This damned jerk. I looked disapprovingly at the door through which the madman had left and grumbled. You know I still have enough strength to come at you? I wanted to shout, but I barely suppressed it when reality sank in. I didn't have a choice. Just getting up from the bed made me groan. My whole body ached, not just my back.
No, that punk was older than me, so why was he energetic? My pride was hurt. I gritted my teeth, got up from my seat, and looked around. Where were my clothes? Outside the door, I could hear him ordering hotel room service from the living room phone. It sounded like he was ordering a two-course meal.
People are really funny. I was choking up on the topic of not being able to die, but now I felt hunger at the word 'meal'. It was as the guy said. Now I was wondering about when that meal would come, as if nothing happened, as if it had not been painful.
'That's what being alive is like.'
I put on the pants I had barely found, pushing away the voice of the madman that resurfaced. And as I pulled my T-shirt over my head, a rough voice stopped me.
"What are you doing?"
I lowered my T-shirt below my chest and looked back at the doorway with puzzled eyes.
"What, I'm wearing clothes clearly."
"Exactly. Why wear clothes you don't need to wear?"
He asked again in a kind voice with a smile on his lips. But I would never be fooled by his voice; his eyes were too fierce for that. Normally, I would have glared back and retorted, but this time I didn't understand at all, so I just frowned.
"Then would I be naked? Huh? What are you doing…"
The madman came up quickly and suddenly grabbed the T-shirt. And just like that, he started peeling it over my head.
"It's troublesome, so I'll take it off. don't worry."
What kind of bullshit?
"Let go!"
I pushed him away in defiance, but I couldn't stop the T-shirt from climbing over my head. In that short time, I was out of breath trying to stop him, but he easily obtained my T-shirt and looked down at me with a light face. What the hell does this jerk eat to be so strong? Damn, did he take too many tonics?
However, I couldn't ponder the efficacy of the tonics any more deeply. His eyes were on my pants. The nape of my neck felt cold. Just looking at it, with eyes that wanted to take off my pants. And the guy did it without hesitation. I scrambled back on the bed, freaking out.
"Don't! I'll take off my own pants."
"Sure."
The guy said lightly and backed off meekly. I was rather embarrassed because he withdrew so easily. And regrets came later. Fuck, do I really have to take my pants off? As I hesitated, he asked.
"Taking it off?"
"Do you really want to see me naked?"
The resentment was greater than the annoyance. The guy looked at me and smiled and rolled his eyes around.
"Embarrassed?"
"I'm not a lunatic like you, so I wear clothes."
"Then put on a robe."
"I don't want to."
When I immediately refused, a look of wonder came into his eyes.
"Why?"
Well… I averted my gaze and answered bluntly.
"It's awkward. I've never worn anything like that. In movies, only the adulterous man or the mafia who gets shot while sleeping at home wears something like this."
Ha, he let out a short snicker. Being laughed at, I went into a fit.
"What is so funny?"
"So you know about the mafia too."
"I know the yakuza, too, fuck."
"You don't know how to spell it, do you."
I paused, speechless. But soon I realized that I didn't need to know that much, and hardened my gaze again.
"What, do you think they know? All they have to do is speak their own language well."
He didn't even know what time the first subway train was. I couldn't get the words that I mumbled inside to come out of my mouth. I didn't want to use a weakness I'd only just discovered a few times. Instead, I swallowed a sigh and pointed to the robe with my eyes.
"Do I have to wear it?"
"If you don't want to be naked, wear it."
"So, why can't I wear clothes?"
"Well, if you dress up, you can run away anytime, right?"
I stared at him in disbelief, and then I remembered five years ago. By running away, he was referring to that time back then. It was only now that I realized that I was the person this guy had been looking for for five years. But it still didn't seem real. I just couldn't believe it. A strange feeling ran through my heart.
"Are you going to take off your pants?"
I woke up from my thoughts because he persistently asked again.
"No need. And again, I didn't run away five years ago."
"Being out of my sight is running away."
The guy said expressionlessly as if he was spitting out a blade, and then threw the gown at me. A smile returned to his face just as quickly..
"Put it on."
I held the thick white gown in my hand and grumbled.
"How would I always be in your sight? Are you some kind of clairvoyant?"
I didn't hear a sound, but I looked up with a bad feeling. Again, the guy was smiling. He tilted his head crookedly, knowing why he was laughing.
"Yeah, I have clairvoyance too."
"It doesn't matter if you're clairvoyant. Humans can see a star 2.3 million light years away with the naked eye, but they cannot see the truth that is only 1 meter away."
Yes, the truth is right in front of us, but we didn't notice it. But I didn't want him to see my truth any more, even if it's a meter away. If I was close to him, he would bring out the truth I didn't know and make me cry like a child again. Damn it.
