"Nina? What's wrong?" I asked confused when I saw Nina approaching me when the lecture was over.
"I have something to tell you, Nik."
Nina looked very nervous. She also seemed to be holding the strap of her bag tightly. Her lips also looked slack and her face had begun to look pale. What exactly did Nina want to say? Why did her face look so tense?
"Maybe, I don't deserve to say this. But I can't keep this secret anymore."
"Secret? What secret?" I repeated in confusion.
"Actually, since we first met I . . I... . . I've liked you. I fell in love with you at first sight, Nik!" she said, much to my surprise.
"What? You like me?" I exclaimed, not believing what I had just heard.
Nina likes me? Great, what does she see in me? I couldn't believe it at all. A girl as beautiful as Nina, as smart as Nina, likes me? Impossible! This is completely out of my expectations.
I thought Nina just thought of me as an ordinary friend, but I didn't expect her to have feelings for me all this time. Although I'm actually used to this kind of talk. I'm not trying to be arrogant, but I've often been in a position where women have expressed their feelings for me since junior high school. From the prettiest girl to the quietest girl in school.
In my opinion, Nina was a very different girl. Besides being beautiful, she was smart. Mr. Dodi's favorite student and the campus representative for the science Olympiad last year.
There are so many achievements and charms from this girl who I think is almost perfect. I really respect and admire a girl like Nina, but I didn't expect her to have feelings for me all this time.
"Do you seriously like me?"
Nina nodded slowly and lowered her head, not daring to look at my face.
"I know, at that time you already had a lover. But, I couldn't avoid that feeling. When I found out you were married to Nadia, it left me shocked and heartbroken. I still can't accept you marrying Nadia. That's why I stayed away from you," she explained.
"So, that's why you stayed away from me?"
Nina nodded and lowered her head again. However, she ventured to look at my face meaningfully.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to be this desperate. I respect your decision to marry Nadia young. But, I can't lie to my own feelings that I like you."
I let out a long sigh. I didn't expect Nina, who was the belle of the ball, to like a guy like me. Nina was a good and beautiful girl. I liked her personality.
It's just that my liking doesn't exceed the limit of my admiration for her. My liking doesn't mean love, but only admiration. Admiration as a friend and colleague.
"I appreciate your feelings, Nin. But, do you know that I already have a wife?"
"Yes, I know and I understand. But, thank you so much for listening to my heart. I'm not asking for more, I just want you to know about my true feelings. I . . . I just want to be free from the feelings that have shackled me all this time."
I was stunned. I tried and tried to think of words that wouldn't hurt Nina's feelings. This was the first time I had rejected a woman like Nina by thinking of a way not to hurt her. Usually, I always spoke harshly, seemed arrogant and was very haughty. But, this time it seemed clearly different. I didn't want to hurt her feelings.
"Thank you for understanding and I hope we can still be friends as usual."
Nina smiled gently and looked at me with eyes that seemed to have no burden at all.
"You can rest easy, I'll go back to being the Nina I used to be and will still be friends like you want."
After Nina's confession of love to me earlier, I was quite relieved. Finally, I could still be friends with her again, even though there was a little guilt I felt towards her. Love does not have to have and love does not have to be forced. Because if love has to be forced, it's not love but obsession.
I sat alone in the park behind the campus while reading books and listening to songs. Because there happened to be an elective course that was not in the same class as Bobby, I decided to wait for him in the back garden of campus alone.
When I was engrossed in reading a book, suddenly someone thrust a chocolate bar in front of my face. When I looked up, it turned out that the person who gave me the chocolate was Nadia.
"Alone?" she asked while sitting next to me.
"Yes, I'm waiting for Bobby. He has class. Where's Bella?"
"He has a student body gathering."
"Oh, there are still classes?"
"There is, but the lecturer isn't there. So I've been given an assignment," he replied again, "what book am I reading?"
"I'm reading a book on internal medicine," I replied while showing the contents of the book I was reading.
"Do you want to specialize in internal medicine?"
"I think so, because I'm a bit interested in internal medicine."
"Then you'll have to go to college again, right?"
I nodded slowly and resumed reading the book while eating the chocolate Nadia had given me earlier.
"Nik, do you remember? When you were in junior high school, did you ever help a kid with asthma? Do you remember?"
"Yes, I remember. Why?" I asked while looking at her.
"At that time, I thought you were really great. At your early age, you were able to help that little boy. You even know a bit about medicine. I think you'll be a great doctor someday. I thought pediatrician would be an amazing thing for you back then," she recalled, causing me to stare at Nadia's face for a moment.
"Pediatrician?" I repeated softly.
"You know, a child is a gift from God that we must take care of as parents until they grow up. Try to imagine, nowadays there are so many small children who already have chronic diseases. The successor of our nation will be less and less, if many young children go to be called by God.
"They are still at an early age, but they have to leave the people who love them so much. Nowadays, it's so rare for doctors to at least reduce the death rate of children. Little children still don't have many sins, try to imagine and feel being a parent someday.
"Isn't it sad to be left behind by a child? A child who should be the pride of his family should just leave without any effort from the doctors who handled him.
"I know that the death and life of a person is in God's hands. But, at least we as human beings, let alone a doctor who has a heavy duty and a very noble job, must try our best to help children who are the pride of their parents."
All of Nadia's statements immediately seeped into my brain. I tried to digest all her words slowly. I didn't expect that the girl sitting next to me, who is my wife now, would have such extraordinary thoughts and far from the thoughts of me who is currently studying and processing to become a doctor.
I'm proud to have a wife like Nadia despite her authority as a psychologist. But, she thinks about the future of little children who are less fortunate in this world because they are given a life ordeal with a disease that shackles them. I thought, as a doctor in the process, I should have that kind of thinking.
"This is what I admire about you, Nad. You always have extraordinary thoughts and make me rethink to make a change with renewal. There are 1001 women like you in this world."
"I'm just expressing my opinion. The important thing now is to finish our studies, then we graduate together. Let's realize our dreams and support each other. Are you excited?"
"Cheer up! Oh yeah, want to listen to a song together?"
"Good idea."
I gave one of my headsets to Nadia. We both listened to the song I was listening to earlier. While listening to The Journey's Open Arms, Nadia and I sang along.