I settle on the chair with a tired sigh, glancing up as a fellow student offers me a glass of lemonade and taking it gratefully.
I thank her softly and she sits beside me, but I know she's biting her tongue, likely in an attempt to hold back her concerns.
She probably doesn't even understand my plight herself. No one ever has before, I suppose. I've always been alone.
I bite back a sigh.
Another day of everyone only speaking about Eileen. Even now, the main topic of conversation in my circle is her.
"Did you hear what happened in Light Magic class today? They were casting spells on a practice dummy and she broke it. The headmaster scolded her publicly!"
"Yes! I heard about that! It's the first time a first year has ever done such a thing. They said she used the wrong wand, though. If she hadn't, she might have avoided it. She'll have to serve detention in the library all month in exchange!"
"It's only because she's a commoner. You'd never see something like that happening to one of the other girls, would you? Eileen is truly hopeless! I heard she didn't even have a magical teacher back home, you know?"
"You think so? I wouldn't be surprised, but it seems odd to me, to be honest. Who doesn't at least have a mage around?"
I let out a soft sigh, taking a slow sip of my tea.
Is there really nothing better for me to do than sit here listening to girls recap game events?
I suddenly understand the vexed looks on my coworkers' faces when I'd talk too much about the game with the one girl I knew who also played it.
I suppose I could excuse myself and go bake...but Viktor won't be available today to eat any. He's off on a field trip for healing magic class and won't be back until next week.
"...Isn't there anything else to talk about...?" I mumble it, but it seems I've accidentally spoken loud enough to be heard.
The three girls look at me with a slightly offended glance. I smile quickly, smothering my inner monologue. "...Sorry, it's just..not all of us attend Light Magic class, after all. I wouldn't want anyone feeling left out."
One of the girls - Emily, if I remember correctly, perks up, her eyes glittering. "Oh, yes, it's a shame you aren't taking any more magic classes."
My smile twitches a little. "Why would that be?"
Emily nods knowingly, folding her arms, resting her elbows on the table in front of her.
"Because they've all become rather interesting." She informs me haughtily. "If you ever make it out of the beginner classes, really, the advanced classes are so much more interesting~! But it's obvious you can't possibly get anywhere."
The other girls nod in agreement.
They aren't wrong.
But I'm not about to let them get it in their heads that I'm a bullying target.
I smile smoothly back at Emily, lifting the cup to my lips. "Really? Are you suggesting that the Headmaster would make a mistake?" I arch a brow, fixing Emily with a steady look as I take a sip of the drink.
"I don't think that's wise of a count's daughter. Do you? Is your family perhaps angling for political changes and no longer desiring that you finish your schooling here, Emily? Are you interested in pursuing a different path in life?"
Emily goes very red, flushing up to the tips of her ears, and looks down into her lap.
I smile faintly. "Then, let's talk about the latest fashion in court instead. What colors are in favor right now? I have a number of gowns I was hoping to modify, since it appears the hemlines have dropped somewhat."
At the mention of something more suitable and polite for ladies to talk about, the discussion shifts seamlessly to something entirely harmless.
But she isn't wrong. Even if I'm able to make myself untouchable through the power of my last name.
I don't belong here.
I never did and I never would have been accepted here if not for my family name.
Somehow I'll pass and be considered a graduate, when my father donates enough to ensure it happens.
But I don't actually belong here at all, not by any normal, rational standards.
The reason I'm here - the reason I belong here - is because of Viktor.
I belong anywhere he is, even if there's no one else.
The conversation begins to drift to Eileen again, and I excuse myself from the table.
Maybe in my absence they'll find something other than Eileen to gossip about briefly.
There's nowhere for me to be - beginner classes are rather limited, most of the school's time is dedicated to people who actually belong here. I could be practicing in the yard with the first years, but there's no point.
I already know Ophelia is incapable.
So I simply walk the halls of the academy instead.
As I walk, I pass Prince Hedrim, being followed by a group of women, as is to be expected of the most eligible and desirable man in the academy.
The sight earns a brief smile of amusement from me as I pass by. Those girls have no chance.
Although neither Hedrim nor Eileen know it now, Hedrim had fallen in love with Eileen as a child and promised to marry her back when she was still a commoner.