"Give it up."
At the sudden warning, I raised my eyes with a question, "What?"
"Trying to get away from me."
"That is up to me."
"So you really did do it?"
Ah, shit. On the inside, I spat out swear words, but on the outside, he pretended nothing was wrong and kept my mouth shut. He smiled and pulled a chair and sat in front of me.
"Do it in moderation. It's fun to catch you running away, but if you run away with all your might, won't I also have to charge at you with all my might?"
He looked me in the eye and moved his hand. Riip~, I immediately lowered my eyes at the unfamiliar noise and was startled.
"What are you doing?! Why are you tearing my t-shirt?"
Sitting on the bed, I jumped up as he apologized with a smile.
"Oh sorry. This was yours?"
Contrary to his words, his hand grabbed my T-shirt again and tore it. My clothes tore easily like paper in his hands. This madman was really… As I was about to lunge at him angrily, he asked me with a sombre voice.
"But you keep not taking your pants off. Should I help you?"
I hesitated instinctively and pulled my foot back. But then I realized I was embarrassed to back down, so I said fiercely.
"It's not your business if I wear it or not. I'm not a pervert like you, so I won't go out wearing only pants."
"Who knows. I learned the hard way five years ago that I can't let my guard down with you."
He muttered the last part as if talking to himself, then turned his eyes to me.
"So I want to know everything about you. Oh, will the other truth you hide come out? It will be fun."
"Stop talking cock. Find out the truth for yourself. If you need some fun, go watch porn and stroke your dick."
He laughed out loud as if he was rather amused by my ferocious words.
"What's the point when you're here? You make me horny like a dog just looking at you. And it's not a big deal to search for my truth."
On the contrary, it sounded like there was a big deal. But then again, he's probably a guy who went to college and worked at a company, so maybe he's not as unremarkable as he says, but what's interesting was the nuance in his words. It sounded like he was searching for his own truth.
"What is that not-a-big-deal truth?"
He looked away expressionlessly. A dry voice came out, as if recalling the past while searching for the truth.
"The realization that I can really do everything if I want to. But once I admitted that moral and institutional rules were no brakes for me, it rather made it easier to hide, so."
He paused, returned to his original mood, and smiled at me.
"I have become a person who is more suitable for society."
"What are you hiding?"
"It could be anything. Whether an immoral act, a crime, or murder."
Apart from crime, even the word murder came out so lightly that I got a little goosebumps.
"Bullshit."
Hahaha, a boisterous laugh came out of his mouth. I watched in fascination as he laughed with joy. Every once in a while, there was something a little boyish about him laughing like that. He commanded patronizingly as if he was really in a good mood.
"Ask me another question."
"I have none."
The smile disappeared from his eyes as I answered right away. And a low voice came through the still smiling lips.
"Yoohan-ah, that won't do."
"… Don't call me that."
"Your name is Yoohan."
He rose from his seat and approached the stiffened me. That's right, that's my name. However, my real name he called seemed to peel off all the hard defenses and grab my weak body hidden inside. He came closer to me and reached out his hand to my face. Instinctively, I turned my head to the side, but a strong force grabbed my chin.
"Get your hands off me."
"You're really scared."
"Who is scared?"
I grabbed his wrist, trying to free myself from his hand, but he didn't budge to no avail. He tilted his head to the side, subduing me as easily as a child.
"I mean, it's fascinating. Even if you're scared, you don't run away and look straight at the other person."
"Well, That's because I'm confident that even if I die, when I die, I'll cut off one of the opponent's arms." Of course, that includes you too."
With all my might, I squeezed away from his hand and managed to pull my face aside.
"This is why I like you. You are not bragging about winning, but you are ready to cut off an arm. You compromise recklessly, but quite realistically."
What kind of compromise was that? If I'm going to do something reckless, of course I have to be aware of the damage I'm going to do. I grumbled that it was nothing special, but I stopped at the guy's muttering.
"But why can't that damn guilt be compromised?"
It was as if he knew exactly which button stimulated me and pressed it whenever I was distracted. I couldn't stop glaring at the guy even as I tried not to react.
"You're a madman, too. Your temperament is non-negotiable."
"How come? I kill all my temper and am so sweet to you."
Having said such nonsense, he suddenly grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me onto the mattress. I reflexively tried to push him away, but he got right on top of me.
"Did the temper you killed get reborn in just a minute? Move."
"But you like me, don't you?"
For a moment, I looked up at him with wide open eyes, frozen. I was just a bit perplexed. I think I was uncomfortable with that kind of question because it was a question that can only be asked between people who were developing feelings for each other. The inside of my chest tickled. I knew in my head I should say no, but my mouth didn't open. Why didn't I want to cut off his arm, why didn't I want to cry in front of him… why couldn't I lie to a question like this?