"Why am I here?" Emiya asked flatly, looking around at a gathering of perhaps the dumbe- *ehem*... 'gifted' people he'd ever met and he had met a LOT of people over the course of being humanity's designated hitman for maybe every single fuck up in existence.
There was also the fact that he'd arrived here yesterday.
"Hey Master, can't I just leave?"
Nicholas deadpanned at him, "You're probably gonna hole up in the kitchen again. I know more than a few dudes with a buncha stuff to say about a dude obsessed with cooking."
Throwing his master a deserved middle finger, Archer sighed and tried to make his case, "Holing up in the kitchen is the better alternative when the other option is being collateral damage... Do you people even stop and consider that there's others here? Or do you just not care?" He pointed at the silent Martha accusingly, "That damn woman knocked me over the head with a chair on my way here!"
"I-I thought it was Lev!" Martha shouted back with a red face, burying it into a pillow before she could hear the reply, "That's it!"
"You knew damn well who it was! Look at her, she doesn't even accept it." Emiya paused for a moment before smirking sarcastically, "I thought the big man was all about accepting your mistakes and asking for forgiveness."
Nicholas observed the exchange amusedly, intentionally drawling, "I mean if she thought it was Lev..."
"...This isn't over." Archer narrowed his eyes before sighing and looking around the room they were in.
It was like every single room in the whole facility, the very pictures of human advancement and imagination... A reflection of the boundless potential that allowed man to overcome Gods and nature itself!
A huge goddamned white box!
The only difference being that this one had clearly undergone some serious renovation to make it into more of a recreational area than one that was optimised for functionality if the couches, video games, DvDs and massive screens were anything to go by.
Oh yeah, there was also a bar.
Intrigued, Emiya wandered off to the counter, placated for the moment.
Gudako ignored the quarrel entirely and traced a finger across the pool table, "Someone had good taste... It looks like it's regularly cared for too."
"Ah yes, it is." Mash answered with a small smile, nodding her head up and down, "Nicholas-senpai makes a point of cleaning everything here himself... Miss Martha helps him out sometimes."
Pursing her lips, Gudako looked at the ceiling with dead eyes, "Of course it has something to do with him... Where even are we?"
"Er... This is his room."
"...How'd that even happen?"
"He told the Director he was going to leave Chaldea because..." Mash blushed, averting her gaze as she struggled to speak the words he did, "He said it was 'Boring as shit' to look at the same things over and over again."
Gudako tilted her head in confusion, "And she gave him his own room to make him stay? That Director of yours really pampers her subordinates." The red haired girl sighed, "At least the boss is nice I guess."
She was choosing to conveniently ignore the fact that this 'job' entailed fixing time itself.
Most people called that delusion.
In other words, Gudako was delusional.
In Nicholas' words, she was fucking retarded.
Yawning, Nicholas stretched his arms and jumped to his feet, "I'm getting bored."
Romani had told him there was going to be a big surprise for him if he just waited in his room for a bit and he couldn't bring himself to say no when the fluffy ginger looked more excited than he'd seen him in a while... Nicholas didn't want to ruin his mood so he complied.
Emiya was passing by so he stopped him and Martha had been following him the whole day anyway... as for why Gudako and Mash had popped up out of nowhere, he had zero idea.
"I'm getting a bad feeling..." Nicholas voiced his thoughts, "Mordred isn't here... Artoria isn't here either... I didn't tell Mordred I summoned her mom and I'm pretty sure they haven't met yet."
"So... you left two people who killed each other to their own devices... The levels of genius it'd take to come up with something like that are just... I can't even put it in words. Cue the earth shattering explosion." Emiya commented off-handedly, running his gaze over the multitude of different bottles stacked in shelves behind the bar's counter, "Are you even allowed to serve some of the stuff in here?"
Nicholas shrugged disinterestedly, "That was Bill's stuff, bless that man... I ain't never even stepped foot in a bar since the incident."
"The incident?" Martha prodded curiously... wasn't she a little too interested in learning more about him?
"Yeah, some of the guys in the one I went to had a bit too much to drink and called me a twink."
The teenager paused for a moment before gesturing to his own body with both hands, "Does this look even remotely twinkish?"
Back when he'd come here, there was a bit of fat on his body but the constant grind had gotten rid of even that. Nicholas didn't know just how all that worked out but he didn't really care about it all that much.
"So you attacked them... So much self-control is about what I was expecting."
"They told me to bend over so I bent them over... the counter." Nicholas shrugged again, looking around for the remote to one of his TVs, "Don't give shit, don't take none."
"Yeah see that'd be cool sounding if you actually abided by it. You told me you wanted to be a big t... I'm not even gonna say it."
Nicholas nodded like he'd completely tuned out what the man said, which he did, "Anyway, the bitches called the cops and they tried to arrest me for... uhm..." He rubbed his chin with narrowed eyes, "Yeah, 'aggravated assault'."
"Don't tell me you attacked the cops..."
"Why wouldn't I?" Nicholas looked at the Archer like he was stupid, "Turned out they were crooked or something though and Pops linked them to some other shit... But he also told me to never go to a bar again and what kinda dick would I have to be to not listen to my old man when he got me outta trouble?"
Emiya sighed, pouring himself a glass of whiskey before raising it to Nicholas, "I can drink to being loyal to your family at least." The servant chugged it down and nodded to himself contently.
"Sounds like you just wanted an excuse to drink?" Martha giggled into her palm.
"No shit..." Emiya pointed at Nicholas with his back turned, "When that's humanity's last hope in the face of extinction, I feel like my need for a drink is pretty justified. He doesn't even stop to consider that he's facing literal deities... no wait, he knows, he thinks he can punch them to death which is arguably worse."
"See what I told you, Martha? I think we fucked up with summoning somewhere, this guy's got no balls... I wanted to summon the dude that slit his own throat like he was popping a cold one."
Martha decided to ignore her Master for the moment and eyeball the one who was insulting him.
"...He did though... He did punch a God to death."
The sound of glass shattering startled Mash and Gudako but they just went back to their own discussion, used to this type of bullsh-... stuff.
"...He did what now?"
"Who the hell's gonna pay for that glass?"
-
Mordred walked through the way too empty hallways of her Master's home with a spring in her step, humming to herself as she did her absolute best to not drink the can of col?... Cole?... Ah whatever the fuck it's name was, she'd found for her Master.
"He looked like he really wanted the one he gave me."
So it was only right.
Besides, the guy let her beat her fath-... mother's ass, genuinely recognised her as the better King even though he knew she was the Knight of Betrayal, was strong as shit, didn't judge her for her background and title and treated her to some awesome food... Hell he deserved it, it was the decree of the rightful King of Camelot!
All those 'happy' thoughts were kicked in the balls when she turned a corner and spotted a very distinctly familiar blonde walking down the corridor.
"W-What the fuck are you doing here?!"
"I am searching for our Master, to express a King's gratitude... and my demands."
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Hope you enjoyed it.
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You can find up to 7 chaps ahead at patre0n.com/Bleap