As soon as he remembers that, his eyes will be for no one - and even before that, his eyes are obviously not for the women following him.
"Miss Ophelia." The smooth voice of the prince, who it seems peeled away from his flock of followers and abruptly started following me, startles me.
"Prince Hedrim." I stop in my tracks, inclining my head politely and giving him a quick curtsy as I realize the prince is addressing me, apparently of his own volition. "How may I help you?"
His brow furrows, and he speaks quietly to me.
"I must borrow your presence briefly. Come." His hand finds my wrist and tugs me behind him, marching onward until we are both out of view of the women who were following him before. Immediately he releases my wrist, and he nods. "
Apologies. I know it wasn't very courteous to pull you along like that without permission."
"Quite."
He seems to not know quite how to begin the conversation, his eyes scanning me for a moment as he waits to see if I'll respond to the lead.
"Can I help you?" I prod dryly after a long pause.
He clears his throat and seems to remember himself, putting his hands on his hips and meeting my eyes with an expectant look.
"You seem..." He shakes his head. "Did we know each other in the past at some point I've forgotten? I've considered it, as the Weideman family has had dealings with the crown for decades. Yet I cannot recall us meeting." He tilts his head curiously.
"We've been in the same building together for months, it would seem."
Hedrim groans, and leans against the wall. "Yes, yes, I know. But I feel as if...I should know you? As if we.."
"We've never met properly until the academy." I say it quickly, firmly, as much to push away the chill of ice I feel from this statement as to assure him.
We have never met. This is true. Ophelia has always been little more than a blip in the corner of his vision until this point.
In the game, Ophelia would have started to pursue the prince during one of the functions I hadn't bothered to go to - a chance meeting that made her infatuated and led to her leveraging her family power until they were betrothed in the first year of attending the academy.
But in reality...in this world...I'm no one to this man. He doesn't know me and has no reason to.
Hedrim deflates a little. "Very well. Still...forgive my strange question...you..."
"I'll take it as a compliment that the prince feels such a connection to me."
I smile politely to him. The last thing I want is to be the enemy of the prince, particularly as I want to leverage my position to help Viktor become Royal Mage. "Is that all?"
"...yes...it is...my apologies, Miss Weideman." He looks a little confused as to why he'd wanted to ask me further questions in the first place. He inclines his head towards me politely and strides away, disappearing down the hallway.
I let out the breath I was holding, sagging a little.
I feel sick.
Hedrim has no reason to believe he knows me. We have no connection. I don't want a connection with him, I've barely even passed him in the hall.
So..
what is...
what's going on?
What am I missing?
I bite my cheek and start down the hallway again, shaking my head.
There's no one I can ask.
There's no one I can vent my concerns to.
There's no one I can talk to.
I can't even see Viktor now - not even to seek out comfort from him without explaining why - because he's away for days.
There's no one.
So I simply continue walking. I keep wandering through the halls for hours until my legs tire, then I decide to retire to my room for the night, to stare out the window and rest my head on my hands.
I miss Anne and Nessa. I miss Nessa's stern but concerned expressions, Anne's cheery smiles. I wish I could have someone to confide in...
My mind wanders.
Viktor is the only one. Viktor is my world. If I can only find solace in the one place that remains the same, in the one person who has always been my guiding star...my star.
And I'm his.
Our hearts are the same, intertwined with one another.
The thought soothes me, and I drift into sleep, dreams of his beautiful green eyes filling my mind.
"I love you." I murmur to the air.
Somewhere out there, I hope he feels it. While he's busy, or while he's lonely, sitting on his own in a tent.
I hope he feels my love drifting out amongst the stars and seeking him out.
Because I would move mountains and create new seas just to be at his side, if he asked it of me. I'd climb through flames or leap off of a cliff with just a promise that he'd be at the end of the fall.
Because he's Viktor, and I love him more than life itself.
The moonlight illuminates the ruby broach he gave me, sitting on the windowsill beside me.
A brilliant crimson stone in the center surrounded by tiny silver vines. The jewel's shine captures the rays of moonlight and refracts them, scattering it across the walls of the room.
Beautiful. Just like Viktor. My Viktor. My everything. My entire reason for living is to love him and be loved by him.
And...
That makes me happy.
I don't need anyone else.