The greatest honour in all the lands is to draw your weapon and fight for your country: to clash swords with a worthy adversary; to hold your shield to protect the innocent lives of your homeland; to pierce the enemy with a precise shot from your bow. All of these gives the thrill of battle and is worth dying for.
That is what everyone told me. I was force to become a knight at a young age and protect the lands from foreign scum. I never felt this same sentiment during my training. My teachers were always masked with their extravagant helmets, blinding my vision to their face. I never really saw their face when I was learning to fight, they were just another figure their to guide me.
That was what I felt, until I took my first life.
I remember it clearly, it was a mess. Neither of us had good form, with every swing we made at each other, our poise worsened, until we were both on the ground, weapons out of reach, as we shoved each other deeper in the mud. I was able to get the upper hand when I plunged my fingers into his eyes, causing him to release a blind rage as he swung his arms in the air. The feeling I got from seeing him on the ground, the only thing keeping him going was his agony. In that moment, I realised that was what gave us strength. His pain was what fuelled his inner strength. I then realised that was what they meant by the honour of being a knight. Feeling the pain of battle to protect the innocent from it was what drove all knights to fight.
I ended his suffering moments after, I choked his neck until his eyes went from burning with rage to a dull nothing. I gathered my weapon off the ground and left that day, a real knight. Those masked trainers now seemed like a light in the mist, you don't know what the light is, you cant get attached to it, but it will guide you out of the mist, to a new view.
The feelings I got from my battles built up my pride. The glorious feasts after crushing all of our enemies to nothing more than dust was the only break we needed. I took joy in stripping any general who opposed us to nothing more than a peon, who could only beg for their life. My sword would graze against their neck, and in one elegant move, they were nothing more than another body to be burnt.
This honour could not last forever though. Every great dynasty will fall as the tides of battle begin to favour a new threat on the horizon. Our knightly order had been challenged, and as we stood to defend it, we realised how our stubborn pride that prevented us to innovating with the times had finally come back to us, and would devour us like a snake.
Our land we had spent so long protecting was being lost to this new force. They could control fiery balls of hell, their arm-sized cannons could kill us before we could even reach them. The only thing we could do, was pray. Pray that we would be saved be some deity. But such deity did not exist. So we continued to fight.
I was the one to hold the final bastion of our order. I told my men the same thing my teachers had told me. "We fight for honour and for the peace of this..."
I stopped.
This land, I didn't even know its name anymore. I had been fighting for land I didn't care about.
That thought didn't last long though. I had been hit by flying metal and was taken to the ground, my men went to fight. Whether it was for the honour of being a knight, or a last attempt to survive didn't matter anymore. As I laid on the ground, I spent my last moments inspecting my helmet. I wore it so much it felt like skin to me, but when I took the time to inspect the golden shine on it, it seemed worthless to me.
My life was slowly beginning to fade to black, my limbs felt weak, I felt no drive to continue. I looked out to my men, walking out to fight like cattle for the slaughter. They had all fallen to the ground, but the sounds of battle continued, their was no one to fight, but the enemy continued their bombardment. The last thing I saw was a stray explosion engulf me. The last thing I felt was my skin melting off my bones. The last thing I smelt was my flesh burning.
The last thing I experienced, was nothing.