I'm comfortable with you, I'm also happy to be married to you. That's my answer."
That was the last sentence when we ended our conversation about our feelings. After deciding to part ways, Niko seemed to keep himself busy on campus. For the past three days, Niko and I never spoke to each other. In fact, just to say hello and look at his face was impossible.
Our determination to separate was unanimous. After we decided to separate, I slowly started talking about this with my family. My parents seemed to be against our decision to divorce. But, after I tried to explain everything, they finally agreed although it was obvious that they were very disappointed with me.
"This is your decision, Nadia. If you're going to separate from Niko, do it in a good way," my father said when we were gathered together in the living room.
"Has Niko discussed this with his family?" mamah asked.
I nodded slowly and lowered my head, not daring to look at my parents' faces, which looked very disappointed.
"Are you sure about your decision?" mamah asked again to make sure.
"Our decision is unanimous and will not change. So, our final decision is to separate."
"I can only support whatever decision you make, dear. Because you are the one living your household and I can only say be patient and stay strong," she said softly while hugging me tightly.
I could feel my tears falling. In my mother's arms, I cried and lamented the fate of my young marriage that had failed. Papah seemed to understand my situation, because he too had felt what it was like to be me. I had failed in my marriage and parted ways for a classic reason that I thought always existed in someone's household.
"Papah failed once," papah said after mamah left, making me look at papah's sad face.
"I don't want my children to experience the same thing as me. But, I think you should follow in my footsteps. I'm sorry, Nadia. Because of me, you have to go through the same thing."
"Papah is not wrong, the separation of Nidya and papah is not entirely papah's fault. Fate and destiny made papah and mamah Nidya separate," I said softly.
"Do you miss your biological mother?" asked papah, making me instantly realize about a beautiful woman who had been buried in my heart for quite some time.
Yes, she is Nidya's mother. A mother who had given birth to me, raised me, educated me and loved me. For 12 years of living together, I felt a mother's love so sincerely. Because of someone who was once present in her heart, my parents decided to separate.
Although I initially disapproved of their separation and opposed their divorce, I slowly realized that their marriage could no longer be saved. My father's loyalty, his love and affection had been nothing but wishful thinking. Mamah's betrayal and affair with her own best friend forced the two of them to separate.
After two years of separation, papah remarried Dian's mother. Deciding to remarry, the house that had been quiet, devoid of smiles and happiness, slowly began to change. After mamah Dian's previous husband died in an accident, mamah Dian brought a little angel into our home.
Her name was Kesya, an innocent and cute girl who became my step sister. Even though she was only a half-sister, I loved her very much and I also loved my stepmother very much.
Actually, I know that until now Papah still loves Nidya's mother. Papah still hopes to be with her again and live happily. Sometimes, I often see papah secretly opening old albums and looking at his wedding photos with mamah Nidya. In fact, I've even seen papah crying while looking at our old family photos.
"Do you miss your brother?" papah asked again.
I was silent and didn't move. For a moment, I remembered that I actually had an older brother who used to always take care of me and love me with great affection. A brother who always made me comfortable and happy when I was with him.
"Kak Natan, you mean papah?"
Dad nodded slowly. "Did your brother ever contact you?"
"Nadia almost forgot about Natan Pah. But the truth is, Nadia really misses them, misses Nidya's mother and Natan."
"Are you trying to stay strong in front of Papa, son?"
I smiled a little. "Nadia is trying to be the best in front of papah, not trying to be strong."
Papah put his arm around me and patted my shoulder gently.
"If only the separation hadn't happened, our family would have been a happy one."
I smiled a little and bowed my head. "Everything has happened and there's no need to regret it, Pah. Because what has happened can never change."
Papa turned his face away and wiped his tears that suddenly fell from his eyes. Seeing my father hiding his sadness, I could only hold his hands tightly. Although papah and mamah have separated, they will forever remain my parents who have made me exist in this world.
"I'm sorry, Nadia. I'm sorry that I had to separate you from your sister. If I could turn back time, I would have wanted to keep our family intact first."
Since my conversation with my father, I've been reminiscing about my childhood with Nidya's mother and my siblings. I opened the old album again, there were a lot of photos of me together with Natan and Nidya's mom. There were also some pictures of me with Natan, Dara and Niko.
"Should I give up on my feelings? Even though this love came late, but I'm happy to have felt what it's like to love you. Because love is not to have, but to love. Love is not the feeling of being loved, but the feeling of having loved. . ."