"Are you okay?" asked Maxime who came over when I was trying to calm my mind.
"What did you come for? To laugh at me?" I asked while glancing sarcastically at him.
"This is not the ending I expected Niko."
Maxime came over to me and sat beside me. He bent his hands together and looked at me sharply.
"Now you can laugh at me, Max. I lost Dara, my relationship with Nadia is on the rocks. Are you satisfied?"
"I'm not as petty as you think, Niko. I'm not taking advantage of what happened between you. Even if you're not with Nadia, I can never have her either. Because what? Because I want to see you together again."
"I don't know, Max. I don't know if I can still be with Nadia or not. Our marriage is on the rocks."
Maxime held my right shoulder as he looked straight ahead. I followed the direction of his eyes and also looked straight ahead.
"Everything needs a process, Nik. Your feelings also require sacrifice. Love doesn't have to be possessive, but you have to express the feelings you have. Let Nadia know how you feel about her. It's the only way you can improve your relationship."
"But things won't change that quickly, Max. What about my relationship with Dara? I'm too scared to face reality."
Maxime let out a long sigh. It seemed that this problem had yet to find a resolution. Will everything be as happy as before?
"Things won't go smoothly if you stay silent like this, Nik. What has happened can't go back to the way it was before. Just like people who grow up, can't go back to their childhood.
"If you love Nadia, fight for her. Don't let Nadia be taken by someone else, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. As for Dara, let her be alone first. Dara needs time to think clearly. She's too shocked by everything that's happened to her lately.
"But, trust me. Dara is a mature woman, one day she will understand your situation as well as Nadia who accidentally lied to her because of your situation."
Maxime's statement just now made me look deeply into his face. Doesn't he like Nadia? Then, why does he want to see me together with Nadia? I really couldn't read his mind.
"Why do you want to see me together with Nadia again?"
Maxime smiled slightly. He looked in an uncertain direction that made me look at him confused.
"Because I want to see the person I love happy and always smiling," he said quietly then left.
Is this what Maxime wants? Is Maxime sacrificing his feelings for Nadia's happiness? How deep is Maxime's love for Nadia? Why do I feel small in front of Maxime right now? I feel defeated by the feelings he has right now.
I entered the house with an empty mind. The state of the house was no longer like before. I looked at my wedding photo with Nadia softly. After I know the answer to the feelings I feel right now, why am I getting away from the people I care about?
When I was about to choose what was in front of me, why did this problem come so quickly? I saw Nadia sitting pensively in her room, I wanted to go to her but I didn't want to make her cry again.
Every time Nadia looked at my face, every time Nadia was by my side, she always shed tears. The happiness that once existed between us seemed to have vanished.
I didn't want to see her cry anymore, I just wanted to see her always smiling like the bright smile she always gave to Maxime.
With Maxime, Nadia always looked happy and never cried. Together with Maxime, Nadia always smiles brightly. Maxime can always make Nadia laugh, Maxime can also protect Nadia more than me. Is it time for me to give up?
"Have you eaten?" asked Nadia, who suddenly came to my room while I was reading a book.
"Later, I'm not hungry yet."
"Niko, let's talk," she said quietly and left the room.
I closed my book and followed her from behind. We both took a short walk to breathe in the night air. The air was so fresh, I felt my fatigue disappear instantly. We sat together on a park bench. Looking up at the night sky, Nadia and I fell into silence.
"I like you, Niko," she suddenly opened her voice, making me look at her face. "I like you so much, I really like you that it makes me want to burst. I like you more than myself, I like you so much that I can hardly breathe. And, I like you until I suffer so much."
Hearing her statement, I lowered my head and dared not look at her face. Is that how much Nadia likes me?
"Me, you and Dara have experienced so many painful things. Since childhood, I knew your love was for Dara and your love for her was so great. Sometimes, I envy the love that you have. I envy your great love. But, do you realize that I also liked you a long time ago?"
Deggg. . . my heart is beating so fast. Did I hear it wrong? Nadia liked me a long time ago? How could that be?
"I liked you since I was little, Niko. I was jealous, I was sad, I was disappointed, I was angry when I found out that you two liked each other. But I couldn't do anything, because you were my best friends and I didn't want to lose you. One time is enough for me to feel what it's like to lose, I don't want to lose a second time."
I bowed my head in resignation. I was confused. I had mixed feelings, I was at a loss to explain.
"Because I didn't want to feel the loss again, I decided to give up and bury the love I had deeply. Until the time we got married, I felt that feeling again. I secretly watched you, I secretly supported you and I secretly loved you. I'm too late to say it but I love you, Niko."
What is this feeling? Why do I suddenly want to cry after hearing Nadia's heart? Why did I never realize that Nadia loved me all this time? Have I been hurting her all along?
"It's because of this love that I decided to separate," she said suddenly with tears in her eyes.
"Split up?" I repeated confused.
Hearing her statement just now, I immediately became silent. What I didn't want to hear was finally heard by my own ears. Perhaps, Nadia had already made up her mind. It's not that easy for a girl like Nadia to say goodbye.
Nadia is a great woman, she's able to get my feelings mixed up like this. Like a roller coaster, my feelings soar so far. But when she falls to the ground, everything falls silent and I can't scream again.
"Let's go our separate ways, Niko. So that neither of us is hurt. I don't want to hurt Dara, I'm doing all this because I love her."
"Separate?" I said softly while bowing my head.
"We solve our problems with Dara, after that we slowly talk to our parents and explain it carefully. Maybe, this is the right decision. That's why we're separating," he said again.
"Okay, if this is the best for all of us. Let's go our separate ways," I said resignedly.
Resignation may be one way for me to let go of the person I love. Learn not to be selfish and learn to accept this fate. Maybe, by separating everything will run smoothly and improve as before.
"We can still be friends, right?" he asked while looking at my face.
I nodded slowly and tried to hide my sadness at the moment.
"Best friend?" he said as he held out his hand.
"Best friend," I replied as I returned her hand.
Nadia looked very sad and many times she shed tears. Seeing her crying like that, I really wanted to hug her. I grasped her hand so tightly and immediately pulled her hand until she fell into my arms. I hugged her so tightly, Nadia's crying broke out in my arms.
Maybe, this will be my last hug. The hug of the most asshole ex-husband on this earth. I haven't had the chance to make her happy, instead I make her cry every day.
Damn, why do I even want to cry at this moment?
"Have you ever felt what it's like to have your heart pounding when you're with me? Have you ever once felt what it's like to love me?" she asked softly, making me let go of my hug.
"Why don't you answer my questions, Niko?"
I looked intently at Nadia's two orbs. Her eyes were reddened and starting to look puffy, making me think. How many hundreds of tears did she shed crying over a jerk like me?
"What answer do you want to hear from me?"
"An honest answer about how you've felt about me all these years."
Nadia took a deep breath. She began to try to regulate her breathing. She let it out slowly, then took another deep breath.
"Have you ever felt like liking me just once? Have you ever felt it?"
"I'm comfortable with you, I'm also happy to be married to you. That's my answer," I replied which made Nadia silent for a while then stayed where she was.