I didn't know what hurt more, my eyes from being swollen from crying or my heart from breaking up with my best friend in such a cruel way. I was still in bed, now on my back I was staring at the ceiling, it was never so lonely to stay in this house.
I didn't have any more tears, but I felt that there was still reason to cry, but I wasn't going to let myself be defeated. I rolled over to the corner of the bed and got up, walked to the bathroom and looked at my face in the mirror, I looked terrible.
- I'm not good enough for you. I said as I stared at my reflection. - In fact, I don't think I'll ever be good to anyone.
I looked away, took off my clothes and went into the shower, taking a shower seemed to be the only right thing to do right now. The water was warm and light, I let it run down my body to try to comfort me.
When I finished the shower, I dried myself slowly paying attention to all the details of my body... That was the way I wanted to live forever and not with paws, claws, muzzle, sharp canines, tails and lots of hair.
I was going to put on my pajamas, but I stopped as soon as I smelled Bryan on it, I held him for a while... The smell reminded me of last night. I threw my pajamas in the laundry basket, now I knew that what had happened would only be a memory and that it would never be repeated, not even something like that could happen between us. I
grabbed the first cold pajamas I found in the closet, that's when my belly growled with hunger, I sighed and walked to the kitchen, but I stopped on the way when I saw the door to my aunt's room open. I went into her room and for the first time since her death, I didn't cry.
I was a little happy with myself for being able to overcome the situation a little, I looked at the whole space: it was very similar to my room, only the colors that were lighter and some decorations that were of older people changed.
I saw on one of the nightstands the picture of her with my uncle, he was beautiful and they loved each other so much. I took the picture frame in my hand and gave him a small smile, he was human and she was a wolf, but that didn't make them separate and I remember well, Judely never told him the truth, only that she also had no transformations out of nowhere and knew how to control herself very well.
However, I don't think he ever realized that Aunt Ju didn't age because he passed away from cancer after ten years of being together.
I started laughing, I'm so clumsy that I'll never be able to act socially, because I can suddenly turn into a wolf in front of someone and mess up our entire species, because I imagine they'd be persecuted for eternity. I
stopped laughing at my misfortune and put the picture frame in its place, I left the room and closed the door, it wasn't going to be today that I would take her things out of there.
*
I had already eaten and now I was sitting on the couch in the living room watching Friends, a very funny show... It was an attempt to cheer me up. Instead of laughing, I gave little smiles, which bothered me a little, but it was better than crying.
The smiles turned into a shitty face when Chandler and Monica kissed, I sighed and told myself that this desire to have someone you love around, one day would pass.
I turned the volume down a little, there was something poking at my mind, I scratched my head and suddenly it appeared: the couple who were attacked by a supposed wolf could be the same ones I had heard that day in the woods, and the only way I could find out was to talk to the girl, smell her and recognize her.
However, what good would it do for me to recognize it? Or rather, why would I get involved in this story if I didn't believe it was a wolf that did this damage... And there's more, I don't think it's a serial-killer, since there haven't been any other cases and this city is pretty quiet about these matters.
I turn off the television, put the remote on the table, and then throw myself on my back on the couch, close my eyes, and take a deep breath. It was so quiet that I could hear the faint rustle of leaves being blown away by the wind, then I could smell dried leaves coming in from under the door.
It was so weird that I felt good being able to hear and smell everything so easily and clearly, sometimes, I wonder if I really don't like being a wolf... What a silly question, it seems more than obvious to me that I don't like this lifestyle of mine and what I want most is to be normal. I
wouldn't have treated Bryan so badly if I was a normal human and I would never have had to lie to anyone and live alone with that weight on my back.
It wasn't often that I was alone, my aunt's smile is still perfect in my memory...
Don't dwell on those sad things, dear. On the day I die you may be alone for a while, but I'm sure your instincts will guide you and you'll soon find another of our kind... Who knows, maybe you'll even find your parents... Or a cute wolf boy who will pair up with you.I
loved the things my aunt said, her optimism was wonderful, but I doubted very much that I would ever see my parents again, and I am a little suspicious to believe that I have good instincts.
And about a boy of our kind, I hope I find one, because with a human I couldn't keep the secret... I'm not as strong as Judely.
Stop being silly, you're my niece and that's why you're as stubborn and strong as I am. Don't make that pout, otherwise I won't make that carrot cake.
Maybe I should make a carrot cake tomorrow, but I don't want to eat it alone, I think I can call Amy and Vivian. A small smile appeared on my face, I still had my friends and I wouldn't give them up for anything.
The smile disappears when I think that I also thought I would never give up on Bryan, but look how we ended today? Fight and he'll probably never want to look me in the face again.
I remember when Judely told me that she and her husband fought a lot and that they always understood each other afterwards.
When people love each other, they fight... It's normal.
Maybe it was normal, but in my case nothing else was normal. Not even my life is normal, plus Bryan admitted that I'm weird, what could be more hurtful than hearing from the person's mouth that you wanted to be loved the most, that you're weird? I think just being abandoned by her parents could be more painful.
I'm glad I now have both options to compare.
I sigh, get up from the couch and walk to my room, lie on the bed, hug my pillow and before I can start crying, I fall asleep.
*
It wasn't a dream, but a nightmare.
I was sitting on the couch in my house when the doorbell rang, I answered and saw that it was Bryan, right behind him was Amy with a knife in her hand. I widened my eyes and tried to take a step back, but my feet wouldn't move, in fact, my whole body wouldn't move.
"She's right, Kristine... You're weird. - Bryan let Amy walk past him.
"No!" I tried to scream, but my voice wouldn't come out.
- Sorry, but it's for the good of the city.
Amy was going to stick the knife in me, but there was a gunshot noise that hurt my ears, only then did I realize that my friend had been shot in the back.
Then she fell to the ground, I knelt down next to her and watched Bryan do the same, we tried to get her back to life, but she didn't have a pulse and she wasn't breathing anymore.
I cried even though I didn't feel my own tears, then I saw a man's shoes, he was carrying a gun and aimed at Bryan's head.
"Please don't!" but my voice didn't come out again.
The man shot and killed Bryan right there in front of me, his head fell into my lap and I couldn't stop crying, I started to despair and then the man crouched down next to me, he laughed and then stood up.
"You'd better run away, or your friends will pay for your lies." He pointed at me and then left.
I woke up in a cold sweat and breathing hard, I put my hand on my cheek, I was really crying, I hugged myself and closed my eyes tightly while repeating to myself it was just a nightmare.