"I like this design - you have good taste in clothes. I imagine this dress will look extremely elegant at the party tomorrow. Your partner will have trouble finding his breath looking at it."
I try to smile as I look in the mirror, smoothing my hands over the dress.
I've barely been able to snatch a moment of Viktor's time these past few months, but with this dance, we can recenter.
Just like the first ball we went to together, when he first told me his favorite story. I can finally have a whole evening with Viktor, uninterrupted.
And soon we'll graduate. I'll be free of this long farce of pretending I have any value as a magician, Viktor will be on his path to Royal Mage, and Hedrim will publicly profess his love for Eileen, so I can stop...
I shake my head quickly, forcing that smile back on my face.
I am so, so, so unbelievably excited about the prospects for our future, so, so happy and hopeful that this will all work out and everything can just...return to normal, and we'll be able to start our lives together properly, once the stupid Academy nonsense is over.
I am not sad.
I'm so happy.
"You're glowing, dear! So beautiful! He's a lucky fellow, who this lucky man who captured your heart." The Seamstress smiles, giving a cheeky wink.
I smile a little more easily and nod. I love him so much.
The seamstress ushers me into a dressing room, and I change. I'll get my dress sent to the dorm, to avoid creasing it before the ball. Once it's all packed up I politely thank the seamstress and rush back to our dorm.
His classes should be ending about now, so I can see him immediately just as soon as he's free.
When I arrive at our room, he isn't there, which leaves me waiting until after dinner when he's back.
Viktor comes in, looking worn out and a little stiff. He doesn't quite look me in the eye as he smiles at me and takes my hands, pressing his lips briefly to my knuckles. "How was your day, Ophelia?"
"Good...good, how about yours?"
He gives a half hearted shrug, letting my hand go then, and sits at his table, looking over his homework. "Exhausting. Eileen-"
I bite back a groan at the mere mention of her name.
"Still causing problems, I assume? Well, she should be fine. I have it on good authority that Prince Hedrim is looking out for her. I'm sure everything will be fine in time." I make myself sound reassuring.
Viktor's lips press into a line, a flicker of unusual annoyance on his face. Could it be that Hedrim and Viktor didn't get along? He never spoke of the prince, but in some routes they didn't like each other.
"Ah...yes. You're right, of course." Viktor closes his eyes, and opens them. There's something cold about his smile as he gazes at me. "I suppose that is a matter between Prince Hedrim and Eileen."
"Indeed." I quickly brush that subject off. The last thing I want is to hear about Eileen from Viktor during our short time together. Besides...
I beam as I approach him, taking his hands in mine. "I was fitted for my ballgown today, and I bought it! It's simply stunning. I think you'll find the cut is...enticing, yet refined."
His eyes narrow, and I tilt my head in confusion at his response. "...Already? Isn't the ball a month from now?"
I smile gently back at him. "Two days." I correct. "Two days. Then we graduate, darling."
A faint flicker of doubt crosses his eyes and he shakes his head, then offers me a thin smile. "You're right, of course."
I swallow back a feeling of unease as his words sink in.
Does...Viktor not want to graduate?
He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me.
"...I'm excited." I say, smiling shyly at him, struggling to regain momentum. "We've not gotten any time together like this for a while. It will be like old times, darling, like when we went out to the ball the first time~!"
His eyes widen a moment, and then he smiles, expression sad. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was two days from now..."
My heart sinks so hard I'm worried I'll fall over. "...Viktor?" I stutter.
He looks a little ashamed, reaching for his handkerchief and offering me it apologetically, smiling helplessly.
"I...didn't realize that was the date. I'd already agreed to an important apprenticeship meeting...this particular matter cannot be put off, and has to be done at this time. I'd honestly rather cancel, if it is even possible."
He hesitates a moment before forcing a cheerful smile. "Like you said, we'll have time after school."
I'm trembling.
I...force myself to smile. "...You...you're right."
He's already looking at his papers again. I...smile a bit wider and try to touch his arm. "It's okay. Really." I smile so hard my cheeks hurt. "We'll have time later, right?"
"I'm sorry, love, I really need to focus on these for the final exam..." He waves a hand vaguely and returns to his paper.
"No, no, I understand...I understand..."
I back away to the other side of the room, taking a shaky breath and leaning against the wall.
I force it down, the sting of tears, the hurt, the confusion.
This is temporary. Viktor loves me. Viktor is just busy. Everything will be fine. He needs to be able to graduate. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. It'll be fine.
Viktor is too absorbed in his study to notice when I flee the room.
I sink to my knees outside in the garden where we usually meet. Tears spill out of my eyes before I can stop them, my shoulders shuddering as I begin to sob uncontrollably.
Why...why am I so selfish?!
Why can't I be strong like Viktor needs me to be? All I need to do is wait a little longer and everything will be fine again.
So why does it feel like my heart is being ripped out of my body every moment that I don't hear Viktor's gentle voice checking to make sure I haven't fallen again?
Or waking up beside him in the early light of the sun, his arms around me protectively, holding me close.
Or seeing him smiling at me and my heart feeling lighter than air, because his smile is all I ever need.
Why?
Why...
Why can't I stop crying...?