I walk back to the campground, retracing the path I walked with the Gloom Dwellers.
I hadn't been paying much attention what direction I'd walked...but that whole thorough search with Amelia and Flynn means that I still recognize enough landmarks in this area to know which direction is which.
My hands are trembling so badly that I nearly drop the lantern as I walk, but I don't dare put it down. I don't know that I'll be able to find it if I do, and the fact is I'm just...way too jumpy. It's not glowing anymore, because Amelia has no idea where I am and can't continue the illusion...but...
It's too powerful a tool to leave behind.
And for all I know, it's what allowed me to manipulate the Gloom.
Which is...
My mind is spinning.
I can barely think.
I've-...
This is...
From my earliest memories I've been told about my tainted blood. From before I learned anything else about exorcists, I was told I'd never wield any power myself.
I've spent my whole life just...
Sleeping it away.
Barely existing.
Hiding from the professors and the students, avoiding attention, so that I don't have to deal with the fact that I don't belong in this damn place and...
All this time...?
I've been capable...of...
It's overwhelming.
It's exhausting.
I want to laugh and scream. I'm elated, I'm terrified.
All of this is only enhanced by the terror of the situation I just somehow narrowly escaped from. It's amazing I can stand and walk, that I can move without screaming and passing out.
Is this real?
Was this a one time thing?
Am I dreaming?
...If it's real, there's a good possibility this will be the most important night of my entire life.
No-
Not a possibility.
This...changes everything. And I don't know how to cope with that. I'm not a person who's designed to 'change'. None of this is normal for me.
I just...sleep. I avoid all the noise and excitement and I just sleep and ignore the world as the world ignores and rejects me.
So how the hell did I just control the Gloom? That's not even supposed to be something an exorcist can do. Spirit powers and the Gloom are diametrically opposed. You don't...you don't just...
The Gloom is a part of Gloom Dwellers. Like their blood or their consciousness. No human, no exorcist should be able to manipulate it. Much less...command it.
Right?
But a Tainted Blood like me should never have a power, either. So something about what I was taught must be wrong. And if one thing is wrong, then how much else might be?
Gloom Dwellers are like animals. Monstrous animals who operate off of pure instinct and hatred. They're not supposed to talk. You're not supposed to be able to reason with them or trick them.
It's hard to believe that I can possibly, actually, be awake. Nothing that I understand to be real seems to actually be real. Nothing makes sense. Being asleep makes so much more sense now that I keep trying to wake up.
But it's not working.
Like I'm really awake, and the madness I've experienced tonight is all real.
I have so many questions.
But no answers.
It's overwhelming, and I don't know how to handle it.
I feel like I'm about to have three different kinds of panic attacks at once. My nerves just aren't meant for something like this.
I stagger back to the base camp.
The camp is deserted.
Naturally.
They've all already fled. That was the plan, after all. If they were still around when I came back just now...well. Honestly, I'd feel a little insulted that I went and did some heroic sacrifice and everyone mistrusted me so much they didn't take advantage of it.
But...
Well.
I'm not dead.
And I have no idea where they may have gone. I can only assume they're hiding somewhere effective with Amelia's help, and will remain that way until one of them can get some kind of distress signal out.
There's surely some way to do that, even if I don't personally know it.
I just...sit down on a log and stare out at the distance.
There's no movement in the trees. If the Gloom Dweller doubled back and followed me, they're at such a distance that I can't see them even now.
My gaze sweeps across the empty camp.
There's no sign of where anyone is. Where they went.
I should have expected this would be the case.
I guess I did expect this.
I just didn't expect I'd be coming back.
Well...whatever.
It doesn't matter if I know where they are or not. With Amelia and Flynn working together they'll at last be able to keep safe and hidden. Whether I'm with them or not shouldn't matter.
I've never really been part of the class before, so there's no reason I should expect to be part of it now.
Even if now...I'm...part of the class.
It doesn't change.
I don't change.
They don't change.
This is all just...one big accident.
I close my eyes for a moment.
A slim hand touches my shoulder. "Caden..."
I jump about three feet into the air, whipping my head around with a gasp, clutching at the lantern in front of me with shaking hands.
I expect to find the humanoid thing back for another round and I try to reorient myself into controlling the Gloom if it tries to attack. I have no idea how I controlled it in the first place, so...I don't know how well that will work, but...
I plan to try, at least.
Instead, Amelia stares down at me, concern on her face. "Caden..."
...
I just blink at her.
She's pretty.
That's the relief and adrenaline speaking.
My shoulders slump and I sigh. "Don't scare someone like that."
"I'm sorry." She frowns down at me, moving to sit beside me. "When I saw you leave with them I was afraid..."
"...That I betrayed you?"
She smacks my arm. "That I'd never see you again! That you were going to get yourself killed."
"Well I was going to get myself killed," I say bluntly. "But you can see that didn't happen."
I glance up at her.
She has red hair that drapes over her shoulders, and green eyes that seem to sparkle. Her face is symmetrical and perfectly formed. Her lips are full, and she has a cute nose that's rounded at the end.
My weird survival brain is right: She is pretty.
But there's more important things to worry about right now.
"Where are the others?"
"A short distance from here. I'm keeping them invisible and Flynn is keeping them in line."
I nod slowly. "Dumb idea for you to stick around and wait for me to come back."
She sighs. "No it isn't! I was perfectly well hidden! I'm not going to abandon a classmate like that."
"You know I'm a Tainted Blood?" I look at her with bland amusement. "I'm not really a classmate."
She smacks my arm again.
"Don't talk like that, Caden. Not tonight." She puffs out her cheeks in frustration and shakes her head. "You're ridiculous sometimes...but I've always seen you as my classmate, Caden. And no matter how prickly you are, I won't just abandon you."