but he's trying to mimic me as I pick clothes out of the bags, then fold and put them on the appropriate shelves.