"I actually came to see you. I heard my mother paid you a visit this morning," he says, his eyes on my nose.
"Well, if you came here to rescue me, you're a little late. She's long gone," I offer him a smile that I am sure looks more like a grimace than what I intended it to be.
He exhales before asking, "Can I walk you home?"
"What happened to your car? Sorry, I meant cars, in plural," I tease him.
"Yeah, I left my… Cars behind," he presses on the "z" sound as he pronounces the word "cars". Nathanael moves out of my way then starts walking by my side once I move forward, "I thought you'd prefer to walk. Was I wrong?"
"No, you weren't," I answer simply.
"Do you drive?" he asks.
"I do. But since walking helps me… Think. My car is gathering dust where I left it,"
It's so odd, so out of place. Us, talking about an inconsequential and mundane topic like this. Just yesterday, I was kidnapped by his sister and taken into a magical cabin where I witnessed a conversation between him and creatures that never even appeared in wildest dreams.
And yet, here we are, chatting about my driving skills. It's kind of funny, when I think about it. This is exactly the kind of conversation I expect to have with a guy that I went out on one date with.
I put an end to it when I pull the invitation out of my bag and hand it to him. As I thought before, he clearly is apprehensive about it. The look on his face alone tells me all I need to know.
"What's the matter? You don't think it's a good idea for me to go?"
"I am not sure how to put it. On one hand this can have a positive effect, because once the others see that you've been welcomed among us by an alpha, they'll know to stay away from you. But on the other hand…," he trails off.
"On the other hand, there are others who still might not feel comfortable with me being there," that's what I believe he wanted to say out loud, hoping I didn't miss the mark.
"Basically," he confirms.
We both remain silent for what feels like an eternity. Which I find quite weird, considering… We've had awkward moments where neither of us found anything to say but… Never did it feel this uncomfortable before. Perhaps it's because something is tormenting him. I cast my eyes in his direction, doing my best to be as discreet as possible, not that it would have mattered either way. He looks so consumed by whatever thoughts he's deep within, that he will probably not notice anyway.
And that is yet another oddity for me to count since, usually, he's the one to pull me out of my trance, "You know, I don't think I really have a choice here," he snaps out of it, but doesn't say anything, choosing to listen instead, "You're right, I think she is trying to send a message to whoever would want to hurt me but… I also don't believe that it's her main angle here,"
Right as I finish my sentence, my gaze rests on a familiar wooden sign, a little above our heads, to my left. "Yellow trees" playground, in big letters, absorbs my entire focus. I didn't even realize that I'd stopped walking.
"What do you think her angle is then?"
I turn to look at Nathanael, noting that same as mine were a few seconds before, his eyes are glued to the sign. No doubt split between asking why I'd stopped and what the answer to a previous question is.
I ponder for a moment before speaking, "will you sit with me on the swings for a moment?"
He takes a second but then agrees. We enter the playground and head straight towards the set of two swings at the back. I take the left one and he takes the right one.
We sit in silence again for a good amount of time. Nathanael contemplates the darkening sky above, while I try to find the words that I wanted to express… They don't come easily but I eventually manage to grasp a thread, "She could have asked her shadow to wipe it all, to take my memories of you away. It wouldn't have made any difference to her at all and yet… She chose to invite me to your super, grandiose, magical party,"
"She came in with her shadow?" he asks.
"Just because I didn't see one, doesn't mean they weren't standing right there, next to her. I mean isn't that the whole point behind the concept of a shadow? To lurk in the shadows behind the person they're assigned to?" I didn't mean to do it, but I glared at him when saying those words. I breathe in and try to control my emotions, "I mean, that's what I gathered from you and Avery yesterday. I am sure he's… here, somewhere nearby. I hope he's not listening in," I raise my voice a little at the end of my sentence as my eyes roam our surroundings. I make my sarcasm as obvious as can be.
Nathanael chuckles a bit, "No, he wouldn't,"
"Good. This isn't something a child should hear anyway," my face shed the smile I had quickly after that, "She is sending a clear message to me more so than she is to your kind about me. She just wants to make sure I play nice and stay in line. But instead of kidnapping me like Ava did, she opted to go with a more… gentle approach. You catch more flies with honey, they say,"
I am sure that as an alpha, Erolina has enough to deal with on the daily. So, the fact that she chose to do this instead of going the easy route, and simply wiping their entire existence from my memory can only mean one thing… I think I am getting to understand the pang of pain that is currently munching my insides… Envy. Yes, envy. I envy him. She did it for him.
Regardless of how intimidating she looks. Regardless of how strict and hard he might think she is… She truly cares for him. She chose him in this situation. His comfort, his feelings… She trusts him. Is that… What a good and caring mother does? Is that what I've been missing out on my entire life?
A gentle and warm touch rests on my shoulder. One I didn't realize I was in dire need of until it reached me. He doesn't ask me if I'm alright, his touch and the look in his eyes both express it for him.
I wipe away the previous expression I had and replace it with a smile, "Is that a thing that all shifters can do or how does it work? I've been curious since our first date,"
"What do you mean?" he seems puzzled, but he smiles back.
"You can always tell when something's wrong, no matter how subtle it is," I answer.
He furrows his eyebrows and inhales in preparation for what he'll say, "Well, I don't know for other species but for wolf shifters it's like chemical or biological. When someone feels a certain way, it always gives off a specific scent that we can pick up. All I did was learn to differentiate them,"
"It makes sense. After all, feelings are nothing more than a combination of chemicals regulated by our brains… I am overgeneralizing but yeah… I understand," I pause before continuing, "I wanted to sit here for a while because this place is very special to me. For various reasons. This is literally the only normal place my father has ever agreed to come with me to as a kid," I chuckle.
"The only normal place?"
"Crime scenes were the alternative to that. He was… He still is very passionate about his work. He didn't have a minute to spare… Not even for me," I push my weight with my foot in order to swing back and forth a little. The cold air on my skin manages to soothe my burning heart a tad.
"The other night when we walked by this place, I noticed that it disturbed your mood. Back then you said you didn't want to talk about it,"
"True but… I think it's only fair for me to share a little about myself. I am sure your mother won't leave a single rock unturned in my past but, I'd prefer it if you heard my story from my own mouth," I explain.
"That does sound like something she'd do," his eyes fall to the floor under him as he speaks those words. Embarrassment perhaps? I can't be sure of it at this moment.
"Still… If I had to choose between having a mother like her and the one I had… I'd choose yours in a heartbeat," his head snaps in my direction. My latest statement appears to have come to him as a shock. Nathanael just stares at me questioningly. I am sure he has a lot to say to me about it. I am sure he has a lot to vent to me about her, but he doesn't. Not a peep from him. So, I try to elaborate, doing my best to keep the intrusive part to myself, "I mean, she's actually doing her job. Learning everything about me is the best thing she can do in this situation, for all of your sakes. I could be a danger to you for all she knows. One more person to worry about. If things take a wrong turn, it'll be your head, and she knows it,"
"It'll be her reputation and her image. That's all it'll be," he says in a dry tone.
"You might hate me for what I'm about to say but… I'd still choose her as a mother over mine without blinking,"