A ball of fire was thrown at us and I faced my palm towards it. The ball slammed into an invisible wall and its fire curved around us, scarring the floor around us. By now there were a lot of Inquisitors surrounding us.
With a snap of my finger, I thinned the air around me. The Inquisitors who were too close to us started to gasp for air as the pressure of the area decreased. I decreased the breathing air only to the point that would render normal people unconscious. Unfortunately for me, it seems these Inquisitors weren't normal people. They were battle junkies.
The lack of air only increased their fighting ferocity. The spears clashed against my companion's weapons. Uno burning sword landed on someone's side then swung him around, knocking two more.
One of my companion's shield bashed against a knight's helmet and he got knocked out cold. Another one of my companion slugged an Inquisitor with a lead ball from his sling. A mace struck one of my companions but it did not affect him as his armor just deflected the hit. Dumbfounded, the Inquisitor got his face caved in by a fist.
The Inquisitors realized their attacks were futile and started making space between us and them. Bodies were lying around my companions and I, counting around thirty. I could tell some of them were knocked out, but I couldn't tell the other's conditions.
I'm usually one that prefers if they don't get killed but I'm also impartial to people if they die. It's just a shame if they die for something as stupid as a misunderstanding.
With the Inquisitors backing off now, the Grand Cardinal made his word clear and commanded everyone to cease fighting.
"It is clear that you all are extremely strong. And yet, I don't exactly feel any intentions to attack us. Except for that knight that's on fire," The Grand Cardinal pointed out.
"We should talk like civilized men. I apologize for my men's behaviors. They shall be reprimanded. Now, back to my question, how do you know Ancient Commons?" He asked.
Though the Grand Cardinal said that, the companions were still unhinged from their stance. I was the only one the relaxed. I didn't order my companions because it's just their nature to not follow my orders.
"It's the language I speak. At least, back in my homeland," I answered.
"Your homeland? I do not recall any countries in this continent speaking Ancient Commons, is your homeland far? Why do they speak the language of the ancient scripture?" The old man inquired further.
"No. I can't tell you more than that. By the way, what do you mean attaining immortality by becoming a lich?" I asked.
"Wait, so you did not know about the miasma of death within Aon?" He asked back baffled.
Miasma of death? I could indeed sense the essence of death lingering around, but why is it so strong in this holy city known for the hatred of the undead?
I kept thinking. What could it be? It's stuck at the corner of my skull but I simply couldn't put my finger on it.
By now, my companions were starting to relax, but not sheathing their weapons. One of my companions came up to me and whispered to me, "Boss, I just realized something bad."
"What is it?" I asked him.
"Do you remember the first time chef Maven cooked?"
"Oh yeah, it was so terrible that we had to build a sewer going to a river so we could dump the...wait." It all clicked together. I looked at my cook who was carrying her sword. She turned to me and signalled, 'What's up, boss?'
A thousand years ago, when we became the undead, my chef aspired to become the best cook in the entire continent since she was essentially immortal, she could be a walking cookbook. I thought it was strange but we realized we had a sense of taste, contrary to what most research on undead claimed. The food would burn in bright flame when it entered our mouth and we could taste the food even though we did not need sustenance.
But Maven was so bad at cooking that for centuries, we simply dumped the food somewhere every time she failed her cooking. That's also how Rookie the abomination came to life.
Eventually, we got tired of the rotting food just lying around that we made a sewer system that lead far from the stronghold into a river called Aon. Maven was distraught when she found out that we made a sewer system but it only motivated her to try harder.
After centuries of practice and wastage of food, Maven perfected her cooking and her meals became some of the best things to eat to pass the time and occasionally enjoy mortal desires. Although, that could also be why the area around the stronghold was devoid of life.
Back to the sewer, the problem was the smell that came from the rotting food that made its way to the river. We built it way deep inside the river but it still stank. Even though it's extremely far from the stronghold, if a kingdom got so mad about the smell, they'd probably do anything to find the source of the smell.
So I built an extremely large air freshener (branded by Undead Stronghold Cleaners™) to keep the smell away. Only did centuries later I realized that I installed a huge block of the undead version of catnip instead. However, I was too lazy to move out of the stronghold to fix it so I just let it be.
I did not realize that the sewage dump eventually became a city. The rotting food probably mixed up and slowly turned into a sludge of toxic waste. Moreover, spirits of angry animals who were killed only to be turned into trashy meals with no taste were mixed into the toxic waste and created the miasma of death the Grand Cardinal was talking about. Look, if your cooking was so bad that spirits of animals got angry enough to make the undead stronger, you've got a problem.
It would be extremely embarrassing for this city and the people who follow this religion to learn that they've been living on top of waste disposal for centuries and that the water they drink and bathe is of questionable nature.
I wondered. I remembered the story that was told to me over and over again about the waters. They said that a hero killed the Three Liches by splashing them with holy water. I just felt like the hero got lucky and scooped up some toxic and accidentally caused the liches to taste Maven's cooking.
Poor liches. I hope you find peace in the afterlife.
I started thinking how I could bullshit my way out without telling the people of Aon they'd been drinking toxic waste. Uno can't be relied on at the moment as he's currently on berserk state.
The gears started to turn in my mind, formulating the most elaborate bullshit I could think of to get out of this situation.
First, I need to convince these guys, the Cardinals, to let me see the source of the miasma. Secondly, I need to cleanse the water. And thirdly, I need to remove that undead catnip, if it still exists.
"Brothers and sisters of the Path. Can't you tell? We're sent by the Goddess to cleanse the waters of Aon for good!" I started spouting. My teeth were chattering and my knees were weak. I hope this works. If it does, it'll be the greatest prank on the continent.
"Are you serious? You can't be...wait...you speak Ancient Common, hold the mark of the beacon of Aon, and have extremely strong divine powers. Could it be? You're one of the Lords in the Heavens?!" The Grand Cardinal was ecstatic.
"Lord of the what? I mean, yes! I am one of the Lords in the Heavens! Behold my...angels!" I pointed at my companions and continued, "We had come from the heavens and now I am demoted to Lords in the Grounds! But I seek to regain my position by cleansing the bath of our Mother, the Goddess herself!" I announced.
All the Inquisitors were shocked and dumbfounded. The cardinals, who were constantly whispering among themselves, were also silent. After a while all the Inquisitors bowed, begging for forgiveness from us.
"Wait! To be sure, I will need to use the greatest holy spell to determine whether you are speaking the truth for you could also be a Demon God in disguise!" The Grand Cardinal exclaimed.
"Yes, of course, wait, what?" Before I could even respond, the Grand Cardinal drowned us in a shower of bright light. The entire room shined up and from the ceiling, dragons that were made of bright yellow light dived straight onto us. However, nothing happened. The dragons simply went through all of us and through the floor.
After the spell ended, my companions and I patted ourselves and realized we were unharmed. That was strange. Did his holy magic failed to work? Our clothes were steaming a bit, but other than that, we were fine.
The Grand Cardinal held his breathe then bowed, "My apologize, Lord in the Heavens! This lowly servant had doubted you!"
Well, whether the magic worked or not, it doesn't matter. All it mattered was that we managed to fool them.
"Nice going, Boss," Daggerless commented.
"I forgive all of you as Lord in the Grounds! Now, bring me to the source of the miasma so I could..er...gain my position back!" I ordered.
"Also, can you ask for my dagger?" Daggerless asked.